Do I have anger issues?

[MtmVaott]

Hello goys, following problem. As of late I have zero bull**** tolerance for any girl, any woman. If they do and say something I don't like or reflects bad on their character I call them out on it. Reason is I got rejected and ****tested so often that I stopped caring to put on a face. At this point I don't feel anger but say what comes to my mind. Either the girl falls in line or is free to go away.

Example: I ask a girl on a date after we met a couple times via text. She always excuses herself and says she wants me to meet her friends because I moved new to her city. Said to her how can I meet her friends if she always rejects a meeting. Tell her then to hit me up and won't text her until then since it is supergay. Never heard of her again, did not contact her again.

Example 2: Send another girl a photo of a historical building and instead of saying thanks she complains why I did not make a panorama shot or took a video around the building. Told her she's spoiled and won't do that. I can see the building everyday and she can fly over to my city and see it for herself is what I said. Then she says she is not spoiled and I take her too serious, "thanks me" and then re-emphasizes on me taking a panorama shot, asks me how I'm doing etc. Make a joke of her being born with riches - she's from a rich family - and gets angry at me bringing it up. Tell her she can command her lapdog friend like that but if she talks to me that way it is natural I am going to tease her.

Example 3: Again another girl with whom I hit it off very well. She is very into me but ****tests the hell out of me, not replying for one or several days, trying to make me jealous on dates (doesn't work), pretends not to be interested while she clearly is but rejects advances. We have been on several dates but she still takes her time to text back, doesn't pick up the phone, so I tell her to get her act together or I won't bother wasting my time with her. She was hurt that I saw her as waste of time and haven't talked to her for more than a month. Contacted her again - I really do like her - and same ****show again. This time I don't bother at this point and stop replying to her

Do I have bad luck or can women sense my anger and ****test me extra hard? I have countless examples more than this with different women. So I don't think it is entirely on them.

You try to control your environment. You are afraid to let go.
If you would let go you could only influence your environment by how you respond.
All your behaviour is explainable. But when you experience yourself, like emotions, thoughts, sensations or actions, the fraction you see is too small. You ignore or reject the unpleasant ones. The picture of yourself, who you are, becomes a puzzle with missing pieces.
You perceive your behaviour as erratic. You loose trust in yourself.
To feel secure, you try to control your environment instead.

God holds you in his hands. This is why you feel you can let go more if you are believing in him.

 

[sevbucmash]

Yep. You have anger issues. Life is too short to take it all seriously. Relax.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

The reason you are being tested so much is that women don't want a crazy guy - a guy who is not socially calibrated and a guy who doesn't have control of his emotions. These types of guys are the most likely to hurt a woman physically and or put her in a really dangerous or uncomfortable situation. Women are absolute bloodhounds at sniffing this out in men. If a woman gets a strong whiff of it, she will simply hard next you or try to fade away so as to not provoke your anger. If a woman gets a faint whiff of it, that's when the tests come. She tests to try to bring your calibration and emotional control into the spotlight in order to see if that faint whiff is valid, and in the examples you provided above, all the tests worked, she obtained the confirmation she needed, and she split.

BS, why do most women like bad boys, Tyrones, Jeremy Meeks, Ted Bundy, and guys like American Psycho. They don't like beta males/incels with these characteristics, I do agree.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like you are not in a proper mindset for dating and should probably take some time off to work on yourself.

Way too concerned what someone else thinks of you.

 

[member160761]

All of this is familiar to me. Every bit. I even made the same experience when I tested to believe in God again.
I think Kotaix has made an awesome connection between control and faith. You put some things in Gods hand.
You can put things in the hand of other people, too. Often they will react compliant, but they don't have to.

Also take a look again what EyeOnThePrize and I have written in my thread.

In another thread of yours you described a similar experience, where you hit it off well with women and then they can sniff that your life is not in order and turn away from you. It is basically what my problem boils down to, plus anger issues from hell. People who sense the anger in you, even when you don't act on it, they feel it and know they can make you go nuclear if they push the right buttons. There is either a sense of fear or a sense of being able to dominate you.

