What we can learn from Depp v. Heard.

Fruitbat

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This is all true but I want to bring up an opinion of mine which is that in most cases, a man's actions will cause a woman to lose respect for him and as a result, she will begin acting disrespectful to him. This is especially true with blue pill guys, or guys who haven't yet fully learned RP and how to handle women perfectly... like how not to get dragged down into arguments/fights/debates/circular-discussions while still listening to her and stating your point, as well as how to employ silence and distance. On the other hand, I firmly believe that when it comes to crazy women with rage/control issues, their disrespecting you does not originate from something you did causing them to lose respect for you nor does it mean they don't have respect for you; it is simply something they do to everyone close to them as a manifestation of their own internal emotions that they are unable to control. I know this might sound strange but another way of putting it is that a woman acting disrespectful toward you doesn't necessarily mean she has lost respect for you. Of course, if you tolerate the disrespectful behavior, then yes of course she will then also lose respect for you. Women also like to test men to see where the line is and to feel their strength; it helps them trust the man.

But at the end of the day:
- If she is acting disrespectful because she has lost respect for you, the proper action is to walk away.
- If she is acting disrespectful because she has mental problems but still has respect for you, the proper action is to walk away

The only reason I bring this up is because if you walk away from a crazy woman who acted disrespectful to you (the first and EVERY time she does it), she will beg you back like crazy. The girl I dated would have photos of us together printed and attach them to five-page hand-written letters and send them in the mail to me since I had blocked her on text, phone, social media, etc. The letters would go on and on about how I'm the most amazing man she has ever dated and that I'm perfect for her and that she knows we can make it work and that she knows he has things to work on herself and that she will get counseling and make changes blah blah blah. I'd never seen anything like it. YET, when I took her back, in days to weeks, she would have an episode and disrespect me again, which would cause me to respond the same away and walk away from her. Nothing ever changed for more than days or weeks. Women like this do NOT change, but there is a difference between them, and a woman who just needs to know your boundaries and will honor them once she understands them.

So some women just need to understand where your line is, and unless you walk away and ensure she knows you will never look back, then she will never truly know where your line is. This is why my advice, and how I operate, is that you should give all women one, maybe two chances before walking away for good and not going back no matter how much she begs or how hot she is or how amazing the sex is. But it depends on the severity of her disrespect too. But if the disrespect wasn't awful, I really believe giving her one chance after you walk away is necessary if she is someone you want to keep seeing; she needs that to understand where your line is and that you mean business. Another one or more violations and then you just need to accept that she either doesn't respect you, or she is a crazy b*tch who will forever be unable to control her emotions, just like Amber Heard.
This.

If most men think they can have an LTR with a woman which doesn’t involve some nagging, bitching etc, then good luck to them.

I mean, what man alive can say even he’s done the same? You’ve never had a rough day and been abrupt or distant with your wife?

as you say, the mistake most men make is getting drawn in.

Every month I get the week where she’s either in a hole of despair, or mad about something.
trust me, if you try to enforce boundaries at that point, an emotional woman is not shrinking back into some submissive frame. It is the worst thing to do at that point, women are not like that, by and large, if you try to enforce boundaries and ultimatums, a hormonal woman will want to burn her life to the ground.

correct approach is to ignore and walk away. 30 mins later it’s like it never happened.

If it’s actually abuse, and not just some hyper emotional drama queen, by all means get out. Usually it’s just some teenage drama nonsense.

Thing is, as men, we are protectors and leaders. Anger is something which is supposed to be reserved to protecc, not attacc.

I have a 2 year old daughter. She screams and has tantrums. You don’t beat the shyt out of your kid and enforce boundaries, they will hit you and do whatever it is you asked them
Not to. The more I evolve as a man, the more I recognise my wife’s occasional hissy fits come from the same place and the right way to deal is in the same way I deal with my toddlers. Largely, you ignore it. It’s not personal, it’s their emotional issue and you only set boundaries and intervene if you’re in danger - or if they are.

Most Dudes(my former self) judge it by their own standards.

I have a friend who is still single at 43 despite not wanting to be. He is wealthy and succesful. I asked why he is still single. He said “it’s always ok for a few months and then I get some crazy shyt”

i had to explain to him, this is just how chicks are, you can’t generally enjoy the positives of a woman without these negatives. I think it was a revelation to him.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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It's simple... crazy does not get better with time. If your friends are telling you a chick is bad news... LISTEN TO THEM.

The SECOND you get a whiff that a chick is crazy... leave. If a woman ever gets to the point where things get so bad that you think you are about to lose your temper... leave.

Depp's problem here is that he tried to make something work that was NEVER going to work.

Don't try to 'help' her, don't think you can change her, making yourself miserable does not make someone happy.

When a chick loses her temper and and starts to rage against you, grab your keys... get in your car... and drive away... get a hotel room and figure out a time where you can go to the house and get your sh1t. This is where having female friends (or sister, cousin etc.) come in handy, bring them with you because you two are going to be fighting over stuff... understand that any 'stuff' you have isn't worth fighting over. Get out with as little cost as possible and be glad for your freedom.

We can all sit around and b1tch about how unfair things are... I suspect that Depp is really the victim here... but he never should have hung around this stupid situation. NOW THIS A A FACT: Your relationship chick can scream at you, throw things at you.... hitting you... she can even actually hit you. But if you hit back even ONE TIME, the court system will hold YOU accountable. Is it fair? NO IT ISN'T, but it is reality.

