Gf didn't come home one night

[crikeyhanky]

Hey guys! My first post so here it goes. My gf of 2 years didn't come home one night. She was organising a multi day event and wanted to enjoy & relax on the final day of it. I stayed home on the last day, I was fed up with it by then. I thought she was gonna come home at about 1 or 2 AM, so I went to sleep at midnight. She never called or texted the whole evening and arrived home at 8,30 AM very cheerful. She was obviously been drinking, alcohol breath and everything, told me initially she was partying with a pretty well known singer and some friends. And that she spent the night at a 54 year old lady who she just met, where she fell asleep on the floor. She insisted nothing sexual took place, including kissing or touching and was willing to show me some videos of the party. I didn't care to see any videos, was disgusted by everything by then. She also wanted to have sex but I turned her down.
Any thoughts about this whole incident?
Thanks.

 

[SW15]

1. Living with your girlfriend is a mistake that diminishes the quality of the relationship and will often hasten the end of the relationship. It's a mistake to do it. The biggest factor in relationships failing though is the passage of time. I believe the majority of relationships in this era and with the culture have about a 5 year shelf life of goodness.

2. Even if you ignore Point 1, you might be overreacting a bit unless you're not saying something in the initial post. I'm someone hesitant to excuse women's behavior. Do you have any evidence she had sex with another guy? Has she been untrustworthy in the past?

3. People do get shiitfaced at times.

 

[crikeyhanky]

I understand point 1. And I've been ****faced in the past with my ex wife. No evidence, just based on how well I know her.
She hasn't been until now

 

[SW15]

No evidence, just based on how well I know her.
She hasn't been until now

There is something to be said about intuition. If she hasn't been untrustworthy, you don't have much of a case. Try to search for evidence of extra-relational sex based upon your intuition. But don't make it obvious by going through her phone. If you can't find evidence, then you are forced to trust her.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Maybe she cheated, maybe she didnt. But if your gut is telling you its time to move maybe you should listen.

 

[crikeyhanky]

There is something to be said about intuition. If she hasn't been untrustworthy, you don't have much of a case. Try to search for evidence of extra-relational sex based upon your intuition. But don't make it obvious by going through her phone. If you can't find evidence, then you are forced to trust her.

Actually I went through her phone one night. I found the Whatsapp convo with the singer that she mentioned. He was asking her how did she arrive home and that "last night was epic, we should do it again but with less alcohol involved". She agreed to that and said she felt like 20 again.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Maybe she cheated, maybe she didnt. But if your gut is telling you its time to move maybe you should listen.

Yeah, I think it is.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Hey guys! My first post so here it goes. My gf of 2 years didn't come home one night. She was organising a multi day event and wanted to enjoy & relax on the final day of it. I stayed home on the last day, I was fed up with it by then. I thought she was gonna come home at about 1 or 2 AM, so I went to sleep at midnight. She never called or texted the whole evening and arrived home at 8,30 AM very cheerful. She was obviously been drinking, alcohol breath and everything, told me initially she was partying with a pretty well known singer and some friends. And that she spent the night at a 54 year old lady who she just met, where she fell asleep on the floor. She insisted nothing sexual took place, including kissing or touching and was willing to show me some videos of the party. I didn't care to see any videos, was disgusted by everything by then. She also wanted to have sex but I turned her down.
Any thoughts about this whole incident?
Thanks.

She's been ran through dudebro and she belongs to the streets.

Kick her out. The most powerful thing you can do is to walk away
Show that you have high standards and respect yourself...

 

[crikeyhanky]

She's been ran through dudebro and she belongs to the streets.

Kick her out. The most powerful thing you can do is to walk away
Show that you have high standards and respect yourself...

Yes, 0 tolerance. I confronted her about all this soon after and told her she sucked d*ck in some hotel room & after that she wanted sex with me. She didn't deny that but said she wished she had done that. She fantasised about it. Ofc my ego got hurt quite a bit as plenty of people saw us together the previous nights of the event. And prolly some of them saw her doing stuff with another man the one night I didn't go.

 

[SW15]

She's been ran through dudebro and she belongs to the streets.

Kick her out. The most powerful thing you can do is to walk away
Show that you have high standards and respect yourself...

Even if she didn't have sex with another man, it's not a good look for a woman in a monogamous LTR to be putting herself in a position where she could have extra-relational sex.

Actually I went through her phone one night. I found the Whatsapp convo with the singer that she mentioned. He was asking her how did she arrive home and that "last night was epic, we should do it again but with less alcohol involved". She agreed to that and said she felt like 20 again.

That's still not enough evidence that she had sex with someone else, but it's not good.

Yes, 0 tolerance. I confronted her about all this soon after and told her she sucked d*ck in some hotel room & after that she wanted sex with me. She didn't deny that but said she wished she had done that. She fantasised about it. Ofc my ego got hurt quite a bit as plenty of people saw us together the previous nights of the event. And prolly some of them saw her doing stuff with another man the one night I didn't go.

