Ex Girlfriend - Stopping me from being at the birth

[MT93]

This is where you went wrong:

You never want to be seen as the cause of a rift or exploiting a rift between your girl and her parents -- particularly her father. Once that happens, regardless of the truth of the matter, you will be viewed in an adversarial light. Even if you fail, you always want to make an effort to reconcile her with her parents, because you really don't want to be in a relationship with a girl with unresolved daddy issue. Besides which, by attempting to repair the parent-child relationship, you soften your relationship with her parents, and trust me when I tell you that your chances of having a successful husband-wife relationship are multiplied when you have a healthy relationship with her parents. You don't want to be the guy who "stole their little girl away," and from whom they're always attempting to get her back.

Do it properly, and her parents may even come to prefer you to their own daughter (more common than you might think). Get a chipn on your shoulder, though, and you'll be retiring your spurs...sooner or later. Trust me.

So with this, and i mean this in the nicest way - i approach the meeting, set out how i am going to look after them both for the forseeable and raise no grudges at all.

What if she has told them things that arent neccessarily true? Do i still then continue to apologise and show how I will make it all better?

What im asking is, so how would you approach it?

 

[MT93]

I have zero personal experience with divorce, family courts, custody battles, weekend fatherhood, etc. I have only witnessed what friends have gone through, and some of it was horrific.

One buddy's ex-wife was able to constantly get his child-support raised, even beyond his actual income....so that he was always behind on payments. His ex didn't really care about the money, because her new husband had plenty; she just wanted her new husband to adopt my buddy's kids, and to force my buddy to give up custody; so, she waited until just before every holiday when my buddy was supposed to get his kids, and had him thrown in jail. She had a great lawyer. I've seen others alienated from their kids, to the point that the visitations were basically just an obligation, and they were powerless to mitigate the damage their exes were doing to their kids. From my perspective, that's Hell.

Fuuck that. If you can't keep your kids' mother under your own roof, you probably aren't going to be making any parenting decisions remotely, either. No offense. Just my observation.

Oh, and I do know a couple of guys who did succeed in getting full custody of their kids. So, it's not impossible.

Come to think of it, I also know of one situation where the father of the child won full custody away from his baby-momma, although they were both very young, were never married, and never even lived together. That's what good lawyers will accomplish.

This has now become a reality....

For those of you not familiar with my story please feel free to read over this thread.

I am based in the UK firstly (as I feel that may change the dynamic - especially around courts etc)

Following on from this - my daughter is now 4.5 months old.

To keep a long story short me and her mother are no longer together - the response from one of the SS guys quoted above has become a reality. And he is right - this is my reality of hell. It is horrendous

I have not seen my daughter in 10 days and how things are going it doesn’t look as if it will be changing anytime soon

Given how this panned out just before the birth I should have known it could have turned out like this.

I must add there has been no abuse , violence or major issues during the relationship.

We broke up due to our own issues and it seems this is the way I am paying for it.

Could really use some support right now guys I am feeling very much isolated and alone right now - very down and defeated.

MT

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I dunno man. This just sounds like a dysfunctional mess you have going on.

Was it always this way?
Did you just see it with rose colored glasses because the sex was good?

I feel this is what happens when two people know they aren't right for each other but stay together for whatever reasons it ends up being. Maybe it's just because it's more comfortable than starting over, maybe due to good sex, maybe because you both really wanted it to work even tho you know it won't...

Now you have a kid on the way and are on the hook for 18 years+ of financial support and having her in your life and she is going to constantly try and pull power plays on you and hold your kid hostage.

Honestly I can't disagree with her about not wanting her in an environment where there is smoking tho. I wouldn't want that either.

 

[RusMwas]

Could really use some support right now guys

I am in your situation my man. How have you been? I gained much insight from the comments in this thread and are wishing myself luck.

 

[MT93]

I am in your situation my man. How have you been? I gained much insight from the comments in this thread and are wishing myself luck.

i am better my friend. Still have the issues but from a different perspective now.

I fought through the legal system. And I now have regular time with my daughter 2x per week minimum overnight.

my advice is fight for your child - never give up.

remove the power play by using the law and give her no option - the law does favour the woman but providing you are not violent and no safeguarding concerns you should be treated fairly.

me and my ex tried again and the same outcome happened - we broke up - she is now with somebody else who is around my child.

I can hold my head up though and say we left it all on the line to try and salvage the relationship.

my advice - be strong - document everything and the most important always always try and be the bigger person. Shoot me a DM if I can help any way friend.

 

[MT93]

Most likely the parents don't like you and are poisoning her against you. Likewise she hates you even though the child is her fault as well, but she blames you.

for anyone still reading this thread. 2 years later and following all the back and forth - custody battles - trying again - discussions etc

This is what happened… ^^^

 

[mrskinnypantz]

What’s up guys. Long time since I’ve been a posted on here - still keeping an eye though.

Got a big situation man , well in my opinion.

My girlfriend and I broke up around 3 weeks ago - well she left and moved back to her parents. We had been up and down for some time.

She was 8 months pregnant at the time of moving back home. We agreed to work on it (now with obviously more space) and tried to do so.

It was still difficult - stresses of lockdown and having a baby - life stress etc. We weren’t the perfect couple but there was no infidelity or serious sinister stuff that went down. It would be more bickering and arguing more than anything.

Last week, she grabbed me at breakfast and said we needed to speak (after staying the night)

Number 1 she said - I need to say the baby won’t be coming to your mums when she is born - I don’t like the fact she smokes and the house is quite small.

I didn’t want to argue so explained I would speak with my mom and for the beginning stage would stay with her to support etc

Number 2 she said -we need to speak about the name. Our relationship is quite unstable and I don’t want her having your last name.

Like a knife to the heart - had many plates in my time and fair share of sh1t but this one hurt like no other.

I said I would have to agree to disagree and asked her to leave

There is now 2 weeks of pregnancy left. She hadn’t reached out in about 5 days - I shot her a text last night saying I want to be there and if she can let me know if any developments with labour etc - 0 reply

Called today following some advice from my pals who said as the man to step up - declined the calls and text saying “I will call you when I am ready”

When she left my house she also mentioned about not wanting me at the birth and I have heard from mutual friends she will be taking a family member. I am devastated to be honest.

I know what it’s like to be in a disjointed situation and that’s not what I wanted at all..

Usually quite cool and can handle these situations - struggling with this one though. Extremely difficult to be honest. Hard to not lose my sh1t completely and blast her but I’m trying to avoid that 100%

She holds all the cards right now and I’m very aware of it.

There’s potential for her to have this baby and I may not even know - and the name.....well she could name her absolutely anything and I wouldn’t have a say in it.


help, please!

Thanks in advance.

In my Opinion you dodged a bullet , birth's are very awkward.
You got all these random men rubbing and touching on your girl , the nurses are rude asf.and if she's mad or bitchy this is only going to make things worse
It's a weird situation