How to socialize with women if you have a weak frame?

[MtmVaott]

I am currently going through tough times and have many problems within myself I need to take care of.

One of the things I want to tackle is to expand my social circle.
Problem is, even in the gym I get into contact with women. Not to speak of bars.

I'm not up to even bother h00king up with a woman right now.
I don't want to consciously ignore them either.

Many times, they consider me attractive at the start, and when they get an impression of my current state, that deteriorates. And that is approving my current (bad) self-image.
Another issue are their attempts to make me into their readily doormat aka orbiter as soon as it gets clear I won't become ******.

I don't know how I can convey that I am not interested but just want to get +1 acquaintance without resorting to excuse me with a made up GF.

Do you have any tips? How did you deal with women when you focused on yourself?

 

[Travel memoir21]

That's all great.

But you might want to tackle your self esteem, self validation issues first.

First be okay just by being by yourself and comfortable in your own skin.

As for making friends and building a social circle, there's plenty of ways to do this, you can research the stories on this site. There's meet up app and you can go out volunteer somewhere, take an art class at a college somewhere, you can go on Instagram and go to the 'Places' section and search the places you like to visit and there might be a local dude you can hit up and make friends with.

What you want to do is build a daily routine around your hobbies/ interests and venture out to some places you can chill where you can meet new people afterwards. When you do this, it gives off a more spontaneous and natural vibe. So if you like mma or basketball, go to a coffee shop or the park afterwards, after each sessions to maybe meet some new people. The people can sense your confidence and that you did something with your time and that you have a life.

Best of luck.

 

[Mike32ct]

You could take a break from women while you work out some of your issues. Nothing wrong with that if you decide to.

You can still talk to them here and there (socially, as acquaintances) if you like but simply not care if they friendzone you.

 

[Epicwinguy]

Prioritize your life outside of women and gain your confidence and validation from that, be it a shredded physique or a fat bank account. Become a big alpha king before hitting on women.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

You need to take a break from women until you get your shvt together. I took a long break from January to June and I already found me a girl that I'm talking to.

 

[MtmVaott]

What you want to do is build a daily routine around your hobbies/ interests and venture out to some places you can chill where you can meet new people afterwards. When you do this, it gives off a more spontaneous and natural vibe. So if you like mma or basketball, go to a coffee shop or the park afterwards, after each sessions to maybe meet some new people. The people can sense your confidence and that you did something with your time and that you have a life.

I once observed someone in a mma sports club inviting his training partner of the session to drink a coffee with him afterwards. There were no additional socializing events in this club.
Would have certainly worked in language courses I did, too.

I don't know if your approach with the relaxation after doing something demanding is suitable to meet men you have that much in common, but it's definitely rewarding in itself. I will try it after the gym.

 

[MtmVaott]

You could take a break from women while you work out some of your issues. Nothing wrong with that if you decide to.

You can still talk to them here and there (socially, as acquaintances) if you like but simply not care if they friendzone you.

I realized I fake confidence and am giving IOI's by default instead of being only polite and friendly. I will watch out to remind myself they are like staff at a hotel: You can talk to them very well, but in the end they are not there to make friends with.

 

[3agle 3yes]

Assuming you‘re talking to young, attractive women, especially at a gym, it’s hard to talk “normal” with them while letting them know you’re not interested.

Honestly, I don’t know why you don’t just ignore them until you can sort yourself out.

Personally, I flirt with all women I see regularly, even if I’m not interested in them, it’s the only way to interact with attractive women. They're not going to be your friend otherwise.

So, if you're not going to flirt, don't say anything.

 

[SW15]

Strengthen frame & deal with internal issues before pursuing romance.

 

[Mike32ct]

Strengthen frame & deal with internal issues before pursuing romance.

Yeah this point cannot be overstated.

Putting all the LMS stuff aside, I think women want a guy that has enough free “mental bandwidth” of sorts for a relationship.

If he’s encumbered by other issues, she can “feel” that and will be turned off.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Yeah this point cannot be overstated.

Putting all the LMS stuff aside, I think women want a guy that has enough free “mental bandwidth” of sorts for a relationship.

If he’s encumbered by other issues, she can “feel” that and will be turned off.

I can't believe you're in a drought.....when was your last day game approach? How'd it go?

 

[Kotaix]

Another issue are their attempts to make me into their readily doormat aka orbiter as soon as it gets clear I won't become ******.

As soon as it gets clear that you won't become... what?

If you're not interested in banging them, then what is the downside of being an "orbiter"? As long as you're not simping or going out of your way to please them, there is nothing wrong with this position.

Many times, they consider me attractive at the start, and when they get an impression of my current state, that deteriorates. And that is approving my current (bad) self-image.

Weak frame is in your mind. There are plenty of good looking guys working sh!t jobs with low IQ who don't worry about their problems and get all the poon they want.

