Spent the night with girl without having sex - best way to proceed

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

You both have a point. As I said previously, I mainly blame myself for not handling this properly, so not looking for excuses.

BUT, having said that, her behavior got me confused quite a bit. First, she made it super easy for me to go back to her place; I did not even need to seed the pull beforehand, we just walked together there after the bar. But then we went to her bedroom and she was not helping things move forward at all, besides the kissing/cuddling part. She does not look like a shy girl either.I left her place a bit confused, honestly..

In contrast to the above experience, in my very first same-night lay from OLD, years ago, I again easily ended up at that girl's home. But after I made the first move to kiss her, she made it so easy and obvious for sex to happen, that only a total retard could have blown that. Same with another similar experience from OLD.
So I guess I expected the escalation to progress equally easily, given how easy it was to get back to the 'sex' location, and then ended up confused when this did not go that way.

Sounds like you did everything you could, but her interest in you wasn't high enough to fully go all the way. You were in her bed making out and touching her not, it would be a different story if you hadn't even kissed this girl or something lol. Like you said, she wasn't moving forward with it, so the only thing you could have done is basically forced yourself on her. Interested shy girls let you take the lead and move the process forward, not stop you lol. TBH, idk now because the girl that did the same thing to me the other night is blowing up my phone.

I did what I could, but she would stop things and this girl slept on my couch lol. Like low interest or shy, I'm not going to hold your fvcking hand and be aggressive 100% of the time lol. I need some girl with some aggression and initiative at least.

 

[Suave88]

I think this is good. Shows self restraint... and self respect.

You are wrong. You speak from your end point of view, what you believe it is correct, however, not from the standing point of view of her. Give women what they want when they want it not before, later, or when you want. He just show he is some nice guy, who loves to waste time and not take advantage of oportunities. Women dont understand men values. "Self restraint... and self respect" have other meanings to them.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

For sure man, I am not going to waste another change!
Only question now is what happens if a week or more passes by without her getting in touch with me. In that case I'm gonna have to choose between reaching out to her myself (even though this is not ideal) or just abandoning this option..

Next time do not spend the night if things aren't happening. My rule of thumb is I don't spend the night with a woman who isn't my girlfriend or who isn't a main plate.

 

[HaleyBaron]

I must be coming from a different pov. Seeing guys just sitting and talking with a woman as he attempts to seduce her almost feels pathetic to me these days. I was out on vacation this weekend and watching as this guy sat with a girl he was interested in, a friend of mines, and he was just talking for like an hour. It's a sad thing to see because you have this girl likely stringing him along for attention or to at least make her feel important enough to be worth even a makeout [she's not] and this guy giving her his time hoping he gets his **** wet that night. To me he could be using that time to go after other girls as this one is surely not giving him any reactions yet she like having him next to her.

 

[Billtx49]

All I know is if a woman was drinking with me and we’re having a good time, then we went to her place, she took me to her bedroom and we only kissed on her bed with no sex, then I missed the Biggest flashing green light that exists.
Now she most likely thinks I don’t consider her good enough to have sex with…
It’s basically a rejection

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Hello everyone!

Yesterday night I went out on a first date with a girl I met from online dating. The chemistry was very good and after going to two bars back-to-back, we ended up back to her place together. Even though we made out a bit, I failed to escalate fully so we did not have sex. We just made out, cuddled etc and then slept together.
The reason I failed to escalate is not such a huge mystery btw: I've been super focused on my career over the past few months, and this was the first date that led to some action after quite a while. So I was pretty much 'out of it'. The fact that she had just moved to my city from another state did not help things either, as she was clearly tired and fell asleep quickly. The main blame is on how I handled it, though.

Next morning (which was today) we kissed and chatted a bit more and then I left. Obviously I'm well aware that I might have crossed the 'point of no return' and might end up getting friendzoned, which is quite annoying to think. But I want to take my shot and see if this can be saved. Aside from my failure to close, she was really into me, and quite hot, so it's worth another chance.

How would you guys handle this situation? Should I text her or should I wait and see if she texts me first? If we end up chatting again, I was thinking of inviting her over to my place in the coming days, or something along those lines.
Any advice or thoughts appreciated!

This might not be a popular opinion as I've come to notice a lot of penis-brain-behavior here but I think its good you held back. Any guy could have given her a good f***. I think it speaks volumes when a guy can hold back, it speaks about their values and who you are as a man with a sense of self-aware value that you can hold back and enjoy the discovery phase. Not many guys are willing to make a woman wait, it is usually (95%) the woman that makes men wait. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships. If you can be both, you have the upper hand.

Even if you too wanted to f*** but didn't for whatever reason, and she has high interest, trust me, you'll get another chance. If she moves on, then she simply is low/medium interest and you don't want to chase those.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Suave88]

Hello everyone!

Yesterday night I went out on a first date with a girl I met from online dating. The chemistry was very good and after going to two bars back-to-back, we ended up back to her place together. Even though we made out a bit, I failed to escalate fully so we did not have sex. We just made out, cuddled etc and then slept together.
The reason I failed to escalate is not such a huge mystery btw: I've been super focused on my career over the past few months, and this was the first date that led to some action after quite a while. So I was pretty much 'out of it'. The fact that she had just moved to my city from another state did not help things either, as she was clearly tired and fell asleep quickly. The main blame is on how I handled it, though.

Next morning (which was today) we kissed and chatted a bit more and then I left. Obviously I'm well aware that I might have crossed the 'point of no return' and might end up getting friendzoned, which is quite annoying to think. But I want to take my shot and see if this can be saved. Aside from my failure to close, she was really into me, and quite hot, so it's worth another chance.

How would you guys handle this situation? Should I text her or should I wait and see if she texts me first? If we end up chatting again, I was thinking of inviting her over to my place in the coming days, or something along those lines.
Any advice or thoughts appreciated!

I believe a lot of guys in here are missing the point. You dont want anymore signs from a woman. She doesnt have to tell you ****. You are in her place, and in her bed. That is all the signs you need. She may have said no,lets talk some more just to come across not as a hoe, but this is a weak wall, crumbling down. You only need to push it. She justs wants you to do it. So fvck her.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I believe a lot of guys in here are missing the point. You dont want anymore signs from a woman. She doesnt have to tell you ****. You are in her place, and in her bed. That is all the signs you need. She may have said no,lets talk some more just to come across not as a hoe, but this is a weak wall, crumbling down. You only need to push it. She justs wants you to do it. So fvck her.

I fully disagree with this post. If she says no then back off. If she’s doing this no means yes bullshvt then she’s displaying toxic extremely behaviors and that’s something I’m not trying to be part of. If a girl wants to have sex with you then she will have sex with you, it’s not rocket science.

 

[HaleyBaron]

I believe a lot of guys in here are missing the point. You dont want anymore signs from a woman. She doesnt have to tell you ****. You are in her place, and in her bed. That is all the signs you need. She may have said no,lets talk some more just to come across not as a hoe, but this is a weak wall, crumbling down. You only need to push it. She justs wants you to do it. So fvck her.

A lot of guys also don't realize that theyve been conditioned to think anything beyond her consent is rape or rapish. A woman wants you to feel her breast. She wants you to put your hands on her without asking. She wants you to command her. That's how they get turned on. This *****footing with being afraid has killed tons of opportunites for modern men who have no idea otherwise.

 

[Suave88]

I fully disagree with this post. If she says no then back off. If she’s doing this no means yes bullshvt then she’s displaying toxic extremely behaviors and that’s something I’m not trying to be part of. If a girl wants to have sex with you then she will have sex with you, it’s not rocket science.

I am speaking from my experience and not from my standing point of view. I am not giving my opinion. I am speaking facts. My expirience is more than twice and each time, I was never wrong. In my experience naked women have came out of the rest room to laid in bed next to me and go as far as to say no, only for me to take lead. Another has come out with see thru braw, sat in front of me and watch me talking conversation fillers for her to grab my hand and take me to her bedroom and say lets talk in bed. So talk in bed???????? That is all I need because in my mind there is something off here and I dont need to ask for any more clues, before she realise I am stupid dude who dont get it. Now.....how is he gone fix what he did???? I dont know. I dont know that there is anything to fix. I would have to follow him to see how things develops from this point.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

A lot of guys also don't realize that theyve been conditioned to think anything beyond her consent is rape or rapish. A woman wants you to feel her breast. She wants you to put your hands on her without asking. She wants you to command her. That's how they get turned on. This *****footing with being afraid has killed tons of opportunites for modern men who have no idea otherwise.

A girl saying No to sex is completely different than a girl wanting a guy to take the lead during intercourse.

 

[HaleyBaron]

A girl saying No to sex is completely different than a girl wanting a guy to take the lead during intercourse.

Both are the same as far as I am concerned.

 

[Suave88]

A girl saying No to sex is completely different than a girl wanting a guy to take the lead during intercourse.

This is a girl who allowed you in her place, and her bed...........not some girl off the street you are still trying to conquer at the bar, paying her for dinner, giving her gifts.....hoping you can get a kiss or get to kiss her. This girl has already broken all the rules, given all the signs, and probably smoking wid, chewing gum,or chatting just so you, you can have more time to make up your mind.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I am speaking from my experience and not from my standing point of view. I am not giving my opinion. I am speaking facts. My expirience is more than twice and each time, I was never wrong. In my experience naked women have came out of the rest room to laid in bed next to me and go as far as to say no, only for me to take lead. Another has come out with see thru braw, sat in front of me and watch me talking conversation fillers for her to grab my hand and take me to her bedroom and say lets talk in bed. So talk in bed???????? That is all I need because in my mind there is something off here and I dont need to ask for any more clues, before she realise I am stupid dude who dont get it. Now.....how is he gone fix what he did???? I dont know. I dont know that there is anything to fix. I would have to follow him to see how things develops from this point.

