divorced mom with kids - advice

[markalem]

recently redpilled.
matched with this older single mom (im 37 she is 40) with two kids on a dating app.
i am 5.10, 190 lbs, and not obese (bench 2 plates for 5, overhead press a plate for 8 and squat regularly).
high income, never married. wont rate my looks, but got compliments in the past.

very busy (work 12 hours a day and work many weekends).

single mom is lower status but has her home and drives a luxury car (not sure if paid or sponsored by ex). I would say she is

had her enter my frame, she initiated all texts. texts often. went for drinks (she drove 40 minutes to meet since i was busy and wouldnt drive 1.5 hours to meet her).

later that same weekend met for drinks again and went back to her house. i didnt have protection (as i wasnt planning on going for sex that date) and we pretty much had a very intense make out session.

she invited me again for dinner at her place. that day, she played hard to get and said no sex until i get to know you better, so i soft/hard passed her and became very lukewarm that night and left early. She texted the next day that "i changed attitude" once she told me "no sex" and that one of her friends brought to her that "I" might only be looking for sex. I told her this won't work for me. i also clearly expressed i am not looking for long commitment, and simply to spend the few moments of free time doing something fun with someone fun. I told her since this is not her desire, we should not proceed further. She agreed implicitly and that this is not what she is looking for (after triple texting) She asked if i liked her better, i would have wanted a commitment, and i indicated that even if it was monica bellucci going angelina jolie with steve jobs brain, i would not be looking for commitment as its my principle.

She went radio silence for 5 days BUT then she texts again that she thought about it and would still like to meet get together if i am up for it.

so now, i feel she completely entered my frame. My questions:

1) do you see any danger of proceeding with her as a plate status? she is 40 so will make sure not to impregnate her, but id like some opinions and wisdom regarding this situation.

2) i flat out told her "i do not like kids" i know this sounds like a psychopath, and i do like kids, but i intentionally told her that so she doesnt try to make me meet her kids.

3) i am a REALLY busy guy, and she can only meet every other weekend (since she has kids 50%) so that works great or me. i honestly wouldnt even be spinning any other plates. if she flakes and it fizzles, i can look for someone else, but i seriously have no time for dating. my life is very regimented but i dont want to be a monk and need an intimacy outlet.

thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Expect a barrage from forum members saying that they'd never date someone with kids, a single mom, over 40 etc..and/or that you should not. In other words, we have a lot of flexers and prancers on here; that in reality are so unlucky that they would probably jump at the opportunity with a seventy year old.

If she's really game, then you invite her to your place. Otherwise, she's holding a carrot. If you meet elsewhere, she may follow through or she may not. And if she doesn't, she will feel a quasi sense of empowerment.

If she does agree to meet at your place, your odds will be better if you warm her up a bit before heading to the bedroom. She could have the desires of a wh0re, but she (at this stage) needs to feel desirable - rather than only objectified.

From personal experience (speaking about recycled ex's and some FWB's) if you leave them feeling good, some-what appreciated and desired, they'll be a lot more accommodating.

Be sure to follow up and let us know how things went.

 

[markalem]

Expect a barrage from forum members saying that they'd never date someone with kids, a single mom, over 40 etc..and/or that you should not. In other words, we have a lot of flexers and prancers on here; that in reality would probably jump at the opportunity with a seventy year old.

If she's really game, then you invite her to your place. Otherwise, she's holding a carrot. If you meet elsewhere, she may follow through or she may not. And if she doesn't, she will feel a quasi sense of empowerment.

If she does agree to meet at your place, your odds will be better if you warm her up a bit before heading to the bedroom. She could have the desires of a wh0re, but she (at this stage) needs to feel desirable - rather than only objectified.

From personal experience (speaking about recycled ex's and some FWB's) if you leave them feeling good, some-what appreciated and desired, they'll be a lot more accommodating.

Be sure to follow up and let us know how things went.

Thanks so much for chiming in.

i preferred that i go to her house and not bring her to where i live for multiple reasons. she actually wanted to come to my place. i live a very minimalist lifestyle and i dont even have a TV! i literally spend all my time at work. I might get a TV now and one of these streaming services just to be able to host )

We did hook up twice. the first time she was ready for sex, but i didnt want to do it on the 2nd date (and didnt have protection). the 3rd date she brought that stuff up with "getting to know each others better". i was oscillating between being an alpha and a beta and she want me to be in the beta bux square. i moved to the alpha square with the hard pass i gave her.

 

[EyeBRollin]

This women is recreational use only. Why are you messing with a 40 year old divorced woman with kids?

