My reaction to a flake

[darksprezzatura]

This is incredibly vague and could mean anything really, I find it really weird for a girl to suddenly just flake after 6 months of dating and use such a flimsy excuse.

Right, and I was quoting her exact words. I’m a calm laidback dude and don’t mind giving her the benefit of doubt.

But as @BackInTheGame78 caught something only experienced folks catch, there are things I’m not sharing.

There’s a gut feeling you know, things being a little erratic lately, tiny arguments popping up, clingyness, words not matching actions. The honeymoon period is over you know.

Words hold no value, it’s just actions. She knows what she did.

Just “ok” and I’m a ghost.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Its been six months and OP doesnt want to LTR her. This flake is the perfect event at the right time to drop this plate, which OP was gonna do sooner or later anyway because he doesnt want to LTR her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Right, and I was quoting her exact words. I’m a calm laidback dude and don’t mind giving her the benefit of doubt.

But as @BackInTheGame78 caught something only experienced folks catch, there are things I’m not sharing.

There’s a gut feeling you know, things being a little erratic lately, tiny arguments popping up, clingyness, words not matching actions. The honeymoon period is over you know.

Words hold no value, it’s just actions. She knows what she did.

Just “ok” and I’m a ghost.

OK now THAT makes more sense. I know exactly the stage you are talking about...the pre-dumping stage where she is likely putting out feelers with other guys and starts acting "weird" with you prior to actually making the leap to the other guy.

Yeah, if all those other things are going on then I agree this is likely the best course of action...

Actually had something similar happen with a woman I was dating a month ago or so...when we first started dating she told me how her son is involved in like 3 sports and she is constantly carpooling him all over but then said she always will make time for herself to see me because she goes to so many events otherwise she would never have any time for herself. And she did...she would always have time for me, see her once a week, bang regularly. Only is was she lived about 45 minutes from me, which I assume started wearing on her.

Fast forward to about 3 months in, all of a sudden she doesn't have time to see me one week then the next week she managed to go play in her softball league one day and meet up with friends for dinner another day but not have time for me. I see what's going on and when she said she didn't have time, I just said "OK." If she can find time to do all the other things she wants to do then it's obviously not being busy that's the issue, it's simply not wanting to see me, likely because she is using that time to see someone else.

Never got a response or heard from her since. She knew what she was doing and she knew I knew what she was doing. It's always another guy in the picture when this stuff starts happening, no matter what the excuse(s) is.

But after 6 months OP, this likely has run its course...she wants more than what you will give her so she is going to find someone that will.

 

[darksprezzatura]

The thing is @BackInTheGame78 that she’s free to date whoever she wants. I’ve made the open status clear to her. This is my general stance on women and dating.

@Dr.Suave gets it, all this probably revolves around the LTR status pressure which I’m resisting. She obviously doesn’t like having it in her head that I might be with other women and keeps being passive aggressive about it.

She’s sent me a stream of texts since. I replied following @BillyPilgrim advice to be empathetic. And things seem to look good. cc @SW15 read salvaging

Seems to me she’s just playing games to get me to commit though. Which most of us with any salt have seen

 

[darksprezzatura]

So my question to the folks here is: Is there a way to prevent plates from crashing if they start insisting for a relationship?

Or it’s just that things have run their course and nobody can really do anything about it?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So my question to the folks here is: Is there a way to prevent plates from crashing if they start insisting for a relationship?

Or it’s just that things have run their course and nobody can really do anything about it?

It's really hard. In relationship timelines there is always a time that comes where she either wants a committed relationship or she feels like she is wasting her time and then finds a guy who wants to commit to her in a relationship.

 

[Macadellic]

So my question to the folks here is: Is there a way to prevent plates from crashing if they start insisting for a relationship?

Or it’s just that things have run their course and nobody can really do anything about it?

I have plates from years ago reach out to me.

Even after they have gone off
to get married and have multiple children.

Plates spin themselves.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Update: In the last conversation, I offered her that we should talk to salvage things, she’d told me that she wants to see us get exclusive, and asked me if I wanted the same.

I responded let’s get a few drinks and talk, suggested a date; she didn’t confirm; this wasn’t acceptable to me.

Since then I ghosted her, removed social media, phone number etc. She reached out again, but this time I’m dead silent because I want nothing to do with her anymore.

Made two dates with new girls tomorrow; Got a third girl to fly me out to meet her in a different city.

Making plans to travel another country soon.


I’m working out harder, saving more money than ever. Got a new fitness goal in my mind: DUNK

FTW, let the plate crash

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If she’s a “plate” then it’s to be expected she will drift away. It’s usually faster than 6 months.

Why throw her number? By plating a woman and not committing to her it’s only a matter of time before she moves on. Women need to feel like there’s a committed relationship potential in the future for them to stick around. And even then it’s a tricky balancing act.

Women hate casual sex. I bet you don’t call her your plate to her face.

Not all women hate casual sex, but it has to fit her agenda for her to be OK with it more than a few months.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Update: In the last conversation, I offered her that we should talk to salvage things, she’d told me that she wants to see us get exclusive, and asked me if I wanted the same.

I responded let’s get a few drinks and talk, suggested a date; she didn’t confirm; this wasn’t acceptable to me.

Since then I ghosted her, removed social media, phone number etc. She reached out again, but this time I’m dead silent because I want nothing to do with her anymore.

