Getting the runaround when trying to set a date

[Smartone84]

Got a number from a relatively attractive 41 year old off of a dating app about a week ago. We texted just a very little bit one day at first but she was on a trip so we didn't make plans then and there. I reached last night (a few days later) when I knew she'd be back and right away asked what her schedule would be like this week and that we should meet up for a drink. She responds saying that sounds good but this week is "shaping up to be pretty busy", then goes on about whatever plans she's involved in with her school (she's a teacher), she's involved in teaching the chorus some nights, yada yada before saying "Hopefully we can find a time" then asking me what MY schedule is like. Right away I could sense this was one of those older types who always sorta makes sure she has something going on and is more than likely not serious about dating.

In any event, I give her two nights coming up that I'd be free to go out. I say Thursday night or Saturday night. She responds saying simply "Thursday night might work. Can I let you know tomorrow? I have to check something first and I'm heading out tonight".

Yeah...

Now, I'm 38 years old and have been through the ringer with women for years at this point with dating. I've seen it all and to me I am well aware that this all is a complete sham. Aside from it being a turnoff in general by her actually expecting me to beleive she has to "check something first", I always get a kick out of these late 30's/early 40's women who continue to try and pretend that they are truly serious about dating and finding a relationship, when in reality being on these dating apps is more of something they just feel like they "have" to do. Bottom line is of course she does know if she can go on Thursday, but is instead is giving herself a day to think about it and ultimately decide if I'm worth it. Then, even if she does confirm, flake chances are sky high.

I almost don't even want to respond tonight and instead make her wait. Even then I'm not sure what to write back. She's already trying to devalue me by turning me into a prop making me wait for her bogus answer. Idk why I keep getting my hopes up. Any thoughts or advice on how you guys would proceed would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Low interest. I would triple book on Thursday night.

 

[dogsta]

If it's like trying to draw blood from a stone to get a meet (ASAP), forget it, move on.

And especially - don't chase!

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Los interest woman, ignore. Next.

 

[Rx Redpill]

She's likely chasing five other dudes.

I'll tell you the harsh and honest truth.

The dating game is absolutely rigged due to simpery.

All we can do is to fill our time with interesting hobbies and keep bettering ourselves.

Make yourself a man she regrets missing out on!

 

[RickTheToad]

P-A-S-S. Stop wasting your time. You look needy and pathetic. Move along. If she reaches out, standard operating procedure. She comes to your place to Netflix and fvck, I mean chill.

 

[Young OG]

Got a number from a relatively attractive 41 year old off of a dating app about a week ago. We texted just a very little bit one day at first but she was on a trip so we didn't make plans then and there. I reached last night (a few days later) when I knew she'd be back and right away asked what her schedule would be like this week and that we should meet up for a drink. She responds saying that sounds good but this week is "shaping up to be pretty busy", then goes on about whatever plans she's involved in with her school (she's a teacher), she's involved in teaching the chorus some nights, yada yada before saying "Hopefully we can find a time" then asking me what MY schedule is like. Right away I could sense this was one of those older types who always sorta makes sure she has something going on and is more than likely not serious about dating.

In any event, I give her two nights coming up that I'd be free to go out. I say Thursday night or Saturday night. She responds saying simply "Thursday night might work. Can I let you know tomorrow? I have to check something first and I'm heading out tonight".

Yeah...

Now, I'm 38 years old and have been through the ringer with women for years at this point with dating. I've seen it all and to me I am well aware that this all is a complete sham. Aside from it being a turnoff in general by her actually expecting me to beleive she has to "check something first", I always get a kick out of these late 30's/early 40's women who continue to try and pretend that they are truly serious about dating and finding a relationship, when in reality being on these dating apps is more of something they just feel like they "have" to do. Bottom line is of course she does know if she can go on Thursday, but is instead is giving herself a day to think about it and ultimately decide if I'm worth it. Then, even if she does confirm, flake chances are sky high.

I almost don't even want to respond tonight and instead make her wait. Even then I'm not sure what to write back. She's already trying to devalue me by turning me into a prop making me wait for her bogus answer. Idk why I keep getting my hopes up. Any thoughts or advice on how you guys would proceed would be appreciated. Thanks.

Low interest. High interest women will make things easy for you. She's most likely talking to several other guys. Maybe she's waiting for one who she thinks is a better option to let her know about Thursday. Bottom line, just move on. If she's reaches out about the date then cool but I wouldn't even bother texting her again. Also, stop dating old hags. I'm 40 and I wouldn't date a 41 yr old. My gf is 31...

 

[Black Widow Void]

Your response:
"I realize that on these sites, the typical protocol is to "ghost" but that's not my style. No offense (though you may take it that way) but the more you reveal about your personality, the more my interest in you seems to diminish. Although we'd not be a good fit, I wish you good luck."

Because men in her past have probably waited and jumped through her hoops, they've turned her into what she's become. You can expect a smarmy reply and/or getting blocked, but who cares. Think about this though.... if the past three or four men had placed value on themselves and written the above reply (rather than supplicating) she would currently be more pliable. I suspect that she's more of an operator than having this busy of a dating schedule.

And here's another thing to consider; you'll notice that some of the above postings contain an element of chest-thumping and swagger. If that's their best example of how a man can be... then no matter how your Thursday and Saturday pans out, you're likely going to be happier than they are.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@Smartone84
Sounds like you didn't qualify her much, which makes you seem pretty low value to her for wanting to meet up right away. If the conversation isn't interesting, and if she's not putting in effort, then why bother trying to make a date?

Dating apps are usually a waste of time, it's an absolute crapshoot and there's tons of simps feeding her ego. It's much easier to make a connection with someone in person. Go to some yoga or dance or gymnastics classes and it's a cake walk.