Confidence does have to be not earned. You project it. You don't plan to change and improve yourself. You do it now. You project it.

 

[thelambofdeth]

I am currently going through tough times and have many problems within myself I need to take care of.

One of the things I want to tackle is to expand my social circle.
Problem is, even in the gym I get into contact with women. Not to speak of bars.

I'm not up to even bother h00king up with a woman right now.
I don't want to consciously ignore them either.

Many times, they consider me attractive at the start, and when they get an impression of my current state, that deteriorates. And that is approving my current (bad) self-image.
Another issue are their attempts to make me into their readily doormat aka orbiter as soon as it gets clear I won't become ******.

I don't know how I can convey that I am not interested but just want to get +1 acquaintance without resorting to excuse me with a made up GF.

Do you have any tips? How did you deal with women when you focused on yourself?

First-world problems, mate.

 

[Travel memoir21]

First-world problems, mate.

Have you travelled outside the US? Particularly third world countries?

 

[thelambofdeth]

Have you travelled outside the US? Particularly third world countries?

What does that have to do with anything. I'm pretty sure the residents of third world counties don't have the luxury of worrying about not capitalizing on the women that come to you lols. There too busy worrying about war and poverty and chit lol.

 

[bat soup]

I am currently going through tough times and have many problems within myself I need to take care of.

One of the things I want to tackle is to expand my social circle.
Problem is, even in the gym I get into contact with women. Not to speak of bars.

I'm not up to even bother h00king up with a woman right now.
I don't want to consciously ignore them either.

Many times, they consider me attractive at the start, and when they get an impression of my current state, that deteriorates. And that is approving my current (bad) self-image.
Another issue are their attempts to make me into their readily doormat aka orbiter as soon as it gets clear I won't become ******.

I don't know how I can convey that I am not interested but just want to get +1 acquaintance without resorting to excuse me with a made up GF.

Do you have any tips? How did you deal with women when you focused on yourself?

If you have a weak frame, I'd suggest making a new one out of titanium.

 

[MtmVaott]

Assuming you‘re talking to young, attractive women, especially at a gym, it’s hard to talk “normal” with them while letting them know you’re not interested.

Honestly, I don’t know why you don’t just ignore them until you can sort yourself out.

Personally, I flirt with all women I see regularly, even if I’m not interested in them, it’s the only way to interact with attractive women. They're not going to be your friend otherwise.

So, if you're not going to flirt, don't say anything.

I already ignore them. As you say, it's hard if they really catch your eye. Or if the social situation may require to deal with them, e.g. roommates, being in a bigger group, female staff etc.

I wanted to know how to deal with them in such situations. I don't want to avoid them, neither do I want to get friendzoned by THEM.
I want to be in control where I am able to go, look at and talk to, as well as to be able to set the nature of the contact (polite and friendly) myself and not the other way around.

I guess I already found out that I am miscommunicating (giving IOI's, playing aloof, rushing the rapport, instead of communicating in a polite and friendly way) with them.

 

[MtmVaott]

Yeah this point cannot be overstated.

Putting all the LMS stuff aside, I think women want a guy that has enough free “mental bandwidth” of sorts for a relationship.

If he’s encumbered by other issues, she can “feel” that and will be turned off.

Yeah I connected some dots myself now. The role of the man is to head and the woman is supportive, provides sex and comfort. At least that's what it used to be in tribal days.
Unfortunately, that what the woman gives doesn't help at all to be able to head, she is only able to support you to continue to head, e.g. tough times.
So if the man doesn't yet have the abundant energy and (mental) resources to carry one more person (the woman), it doesn't make any sense to try to shelter one more person. Similar to not start a family if you are not ready.

 

[eli77]

Jim rohn said it best you are who you hang around with.

 

[MtmVaott]

Confidence does have to be not earned. You project it. You don't plan to change and improve yourself. You do it now. You project it.

I didn't understand what you meant by this at all. I came up with one of your older posts though. This one: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/female-validation.270336/post-2862292 .
You wrote, someone who does an activity can only expect to receive the goal of the activity itself, but nothing more. If you expect more, this is something you want to externally push your self-esteem with.
In several tips floating around here and on YouTube, you'll hear something like:
Do martial arts in order to become more [manly, aggressive, alive, present, ..........].
For me this already seemed like a flawed advice, and I was never able to stick to an activity I started for such a reason.
And your post seems to underline this. And the bolded quote is making sense now as well.
"Improving" through an activity itself is deeply flawed and is mostly boosting external self esteem. I have great troubles to break away from this kind of thinking.
It would result in me doing only things I want to do because of the result itself or how I expect it would make me feel (joyful, energized, ...).

I'm not sure what you mean with "confidence". Self-trust needs to be proven by yourself by plan-action-reward patterns and by avoiding to make up excuses.
The feeling of confidence, i.e. the feeling of an anticipated action probably having a positive outcome, is the other meaning of confidence. Do you have a tip on this one?