Got turned down by woman on OLD. Feel indifferent about it.

[member160292]

Has the potential to be psychologically very damaging. Traumatic. I got evaluated for PTSD by a mental health professional in part due to dating related traumas. A lot of those "one date, no sex, no second date" interactions caused trauma in me. Not to the standard of passing the PTSD diagnosis threshold.

Even though I didn't have PTSD, I still had psychologically damaging trauma that I needed to address with a mental health professional for years in therapy. I had other traumas, including childhood relocations, school bullying, and a bad divorce between my parents too. My parents never set a healthy example for me.

Then toughen up mentally

 

[SargeMaximus]

The joys of online dating.

I’ve had all my success online

 

[SW15]

Then toughen up mentally

I am biting my tongue hard on this. That was extremely rude and insensitive for you to say. You have no idea the trauma that I've been through. It is intense. That comment was extremely uncalled for and 1,000% inappropriate.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I am biting my tongue hard on this. That was extremely rude and insensitive for you to say. You have no idea the trauma that I've been through. It is intense. That comment was extremely uncalled for and 1,000% inappropriate.

There's a small cadre of young guys on here whose experience seems limited to (or very heavily influenced by) twenty something women. They may have a rude awakening in store for them as they age.

 

[Scars]

Who cares? Not trying to be flippant, OP, but this kind of thing happens nonstop on OLD regardless of how good looking you are and how much money you have. It is one of the most superficial mechanisms known to man and it is 100% in the female's favor. You will be batting a solid 1-2 points below your own SMV on OLD. You will get rejected by women who you would barely notice IRL.

Best advice is like @EyeBRollin said to toughen up. Use OLD understanding the above, and start cold approaching where you pull hotter and younger far more so than OLD. OLD should just be for snagging some low hanging fruit for breaking dry spells honestly. Once I went strictly to cold-approaching the quality of women I was with went up significantly.

It doesn't bother me. I was more or less sharing my experience to remind men that everyone deals with rejection. Even guys like me who are somewhat quite good at seduction. Hours later I was already talking to another girl who is sharing higher signs of interest. Just gotta roll with the punches.

 

[Scars]

OP, what did this chick look like out of curiosity? What was her background?

She was maybe a 7.5 at best. Mexican girl. A little more heavier than I would normally go for honestly. Typical American girl. She really was out of pocket to be that selective and picky, but it's whatever. I thought it would be an easy lay, but apparently not.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

She was maybe a 7.5 at best. Mexican girl. A little more heavier than I would normally go for honestly. Typical American girl. She really was out of pocket to be that selective and picky, but it's whatever. I thought it would be an easy lay, but apparently not.

That happens with OLD. A chick will like the first impression she has, but then something throws her off. If the pics you sent are congruent with your profile pics, that's on her.

I'm in the Valley too so I was wondering if she may have been AA (black) or Italian. Those are my two no-go groups on OLD here in Phx lol. Not worth the squeeze.

 

[member160292]

I am biting my tongue hard on this. That was extremely rude and insensitive for you to say. You have no idea the trauma that I've been through. It is intense. That comment was extremely uncalled for and 1,000% inappropriate.

If you are saying that rejections affect you, then you haven’t practiced the fundamentals on SoSuave. That’s truth, get rejected, build your mental toughness. If you aren’t able to do that then whatever advice you say on this forum will go on deaf ears

 

[MtmVaott]

She starts asking me personal questions (so what do you do, does that pay well, are you single, ever been married, kids?, own your own house?) not small talk at all. Asked for her number and she coldly shot me down “ummm no thanks”. I was like well dang ok.

It's a break of the emotional connection. It shows you don't respect/value her. She feels dismissed. It's like she tells you she likes you because x, y and z and then you reply: "Gonna fvck over there?". You need to connect with her and then ask for the number. The same happened to me once when I directly asked for a date after no contact for two weeks.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

She was maybe a 7.5 at best. Mexican girl. A little more heavier than I would normally go for honestly. Typical American girl. She really was out of pocket to be that selective and picky, but it's whatever. I thought it would be an easy lay, but apparently not.

This is OLD in a nutshell. You will get used to it.

 

[mamarika]

OLD can be detrimental to a man's self esteem. What worked for me was taking OLD with a pile of salt. Women are extremely superficial on OLD, and whatever behavior they show shouldn't be taking seriously.

 

[SW15]

If you are saying that rejections affect you, then you haven’t practiced the fundamentals on SoSuave. That’s truth, get rejected, build your mental toughness. If you aren’t able to do that then whatever advice you say on this forum will go on deaf ears

OLD can be detrimental to a man's self esteem. What worked for me was taking OLD with a pile of salt. Women are extremely superficial on OLD, and whatever behavior they show shouldn't be taking seriously.

I would like to take my own experiences out of the equation and speak in general terms.

A man would need extremely thick skin to arrange dates using the tech-based methods, especially swipe apps. The flaking is astronomical, the rudeness is off the charts, and the level of rejection is very high. Most men would get personally affected to some extent in dealing with those conditions. There's a good argument to be made to avoid swipe apps if you want to keep a solid emotional state. The amount of rejections and "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions can be very traumatic.

Approaching strangers is not much better in terms of the exposure to traumatic occurrences.

Having height and big muscles are the keys to success in the mating environment. Money is useful too but with women making their own money from their white collar jobs now and getting preferential hiring and promotion treatment, a man needs way more money to impress women than he used to need. Height and big muscles will be the two most important factors in reducing rejections. A charismatic personality is useful as well, as is a sense a style, but they don't compare to beoing 6'0"+, having big muscles, and having shirtless pics on a swipe app or Instagram with the correct follow ratio.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I never was asked for more pics on Tinder. I had 6 up. I was asked a few times to Facetime before she’d agree to the date. I was fine with that. I guess guys catfishing or photo-frauding is a thing.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I would like to take my own experiences out of the equation and speak in general terms.

