I dumped her, now I want her again

[Murk]

Hey everyone, I hope you're all well, eating healthy, sleeping well and working hard or masturbating into oblivion playing COD, makes no difference to me.

Anyway I broke up with a girl I was seeing due to me not wanting to commit to babies/life together which she was pushing. Felt like we were going in circles and I feel I can find someone physically more attractive. Talking more about babies rather than building a life together and what that looks like, it feels like she's got baby fever and nothing stopping her.

Emotionally, spiritually, and religiously we are compatible. Her nature is submissive and feminine, she lets me lead, she supports and uplifts me while I work crazy hours on my business. However I'm not completely won over by her looks, she's not ugly, just not my type and I always think about other women so I guess I can't really be in "love"?

Anyway, dump, no contact, go harder in gym, cut out alcohol, load up OLD apps, time to reboot the roster, the usual, stuff this isn't my first rodeo

HOWEVER.

She reaches out, I invite her to my place for some wine we bang, she leaves the next day. Happens a couple of times over the next month or 2. I decide to pull back as this isn't what healing is about. She tells me she went for drinks after work with a guy she met the previous week, I made light of it, I honestly didn't care (much), this weekend she comes over we bang, it's more sensual and something in me has taken over. She's going for dinner with this guy Friday and I'm SO JEALOUS. Of this girl I didn't give 2 ****s about. Now it feels like I love her and need to rekindle. I feel like I'm obsessed with this women just from knowing she's going on a date and may be gone forever.

I'm behaving so irrational, I'm behaving like I did when my crazy ex left and I originally joined this site. A mess.

I do love this women and care about her, but need to let her move on, which I was doing successfully up until now.

I feel like telling her not to go on the date and to talk through our problems/logistics of what we went from the relationship.

The sex is fire though.

Anyone has ex's they hook up with and then catch feelings again stronger than they had before? I'm fully aware this is likely jealous/nostalgia on crack but I have been thinking about this girl non stop, everything, I'm behaving like a simp.

 

[RangerMIke]

The reason you dumped her has not gone away. So unless you have changed your mind and now want kids and a commitment, you need to spend time with women that want what you want.

Like the late great Doc Love once said "You get on chance per lifetime per women."

It's like taking a bite of a dish, not liking it, sticking it in the refrigerator, then taking it out to re-heat it in a microwave thinking 'maybe' you'll like it after it's been reheated. Sure you are hungry, and that nasty dish is right fvcking there, it would be easy to pull it at and you'd be eating in 5 minutes. Sorry this attitude is just crazy... it is much better to put on your clothes, go to the store and buy something you like.

 

[Murk]

The reason you dumped her has not gone away. So unless you have changed your mind and now want kids and a commitment, you need to spend time with women that want what you want.

Like the late great Doc Love once said "You get on chance per lifetime per women."

It's like taking a bite of a dish, not liking it, sticking it in the refrigerator, then taking it out to re-heat it in a microwave thinking 'maybe' you'll like it after it's been reheated. Sure you are hungry, and that nasty dish is right fvcking there, it would be easy to pull it at and you'd be eating in 5 minutes. Sorry this attitude is just crazy... it is much better to put on your clothes, go to the store and buy something you like.

Ranger Mike doing the Lord's work. Great post, sometimes as men we get caught up and forget and just need to hear it from someone else.

It's just sad when someone you have a deep connection to is not for you.

 

[RangerMIke]

It's just sad when someone you have a deep connection to is not for you.

Yep... it does suck. I've lost a number of women that I REALLY liked and really connected with, but after rational analysis I realize it's not going to work.

I have one now... OMG, I was nuts about her... off and on for 6 years. Well, she found a dude that is willing to commit, and they are getting married in July. Out of the blue, she wants to meet this Thursday... I know what is going to happen if I do show. She is going to give me ONE LAST CHANCE. Fvck... it is tempting.... but I declined. If I showed up and said, "Let's go to Vegas now and get married", she would be do it. But then... months later I would be kicking myself in the @ss for having no emotional self-control.