I’d first confirm if she actually is divorced and not “separated.” If she checks out, invite her directly to your place for dinner. If she declines, delete her number.

Men, older women with kids are a complete waste of time unless you have kids of your own.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

I wasn’t there but this is just a hunch. I’m guessing your decision to turn her down for sex date 2, despite it being a semi-valid reason of no protection (could have easily have bought some during the date), probably resulted in her feeling like she had to turn you down in turn for doing it to her so she didn’t appear like a slvt. It’s a pretty classic move for her with her anti-slvt defense kicking in.

That said - her reaching back out means she really digs you. If you want to make her a plate you can - but keep in mind this has a finite shelf life. She clearly really likes you and you won’t be able to string her along forever even though you’ve been clear that you don’t want something serious with her. She is banking on you changing your tune eventually. So be ready for putting up with some drama sometime down the line.

 

[2Rocky]

If you don't want to become involved in her family life, you need to position yourself as the "getaway" from her everyday grind of work , family, and finances. You need to be her little Sex-Vacation.... If she is in your town that is a little harder than if she has to travel out of town to be with you...

Don't be as available as you might be if you wanted to develop a relationship. Find out what nights are free for her, and schedule an overnight date and make it clear that is what it is. Going to a cabin "at the lake" or in the mountains is perfect for this.

 

[markalem]

Thanks everyone

@EyeBRollin : In my mind, I thought a younger 20s woman will be more drama, more needy,and a diva.

I thought that given that she is divorced and busy with kids and work, she will be less needy and this will give me more time to do my own work and keep her as a FWB unspoken arrangement.

My goal is merely sexual intimacy and I don’t have time to fly to vegas eveytime I need this. I pretty much gave her a disclosure that I am not looking for anything permanent or committal and she still came back. I didn’t view it as waste of time because ill be getting what I need, hang out, eat out, watch a movie and get laid. I hope I don’t sound banal or vulgar.

@Barrister : you got it right I think. I really am paranoid and would not have sex before ample evidence (by texting) that the woman is pursuing me. With false rape accusations etc i erred on the side of delaying sex until I accumulate more SMS texts. Maybe I am too paranoid, but better safe than sorry. This is why I didn’t go for sex.

You are correct she digs me a lot, and doesn’t spare an opportunity to express it. My conscience is clear because I upfront told her im not looking for anything committal. But you are absolutely right I can clearly see that the agenda here is to have me change my mind over time. I thought by disclosing intentions, id protect/spare myself from drama, but you are alluding that this wont be the case.

@2Rocky:

This is a brilliant suggestion. She lives 50 minutes away (so not in the same town).

 

[Dr.Suave]

Expect a barrage from forum members saying that they'd never date someone with kids, a single mom, over 40 etc..and/or that you should not. In other words, we have a lot of flexers and prancers on here; that in reality are so unlucky that they would probably jump at the opportunity with a seventy year old.

Why good sir. You are always spot on but that was a bit harsh.

I dont know where this uncalled for bashing is coming from. I always say If I can pull childless girls, I prefer them childless, but I have also said that if someone likes single moms, that´s cool, to each their own.

Its like if I would´ve written something along the lines of "You know what OP, expect a barrage from forum members telling you its perfectly ok to date single moms. Dont listen to them, they just say that because they are so unlucky that they are not able to pull childless girls anymore, they would jump at the first single mom who opens her legs".

 

[Black Widow Void]

Why good sir. You are always spot on but that was a bit harsh.

I dont know where this uncalled for bashing is coming from. I always say If I can pull childless girls, I prefer them childless, but I have also said that if someone likes single moms, that´s cool, to each their own.

Its like if I would´ve written something along the lines of "You know what OP, expect a barrage from forum members telling you its perfectly ok to date single moms. Dont listen to them, they just say that because they are so unlucky that they are not able to pull childless girls anymore, they would jump at the first single mom who opens her legs".

Nothing wrong about calling me out for harshness. Admittedly, I can be that way at times.

I admire those that can fight fire with water. It’s a quality that I lack, therefore, for me it’s fire vs fire.

 

[RickTheToad]

For fun and practice, go for it. Make sure you wrap it up and take the condom with you. You can flush it down the toilet too. Also, make sure she has a full STD screening prior to fvcking. She's probably not just fvcking around with you...

 

[EyeBRollin]

Thanks everyone

@EyeBRollin : In my mind, I thought a younger 20s woman will be more drama, more needy,and a diva.

