If you're out of school and don't have a solid social circle, it's pretty much over

[Epicwinguy]

Nah it ain’t over. Just take the advice of everyone here. Go out, run around in front of a girl who is out shopping, put your hand out to stop her, scream “What’s up ****!” In her face, and you will totally score!

 

[Epicwinguy]

On a serious note the best thing to do here is embrace your nerdy side. I said what I said. Stop worrying so much about what’s “alpha.” Guess what? “Geeky” things are leisurely, just like meeting women should be. Go to an anime convention or something. It’s the most underrated way of meeting women.

 

[Bigpapa]

Inspired by @Jesse Pinkman I decided to provide my own spin on the topic.

Think about it - even after you had improved your looks, got jacked, or whatever the **** you wanted to do, you will still be in the exact same postion as you are now.

You simply don't have a way of making friends - that might be because your social skills are poor, but what's more likely is that you dont even have an opportunity. There's no place for you to make friends.

The most important thing you need to have in order to form a new relationship (romantic or platonic) is TIME. You simply need to spend enough time together to become familliar.

Ever wonder why in HS even the most unprobable relationships happen? How the below average guy ends up dating the hottest girl? How the nerd befriends the football team captain?
Its because they are forced to spend time together for YEARS. Its no wonder relationships happen. They are forced to really get to know each other - not just surface level bull****.

Why is it, that as you get older, every relationship you have is pretty much just an acquaintance? It's becasue as you get older, your life get busier, so if you want to interact with a person you need to MAKE TIME for them. And that simply is nothing like HS where wasting hours on trivial bull**** is not an issue, where the environment is set up in such a way that there is 0 pressure on you - after all youre spending the next day with them, next week, next month...

In adult world, when you make time to see someone, there's immense pressure for that social interaction to be 'good' or 'enjoyable'.
But it takes a rare level of social skills and extroversion to be able to enjoy a social interaction with a person that's not familliar to you.

Let's look at the most common places people make actual lifelong friends:
Highschool
Sport
Religious groups
Extracurricular activities

What do they all have in common?
1) you join when you're young, and stay there for years
2) there is an underlying activity you do together

Now, is there a place like this but for adults? Not really in my opinion.
You have the gym - but for some reason its an unwritten rule to not talk to strangers in the gym. Especially women.
Workplace? Probably not going to be your age group, the amount of people you meet is low but nevertheless, this will be the place where you make most of your social connections
Army? Could work, but it's not for everyone, ****s up your entire lifestyle and you wont meet any women anyway.

So you dont have a place or an opportunity to meet anybody, but thats not all - there's the fact that almost everybody already has a solid friendgroup that they have had since middleschool or HS or basically since they were young. You will never reach that status with anyone. Even if you did find a compatible person, and did have the opportunity to spend enough time together, you still will be just an acquaintance to him. Why? Because he doesent exactly need a "best friend" he already has one - multiple actually. A whole group.

One more thing - lest say there is an opportunity, lets say there is a compatible person (that's looking for a friend), theres another problem - what you want to do is very likely different from they want to do. Think about it, they have spend theur entire teenage years partying, chasing girls, hanging out and doing random bull**** - so the exact thing you want to do. But they have already lived that life, how are you going to convince a 25 yo to pack his bag and go on a roadtrip with no plan and no cash to make memories? You wont. They have already done it, they are past that life chapter.

So by now there's a ****ing lot thats holding you back - weak social skills from loner teenage years, no opportunity to improve them or to even meet people, huge disconnect in values (because you are essentially a mentally stunted 15 yo) and them already having friends with years of history.


This is the biggest problem 90% of users on this site have. Not looks, looks can only speed the process up, but there is no replacement for the process of creating a bond.

that is why guys who are extroverted are also one of the most successful in seduction

i have a friend , he is so extroverted and such a social butterfly that in 6 months befriended the staff at the best clubs and bars in my city , and basically he knows almost everyone that comes there even from time to time

yeah , he spends a lot of money and tips the guys and so on , but this helps him increase his social group trendomsily . At some point a girl asked him if he is the owner

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

That's the issue whenever I post the stuff I post, people take it the wrong way and then put a very negative spin on it. As someone who peaked slightly later (high school loser that blossomed in college) but had a stellar college experience, here is my take.

Yeah, as an older guy after college, you won't be a Van Wilder type of character. As an older guy, you wouldn't even want to be a Van Wilder character. Instead, you should actually be the best version of yourself and embrace your new ceiling. For years in my twenties, I tried to be that social guy who wanted friends and it just didn't work out. Things change after college and you realize that you were only the character you were because you had to be that character.

However, once I started to embrace my hobbies and embrace being alone, doors opened.

I found that in some stretches, my social life after college almost rivaled my college social life (that's your 20s in NYC for you!). In some moments, the fun I had in college was lackluster compared to the fun at a wild party in NYC.