I don't care who you are or how much awesome 'game' you might have we all go thought this sh1t because we are human.

 

[Barrister]

Many times being the dumper is harder than the dumpee. Second guessing is much easier since it always feels like you could have it back if you want - which isn’t the case as the dumpee. The thing is, like Ranger told you, the problems that made you think it was time to move on haven’t disappeared. Also, she is setting this up to burn you. At this point and with the passage of time she has moved on and your attempt to rekindle this is only going to be a source of pain for you if you go any further down this route and line of thinking.

I’m sure the sex seems great - but my advice, having been in your situation a couple of times myself, is find other pvssy to bang and leave this alone at this point. You are playing with fire given the emotional strings attached.

 

[RangerMIke]

6 years? Dude that is CRAZY. Are you going? Keep us posted on that. Very intetesting Mike.

No... too much chaos, but I was tempted. It's a long story, but the guy she is engaged to is so crazy about her that he is ignoring the fact that they don't have much in common... they come from completely different cultural backgrounds... and a lot of this is starting to surface. He is a great guy really, but the love hormones have dulled his senses.

I've been down this road with her before, this isn't the first fiancé or serious BF I've meet she had.... I think this dude knows what's likely to happen and that is one of the reason's he is pushing for a quick marriage, they have been dating for a year, and only got engaged a month ago. The poor bastard thinks that once they are hitched and she moves with him to Houston, everything is going to be 'great'.

She's pushing 40... and the wall is coming. This is where her mind is.

Her sister actually texted me last night with "What in the f**k are you doing!!!?" My response is nothing... her family would love to just see her married off, and like I said, this is a great guy from a wealthy family. I told her sister "NOTHING", that her sister is apparently AGAIN, having doubts. I told her that I have NEVER gotten in her way, have always stepped aside when another dude shows up... she always calls me, or in one case showed up at my house naked under her coat.

So yeah... it's a soap opera sh1t show that I'm going to avoid.

 

[Serenity]

Anyway I broke up with a girl I was seeing due to me not wanting to commit to babies/life together which she was pushing.

She's probably not going to stop wanting that, everything else is irrelevant. As long as this incompatibility exists there's no chance that a LTR is sustainable. Better to let it go now, the inevitable end will only become more bitter and disappointing if this goes on until it's no longer your choice to end it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you are basing a major life decision that you are not compatible with on great sex then you deserve the unhappiness that is destined to come your way and she deserves to find someone that is compatible with what she wants.

 

[Gamisch]

it's even happened to me as a woman,

My first thought was that this is typical female wishy washy behaviour, and now a woman is like , "even me" , am I missing something? Perhaps has something to do with the fact is mostly women dumping

Anyway, perhaps now he's realizing her true value. And she did just what we tell all men on this forum right? She moved the f on . Now this thread seems like we are in a parallel universe ,Mike she read the forum and made him the woman and she is in the male role. This is stuff you'll read a lot on reddit r/ relationships from women.

Recently had a discussion with a homeboy who had a girl like that, great woman submissive but he wasn't physically attracted. Dumped her for a hot blonde psychopath which made him suffer for years.

Still imo this is a really interesting thread. What's more valuable for a men? A "good " woman or a "hot" woman? Maybe OP does want babies ect?

 

[Murk]

Update:

I text her yesterday "I think it's best we both go our separate ways you deserve to move on. Please block me and I'll do the same."

She then called me on telegram (the only thing I didn't block her on), I delete her but she still got through. The call when something like this:

Her: Why did you block me
Me: I don't want a conversation with you, you're moving on and I don't want to stand in your way (looking back I probably should have waited before blocking immediately to give her some closure)
Her: I still love you I haven't moved on
Me: Where are you going on your date?
Her: (pause and smiling) names a famous top restaurant in London

At this point I was like **** this, going to a top restaurant on a second date, that burned me for some reason. I was done. I told her I can't do this, stop contacting me.