 

[threeforfree]

You're one of her plates.

 

[Stoic]

I literally wrote down a cliche line in my code of conduct.

"I refuse to make anyone a priority that makes me secondary. " And I do live by that.

I'm not waiting around for someone else to tell me their schedule. I have important **** to take care of. Banging an over the hill 40 year old would not be up there in priorities.

I would tell her, it sounds like you have a lot going on. When you have firm day and time, let me know, and we can go from there. Enjoy your evening!

 

[The Duke]

Op, This woman has 3 other guys she wants to go out with. If they fall thru she might go out with you. Don't be that guy. If you aren't some what of a priority, then she doesn't think enough of you. No point in proceeding. But she does like the free attention!

Girls with high interest that think you are high value will move mountains to make it happen so another girl doesn't get your attention.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

There is not much to be added to what has already so eloquently been stated: Low interest, she has several other better options, she wants to get your free attention, etc, etc.

I realize I keep repeating myself on this forum but I have one dating rule:

Compliance or move on.

I would only give a girl one chance. I will extend one invite and expect compliance or at the very least an alternative. If I get none of those two, I simply move on.

However, that only works and feels insignificant because:

1) I have a fulfilling life full of hobbies, interests, passions, friends, etc.
2) I have other options, and most of them chase me, not the other way around.

Now keep in mind, both of the above took a lot of work and time to get. And it is still an ongoing journey. But simply put, it takes time to have a life you enjoy whether there is a woman or not in your life. Most times, our frustration with dating comes from a lack of genuine joy in our own lives and we try to fill it with distractions.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Redwolf]

She's likely chasing five other dudes.

I'll tell you the harsh and honest truth.

The dating game is absolutely rigged due to simpery.

All we can do is to fill our time with interesting hobbies and keep bettering ourselves.

Make yourself a man she regrets missing out on!

I agree with this 100%. Women are over stimulated with social media these days.

Focus on living a fun life for yourself. Invite her into it. If she can't act right and come around that's on her for missing out.

 

[bat soup]

Got a number from a relatively attractive 41 year old off of a dating app about a week ago. We texted just a very little bit one day at first but she was on a trip so we didn't make plans then and there. I reached last night (a few days later) when I knew she'd be back and right away asked what her schedule would be like this week and that we should meet up for a drink. She responds saying that sounds good but this week is "shaping up to be pretty busy", then goes on about whatever plans she's involved in with her school (she's a teacher), she's involved in teaching the chorus some nights, yada yada before saying "Hopefully we can find a time" then asking me what MY schedule is like. Right away I could sense this was one of those older types who always sorta makes sure she has something going on and is more than likely not serious about dating.

In any event, I give her two nights coming up that I'd be free to go out. I say Thursday night or Saturday night. She responds saying simply "Thursday night might work. Can I let you know tomorrow? I have to check something first and I'm heading out tonight".

Yeah...

Now, I'm 38 years old and have been through the ringer with women for years at this point with dating. I've seen it all and to me I am well aware that this all is a complete sham. Aside from it being a turnoff in general by her actually expecting me to beleive she has to "check something first", I always get a kick out of these late 30's/early 40's women who continue to try and pretend that they are truly serious about dating and finding a relationship, when in reality being on these dating apps is more of something they just feel like they "have" to do. Bottom line is of course she does know if she can go on Thursday, but is instead is giving herself a day to think about it and ultimately decide if I'm worth it. Then, even if she does confirm, flake chances are sky high.

I almost don't even want to respond tonight and instead make her wait. Even then I'm not sure what to write back. She's already trying to devalue me by turning me into a prop making me wait for her bogus answer. Idk why I keep getting my hopes up. Any thoughts or advice on how you guys would proceed would be appreciated. Thanks.

Did she say the word "busy"?
If so, that means that her ass is busy with a loooong queue of koks.
Reply that you'll bring lubricant.

 

[Pokerbaby]

It's a test, a **** test that's been around forever.

She could be totally interested in you. Youre still going to get tested. A male model millionaire is going to get **** tested once in a while too.

Correct response is..."No problem. "

 

[bat soup]

"Thursday night might work. Can I let you know tomorrow after I've got boned by Chad? I have to suck something looong first and I'm heading out tonight to meet a rich guy".

 

[Gamisch]

Whenever you meet a woman on a dating app you should take the interaction with a pound of salt.

It's more of a ego boost thing than anything else. Old is dominated by men (70% or someting like that?), so at least you manage to " be more likeable " than most guys. But that's where it ends. Dont except to find something serious and substantial through apps. In real life the equivalent would be a place where woman flirt with you compliment you without necessarily wanting to have s3x with you.

You are my age. Subconsciously we know dating apps are a cheat code to date. The infamous' easy come easy go mantra. "
Recently I met like 10 women on apps. Some I actually liked. Problem is they (and I)all have so much more options. The explaining of your life story ten times in a row in the timespan of a month gets boring and old.

What's your dating history like by the way?

TLDR: OLD is fastfood dating. Expect nothing, infield approach will still be a man's burden if he wants to meet quality women .

 

[Gamisch]

@Smartone84
Sounds like you didn't qualify her much, which makes you seem pretty low value to her for wanting to meet up right away. If the conversation isn't interesting, and if she's not putting in effort, then why bother trying to make a date?

Dating apps are usually a waste of time, it's an absolute crapshoot and there's tons of simps feeding her ego. It's much easier to make a connection with someone in person. Go to some yoga or dance or gymnastics classes and it's a cake walk.

Good point. On one hand try to escalate asap. Having long conversations sometimes even fun and exciting, for too long and poof, unmatched.

But offering a date right away, indeed, qualifies her with no reason. There is a subtle fine space between these two options its seems.

Personally I might also make this mistake tbh.