A man would need extremely thick skin to arrange dates using the tech-based methods, especially swipe apps. The flaking is astronomical, the rudeness is off the charts, and the level of rejection is very high. Most men would get personally affected to some extent in dealing with those conditions. There's a good argument to be made to avoid swipe apps if you want to keep a solid emotional state. The amount of rejections and "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions can be very traumatic.

Approaching strangers is not much better in terms of the exposure to traumatic occurrences.

Having height and big muscles are the keys to success in the mating environment. Money is useful too but with women making their own money from their white collar jobs now and getting preferential hiring and promotion treatment, a man needs way more money to impress women than he used to need. Height and big muscles will be the two most important factors in reducing rejections. A charismatic personality is useful as well, as is a sense a style, but they don't compare to beoing 6'0"+, having big muscles, and having shirtless pics on a swipe app or Instagram with the correct follow ratio.

disagree. I have neither height nor big muscles & did fine on Tinder. I would argue a good face is more important.

 

[bat soup]

Was talking to some chick, got her number and started texting. She wanted to see more pics of me so I sent some. She went super cold. After 2 hours, I texted her saying "Damn, am I that ugly? lol" and she was like no, just not my type. I said ok, at least you're honest. Good luck finding your man. Can't win 'um all my friends.

You never know, this could be some angry fat lesbian with an axe to grind or even a dude getting a kick out of putting other men down.

 

[Zimbabwe]

The fact is that via online dating, we meet many people – some good and some toxic. Online dating, however, can increase the risk of meeting people who are not interested in developing deep and meaningful relationships. Shallow relationships are formed in online dating which can be rather unsatisfying and leave you feeling lonely.

No matter what you do, any relationship that is not meaningful and leaves you feeling unfulfilled will result in loneliness.

To prevent depression and other mental issues from developing, you must engage in meaningful relationships with people you have real attachment and commitment. Loneliness can be as harmful to your mental health as depression can be.

 

[Schwing]

People keep romanticising the "good old" days of OLD, the truth is it has always been a toxic cesspool.

Women already get enough attention irl, if they have to go online to find a BF there has to be something seriously wrong with her.

True. OLD sucks now, but before Covid there were more chicks and hotter ones on there. I noticed the hot ones always had a screw loose when I went on a date. One of them on the 4 hour date kept talking about how her brother sexually abused her. Then a few days later in text she said I can't let go of my dads death! He passed away 4 months earlier and I only mentioned it once on the date LOL.

Another one was an HB9 and divorced after a year! She claimed her husband was tired of marriage. More like he was tired of her.

 

[Schwing]

With OLD, I have learned to never comply with a girl's request for more pics or even more information about me. There are two reasons for this. The first is that it sets the wrong frame. She thinks she is on some kind of throne and you are the peasant crawling on your knees kissing her feet hoping that she selects you. F-that. You are the prize, not her. She should be sending YOU additional pics. If a girl asks me for additional pics I would either next her right there or tell her to send me more pics of her, in which case I would say something like, "Sure, I'll get some together and send them your way. Could you please send me some more pics of you as well - specifically ones that clearly show the shape of your body," since that's the number one thing women hide in their photos with outfits and angles. And I would not send any pics of me unless she sent hers first. The funny thing is, most women will take GREAT offense to this request while at the same time, they are asking you for exactly the same thing for the same reason. Weed those women out by countering their request with your own request.

The second is that I find that women who do this are looking for reasons to disqualify you and are not serious about dating or meeting up. Before I wised up, I found that any time a girl asks you for more information about you or more pics etc, as soon as you provide it, they next you. Most of these women are probably not going out on any dates with anyone and are just looking for an excuse to stay home. This behavior falls into a common pattern many people exhibit - one in which you find excuses and reasons not to do something due to underlying psychological reasons such as fear. Example: A guy goes out with friends to a nightclub to meet women, but when faced with the decision to approach a hot girl, he says, "oh she's not my type" instead of approaching her, in order to ease his fear/anxiety, even if she is totally his type. This is exactly what many women do on OLD.

Same goes for when girls ask you about your hobbies or what you do for work etc. Believe me, the LESS you say about yourself over the dating apps, the better. Be fun, funny, and playful. Dodge the questions in a playful and funny way. Like when she asks you what you do in your time off, tell her you volunteer at a no-kill shelter for fruits and vegetables or that you dive shipwrecks for sunken treasure or whatever. Meeting in-person is the right time and place to discuss more about yourself, and for her to better see how you look and move. You should be choosing photos for your profile that show you well - without sunglasses, without baggy clothes, without tons of filters, without being far away etc. If you do that there is no reason she should need to see additional photos.

What worked for me is I'd get their number and them go on reverse phone search and get their full names and then look up their facebook. Then I can see how old her pics are. Many times it's saved me from dates with women who look older and fatter than their OLD profiles. Probably weed out like 50 women that way. Better than wasting gas, time, and money meeting up and they used old pics.

 

[LucianoM]

She asked for pics and you actually sent them?

 

[Robert28]

True. OLD sucks now, but before Covid there were more chicks and hotter ones on there. I noticed the hot ones always had a screw loose when I went on a date. One of them on the 4 hour date kept talking about how her brother sexually abused her. Then a few days later in text she said I can't let go of my dads death! He passed away 4 months earlier and I only mentioned it once on the date LOL.

Another one was an HB9 and divorced after a year! She claimed her husband was tired of marriage. More like he was tired of her.

When I was OLD I saw a 28 yr old single mom on there who was a widow…..a widow of a whole MONTH before she started dating? Oh she claimed she was looking for “friends” but anyone with a brain knew better.