She calls from another number at 10pm and we speak for an hour, she says she will not go on the date and come see me instead to talk.

I'm thinking to stay away from her despite how much I want this.

 

[Murk]

My first thought was that this is typical female wishy washy behaviour, and now a woman is like , "even me" , am I missing something? Perhaps has something to do with the fact is mostly women dumping

Anyway, perhaps now he's realizing her true value. And she did just what we tell all men on this forum right? She moved the f on . Now this thread seems like we are in a parallel universe ,Mike she read the forum and made him the woman and she is in the male role. This is stuff you'll read a lot on reddit r/ relationships from women.

Recently had a discussion with a homeboy who had a girl like that, great woman submissive but he wasn't physically attracted. Dumped her for a hot blonde psychopath which made him suffer for years.

Still imo this is a really interesting thread. What's more valuable for a men? A "good " woman or a "hot" woman? Maybe OP does want babies ect?

Haha! You're right, and it is female behaviour. She's trying to move on, the guy is divorced with 2 kids so it's not a great start.

I do want kids, soon, my business that I've slaved over for 2 years starting from my bedroom, is now at a place where I can financially support a wife and kids with a good life. I think the compatibility we have regarding kids is a big draw for me. I also feel kids are the issing part of my life at this stage.

I've been smashing women for a long time, I got jaded from dating and casual sex before meeting this girl and I still don't look forward to dating.

 

[SoSuave666]

Before your child like conversation with her I would have said this has happened to me before. You just need to realize it is 100% your ego wanting something that you cannot have.

But after that conversation it’s clear to me how immature you are. You’re not man enough to end a relationship and stick with your decision.No, you want to create as much drama and as much turmoil as possible. The problem is, if this girl comes back you’ll havegreat Sex for a few months and then all the problems will return. You’ll break up again.

This woman deserves the life and family she wants. You are getting your rocks off by preventing it and making sure she is still attached even though she’s trying to move on. Grow up. You’re acting like a woman. And honestly, if I remember you correctly from other posts/threads you Are someone who thrives on drama. Craves it. Like a woman.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

The sex is fire though.

She got baby rabies so that makes perfect sense.

 

[Murk]

Before your child like conversation with her I would have said this has happened to me before. You just need to realize it is 100% your ego wanting something that you cannot have.

But after that conversation it’s clear to me how immature you are. You’re not man enough to end a relationship and stick with your decision.No, you want to create as much drama and as much turmoil as possible. The problem is, if this girl comes back you’ll havegreat Sex for a few months and then all the problems will return. You’ll break up again.

This woman deserves the life and family she wants. You are getting your rocks off by preventing it and making sure she is still attached even though she’s trying to move on. Grow up. You’re acting like a woman. And honestly, if I remember you correctly from other posts/threads you Are someone who thrives on drama. Craves it. Like a woman.

I agree in parts. Yes that’s me, I used to crave drama and my life was chaotic. I’ve calmed down from 2019 onwards and I try to stay drama free as I worked on my business (then covid).

It’s not me trying to prevent it and get my rocks off, I blocked her, told her to date and move on!

But now I can’t help think I was being superficial and constantly thinking the grass is greener, as the thought of living with her is actually a good idea and I’ve always liked when she stayed over weeks at a time. Or maybe you’re right and it’s ego based

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree in parts. Yes that’s me, I used to crave drama and my life was chaotic. I’ve calmed down from 2019 onwards and I try to stay drama free as I worked on my business (then covid).

It’s not me trying to prevent it and get my rocks off, I blocked her, told her to date and move on!

But now I can’t help think I was being superficial and constantly thinking the grass is greener, as the thought of living with her is actually a good idea and I’ve always liked when she stayed over weeks at a time. Or maybe you’re right and it’s ego based

So if you want kids then what's the problem? You initially stated you didn't.

