I dont know what this is, it could be me asking for advice I wont take or an admission of guilt. My friends call me the dumbest smart person they know and for good reason. I often fully understand the mistakes Im about to make before doing them. Ive studied psychology and human behaviour, Ive read 48 laws of power, the rational male, the art of seduction and many more books on the subject.
After 3 years of captivity, sobriety, self improvement, misery, and clawing my way back to semi freedom and a better life than I had, I want nothing more than to snort a huge rail of crank jump on my motorcycle and haul ass for 3 hours to f**k the living **** out of a woman I would throw the lot of you off a cliff for, knowing full well ill be locked back up after.
Now before you all think I'm a a**h*** I'm not, infact I'm so far from it it's my greatest problem in life. I would do anything for the people I'm loyal to or woman to the point it's caused me most of my problems in life. I can start and hold almost anyone in a conversation and make good long term friends with them. I have people all over the place I can literally show up and live on their couch rent free if needed because of that (I dont do this other than when I dont feel like riding home late at night).
So lets start with how this began.
Three years ago about two years into smoking meth and enjoying the **** out of it one of the guys living in the basement of the store I rented and lived in pulled up in the back yard. Out of his truck stepped the most beautiful forty year old woman ever to roll a bowl (Smoke meth). She was bitching at him for not having a pipe as he only snorted the ****. I stood there in F***ing awe. “I got a pipe upstairs” I say. She turned to me and smiled. She asked if she could use it. Every working brain cell was screaming “F*** yes you can”. Anyway I lead her upstairs and load the F***er up with glass we smoked we talked for a few hours like really talked like we knew each other. Then we continue or conversation in the back as I show her one of the motorcycles I was building in the back some 400cc parallel twin scrambler. At this point I'm like f*** I think I f***ing love this chick. I was looking at the bike then I turned back and she gave me this look I will never forget till the day I die she hugged me and then we just silently walked back to the front and rolled more bowls and started talking again.
Almost every day for the two months or so she came back with this weird almost ESP sense of what I needed if I did, if I needed food she brought it, if I broke my pipe she brought one. I normally was the one with dope but if she had some it was the first thing she mentioned and 8 out of 10 times she did that I was out. Shes ten years older than me and I did want to f*** her pretty bad, but I liked having her around so much I basically friend-zoned her not the other way around as has been the story of my F***ing life. Then she shows up one day mentioning some s*** happened back at home I didnt pay much attention to since she sat down next to me on the couch instead of her normal seat and got close. We f***ed and everything she said was lost to my dope soaked mind.
I should have been paying attention because she didnt show back up. I was totally depressed I had fallen completely in love with this woman the best part of every day was her showing up and now shes gone. What in the holy mother of F*** had I done. Turns out that s*** going on back home was her getting kicked out and having to move a hour and a half away. She had no phone so i had no idea for 2 weeks. It half destroyed me.
Thankfully there was the canada day celebrations that are a big deal in my town people come a long way for it and she did to. The next day I ate her pu$$y and f***ed her like it was my purpose in life and was happier than I had ever been in life because of it. H*ll a guy tried to run me down in a van later that day (Dealer I had problem with/Her ex) I was so happy I just laughed hysterically and called him a goof with all the tourist on the streets looking at me like I was insane. (I was getting there).
Then a couple days later it sinks in shes not coming back I had no licence, car or street legal motorcycles. Shes gone I start to crash then the neighbour found the extension cord that was our power supply (landlord had been plugged in ten years) and i lose my income and dope supply. Now im real F***ing depressed then its eviction for me. At this point I'm suicidal I sell some of the s*** I collected dealing and go on a 26 day meth marathon only sleeping once for three hours. I was full blown psychotic by this point at the last day of it I had been awake and active for 12 days straight I was going to crash but it was disability check day and the second that $1300 landed in my hand I got a f***ton of meth I smoked enough of that s*** to kill a normal person out of a specially made bong a buddy of mine created. Now I was truly f***ed in the head. I was on a mission to either prove I was the craziest **** around or have the cops shoot me in the head and put an end to my misery. I bought myself a jerrycan of gas and lit a police station on fire.
