Stanley
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2022
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Yo, looking for some thoughts and pointers with a girl I had a bit of a thing with over the summer who confused me. Long post, don't read it if you don't want to, I don't care.
Background:
New girl (23 recent grad hb8) starts at my job. She's put together, an attractive Chinese girl who is very shy/anxious and has a noticeable ‘crush’ on me and would act like a shy little school girl around me. I kept my distance as I did not want to date a coworker, but it was clear she wasn’t staying long and neither was I, so I said **** it. We hang out at work for hours on end alone a numerous times as I try to vet out her. She was very high interest in me and I more or less had her in the palm of my hands. I demanded her number to which she happily obliged, when i’d call her out on things (playfully) she would always apologize and respond demurely, if I told her to do something she’d do it without hesitation, she was eager to please me. After we started hanging out and getting close she started always coming to work dressed to the nines and vied for my attention. I did not give her more then what I felt appropriate, there was no afc behavior at this point. I held frame and was masculine.
Once I get her number I try to open up with a little flirty chit chat and get to setting up a date. Her responses were off and she would take an odd amount of time to respond, but when she did it was always well thought out and she mirrored me. She would jump for joy whenever I so much as acknowledged her existence. However, she became increasingly distant and cold over text but exceptionally warm in person. I later thought I'd just cut my losses and let her go as I was having difficulty interpreting her. As I put distance between us she came back full force and demanded I ask her out, I agreed. I tell her the next day to come drive up and see me, her response was “I’m a busy woman, I need 2-3 business days notice”. **** test? Power play? I don’t know, but I wasn’t having it and by this point I'd been dealing with her antics for a few weeks. she’s not busy, she works two days a week at this point in time.
She now try's to schedule a date again, but that same week I was put in the hospital for several days and couldn’t make it for good reason. She let me know she was going on a trip for a week and would love to see me when she’s back. I remain somewhat indifferent as I’m already having second thoughts at this point. She has her trip, I don’t text or bug her at all. A week goes by and I reach out again and she tells me she’s free a whole week from now on a day she knows I'm slammed with work. At this point it’s been 4 weeks up in the air that we both are mutually interested and while she likely didn’t do it intentionally I felt strung along and was feeling like an option. Instead of texting I just gave her a ring and had a playful but assertive chat basically asking what’s up and if she would actually like to see me. She says enthusiastically “I DO!!!…but…”. To which I ask but what? And receive silence. I ask her if she is interested and exclaims again she is! and she sets the date for next Thursday, in my mind this is her last shot and she knew it. I figured she'd flake...
(Also, texting was very sparse and used only to set the date/s)
I text to confirm the date the day before given how anxious and intimidated this girl is by me and incorporate a little playful flirting. She responds way out of character with short responses and says I've made her uncomfortable and would like to keep it ‘professional’. (Which is ironic since she was angry I didn’t ask her out sooner when my apprehension was making my coworker uncomfortable). I laughed and just hit her with the “Ok sounds good to me, i’ll see you at work”. I figured at that point it was done and I felt relieved since this girl's antics and low self esteem were reminding me of past bpd ex’s. A week goes by and we have a brief exchange where I apologize for making her uncomfortable as I clearly didn’t mean to and she apologizes for being a **** head. Turns out she thought I was going to murder her….no i’m not kidding, we’ve known each other for months, very weird, anxiety or not... Despite this we remain ‘professional’ and I start talking with other chicks. Girl becomes noticeably hot and cold with me at work and becomes very jealous when I chat with the other attractive women at work (i'm the only guy). She later stops taking on new students (teaching privately) and only comes in two days for like maybe 3 hours a week. My coworkers ask me why she’s even coming in as she is now effecting business. I imagine it was because she wanted an outlet to try to come back to me, I don’t know for sure, but whenever I interacted with her she responded like a happy puppy dog. A few weeks of this go by and she is more or less 'let go'. I say **** it and shoot her a feeler text asking if she’d like to chat or grab a coffee sometime since she was showing interest a lot. I stated my intentions since this girl hardcore didn’t trust me and assumed I was gaming her and took on a softer more honest approach. She ghosted me and then a few weeks later I see her on tinder all posed up slutty with a little surprise tat.
There has been zero contact on my end since that about 30 days ago.
This girl ****ed with my head (my coworkers as well) and I should’ve trusted my gut early and bailed, but she came after me when I did that. She projected her past/ex onto me and would act weirdly defensive when I flirted with her or made a joke. Became exceptionally jealous of other women around me. Assumed I was a player and claimed she “couldn't read me”. She was incredibly intimidated by me as well and I get the vibe she thought I was out of her league. She seemed like a quality girl that i’d actually would’ve liked to gotten to know and consider a relationship depending on how things went. I chalked most things up to low self esteem and anxiety on her end, but then again those aren't really qualities I want in a relationship anyways and I recognize that now. Her last ltr ex cheated on her and she definitely had a chip on her shoulder towards men even though they split a while ago. I was just looking to hang out with a cool hot girl and have fun, but she got weird. Maybe there was another dude, maybe the ex was haunting her. Maybe I was an option/plate? Maybe I was rebound etc...
I don’t know, but seeing her on tinder made me question myself. Maybe she just wanted a **** buddy? Maybe she just wants attention? Maybe I should’ve been a little softer/beta with this one to not scare her off? Since this girl, I've gone on some dates and have had my first successful cold approaches day gaming and have more or less kept the same frame and it has worked really well. I'm currently chatting with 4 girls and have set dates with two of em this week no problem. I was never dead set on this chick, but I did like her red flags aside. Now not so much. I half expect her to hit me up at some point to which i'd play by ear if that happens.
