Since my laptop's gone to **** I gotta keep this short. Gotta use the android. I may whip out the laptop soon because I like to log things.
So here's the scoop:
I have been a massive train wreck of a man for about 3 years now since my BPD wh0re of a girlfriend that also had a sweet side to her scrambled my brains through gaslighting, cheating, verbal abuse and more, all while I had a court case going against me. As a result of which I started using drugs (i know, it's retarded). So i have been a complete and utter helpless individual.
Somehow I managed to get accepted by an engineering company to write my thesis there and I completed it last week. During this period I took up boxing and gradually weened myself off the drugs. It's a miracle but I can say im on the road to recovery and have a certain amount of self control now (let's not cheer too soon though).
During this period I also read a lot of books (Crime & Punishment by Dostoyevsky is an awesome experience to read). I also stopped fapping and made it around 1 month for 2 consecutive stretches.
I got myself some good supplements (lion's mane, ashwagandha, ginkgo biloba, haritaki, ginseng and cordyceps). Cordyceps is great for your shlong btw.
Anyways, after reading the book, in which a murderer finds redemption for his crimes through submitting to fate itself and perhaps hoping that god might help him, I have followed along this path somewhat.
I find great strength and pride in not watching porn, being a good person, not taking anything from anyone, not being afraid to speak my mind, having some discipline and cultivating my male sexual energy a little bit. Its good to be a man and not to allow women to control you, or drugs to control you.
So, reason im typing all this is that i just wandered into a bar last night, got a phone number, texted it, and I aint getting a response. Now. That's not the ****ing problem. She can fvck off. What I dont like is that she is wasting my time for her personal enjoyment.
Its disappointing when you think you got something good, and it turns out to be crap. Couldnt really expect much less could I. All those women in the bars are full of sin. Everybody is full of sin. They have no morals, no framework to go by except their own narcissism.
Now me, walking around, focussing on myself and honing myself into a better man has been very enjoyable and I havent been bothered even by my ego at all. It's a relief to just stop chasing the dragon of *****, drugs and respect all the time.
Though I do want respect and find that authentic respect is only acheivable down this path.
I may read more about god, spirituality, abstinence, cultivating male sexual energy, how to be an effective and understanding communicator, and more.
Though I get bored sometimes of just reading and when I mingle with people 99% of people are morally bankrupt and it's exhausting.
So that's my update.
Im also gradually getting into magnificent shape and I will expose myself to the game in a few months time once my martial arts are up, my discipline is up and my mental capacity is up.
Can't wait boys. It's a wonderful path to follow.
So here's the scoop:
I have been a massive train wreck of a man for about 3 years now since my BPD wh0re of a girlfriend that also had a sweet side to her scrambled my brains through gaslighting, cheating, verbal abuse and more, all while I had a court case going against me. As a result of which I started using drugs (i know, it's retarded). So i have been a complete and utter helpless individual.
Somehow I managed to get accepted by an engineering company to write my thesis there and I completed it last week. During this period I took up boxing and gradually weened myself off the drugs. It's a miracle but I can say im on the road to recovery and have a certain amount of self control now (let's not cheer too soon though).
During this period I also read a lot of books (Crime & Punishment by Dostoyevsky is an awesome experience to read). I also stopped fapping and made it around 1 month for 2 consecutive stretches.
I got myself some good supplements (lion's mane, ashwagandha, ginkgo biloba, haritaki, ginseng and cordyceps). Cordyceps is great for your shlong btw.
Anyways, after reading the book, in which a murderer finds redemption for his crimes through submitting to fate itself and perhaps hoping that god might help him, I have followed along this path somewhat.
I find great strength and pride in not watching porn, being a good person, not taking anything from anyone, not being afraid to speak my mind, having some discipline and cultivating my male sexual energy a little bit. Its good to be a man and not to allow women to control you, or drugs to control you.
So, reason im typing all this is that i just wandered into a bar last night, got a phone number, texted it, and I aint getting a response. Now. That's not the ****ing problem. She can fvck off. What I dont like is that she is wasting my time for her personal enjoyment.
Its disappointing when you think you got something good, and it turns out to be crap. Couldnt really expect much less could I. All those women in the bars are full of sin. Everybody is full of sin. They have no morals, no framework to go by except their own narcissism.
Now me, walking around, focussing on myself and honing myself into a better man has been very enjoyable and I havent been bothered even by my ego at all. It's a relief to just stop chasing the dragon of *****, drugs and respect all the time.
Though I do want respect and find that authentic respect is only acheivable down this path.
I may read more about god, spirituality, abstinence, cultivating male sexual energy, how to be an effective and understanding communicator, and more.
Though I get bored sometimes of just reading and when I mingle with people 99% of people are morally bankrupt and it's exhausting.
So that's my update.
Im also gradually getting into magnificent shape and I will expose myself to the game in a few months time once my martial arts are up, my discipline is up and my mental capacity is up.
Can't wait boys. It's a wonderful path to follow.