Woke up the next morning in jail. Lawyer said some s*** i didnt give a f*** about, at this point all I could think was now I'm really never going to see her again. Then came court my lawyer said I was mentally ill and shouldnt go to jail. Now that I got behind having no idea it was the worse option.
In my mind I thought f** say some s*** to a doctor prove im normal later be out in a few weeks. In reality I may never live a free day in my life no matter how sound my mind is. It took me three years just to live in the community again with drug test and supervision that could land me back in a hospital far worse than jail in an instant.
I may never be free again but I have changed greatly. I have motorcycles I can legally ride on the road, I have a job, I have a home with real plumbing and electricity. And now I have the opportunity to see her again. 100% the worst ****ing plan Ive ever had other than lighting up the cop shop. I'm probably going to do it anyway I really dont give a f*** how long they lock my ass up after for three years the happiest memory I had to look back on and keep me from killing myself was her.
And dont get the wrong idea here I know for a fact there are thousands of women out there much better for me a few I've even met. Theres no chance of a long term relationship here at best we may have sex and hang out. There is no F***ing rational reason for me to do this or even consider it, but I'm probably going to anyway, if I get away with seeing her and not f***ing up it'll be a damn sign from god (or satan). I spent three years proving to everyone I would not F*** up again and here I am one short phone call with her later willing to watch it all burn. Shes not the ONE for me and I know it I love her but I've loved other woman before if I dont get locked up it will happen again probably multiple times in my life I know this, but I'm still willing to f*** my s*** up over her. Why?
You people need an example of a guy getting f***ed up over a woman? THIS IS IT. Although it may not have just been her. Meth floods the brain with all the chemicals that make a person happy so I was in a state of constant bliss around this woman in some cases I would go without saving what I had left till she showed up going from near depression to total happiness as soon as she arrived. Drugs or not every moment I spent with her was happy and without regret.
After 3 years of captivity, sobriety, self improvement, misery, and clawing my way back to semi freedom and a better life than I had, I want nothing more than to snort a huge rail of crank jump on my motorcycle and haul ass for 3 hours to f**k the living **** out of a woman I would throw the lot of you off a cliff for, knowing full well ill be locked back up after.
Now before you all think I'm a a**h*** I'm not, infact I'm so far from it it's my greatest problem in life. I would do anything for the people I'm loyal to or woman to the point it's caused me most of my problems in life. I can start and hold almost anyone in a conversation and make good long term friends with them. I have people all over the place I can literally show up and live on their couch rent free if needed because of that (I dont do this other than when I dont feel like riding home late at night).
So lets start with how this began.
Three years ago about two years into smoking meth and enjoying the **** out of it one of the guys living in the basement of the store I rented and lived in pulled up in the back yard. Out of his truck stepped the most beautiful forty year old woman ever to roll a bowl (Smoke meth). She was bitching at him for not having a pipe as he only snorted the ****. I stood there in F***ing awe. “I got a pipe upstairs” I say. She turned to me and smiled. She asked if she could use it. Every working brain cell was screaming “F*** yes you can”. Anyway I lead her upstairs and load the F***er up with glass we smoked we talked for a few hours like really talked like we knew each other. Then we continue or conversation in the back as I show her one of the motorcycles I was building in the back some 400cc parallel twin scrambler. At this point I'm like f*** I think I f***ing love this chick. I was looking at the bike then I turned back and she gave me this look I will never forget till the day I die she hugged me and then we just silently walked back to the front and rolled more bowls and started talking again.