What are y'alls thought on this and where do you think I fell short with this chick based of this description?
Background:
New girl (23 recent grad hb8) starts at my job. She's put together, an attractive Chinese girl who is very shy/anxious and has a noticeable ‘crush’ on me and would act like a shy little school girl around me. I kept my distance as I did not want to date a coworker, but it was clear she wasn’t staying long and neither was I, so I said **** it. We hang out at work for hours on end alone a numerous times as I try to vet out her. She was very high interest in me and I more or less had her in the palm of my hands. I demanded her number to which she happily obliged, when i’d call her out on things (playfully) she would always apologize and respond demurely, if I told her to do something she’d do it without hesitation, she was eager to please me. After we started hanging out and getting close she started always coming to work dressed to the nines and vied for my attention. I did not give her more then what I felt appropriate, there was no afc behavior at this point. I held frame and was masculine.
Once I get her number I try to open up with a little flirty chit chat and get to setting up a date. Her responses were off and she would take an odd amount of time to respond, but when she did it was always well thought out and she mirrored me. She would jump for joy whenever I so much as acknowledged her existence. However, she became increasingly distant and cold over text but exceptionally warm in person. I later thought I'd just cut my losses and let her go as I was having difficulty interpreting her. As I put distance between us she came back full force and demanded I ask her out, I agreed. I tell her the next day to come drive up and see me, her response was “I’m a busy woman, I need 2-3 business days notice”. **** test? Power play? I don’t know, but I wasn’t having it and by this point I'd been dealing with her antics for a few weeks. she’s not busy, she works two days a week at this point in time.
She now try's to schedule a date again, but that same week I was put in the hospital for several days and couldn’t make it for good reason. She let me know she was going on a trip for a week and would love to see me when she’s back. I remain somewhat indifferent as I’m already having second thoughts at this point. She has her trip, I don’t text or bug her at all. A week goes by and I reach out again and she tells me she’s free a whole week from now on a day she knows I'm slammed with work. At this point it’s been 4 weeks up in the air that we both are mutually interested and while she likely didn’t do it intentionally I felt strung along and was feeling like an option. Instead of texting I just gave her a ring and had a playful but assertive chat basically asking what’s up and if she would actually like to see me. She says enthusiastically “I DO!!!…but…”. To which I ask but what? And receive silence. I ask her if she is interested and exclaims again she is! and she sets the date for next Thursday, in my mind this is her last shot and she knew it. I figured she'd flake...
(Also, texting was very sparse and used only to set the date/s)
I text to confirm the date the day before given how anxious and intimidated this girl is by me and incorporate a little playful flirting. She responds way out of character with short responses and says I've made her uncomfortable and would like to keep it ‘professional’. (Which is ironic since she was angry I didn’t ask her out sooner when my apprehension was making my coworker uncomfortable). I laughed and just hit her with the “Ok sounds good to me, i’ll see you at work”. I figured at that point it was done and I felt relieved since this girl's antics and low self esteem were reminding me of past bpd ex’s. A week goes by and we have a brief exchange where I apologize for making her uncomfortable as I clearly didn’t mean to and she apologizes for being a **** head. Turns out she thought I was going to murder her….no i’m not kidding, we’ve known each other for months, very weird, anxiety or not... Despite this we remain ‘professional’ and I start talking with other chicks. Girl becomes noticeably hot and cold with me at work and becomes very jealous when I chat with the other attractive women at work (i'm the only guy). She later stops taking on new students (teaching privately) and only comes in two days for like maybe 3 hours a week. My coworkers ask me why she’s even coming in as she is now effecting business. I imagine it was because she wanted an outlet to try to come back to me, I don’t know for sure, but whenever I interacted with her she responded like a happy puppy dog. A few weeks of this go by and she is more or less 'let go'. I say **** it and shoot her a feeler text asking if she’d like to chat or grab a coffee sometime since she was showing interest a lot. I stated my intentions since this girl hardcore didn’t trust me and assumed I was gaming her and took on a softer more honest approach. She ghosted me and then a few weeks later I see her on tinder all posed up slutty with a little surprise tat.
There has been zero contact on my end since that about 30 days ago.
This girl ****ed with my head (my coworkers as well) and I should’ve trusted my gut early and bailed, but she came after me when I did that. She projected her past/ex onto me and would act weirdly defensive when I flirted with her or made a joke. Became exceptionally jealous of other women around me. Assumed I was a player and claimed she “couldn't read me”. She was incredibly intimidated by me as well and I get the vibe she thought I was out of her league. She seemed like a quality girl that i’d actually would’ve liked to gotten to know and consider a relationship depending on how things went. I chalked most things up to low self esteem and anxiety on her end, but then again those aren't really qualities I want in a relationship anyways and I recognize that now. Her last ltr ex cheated on her and she definitely had a chip on her shoulder towards men even though they split a while ago. I was just looking to hang out with a cool hot girl and have fun, but she got weird. Maybe there was another dude, maybe the ex was haunting her. Maybe I was an option/plate? Maybe I was rebound etc...
I don’t know, but seeing her on tinder made me question myself. Maybe she just wanted a **** buddy? Maybe she just wants attention? Maybe I should’ve been a little softer/beta with this one to not scare her off? Since this girl, I've gone on some dates and have had my first successful cold approaches day gaming and have more or less kept the same frame and it has worked really well. I'm currently chatting with 4 girls and have set dates with two of em this week no problem. I was never dead set on this chick, but I did like her red flags aside. Now not so much. I half expect her to hit me up at some point to which i'd play by ear if that happens.
What are y'alls thought on this and where do you think I fell short with this chick based of this description?
