Gentlemen help me out. What was up with this woman?
I'm on the road to recovery from a relationship with someone who was troubled. I say troubled because... well I just don't know.
Some of this is very sensitive. But whatever - what a disaster.
I found her online. POF. She was cute like, had a wonderful voice and seemed very intelligent. I thought she was sweet. Honestly, she was. I learned from her what a warm woman was. I was probably 43 at the start and her probably 41. I have had a LTR and other relationships. But, I honestly can say it was different - she was warm. To my surprise for the first time in my life I understood why a man would want to have a child. I knew it was too late then. We sorta talked about it and we had fight about it one night.. A big one. And I didn't talk to her for say 3-4 months. But I did miss her and emailed her to see if she wanted to talk. We reconciled.
When we met I soon learned she had great fear of seeing blood. That if she saw blood she would pass out. I was never able to learn what the cause was, she didn't know or wasn't going to admit it. She did have a rather largish scar on her leg if I remember right had something to do with a car door. I did a deep dive on the subject on the internet, learned a great deal. I found a notable expert in the United States after studying the subject and reached out to him and to my surprise he responded. I told her all about it and how she could help via a psychiatrist and if I remember CBT cognitive behavioural therapy.
I also found she had fits of crying. Like I have never seen before. The worst of which was when we saw a movie by Disney "Born in China". A mother snow leopard died and the fate of 2 cubs was left unknown. It was horrible for her, I kept myself together and consoled her. But I have never seen an adult cry this way. Even my own mothers passing could not compare for me. It did affect me, I saw her trauma as a sign of her humanity. Even now years after the event this hurts in its own way, I never wanted a person to suffer so.
On 3 occasions I experienced this to me strange behaviour. She didn't understand when the person your with stops… You should stop too. The first occasion went like this… We were out at the water front and its started to spit rain. She wanted to get out of the rain I suppose… She did not give an explanation. She started jogging towards the car. Which was a few KM away. I didn't follow this lead. It didn't make sense… and well. She saw I was not jogging and continued anyway. I grew frustrated. When I caught up to her I suggested what if the roles were reversed. What if I jogged off away from her and something was to happen. This happened for a final time when I stopped to look at muscle car in her neighbourhood. I thought it would be nice to get her thoughts on the orange monster, that she indeed wouldn't care for it but her thoughts were of interest I was unfortunately enamored you see. I stopped and she kept going. Around the corner and out of view. I waited. Like a fool I waited I thought she'll come back. She didn't. When I caught up I found her waiting at a stop sign. I was annoyed and made it known. I refused to talk about it. I was aware at this point my investment was most likely sour. (maybe this is nothing I dunno)
She would share her body with me, she showed signs of desire and wanting. I thought we would have a wonderful intimate time together. This was mostly centered around herself and not frequent. I thought she just didn't understand what we could share together. I thought she didn't understand how much desire we have for woman.
She told me she was a virgin. I didn't think she would lie about this. It hurts me to tell you, I think it was true.
I tried tentatively and slowly to show her I felt her happiness was important. But unlike other women she couldn't embrace or give herself to me.
She told me she didn't like oral sex. This is the opposite in what I have been told and have of course experienced. I did not question this. I respected this. I didn't understand and honestly in hind sight this was really unfair. I wanted to light her up.
In an encounter we shared together I joked about myself (not her) getting pregnant. It was a joke, it wasn't thought out it wasn't supposed to have been anything. We were fooling around as they say. She had a kind of break down. I just dunno. She confessed to have a great fear of sperm and in hindsight I think she was trying to say she had a great fear of getting pregnant. It was scary. It was out of place and it was a clear warning something was very wrong… and I rode past the sign a brave and loyal cowboy looking the other way. Worse was to come, and I worry some of whatever her injury was is now with me.
Another time she told me she thought I liked her breasts to much. I've never had a woman tell me this before. Honestly, I like everything about a woman. I thought women were supposed to enjoy men liking them? As mentioned it wasn't like I had free run over the kit. In fact I've felt that women were quite proud of their breasts, one once saying to me proudly. Tell me how good they are?
Soon after the restart of our relationship she received a concussion. I was told she had felt sick and had fallen at her parents place while staying overnight. Upon realizing she was not fairing well I again found myself doing research this time on concussions. Honestly, I became a mini expert and I believe I was able to assist her in getting around at least a initially unreceptive and uninformed medical establishment. She did take it on and I did my best to help. She also started help for BID and as she explained to me problems with anxiety. This wasn't consistent but in time she was recovering at least from the concussion.
Anxiety was a a problem for her, but she didn't seem to tell too much about this.
I don't know how it came about but the conversation about having sex did come. She took the pill after much research, during which I learned some ingredients of pills may cause cancer. It was a little different her getting the pill… Another woman I knew told me the pill gave her headaches, but new ones are better and within a short time, hey!
The time came around. The pill, condoms. I was checked out, she apparently was checked out. (Blood check?). I'm straight edge I wasn't worried about myself. I was a bit confused by her wanting to have a condom for her first time. My first time a long time ago the girl said to me, no condom for you boy your going to experience this. I thought this was part of learning about each other.