People sense that independence and self-fulfillment in you and later want to be a part of your life. Be that mysterious guy who does his own thing and is happy doing it, slowly people follow along. Women get curious, some guys want to invite you to their parties, and doors just open.

Even in college, the guys who had the best social life just had their passions and hobbies from which social life came from. The guys who tried for a good social life often came off on the surface as having a good social life but they were drags that others just talked about behind their backs. Same goes for the girls. These are the same guys who end up lonely after college and complain about how much life sucks when in reality, people were just around them because they had to be.

 

[MatureDJ]

It's been my experience that whenever I have tried SocialCircleMaxxing, it seems that inevitably those circles will be filled with chicks that are "3-D circles". And to make matters worse, they always seem to strongly flirt with me. I always come to the conclusion of what's the point of building up a social circle so as to be able to pick up on decent-looking chicks when that social circle is overweight (pun intended) with fat chicks. IMHO, the key to SocialCircleMaxxing is to find such a circle where there are a lot of hot chicks, but not many men; unfortunately, nature abhors a vacuum.

Nothing is as depressing as being in situation in which you are looking to pickup, and there is nothing but fat chicks around; it's tolerable at least being around slender cougars.

 

[SW15]

slender cougars.

I feel like you are misusing the term cougars here. A Cougar is an older woman who seduces younger men. I think you're referring to any slender, attractive woman in her 30s/early 40s, regardless of whether or not she is interested in younger men.

 

[Steno]

School and work imo are the by far the best environments to meet relationship material women. These type of women are generally not too interested in social activities. For me personally work is by far my favorite environment. You are at a more natural disposition to speak to your female coworkers and its easier to get 1 on 1 time with them instead of being stuck in a group interaction. In school people congregate in groups so it s tricky unless you happen to sit right next to the chick.

And I make a huge distinction between work/school and social circles. To me social circles are a group of interconnected acquaintances who meet regularly for social activities. Social circles are overrated imo because ur favorite circle that you hang out with the most is often the ones where there aren't really any hot women in them. The circles that have hot women are usually the ones where only the popular outgoing guys get with most of them, and if you hit on a girl and fail ur reputation will be ruined for the entire circle. So if your an introvert you have to already have extreme solid game to get any benefit from social circles since the dynamics work against you. I haven't met an introvert who does well in social circle environments.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

It's been my experience that whenever I have tried SocialCircleMaxxing, it seems that inevitably those circles will be filled with chicks that are "3-D circles". And to make matters worse, they always seem to strongly flirt with me. I always come to the conclusion of what's the point of building up a social circle so as to be able to pick up on decent-looking chicks when that social circle is overweight (pun intended) with fat chicks. IMHO, the key to SocialCircleMaxxing is to find such a circle where there are a lot of hot chicks, but not many men; unfortunately, nature abhors a vacuum.

Nothing is as depressing as being in situation in which you are looking to pickup, and there is nothing but fat chicks around; it's tolerable at least being around slender cougars.

And this is the benefit of a warmer climate. It's too hot to be fat.

 

[Mike32ct]

And this is the benefit of a warmer climate. It's too hot to be fat.

Yup. A Vegas taxi driver taught me that a long time ago. He said, “Son, there’s no fat people in the desert lol.”

 

[Xenom0rph]

Thanks for reminding everyone that it's over...

Looking forward to your next thread to remind us of other reasons why it's over...

 

[bat soup]

Inspired by @Jesse Pinkman I decided to provide my own spin on the topic.

Think about it - even after you had improved your looks, got jacked, or whatever the **** you wanted to do, you will still be in the exact same postion as you are now.

You simply don't have a way of making friends - that might be because your social skills are poor, but what's more likely is that you dont even have an opportunity. There's no place for you to make friends.

The most important thing you need to have in order to form a new relationship (romantic or platonic) is TIME. You simply need to spend enough time together to become familliar.

Ever wonder why in HS even the most unprobable relationships happen? How the below average guy ends up dating the hottest girl? How the nerd befriends the football team captain?
Its because they are forced to spend time together for YEARS. Its no wonder relationships happen. They are forced to really get to know each other - not just surface level bull****.

Why is it, that as you get older, every relationship you have is pretty much just an acquaintance? It's becasue as you get older, your life get busier, so if you want to interact with a person you need to MAKE TIME for them. And that simply is nothing like HS where wasting hours on trivial bull**** is not an issue, where the environment is set up in such a way that there is 0 pressure on you - after all youre spending the next day with them, next week, next month...

In adult world, when you make time to see someone, there's immense pressure for that social interaction to be 'good' or 'enjoyable'.
But it takes a rare level of social skills and extroversion to be able to enjoy a social interaction with a person that's not familliar to you.

