Should I even contemplate moving in with her?

[andy87]

Good days folks, my current situation is I have been in my LTR just shy of 3 years, I own my house and she still stays with her parents, for the last few months my girlfriend has been hinting of wanting to move In together or both of us buying another house and me renting my house out, question is I don't know if 3 years is long enough to know if this is the right thing to do or not, I know you can't tell until you actually move in with someone. My question is should I do it to see how it goes or should I stand my ground? Thanks Andy

 

[HaleyBaron]

Don't move in. It's tempting cause your feelers are getting compromised. You're regressing to beta needs.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Dude if you don't know her after 3 years you are never going to know her. This sounds more about you likely being comfortable with being with her rather than really actually wanting to be with her.

If you don't want her to move in then don't, but I think you should probably be honest with her and yourself as to why. She wants to build a life with you and if you don't want the same thing cut her loose or just hang on for her to cut you loose after realizing she is wasting her time wanting more. After this long, it's either sh!t or get off the pot time with her.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Agree with HaleyBaron. In my experience, moving in with a girl is a death sentence to the relationship. Still don’t know how normies can do it and not get nexted immediately

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Agree with HaleyBaron. In my experience, moving in with a girl is a death sentence to the relationship. Still don’t know how normies can do it and not get nexted immediately

No...the death sentence comes from doing it because SHE wants you to do it rather than YOU wanting to do it.

Most people are simply in relationships out of comfort not because it's who they actually really want to be with.

A lot easier to hide this when you have alone time. Not so easy when you are around the person constantly.

 

[SargeMaximus]

No...the death sentence comes from doing it because SHE wants you to do it rather than YOU wanting to do it.

Most people are simply in relationships out of comfort not because it's who they actually really want to be with.

A lot easier to hide this when you have alone time. Not so easy when you are around the person constantly.

Even still, how regular couples keep going if it was the girls idea is beyond me. Especially since pua wisdom says the man shouldn’t push for a relationship

 

[Black Widow Void]

If you've been with her for three years and your decision could weigh upon advice given from forum members (whom you do not actually know nor do we know the dynamics of your relationship) .. my advice is don't do it.

 

[dude99]

Good days folks, my current situation is I have been in my LTR just shy of 3 years, I own my house and she still stays with her parents, for the last few months my girlfriend has been hinting of wanting to move In together or both of us buying another house and me renting my house out, question is I don't know if 3 years is long enough to know if this is the right thing to do or not, I know you can't tell until you actually move in with someone. My question is should I do it to see how it goes or should I stand my ground? Thanks Andy

If after 3 years you still have questions or doubts that should answer your question right there.

Ask her how she feels about signing a sort of pre-nup should things not work out.

Her reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know.

 

[Kotaix]

Does this cause you to cross the line as far as common law goes in your jurisdiction? Be very careful of going into a financial commitment with a woman because it can be the legal equivalent of getting married.

Should you move in with her is a question only you can answer really. Do you like her? Is the sex good? Can you put up with her for LONG stretches of time? Is she ultimately subservient to you because you are her man?

I wouldn't buy a house with her, but moving in is a necessary step towards vetting her.

 

[EyeBRollin]

No disrespect, OP but I have to ask:

Why are you in an LTR with a girl for 3 years? She should either have a ring or you should have dumped her by then. This will not end well.

Idk why guys insisted on these long term dead end relationships.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

No disrespect, OP but I have to ask:

Why are you in an LTR with a girl for 3 years? She should either have a ring or you should have dumped her by then. This will not end well.

Idk why guys insisted on these long term dead end relationships.

Kinda how I see things...either you want to move forward with them or you don't and after 3 years it's sh!t or get off the pot time. Actually probably way past it. Pretty obvious as to why.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Kinda how I see things...either you want to move forward with them or you don't and after 3 years it's sh!t or get off the pot time. Actually probably way past it. Pretty obvious as to why.

I don’t see why carrying on a long term relationship without getting married or moving in together can’t be an option

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Good days folks, my current situation is I have been in my LTR just shy of 3 years, I own my house and she still stays with her parents, for the last few months my girlfriend has been hinting of wanting to move In together or both of us buying another house and me renting my house out, question is I don't know if 3 years is long enough to know if this is the right thing to do or not, I know you can't tell until you actually move in with someone. My question is should I do it to see how it goes or should I stand my ground? Thanks Andy

I often see questions here that only the OP would know. This is true in your case. No one can tell you whether it's the right move or not. Most answers will be based on their experience which is always and will always be subjective and circumstantial.