Did she put a penis in her mouth in a hotel room? If so, it's over. The mere fact she wants to put another man's in her mouth and is thinking about it is grounds for a pre-emptive dismissal.

 

[crikeyhanky]

That's still not enough evidence that she had sex with someone else, but it's not good.



Even if she didn't have sex with another man, it's not a good look for a woman in a monogamous LTR to be putting herself in a position where she could have extra-relational sex.

I know that. But come on man, I used to send texts like that after spending the night with a girl. I didn't specify "last nights' sex was amazing" or "we had great sex". Besides she loves drinking, partying & events too much for my liking. She always wants to attend some event and I frequently refuse her. I don't want to be hypocritical, I cheated on her a few times and I didn't invest too much money, time or energy into the relationship. But I always came home at night & replied to her texts or calls. Not immediately but after I finished my business. I called her once that night around midnight, she never replied or called back. I was obviously in the way.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Even if she didn't have sex with another man, it's not a good look for a woman in a monogamous LTR to be putting herself in a position where she could have extra-relational sex.



That's still not enough evidence that she had sex with someone else, but it's not good.



Did she put a penis in her mouth in a hotel room? If so, it's over. The mere fact she wants to put another man's in her mouth and is thinking about it is grounds for a pre-emptive dismissal.

I don't know that for a fact but I'd say there's a big chance she did.

 

[SW15]

I know that. But come on man, I used to send texts like that after spending the night with a girl. I didn't specify "last nights' sex was amazing" or "we had great sex". Besides she loves drinking, partying & events too much for my liking. She always wants to attend some event and I frequently refuse her. I don't want to be hypocritical, I cheated on her a few times and I didn't invest too much money, time or energy into the relationship. But I always came home at night & replied to her texts or calls. Not immediately but after I finished my business. I called her once that night around midnight, she never replied or called back. I was obviously in the way.

I don't know that for a fact but I'd say there's a big chance she did.

You have legitimate grounds to end a monogamous, cohabitation LTR based on what you already have. I'd end it. If she didn't cheat now, she will within 6 months.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

You really think she fell asleep on a random 54 year old ladies floor? after seeing the whatsapp convo between her and the singer?! Bro she cheating on you, and if she hasn't yet, she will. Never move in with a girlfriend. She is playing you. She is feeding her freaky kinky fantasies that you aren't fulfilling with the singer, while you provide all your non sexual time, money, and resources for her. Wake up.

 

[crikeyhanky]

You have legitimate grounds to end a monogamous, cohabitation LTR based on what you already have. I'd end it. If she didn't cheat now, she will within 6 months.

I was thinking the same thing. I never liked her job or lifestyle. Big cliché really with the singer who is quite known in my country. He sings romantic songs which most girls love. He is tall & good looking like myself, his name is almost identical to mine. Go figure...
And ofc her being intoxicated, him singing with a guitar on his lap, some other lady supposedly inviting them at her place...

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah..sounds like something happened whether she planned on it beforehand or just got caught up in the moment. Doesn't really matter...

I think you know what you want to do but are unsure of doing it maybe?

 

[crikeyhanky]

You really think she fell asleep on a random 54 year old ladies floor? after seeing the whatsapp convo between her and the singer?! Bro she cheating on you, and if she hasn't yet, she will. Never move in with a girlfriend. She is playing you. She is feeding her freaky kinky fantasies that you aren't fulfilling with the singer, while you provide all your non sexual time, money, and resources for her. Wake up.

She mentioned a woman's name in the convo. Said she left the door unlocked. I have no idea who that person is.
Yeah she prolly will at some point. He tours all over the country & frequently visits our city.
I really haven't invested that much into this relationship. That was one thing that she kept accusing me of.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

She mentioned a woman's name in the convo. Said she left the door unlocked. I have no idea who that person is.
Yeah she prolly will at some point. He tours all over the country & frequently visits our city.
I really haven't invested that much into this relationship. That was one thing that she kept accusing me of.

Invested? You live with the girl. That's a huge investment!

 

[crikeyhanky]

Yeah..sounds like something happened whether she planned on it beforehand or just got caught up in the moment. Doesn't really matter...

I think you know what you want to do but are unsure of doing it maybe?

I think she got caught up in the moment. She said he looked at her like I never have. And that she needed that. She was most likely semi drunk by then. We had sex the night before that one and she didn't remember some details of it, like where I ejaculated. She was semi drunk as well, she always remembered details like that.
When a woman tells you "we just talked/danced/kissed" it's always more than that. She said "we danced".
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna end it but needed some more info & perspective.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Invested? You live with the girl. That's a huge investment!

We ended up living together during the lockdown of 2020. Didn't plan on it, it was that conjuncture.