You try to control your environment. You are afraid to let go.
If you would let go you could only influence your environment by how you respond.
All your behaviour is explainable. But when you experience yourself, like emotions, thoughts, sensations or actions, the fraction you see is too small. You ignore or reject the unpleasant ones. The picture of yourself, who you are, becomes a puzzle with missing pieces.
You perceive your behaviour as erratic. You loose trust in yourself.
To feel secure, you try to control your environment instead.

God holds you in his hands. This is why you feel you can let go more if you are believing in him.

You are spot-on. I do try to control the outcome and people. Learning to let go and instead having control over yourself is what makes you a man and gives your life order. I put way too much expectations on somebody or something and then get angry as hell if things don't go my way. There used to be days where I caught myself in the thought-process before allowing myself to get angry. They are slowly coming back. Today I had a little too much coffee and my anger came back but I controlled myself. I took offence at dubious things but caught myself what I was thinking and feeling and tried to let go, but people could feel I had a dark presence. Only God has everything in control, there is no reason to cling on the things you have no power over.

Sounds like you are not in a proper mindset for dating and should probably take some time off to work on yourself.

Way too concerned what someone else thinks of you.

Yes, thanks to the replies here I won't consider dating women for a while. Need to focus on myself and how to swallow my ego.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

BS, why do most women like bad boys, Tyrones, Jeremy Meeks, Ted Bundy, and guys like American Psycho. They don't like beta males/incels with these characteristics, I do agree.

You are correct, but it isn't most women - it is a specific subset of women. All women want masculinity, but a specific subset of women are unable to differentiate true, positive masculinity from men who have NPD or other psychological problems that cause them to act on their emotions and treat people poorly (aka the bad boys).

Women don't crave bad boys, they crave masculinity and unfortunately bad boys provide some masculine traits, but they also provide a lot of negatives and aren't truly masculine (insecurity is not masculine and most bad boys are extremely insecure people, or they are psychopaths like Bundy etc). Only 1-3% of men understand positive masculinity which means these men are in rare supply and high demand. Many women have never had the chance to meet or date one - they must choose between a meta male or a bad boy tyrant. That is why this forum and RP is so important. If you can be that 1-3%, you have it made. It has worked very well for me.

 

[MtmVaott]

@DonQuixote
I became confused by the controlling topic, my explanation isn't a solid one because controlling outcomes, yourself, and other people are all similar, but a bit different from each other.
I suggest you take a look at the advice I received in the thread of me you found.

Since you talked about self-control: That means forcing you. It's not very different from trying to control the outcome. You will get stuck. Go for self-validation instead.

And about your anger-issues: You are not expressing what you want, need, or don't want on the spot. You set it aside, and anger starts to build up. The key word here is assertive behaviour.

I suggest you get help by a therapist. This is going to be a long process and you want to have someone who holds you accountable.
If you do it alone, you will sabotage yourself and revert back to your old ways.

 

[member160761]

@MtmVaott Conrol is nothing bad. It is important what parts you want to control and which not. Self-control is crucial for a man, we also call it restraint. As mentioned before, therapy is a sham and a man is his own best helper if he is honest with himself.

 

[Fruitbat]

As it looks like I cannot run from the God-question. Whenever I was the most religious I exercised the greatest control over my vices, and, contrary to all expectations, women liked me and I had a natural feeling for them. I became religious five years ago and was baptized Catholic one year ago. Submitting to God and to exercise what is expected of a Christian, such as living out moral beliefs, prayer, meditation, reading of holy texts and the Bible, swallowing my ego hardened my mind and thickened my skin.

In another thread here about anger the OP was also advised that only God can solve this problem. What meditation does for you the Christian way of life did for me. Maybe I am afraid of missing out of all the *****mongering by avoiding to fully dedicate myself to Him again. Thanks a lot for the post. Some problems can only be solved by God, no intellectualizing or external influence can help you in such cases.

No wonder you can’t get a woman if you are so scared of death you believe in this fairytale nonsense.

 

[member160761]

No wonder you can’t get a woman if you are so scared of death you believe in this fairytale nonsense.