Let's look at the most common places people make actual lifelong friends:
Highschool
Sport
Religious groups
Extracurricular activities

What do they all have in common?
1) you join when you're young, and stay there for years
2) there is an underlying activity you do together

Now, is there a place like this but for adults? Not really in my opinion.
You have the gym - but for some reason its an unwritten rule to not talk to strangers in the gym. Especially women.
Workplace? Probably not going to be your age group, the amount of people you meet is low but nevertheless, this will be the place where you make most of your social connections
Army? Could work, but it's not for everyone, ****s up your entire lifestyle and you wont meet any women anyway.

So you dont have a place or an opportunity to meet anybody, but thats not all - there's the fact that almost everybody already has a solid friendgroup that they have had since middleschool or HS or basically since they were young. You will never reach that status with anyone. Even if you did find a compatible person, and did have the opportunity to spend enough time together, you still will be just an acquaintance to him. Why? Because he doesent exactly need a "best friend" he already has one - multiple actually. A whole group.

One more thing - lest say there is an opportunity, lets say there is a compatible person (that's looking for a friend), theres another problem - what you want to do is very likely different from they want to do. Think about it, they have spend theur entire teenage years partying, chasing girls, hanging out and doing random bull**** - so the exact thing you want to do. But they have already lived that life, how are you going to convince a 25 yo to pack his bag and go on a roadtrip with no plan and no cash to make memories? You wont. They have already done it, they are past that life chapter.

So by now there's a ****ing lot thats holding you back - weak social skills from loner teenage years, no opportunity to improve them or to even meet people, huge disconnect in values (because you are essentially a mentally stunted 15 yo) and them already having friends with years of history.


This is the biggest problem 90% of users on this site have. Not looks, looks can only speed the process up, but there is no replacement for the process of creating a bond.

After I finished school, I went to teach English in Italy. Plenty of poon over there, let me tell you.

 

[corrector]

I remember having a stack of girl's phone numbers in University whereas I have like zero today. While I did not have a gf it seems more that I picked the wrong targets rather than feeling socially invisible. It is like a socially dystopian wasteland when you are out of college.

 

[SW15]

And this is the benefit of a warmer climate. It's too hot to be fat.

There is a fair amount of obesity in Texas, a hot climate state.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

There is a fair amount of obesity in Texas, a hot climate state.

It’s the culture lol. The baby boomer’s parents brainwashed us to eat like bears because of the Great Depression.

 

[thelambofdeth]

Pretty much. The older you get the harder it is to obtain a quality social circle, and college is the last real great chance of that unless you're really good-looking, rich, or just charismatic af. After that everyone already has their own groups and are sectioned off. After like 25 you're pretty much fecked if you don't have a group of your own. It's even worse these days bc a decent social circle is really the only way to meet women.

 

[Mike32ct]

A former older woman boss once went up to me at work and said:

Boss: “Mike, I feel sorry for you.”

Mike: “Oh. How so?”

Boss: “You didn’t meet anybody in college. So you’re screwed.”

Mike: “Yeah lol”

<Shrugged it off and went back to typing. But knew she was right.>

 

[SW15]

It's even worse these days bc a decent social circle is really the only way to meet women.

Then how do you explain the shrinking percentage of newer relationships formed via social circle? This is a trend that has been going on since 1990.

Pretty much. The older you get the harder it is to obtain a quality social circle, and college is the last real great chance of that unless you're really good-looking, rich, or just charismatic af. After that everyone already has their own groups and are sectioned off. After like 25 you're pretty much fecked if you don't have a group of your own.

I think it is going to be much more difficult without a social circle because you're dependent upon approaching strangers, swipe apps, or bottom of the barrel type organized events (Meetup.com groups, singles events, speed dating events). All 3 of those are more difficult and less rewarding paths to varying degrees.

A former older woman boss once went up to me at work and said:

Boss: “Mike, I feel sorry for you.”

Mike: “Oh. How so?”

Boss: “You didn’t meet anybody in college. So you’re screwed.”

Mike: “Yeah lol”

<Shrugged it off and went back to typing. But knew she was right.>

You were intuitive to perceive things this way. You acknowledging that she was correct was a step that you were grounded and had a sense of realism. The men I've known who have had the longest relationships and lesser relational grief tended to form those relationships via social circle. There is a big caveat with that. A lot of these men are beta male blue pill guys that put on a ring on it and the marriage eventually falters. So they end up paying a big price for that social circle down the line. On the front end of things, they may have some advantages as they'll have to deal with less ghosting, flaking, etc in early stage interactions.

 

[HaleyBaron]

There is a fair amount of obesity in Texas, a hot climate state.

They're so f*cking fat.

 

[RBK]

This site has become so blackpill.

 

[EyeBRollin]

And this is the benefit of a warmer climate. It's too hot to be fat.

Hot climate states are fatter. It’s too hot to go outside. The fit states are pretty cold actually (Colorado, Minnesota, Connecticut, etc)