Almost every day for the two months or so she came back with this weird almost ESP sense of what I needed if I did, if I needed food she brought it, if I broke my pipe she brought one. I normally was the one with dope but if she had some it was the first thing she mentioned and 8 out of 10 times she did that I was out. Shes ten years older than me and I did want to f*** her pretty bad, but I liked having her around so much I basically friend-zoned her not the other way around as has been the story of my F***ing life. Then she shows up one day mentioning some s*** happened back at home I didnt pay much attention to since she sat down next to me on the couch instead of her normal seat and got close. We f***ed and everything she said was lost to my dope soaked mind.
I should have been paying attention because she didnt show back up. I was totally depressed I had fallen completely in love with this woman the best part of every day was her showing up and now shes gone. What in the holy mother of F*** had I done. Turns out that s*** going on back home was her getting kicked out and having to move a hour and a half away. She had no phone so i had no idea for 2 weeks. It half destroyed me.
Thankfully there was the canada day celebrations that are a big deal in my town people come a long way for it and she did to. The next day I ate her pu$$y and f***ed her like it was my purpose in life and was happier than I had ever been in life because of it. H*ll a guy tried to run me down in a van later that day (Dealer I had problem with/Her ex) I was so happy I just laughed hysterically and called him a goof with all the tourist on the streets looking at me like I was insane. (I was getting there).
Then a couple days later it sinks in shes not coming back I had no licence, car or street legal motorcycles. Shes gone I start to crash then the neighbour found the extension cord that was our power supply (landlord had been plugged in ten years) and i lose my income and dope supply. Now im real F***ing depressed then its eviction for me. At this point I'm suicidal I sell some of the s*** I collected dealing and go on a 26 day meth marathon only sleeping once for three hours. I was full blown psychotic by this point at the last day of it I had been awake and active for 12 days straight I was going to crash but it was disability check day and the second that $1300 landed in my hand I got a f***ton of meth I smoked enough of that s*** to kill a normal person out of a specially made bong a buddy of mine created. Now I was truly f***ed in the head. I was on a mission to either prove I was the craziest **** around or have the cops shoot me in the head and put an end to my misery. I bought myself a jerrycan of gas and lit a police station on fire.
Woke up the next morning in jail. Lawyer said some s*** i didnt give a f*** about, at this point all I could think was now I'm really never going to see her again. Then came court my lawyer said I was mentally ill and shouldnt go to jail. Now that I got behind having no idea it was the worse option.
In my mind I thought f** say some s*** to a doctor prove im normal later be out in a few weeks. In reality I may never live a free day in my life no matter how sound my mind is. It took me three years just to live in the community again with drug test and supervision that could land me back in a hospital far worse than jail in an instant.
I may never be free again but I have changed greatly. I have motorcycles I can legally ride on the road, I have a job, I have a home with real plumbing and electricity. And now I have the opportunity to see her again. 100% the worst ****ing plan Ive ever had other than lighting up the cop shop. I'm probably going to do it anyway I really dont give a f*** how long they lock my ass up after for three years the happiest memory I had to look back on and keep me from killing myself was her.
And dont get the wrong idea here I know for a fact there are thousands of women out there much better for me a few I've even met. Theres no chance of a long term relationship here at best we may have sex and hang out. There is no F***ing rational reason for me to do this or even consider it, but I'm probably going to anyway, if I get away with seeing her and not f***ing up it'll be a damn sign from god (or satan). I spent three years proving to everyone I would not F*** up again and here I am one short phone call with her later willing to watch it all burn. Shes not the ONE for me and I know it I love her but I've loved other woman before if I dont get locked up it will happen again probably multiple times in my life I know this, but I'm still willing to f*** my s*** up over her. Why?
You people need an example of a guy getting f***ed up over a woman? THIS IS IT. Although it may not have just been her. Meth floods the brain with all the chemicals that make a person happy so I was in a state of constant bliss around this woman in some cases I would go without saving what I had left till she showed up going from near depression to total happiness as soon as she arrived. Drugs or not every moment I spent with her was happy and without regret.