Your ancestors believed in that fairytale nonsense for centuries and successfully reproduced, yet you are posting here.

 

[Fruitbat]

Your ancestors believed in that fairytale nonsense for centuries and successfully reproduced, yet you are posting here.

They didn’t have the benefit of modern discoveries and the enlightenment. My ancestors believed washing too frequently was bad for the health, it’s not a reason to do it now.

 

[member160761]

They didn’t have the benefit of modern discoveries and the enlightenment.

Where they believe man is woman and woman is man? That your great-grandfather was an ape? Truly, what an enlightenment we got.

This is not part of the thread, but as a last message: it tells a lot when you go out of your way and get hung up on this of all posts in this thread.

 

[Fruitbat]

Where they believe man is woman and woman is man? That your great-grandfather was an ape? Truly, what an enlightenment we got.

This is not part of the thread, but as a last message: it tells a lot when you go out of your way and get hung up on this of all posts in this thread.

Atheists do not believe your great grandfather was an ape. We’ve never been apes, we descended from a common ancestor thousands of years ago.

Man is man and woman is woman, social constructivists are not biologists.

 

[member160761]

Atheists do not believe your great grandfather was an ape. We’ve never been apes, we descended from a common ancestor thousands of years ago.

Man is man and woman is woman, social constructivists are not biologists.

Whatever you say.

 

[Fruitbat]

Whatever you say.

Ok, perhaps I should consider the book of the desert nomads of the levant.

 

[gwoppin]

Bruh shes trying to interact with you more by showing interest in what youre doing by asking for more pictures and videos.

@EyeBRollin is right, chill tf out man!

 

[gwoppin]

Also, it come across like those feminist videos, but male form:

'You know that thing that women do?! Look how awful she is and how right I am!!'

 

[member160761]

Status update:
My anger cooled off a great deal. I became colder but not stone-hearted, don't lose my cool over trivial matters and don't get aroused with the heat of a thousand suns if a girl checks many boxes. Through self-reflection and an increasing routine in my day-to-day life was this possible. Now I see things clearer than before and see the fundamental issue:

I become terrified of any potential prospect.

This goes for attractive and subpar women. When there is not the professional distance for business related matters or general distance you have with strangers, once this barrier is crossed, my insides contract and my ability to develop the relationship further is gone. I know what to say, do and have a charming and charismatic way of talking, but when I feel a girl likes me I become petrified and want to eject and never talk to her again. It is not only being shy, I become terrified and petrified and cannot do anything, I physically contract, even when the girl is friendly to me and goes out of her way to flirt and be sexual, I cannot do anything. There were times where I had it under control and I scored well with women, but it came back and it destroys many chances for potential prospects.

What makes matters worse is that I have a "pretty boy" face and magnetic personality, women expect me to be some professional casanova or *****monger and misinterpret me accordingly. So I don't lack chances, many times girls come at me because they are interested but I get only terrified and they lose interest. Or they don't trust me because they think I score women left and right, but the truth is because of this issue I had to get used to be almost as chaste as a monk.

 

[Murk]

OP I think you're 12 months of OLD rejection away from an R or M charge.

 

[Stoic]

This is a good thread.

I will say this. From personal experience, I have the hardest time with women when I go in angry or easily annoyed by them. And I have definitely been in that mindset.

The mindset that works best for me is one where I hold just a happy, grateful disposition because I am loving my life. Not faking it, but authentic. It really, really attracts women. Because when I achieve that mindset, I genuinely don't care what women do or say. Any outcome with them is fine, because if they start misbehaving, I politely hit the eject button and keep it moving because I have other things I'd rather be doing. I try my best not to allow a woman to get under my skin. Admittely, that is easier said than done. But, it is the best approach. I believe I am in control of my emotions and mindset at all times. I have complete agency over that. You might want to work on developing a religious practice of any respectable kind and implementing it in your life. Almost any of them will make you a better person.

I have studied Christianity and Buddhism and both have made me in to a better person. You don't believe every bit of it, but just engage in the practices. Also, look at Stoicism. This is a philosophy only and not a religion and so that may be easier for you and others on these forums to adopt.

Best of luck OP.