And this is what haunts me, gives me a shivers years later. Everything prior in my life has been of a woman welcoming me. That I was somewhere where I was wanted to be. It was her first time and in hindsight it really seems we should have had several long discussions. Discussions about how we felt, how it could be. But, it just had never been difficult before.
She never called me her boy friend or significant other. Unlike other women this didn't come up for her. I thought it wrong. What was she thinking? What did she tell her parents and her friends. I was wise enough for the 2nd go round to keep her from my family - to protect them.
In background to everything going on here her older sister divorced/left her relationship of 20+ years. This was upsetting to her. This gave me wonder to what might have gone on in her family. The BID, the sexual challenge. She told me the sisters husband would have liked to have had children. I saw and learned how much work this man had put into his relationship. So much home renovation and labour. I suspect at the time he was 50 and I can only imagine his loss, much like the end of my LTR although I was much younger 40, not everyone recovers these events at this late age. (me)
So we tried two separate times, it was consensual although only in word.
It was a bit painful for her, we quit very soon into it the first time. I didn't know what to do. She didn't want me. She was no where near as excited as she had been in scenarios where intercourse (me) was not on the table. She lied there, unwelcoming. She was a bit upset. I was confused. I could have held her, I wanted to . But, god forgive me I was hurt by this. There should have been a healthy conversation about this… But in this scenario is seems neither of us had any experience.
The second time was the same. But, this time I was hyper focused on her. And the memory haunts me. She again did not want me. She lied there… like a corpse. I couldn't kiss her, I couldn't look at her. Forgive me when I say she barely opened her legs to me. It was cold. I suggested she move on top, but you can guess the moment was gone.
This haunts me.
It is going to follow me to my grave. I
'll be somewhere and remember this... for no good reason.
Several months later we each failed to call each other one weekend. We talked and she had a crying fit on the phone. For the 1st time I was really angry. I refused to let her come over, it was about time she really communicated with me. I expressed it all poorly. I said she should think about if she wanted a relationship with me and talk in a week. I wanted the childlike crying to stop for once. Come clean.
A week past and she said I didn't kiss her, I didn't hold her hand. I suggested I could do these things… but soon I said shouldn't have to justify myself to her. She agreed. How do you do such things with someone you sense isn't right.
She text'd the following weekend worried about a tornado, she had moved to her basement. I replied I was glad she was safe.
The next weekend she emailed… we had a brief conversation which ended by suggestion we should be friends.
It hurt. It really hurt, I didn't respond.
Guys what the F4CK was wrong with her????
Now I'm online dating again. Its different now, I'm trying not to meet crazy Bs!
T,
I'm on the road to recovery from a relationship with someone who was troubled. I say troubled because... well I just don't know.
Some of this is very sensitive. But whatever - what a disaster.
I found her online. POF. She was cute like, had a wonderful voice and seemed very intelligent. I thought she was sweet. Honestly, she was. I learned from her what a warm woman was. I was probably 43 at the start and her probably 41. I have had a LTR and other relationships. But, I honestly can say it was different - she was warm. To my surprise for the first time in my life I understood why a man would want to have a child. I knew it was too late then. We sorta talked about it and we had fight about it one night.. A big one. And I didn't talk to her for say 3-4 months. But I did miss her and emailed her to see if she wanted to talk. We reconciled.
When we met I soon learned she had great fear of seeing blood. That if she saw blood she would pass out. I was never able to learn what the cause was, she didn't know or wasn't going to admit it. She did have a rather largish scar on her leg if I remember right had something to do with a car door. I did a deep dive on the subject on the internet, learned a great deal. I found a notable expert in the United States after studying the subject and reached out to him and to my surprise he responded. I told her all about it and how she could help via a psychiatrist and if I remember CBT cognitive behavioural therapy.
I also found she had fits of crying. Like I have never seen before. The worst of which was when we saw a movie by Disney "Born in China". A mother snow leopard died and the fate of 2 cubs was left unknown. It was horrible for her, I kept myself together and consoled her. But I have never seen an adult cry this way. Even my own mothers passing could not compare for me. It did affect me, I saw her trauma as a sign of her humanity. Even now years after the event this hurts in its own way, I never wanted a person to suffer so.
On 3 occasions I experienced this to me strange behaviour. She didn't understand when the person your with stops… You should stop too. The first occasion went like this… We were out at the water front and its started to spit rain. She wanted to get out of the rain I suppose… She did not give an explanation. She started jogging towards the car. Which was a few KM away. I didn't follow this lead. It didn't make sense… and well. She saw I was not jogging and continued anyway. I grew frustrated. When I caught up to her I suggested what if the roles were reversed. What if I jogged off away from her and something was to happen. This happened for a final time when I stopped to look at muscle car in her neighbourhood. I thought it would be nice to get her thoughts on the orange monster, that she indeed wouldn't care for it but her thoughts were of interest I was unfortunately enamored you see. I stopped and she kept going. Around the corner and out of view. I waited. Like a fool I waited I thought she'll come back. She didn't. When I caught up I found her waiting at a stop sign. I was annoyed and made it known. I refused to talk about it. I was aware at this point my investment was most likely sour. (maybe this is nothing I dunno)
She would share her body with me, she showed signs of desire and wanting. I thought we would have a wonderful intimate time together. This was mostly centered around herself and not frequent. I thought she just didn't understand what we could share together. I thought she didn't understand how much desire we have for woman.