Look man...people get this idea that there will be this perfect time in their life for various things to happen. Guess what? There never will be. Life doesn't work like that. There will always be something that comes up that makes the time less than perfect.

 

[Murk]

So if you want kids then what's the problem? You initially stated you didn't.

Look man...people get this idea that there will be this perfect time in their life for various things to happen. Guess what? There never will be. Life doesn't work like that. There will always be something that comes up that makes the time less than perfect.

I feel in my heart I need kids and now I can afford them. But having kids has always been a fear of mine my whole life, scared to mess it up, such a big decision, I’ve seen and lived **** childhoods, just typing this is giving anxiety. I never feel good enough or sane/stable enough to be a father, but I don’t do drugs I drink less and I’m staying home/working all the time. So surely I have nothing to fear? People make having kids look easy, even poor people, I must be able to handle it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I feel in my heart I need kids and now I can afford them. But having kids has always been a fear of mine my whole life, scared to mess it up, such a big decision, I’ve seen and lived **** childhoods, just typing this is giving anxiety. I never feel good enough or sane/stable enough to be a father, but I don’t do drugs I drink less and I’m staying home/working all the time. So surely I have nothing to fear? People make having kids look easy, even poor people, I must be able to handle it.

Then make a vow to yourself that you'll be better to your kids than your Dad was to you and then make that your life purpose. I promise you, you will never find something more fulfilling in your life than raising your kids.

 

[Murk]

Then make a vow to yourself that you'll be better to your kids than your Dad was to you and then make that your life purpose. I promise you, you will never find something more fulfilling in your life than raising your kids.

But do you need to find "the one" to get married and have kids? That was always the plan, now I'm not bothered for the marriage, just wondering if holding out for the 24 year old thats a 10/10 and compatible with me, to settle down with is worth waiting for when I want kids soon and to start my own family (I literally have no family or siblings).

 

[SoSuave666]

But do you need to find "the one" to get married and have kids? That was always the plan, now I'm not bothered for the marriage, just wondering if holding out for the 24 year old thats a 10/10 and compatible with me, to settle down with is worth waiting for when I want kids soon and to start my own family (I literally have no family or siblings).

What????? The one? Are you a 12 year old girl?

Look, the truth is something about this girl wouldn’t allow you to commit to her. Your gut was telling you no for whatever reason. And now that someone else has stuck their hand in “your” cookie jar you are mistaking jealousy and ego bruising for “love.” Something you had as “yours” for so long finally has started believing you when you said you wouldn’t commit to her and is going out on dates with other men. Soon she will have their c0cks in her mouth and getting pounded by them too. Stick around and find out.

Women seek commitment from men. Good high quality women Won’t stick around without A commitment for long, usually 6 months tops. She gave you more time than you probably deserved and you STILL wouldn’t commit. Sounds like she’s in her 30s which means she is now HUNTING for a man who can give her what she wants (babies, marriage, commitment). You should know priorities for women change and at this point in her life she can’t make the ultimate sacrifice and forgo children all because of you.

Let her go, she has started the process of moving on. Your ego won’t let it happen and all you will be doing by prolonging things is making it harder for each of you to find a better person in the future. Most men have been in your situation, your gut is not wrong. Whatever reason you had to not commit to her will resurface after a couple months of being back together. You’ll start feeling like you settled, and that is NOT the place you want to be. Be a man, pick up your brass fvcking balls, and stick with your decision. It was the right choice.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

But do you need to find "the one" to get married and have kids? That was always the plan, now I'm not bothered for the marriage, just wondering if holding out for the 24 year old thats a 10/10 and compatible with me, to settle down with is worth waiting for when I want kids soon and to start my own family (I literally have no family or siblings).

You need to find someone who you are attracted to, have good chemistry with and who you believe to be a good person and someone who would make a good mother. Nobody can answer if this is the case with her but you.

If you are simply basing it on looks then I don't like your odds.