“He is free to evade reality, he is free to unfocus his mind and stumble blindly down any road he pleases, but not free to avoid the abyss he refuses to see.” ― Ayn Rand
Was a booth call. Should have been kept there. Nothing more. Typical modern woman.
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Firstly I’d like to say kudos to Johnny Depp for having the courage and conviction to put his personal life on display. He only did this because as ugly as some of his behavior was (drugs, booze, self destructive) he was utterly certain the facts were on his side regarding her libel and slander and false accusations. I’ve been through domestic violence court as a legit victim. The facts of my story never changed. Not from the initial report, not in deposition, not on direct exam, not on cross exam. Consistency because these were facts. All evidence supported those facts. The defendant literally made things up on the stand, his story waffled and changed, you could see him figuring out his story on the fly. He admitted to doing what he did on the stand in fact and tried to categorize it as self defense. It was incredulous and the judge saw through it entirely. The more he talked the deeper he dug himself in his narcissistic arrogance.

When I saw the video of Amber Heard on the stand she exhibited the same types of behaviors. Inconsistency in her versions on events from one telling to the next, hestitation while she tried to make up things on the fly, justifications for her behaviors as a means to downplay her as a bad apple and assign blame to him. Narcissistic arrogance with a healthy dose of “poor me” thrown in.

A close friend of mine was married to a woman worse, much worse than Amber. He has been divorced from her some 12 years now. He followed the trial with great interest and was pretty emotional upon learning the verdict. She fled the country once the court system saw through her. She is a Kiwi and fled home, never to return. She embezzled 3 million dollars from my friend (wired it to NZ) and abandoned their son at age 12. My friend managed to hang onto his house in the end but for a long while he and his son lived out of my friend’s car since the ex-wife had placed an injunction on him living in his own home. I’ve never seen anyone with a worse situation.

And my friend stood accused of all manner of abuse, which was entirely false.

It is about time that abusive women be held to account for abusive behavior. Any person who is abusive should be held to account if necessary, and each case must be dealt with individually. In my case the offender was male; in Depp’s case and my friend’s case the offender was female.

Depp’s case will become a hallmark case in acknowledging before a court of law (which becomes case law other cases can cite) that this kind of behavior (Amber’s behavior) is actionable. That may benefit others.

But the more important thing is not to remain involved with serious crazy. That is the mistake that gets you in trouble…the decision to stay once the actual reality has begun to reveal itself.

I was pleased to see the decision in favor of Depp.
 

RangerMIke

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Ranger has this been your experience in the military?
I have seen it. But there is a thing in the Army called a "Family Support Group"... in many ways the women that are in these wife's groups do a half-way decent job of policing other women in the group. It's a real sub-culture and unless you've actually been part of this you really can not understand how all this works. But there is a level of expectation of behavior that is a bit more disciplined than normal American society. If you have a situation where a male soldier has an abusive wife... well... he actually has a great deal of support as well. If he is enlisted, he can go to his First Sergeant, tell them what is going on, and he'll get assigned a place in the barracks and everything is fine, there is counseling support and ultimately if the wife can't get her sh1t together... she is out on her @ss... and the wives group will support you because they don't want a crazy @ss chick around anymore than you do. If the soldier is an officer, he can go to his commander and get placed in a BOQ.

Crazy @ss violent sh1t isn't tolerated in family housing or on base.

HOWEVER, if a male soldier or officer tolerates bad behavior from his wife, and he does not report this, and she effectively hides her temperament from other wives in the group (which you will have to trust me on this, is hard to do)... and something happens where the wife gets injured, especially if there was alcohol involved... depending on the soldier's commander, he could be in for a world of hurt.

I have only ever been in all male infantry units, so I can not speak for units with both male and female soldiers, but in infantry units we never really had problems with wives until the unit was deployed... when the wives were left on their own... if you had senior officer and senior NCO wives that were active in the family support group, they did a pretty decent job of policing the younger women... but there were problems.

When I was a commander if I even got a wiff that there was a potential domestic abuse problem, I ordered the solder or officer in to bachelor housing, sent them to counseling which they were obligated to attend, and as long as things didn't change they stayed separated until they left my command. This is something you can not do in civilian society since mental health support just isn't available.
 

eli77

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I have seen it. But there is a thing in the Army called a "Family Support Group"... in many ways the women that are in these wife's groups do a half-way decent job of policing other women in the group. It's a real sub-culture and unless you've actually been part of this you really can not understand how all this works. But there is a level of expectation of behavior that is a bit more disciplined than normal American society. If you have a situation where a male soldier has an abusive wife... well... he actually has a great deal of support as well. If he is enlisted, he can go to his First Sergeant, tell them what is going on, and he'll get assigned a place in the barracks and everything is fine, there is counseling support and ultimately if the wife can't get her sh1t together... she is out on her @ss... and the wives group will support you because they don't want a crazy @ss chick around anymore than you do. If the soldier is an officer, he can go to his commander and get placed in a BOQ.

Crazy @ss violent sh1t isn't tolerated in family housing or on base.

HOWEVER, if a male soldier or officer tolerates bad behavior from his wife, and he does not report this, and she effectively hides her temperament from other wives in the group (which you will have to trust me on this, is hard to do)... and something happens where the wife gets injured, especially if there was alcohol involved... depending on the soldier's commander, he could be in for a world of hurt.

I have only ever been in all male infantry units, so I can not speak for units with both male and female soldiers, but in infantry units we never really had problems with wives until the unit was deployed... when the wives were left on their own... if you had senior officer and senior NCO wives that were active in the family support group, they did a pretty decent job of policing the younger women... but there were problems.

When I was a commander if I even got a wiff that there was a potential domestic abuse problem, I ordered the solder or officer in to bachelor housing, sent them to counseling which they were obligated to attend, and as long as things didn't change they stayed separated until they left my command. This is something you can not do in civilian society since mental health support just isn't available.
Nice post as always sound like an episode of Jag or the unit I have plenty of guys in but none got married when they were in which is probably a good thing
 
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