Made two dates with new girls tomorrow; Got a third girl to fly me out to meet her in a different city.

Making plans to travel another country soon.


I’m working out harder, saving more money than ever. Got a new fitness goal in my mind: DUNK

FTW, let the plate crash

Yup...saw the writing on the wall with that one. 6 months is a good amount of time to be honest. Most plates only last 3 or 4 months.

 

[darksprezzatura]

If I had to sum up my experience, I internally thank her for showing me the right way to walk away - radio silence forever. It’s good for her and for me in the long run.

 

[manfrombelow]

she’d told me that she wants to see us get exclusive, and asked me if I wanted the same.

1. She basically gave you an ultimatum. This was where things stopped being fun.

I responded let’s get a few drinks and talk, suggested a date; she didn’t confirm; this wasn’t acceptable to me.

2. She didn't comply a date offer, which meant at this point she truly stopped being a fun & happy person to be with.

Since then I ghosted her, removed social media, phone number etc. She reached out again, but this time I’m dead silent because I want nothing to do with her anymore.

3. If I were you I'd still fvck her, probably the last time though.

Made two dates with new girls tomorrow; Got a third girl to fly me out to meet her in a different city.

Making plans to travel another country soon.

I’m working out harder, saving more money than ever. Got a new fitness goal in my mind: DUNK

4. Good. Isn't this the only correct way to live your life, as ever? Good luck brother.

 

[darksprezzatura]

@manfrombelow spot on mate.

What’s interesting is I was on the fence about considering dating her before this annoyance.

By not giving into her ask, she showed me her true colors - passive aggressive, withholding sex, leeching attention. Bullet dodged.

I’d say, as a man I should screen, sh!t test women a lot more than I do.

 

[manfrombelow]

@manfrombelow spot on mate.

What’s interesting is I was on the fence about considering dating her before this annoyance.

By not giving into her ask, she showed me her truly colors - passive aggressive, withholding sex, leeching attention. Bullet dodged.

I’d say, as a man I should screen, sh!t test women a lot more than I do.

The fact she gave you an ultimatum alone was more than enough to stop giving her your time & attention (at least for now). Bad behavior should be met with proper punishment.

Besides, when her needs and yours don't match, calling it quit is good for both parties. You guys basically stopped being compatible the moment she demanded exclusivity. You had to let her go so she could meet her needs with someone else, which is good for her, and I'm sure eventually you only want what's good for her.

Now, try your best to shift your focus onto other women, business, and your personal growth.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Female chiming in and given this new info, yeah it sounds like your typical bog-standard shyt test.

Breaking dates, pulling back hoping you move closer. She may up the ante and start bringing up other guys to evoke jealousy.

It's pretty common, I've done myself in younger days, not proud to admit..

Question is, knowing she's playing games, why the "you don't like how it makes you feel"?

If anything, you should feel flattered that she's making such an effort to shyt test you, it means she cares and is hurt and bothered you don't want to commit.

It's manipulative AF and passive/aggressive but no need to be hurt or bothered by it or whatever you felt.

This is done, there's nothing to gain by continuing when a woman wants commitment and you don't.

Except a good bang once in a awhile but it sounds like your situationship has gone beyond that and has simply run its course.

Just my take.

Thanks this was a great share and has been confirmed now

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Dude, you contradicted yourself. Having casual sex with an “agenda for a few months” implies planning ahead. Which is exactly what women do.

Women who have unplanned, impulsive sex because they love sex are an anomaly. Women always factor the guys she bangs into her future, which is the opposite of casual sex.

Not really. You are way overthinking it. Her agenda changes based on her emotions which are changing on a daily basis.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Had a date with my main plate of 6 months tomorrow, which she had asked me out on.

She cancels today saying she has to reschedule, a family thing came up. No reschedule date/time.

I said ok.

I threw her number.

She texts later saying can we talk?

I don’t respond. Maybe I’m toxic. Maybe her act was genuine. But I don’t like how she made me feel. And I don’t want to do anything with her now.

Don't be salty playboy.

It could be she got rekt from the toot beer float or legit family issues. More than likely it was **** ****.

Let it play out. Go n/c and put her on skates. Be icy AF!

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Not really. You are way overthinking it. Her agenda changes based on her emotions which are changing on a daily basis.

Always liked Julien drama. Pretending your a lumber jack &&& play wacky a mole. Spike her emotions. They need drama and unease. Being icy AF is money. The ability to flip it on is sure fire way to keep women in check. Even your most proper baeeeee that's traditional needs to be put on ice from time to time.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

A woman’s agenda is almost never casual sex. Her emotions fluctuate in other areas. Women need to be “gamed” I.e. tricked in casual sex. That’s how we get it done. We don’t pretend to be her boyfriend, but she has to feel there’s a chance. Every dude knows that. You directly ask women to have casual sex and they’ll think you’re a nerd.

You'd be surprised how open most women are to that with the right person. You seem to have a lot of theories but not much experience in actually being with women.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Men who have had real experience with women know that they don’t like casual sex, dude. It’s very obvious. Only men like casual sex, but they love to project it. Women hate getting pumped and dumped. Only a guy who’s spend his life watching porn and living in fantasy projection would think otherwise.

Casual sex doesn't mean being pumped and dumped. It just means having sex and not doing a lot of other things. Plenty of busy women/career focused women engage in some form of this