As another member hinted, you should know after 3 years. If you don't, that is an indicator you have your reservations which makes me believe you are not ready or want to move in with her.

Moving in with someone can be tricky, but it is NOT a relationship killer if it is a mutual decision and you are both in a solid place. It WILL be a relationship killer if only one side is pushing for it and genuinely desires it but the other doesn't.

Take your time to reflect and search within yourself. The key is not to rush and make a hasty decision either way.


Modern Man Advice

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don’t see why carrying on a long term relationship without getting married or moving in together can’t be an option

Because at the end of the day it takes two people to be in a relationship. A woman wants that commitment after a certain amount of time and either you are going to give it to her or she will find someone who does. And if that's not your thing then cool...your shelf life on any relationship is probably going to be 1-2 years, maybe 3 but that's after things probably haven't been right for a while between the two people.

Relationships are either moving forward or backwards, there is no standing still. If you feel it's standing still, you are moving backwards because it's only a matter of time before she is going to end things because she is going to keep wanting it to move forward.

 

[Alvafe]

Because at the end of the day it takes two people to be in a relationship. A woman wants that commitment after a certain amount of time and either you are going to give it to her or she will find someone who does. And if that's not your thing then cool...your shelf life on any relationship is probably going to be 1-2 years, maybe 3 but that's after things probably haven't been right for a while between the two people.

Relationships are either moving forward or backwards, there is no standing still. If you feel it's standing still, you are moving backwards because it's only a matter of time before she is going to end things because she is going to keep wanting it to move forward.

actually that I still consider a win, if you don't give what she want on the time she want she replace you, then sooner you leave her the better, guys screen woman, everything they do is something you need to consider if she deserve or not your time.

so lets get real here, why you want to live together? are you willing to marry her in the next 6 months? what she did to server such reward?

also note is easy for her want to live with you, you have a house, she goes live with you and after sometime she can get half of it depending on how the laws work where you live. in your case only leave together AFTER you marry and you have a full prenup, saying waht is your is yours and what is her is hers, anything less you are just asking for suffering

 

[BackInTheGame78]

actually that I still consider a win, if you don't give what she want on the time she want she replace you, then sooner you leave her the better, guys screen woman, everything they do is something you need to consider if she deserve or not your time.

so lets get real here, why you want to live together? are you willing to marry her in the next 6 months? what she did to server such reward?

also note is easy for her want to live with you, you have a house, she goes live with you and after sometime she can get half of it depending on how the laws work where you live. in your case only leave together AFTER you marry and you have a full prenup, saying waht is your is yours and what is her is hers, anything less you are just asking for suffering

She stuck with him well past the time most women would have and got nothing in return for it in terms of her future. That's what she has done.

Clearly I don't think OP should do it, because if it was going to happen it would have happened naturally in the progression of the relationship and it wouldn't have taken 3 years. IMHO, this relationship is going to end within the next 6 months, likely by her.

 

[jimwho]

hinting of wanting to move In together or both of us buying another house and me renting my house

How much is she investing?? I'm talking Money.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Because at the end of the day it takes two people to be in a relationship. A woman wants that commitment after a certain amount of time and either you are going to give it to her or she will find someone who does. And if that's not your thing then cool...your shelf life on any relationship is probably going to be 1-2 years, maybe 3 but that's after things probably haven't been right for a while between the two people.

Relationships are either moving forward or backwards, there is no standing still. If you feel it's standing still, you are moving backwards because it's only a matter of time before she is going to end things because she is going to keep wanting it to move forward.

I thought this was about what we want? Plus, guys like Blackdragon claim girls can come back after they are done playing house. I’ve experienced this myself and I’m not an advanced pua by any means

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I thought this was about what we want? Plus, guys like Blackdragon claim girls can come back after they are done playing house. I’ve experienced this myself and I’m not an advanced pua by any means

OP wants to have his cake and eat it too. Not going to happen. He is going to have to choose.

 

[Alvafe]

She stuck with him well past the time most women would have and got nothing in return for it in terms of her future. That's what she has done.

Clearly I don't think OP should do it, because if it was going to happen it would have happened naturally in the progression of the relationship and it wouldn't have taken 3 years. IMHO, this relationship is going to end within the next 6 months, likely by her.

3 years arent much, I say date at least 5 then you can maybe start to think about marrying, if she won't get with you for this long at least, then she really don't like you that much