I understand, but your experience with two toxic sloots shouldn't determine the standard for all men. What you said can easily be misinterpreted and lead a guy down a terrible path. A rape allegation is not worth upping your number count! I understand taking the lead, but once the woman says No then you need to fvcking stop. If the woman is joking with you then seriously fvck that bish, she will be a heat case later.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This is a girl who allowed you in her place, and her bed...........not some girl off the street you are still trying to conquer at the bar, paying her for dinner, giving her gifts.....hoping you can get a kiss or get to kiss her. This girl has already broken all the rules, given all the signs, and probably smoking wid, chewing gum,or chatting just so you, you can have more time to make up your mind.

none of this means she consents to have sex with you! I can have sex with a woman for the first time and still get her consent. If you seriously cannot do this and it destroys your game then you need to really reconsider your approach to women and life.

 

[Suave88]

I understand, but your experience with two toxic sloots shouldn't determine the standard for all men. What you said can easily be misinterpreted and lead a guy down a terrible path. A rape allegation is not worth upping your number count! I understand taking the lead, but once the woman says No then you need to fvcking stop. If the woman is joking with you then seriously fvck that bish, she will be a heat case later.

Now you know more than I, and even dare to say and called the two girls I called sloots........ Boy....fear never conquer anything.
Rape does not happens like this. I tell you this. In another ocassion and with another girl,I have been allowed to sleep in her place,but in the sofa and in the living room. This didn't lead me to her room and her bed. She never offered it and so I never went after it. So it ended like thjs friends, only friends. You need to learn how to read signs, and not live in fear.

 

[Suave88]

none of this means she consents to have sex with you! I can have sex with a woman for the first time and still get her consent. If you seriously cannot do this and it destroys your game then you need to really reconsider your approach to women and life.

What more consent you want from a woman........???????? I have never had a woman tell me lets go ****. Never!!!. I make a room reservation or she does it. We party and drink, have a good time and go to sleep together. One thing leads to the other.... You dont understand your ground. You have Communication problems. I speculate you have missed many clues and thus many chances. It really sounds like you are insecured and need the woman to undress you, kiss you, and do everything for you....

 

[Gamisch]

Sounds like you liked her a little bit too much and that made you hold back(unnecessarily imo). The devil is in the details. How long you cuddled, what position did you sleep in, what was she wearing? Did you tried anything and did she reject you(some women love to play innocent and test you like this).

Though I understand people saying its shows character and discipline to restrain yourself, it has to come from a genuine place of abundance. If you wonder days later whether you still have a change or not is different from a man that is simply puts a woman on hold and decides he doesn't wanna bang. Bc that can be next level boss shyt.

In other words, a man who has so many options ( and a empty sack) that he can "afford" to hold back. Bc that means you are in control , and this will affect your demeanor and the interaction during this encounter ; a calm confident man vs a anxious unsure man.

I would just be a dogg and hit her up bc you have nothing to lose at this point . She is on OLD so its safe to assume if this same situation occurs with any other dude she will "just bang". Just hit her up and set a new date and be a little more aggressive next time .

 

[HaleyBaron]

Another situation of me "raping." Girl and I have a good time out. We are about to leave. I sit with her and make out with her. My hands start feeling everywhere. She doesn't resist cause I'm not an idiot and know she wants me. We go back to my place and ****.

If we act like Jake, we bow our heads, say what a lovely date it was, and ask for a second date in hopes that she is more obvious in giving him signs to **** her. Then after the tenth date of flaky texts, he starts to realize maybe she won't **** him after all. So he goes onto the next woman in repeat.

 

[IKO69]

Rape? lololol. She was basically screaming to get ****ed - From OP's description he was with her in bed kissing her and pretty much did everything besides putting the p in v. The only reason that did not happen is because the OP did not establish control and take the lead. She did everything that was required on her part - women are leery of letting men who where they live much less allowing into their apartment and showing their bedroom because of the obvious connotations (and yes when this happens 99% of the time she expects you to rail the **** out of her).

These kinds of ideas are exactly why some guys hesitate too much- they overthink things and then screw everything up. Upon entering she wasn't just going to unzip OP's pants, take his **** out and start blowing him like in a porno - that's nowt how it works in real life. She did clear the path for him, made it VERY EASY and like I had said, all OP had to do escalate further (which he admitted he did not do) and he would've succeeded.

Listen OP, try not to dwell too much on this misstep, especially if you are a newbie, but know pretty much whenever you are invited into a womans apartment and especially make it into her bedroom, you have the greenlight to smash.