I thought that given that she is divorced and busy with kids and work, she will be less needy and this will give me more time to do my own work and keep her as a FWB unspoken arrangement.

You’re good man. “Recreational use only.” Do confirm if she is actually divorced though. Get that clarified. She could be lying and still legally married (“separated”). Women are trouble enough. Don’t catch a bad situation with an old hag.

 

[markalem]

She said she got divorced 3 years ago (interestingly still has her married last name)
Is it POSSIBLE that she is separated for 3 years?!!?

 

[2Rocky]

She said she got divorced 3 years ago (interestingly still has her married last name)
Is it POSSIBLE that she is separated for 3 years?!!?

Possible but I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[SW15]

This is a terrible prospect on all levels. Older than you, 2 kids, and lives 50 minutes away. You need to screen better.

 

[RickTheToad]

Way to encourage low value behavior.

I would hope that most users on here wouldn't jump on a 70 year old. In fact, I'm sure they wouldn't.

For OP, the point of not dealing with divorced women is that it brings PAIN to the man. It's not about the sex. Divorced, single moms are ruthless man-eaters who can't pair bond.

Men are lonely and they are seeking companionship where they shouldn't. Seeking companionship from a divorced woman with kids is like trying to make friends with a Great White Shark.

Umm.. What's your aversion to sharks? Guess you have a problem with toads too??

 

[BackInTheGame78]

recently redpilled.
matched with this older single mom (im 37 she is 40) with two kids on a dating app.
i am 5.10, 190 lbs, and not obese (bench 2 plates for 5, overhead press a plate for 8 and squat regularly).
high income, never married. wont rate my looks, but got compliments in the past.

very busy (work 12 hours a day and work many weekends).

single mom is lower status but has her home and drives a luxury car (not sure if paid or sponsored by ex). I would say she is

had her enter my frame, she initiated all texts. texts often. went for drinks (she drove 40 minutes to meet since i was busy and wouldnt drive 1.5 hours to meet her).

later that same weekend met for drinks again and went back to her house. i didnt have protection (as i wasnt planning on going for sex that date) and we pretty much had a very intense make out session.

she invited me again for dinner at her place. that day, she played hard to get and said no sex until i get to know you better, so i soft/hard passed her and became very lukewarm that night and left early. She texted the next day that "i changed attitude" once she told me "no sex" and that one of her friends brought to her that "I" might only be looking for sex. I told her this won't work for me. i also clearly expressed i am not looking for long commitment, and simply to spend the few moments of free time doing something fun with someone fun. I told her since this is not her desire, we should not proceed further. She agreed implicitly and that this is not what she is looking for (after triple texting) She asked if i liked her better, i would have wanted a commitment, and i indicated that even if it was monica bellucci going angelina jolie with steve jobs brain, i would not be looking for commitment as its my principle.

She went radio silence for 5 days BUT then she texts again that she thought about it and would still like to meet get together if i am up for it.

so now, i feel she completely entered my frame. My questions:

1) do you see any danger of proceeding with her as a plate status? she is 40 so will make sure not to impregnate her, but id like some opinions and wisdom regarding this situation.

2) i flat out told her "i do not like kids" i know this sounds like a psychopath, and i do like kids, but i intentionally told her that so she doesnt try to make me meet her kids.

3) i am a REALLY busy guy, and she can only meet every other weekend (since she has kids 50%) so that works great or me. i honestly wouldnt even be spinning any other plates. if she flakes and it fizzles, i can look for someone else, but i seriously have no time for dating. my life is very regimented but i dont want to be a monk and need an intimacy outlet.

thanks for sharing your thoughts.

She tried to see if you would fold and when you didn't it raised her attraction level because now she thinks you must be getting laid a lot since you are so willing to walk away...

She will likely rape you the next time you come over.

 

[RickTheToad]

Big Sharks, like divorced women, need to be admired and respected for the awesome beasts of nature that they are.

I probably wouldn’t date a toad either. Although they are fascinating creatures too.

Why thank you. . We try.

 

[Slowhandluke]

So be ready for putting up with some drama sometime down the line.

Some people like drama. I do not.

positives: sex, intimacy (sorta because you will just be putting up a front)
negatives: you will just using her for sex, there's going to be drama

I couldn't do it because I'm not cold harded that way. Deep down inside, I'm still a pu55y to be honest. You be you though.

 

[RickTheToad]

negatives: you will just using her for sex

Not sure how that's a negative.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Not sure how that's a negative.

What if I told you the girl you are dating is using you only for your money? Is that a negative or a positive? I can see both sides but I feel that it's not a good thing.