She told me she was a virgin. I didn't think she would lie about this. It hurts me to tell you, I think it was true.
I tried tentatively and slowly to show her I felt her happiness was important. But unlike other women she couldn't embrace or give herself to me.
She told me she didn't like oral sex. This is the opposite in what I have been told and have of course experienced. I did not question this. I respected this. I didn't understand and honestly in hind sight this was really unfair. I wanted to light her up.
In an encounter we shared together I joked about myself (not her) getting pregnant. It was a joke, it wasn't thought out it wasn't supposed to have been anything. We were fooling around as they say. She had a kind of break down. I just dunno. She confessed to have a great fear of sperm and in hindsight I think she was trying to say she had a great fear of getting pregnant. It was scary. It was out of place and it was a clear warning something was very wrong… and I rode past the sign a brave and loyal cowboy looking the other way. Worse was to come, and I worry some of whatever her injury was is now with me.
Another time she told me she thought I liked her breasts to much. I've never had a woman tell me this before. Honestly, I like everything about a woman. I thought women were supposed to enjoy men liking them? As mentioned it wasn't like I had free run over the kit. In fact I've felt that women were quite proud of their breasts, one once saying to me proudly. Tell me how good they are?
Soon after the restart of our relationship she received a concussion. I was told she had felt sick and had fallen at her parents place while staying overnight. Upon realizing she was not fairing well I again found myself doing research this time on concussions. Honestly, I became a mini expert and I believe I was able to assist her in getting around at least a initially unreceptive and uninformed medical establishment. She did take it on and I did my best to help. She also started help for BID and as she explained to me problems with anxiety. This wasn't consistent but in time she was recovering at least from the concussion.
Anxiety was a a problem for her, but she didn't seem to tell too much about this.
I don't know how it came about but the conversation about having sex did come. She took the pill after much research, during which I learned some ingredients of pills may cause cancer. It was a little different her getting the pill… Another woman I knew told me the pill gave her headaches, but new ones are better and within a short time, hey!
The time came around. The pill, condoms. I was checked out, she apparently was checked out. (Blood check?). I'm straight edge I wasn't worried about myself. I was a bit confused by her wanting to have a condom for her first time. My first time a long time ago the girl said to me, no condom for you boy your going to experience this. I thought this was part of learning about each other.
And this is what haunts me, gives me a shivers years later. Everything prior in my life has been of a woman welcoming me. That I was somewhere where I was wanted to be. It was her first time and in hindsight it really seems we should have had several long discussions. Discussions about how we felt, how it could be. But, it just had never been difficult before.
She never called me her boy friend or significant other. Unlike other women this didn't come up for her. I thought it wrong. What was she thinking? What did she tell her parents and her friends. I was wise enough for the 2nd go round to keep her from my family - to protect them.
In background to everything going on here her older sister divorced/left her relationship of 20+ years. This was upsetting to her. This gave me wonder to what might have gone on in her family. The BID, the sexual challenge. She told me the sisters husband would have liked to have had children. I saw and learned how much work this man had put into his relationship. So much home renovation and labour. I suspect at the time he was 50 and I can only imagine his loss, much like the end of my LTR although I was much younger 40, not everyone recovers these events at this late age. (me)
So we tried two separate times, it was consensual although only in word.
It was a bit painful for her, we quit very soon into it the first time. I didn't know what to do. She didn't want me. She was no where near as excited as she had been in scenarios where intercourse (me) was not on the table. She lied there, unwelcoming. She was a bit upset. I was confused. I could have held her, I wanted to . But, god forgive me I was hurt by this. There should have been a healthy conversation about this… But in this scenario is seems neither of us had any experience.
The second time was the same. But, this time I was hyper focused on her. And the memory haunts me. She again did not want me. She lied there… like a corpse. I couldn't kiss her, I couldn't look at her. Forgive me when I say she barely opened her legs to me. It was cold. I suggested she move on top, but you can guess the moment was gone.
This haunts me.
It is going to follow me to my grave. I
'll be somewhere and remember this... for no good reason.
Several months later we each failed to call each other one weekend. We talked and she had a crying fit on the phone. For the 1st time I was really angry. I refused to let her come over, it was about time she really communicated with me. I expressed it all poorly. I said she should think about if she wanted a relationship with me and talk in a week. I wanted the childlike crying to stop for once. Come clean.
A week past and she said I didn't kiss her, I didn't hold her hand. I suggested I could do these things… but soon I said shouldn't have to justify myself to her. She agreed. How do you do such things with someone you sense isn't right.
She text'd the following weekend worried about a tornado, she had moved to her basement. I replied I was glad she was safe.
The next weekend she emailed… we had a brief conversation which ended by suggestion we should be friends.
It hurt. It really hurt, I didn't respond.
Guys what the F4CK was wrong with her????
Now I'm online dating again. Its different now, I'm trying not to meet crazy Bs!
T,
Last edited:
