Cold approach is beta game

[Modern Man Advice]

Cold approach is too overt and direct - it communicates too much interest and that you think the girl is ‘above’ you. That’s why most cold approach doesn’t work.

If you are going to approach, it should be indirect and seem completely natural/spontaneous. It should be at an appropriate venue which makes you look high value (inaccessible) - a members club, an upscale bar, an expensive gym. The conversation shouldn’t feel like a pickup. It should seem that she was lucky to grab your attention. Ideally she gave IOI first. Getting the number should seem like an after thought to the process.

Cold approach sometimes works on girls aged 26 and over because it provides beta tingles. It appeals to her need for certainty of your attraction levels and potential provider instinct - after she spent her youth chasing more aloof guys.
It also appeals to foreign women with poor social circles that feel more vulnerable to competing for top tier men.
This is why most PUA’s get results from foreign women aged 26 and above. It has nothing to do with ‘game’. Just finding the right kind of girl.

It is low value behaviour, girls instinctly know that high value guys aren’t cold approaching (if you were getting girls hotter than her, you wouldn’t consider her special enough to approach - she would really have to work for your attention).

Calibrated night game is by far the most efficient way to meet women outside of social circle. It is socially acceptable and ‘normal’ to talk to new women at a night club or bar. Daygame/cold approach on the other hand is considered desperate. Doing the same thing at a bar (in a smooth, non needy and calibrated way) is way more high value, because the social understanding is that women go there to meet men.
She has also put more effort into her appearance. Approaching her when she’s out and about with little effort in her appearance just provides too much validation. She didn’t need to wear an expensive dress or do her hair to get your attention.

I read your post's title and I was automatically going to disagree. However, when I started reading your post I found myself agreeing more and more.

I think you nailed it in terms of the approach. The title name is a bit misleading/incorrect because you are generalizing cold approach but you do have a solid point regarding an ideal cold approach. There should never be an agenda, or be completely unsolicited, and I would add prolonged. Never hold hostage a women during the conversation. Make it quick. Get in, get out, make an impression, leave her wondering what you are about. Not because of some mental game, as much that what it sounds like, but because you are there to enjoy yourself so you are doing your thing.

It should come from an organic, natural, and spontaneous angle. But foremost without the goal that you are going to get the number/date. Over the years this has changed for me, because I would have said something different before but after years of being single I just stopped chasing and simply live my life. I have a genuine interest in getting to know someone knew. When I connect/approach with a girl, I am talking to her like I talk to everybody else I meet. Given we are already both in the same life-lenghtwave most conversations are effortless. If I feel a connection and potential (plus interest, etc) then I am intentional about continuing that conversation over coffee or walk.

This simply takes time and experience. Most men would have a hidden (which is not so hidden) agenda and women pick on that. And you are right, it can (and should) be perceived as low-value, thirsty, and needy. Traits that are more and more common nowadays.

Solid post. Thanks for sharing.


Modern Man Advice

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Discussing theory in this form is beta game.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Did @Jake_Gyllenhaal69 make an alt? Seems like a post he would make

 

[Francis]

Bro I agree with you. This coincides with my post where I say that women operate on the " I would never join a club that would have me as a member" model. I got a lot of kick back with that because people said oh this doesnt count because it was a street hooker. Yeh, but the same basic dynamics apply.

Many women need aloof men. They need to constantly feel like they are getting a guy higher than then. Women dont have an objective internal measure of what a high value man is. They look to society and how the man behaves to indicate if he is high value or not.

I asked my ex girlfriend why it was important that guys dont respond back quickly and she point blank told me " because you want to make sure that you are not getting a loser" ( or something to that effect).

Once they acquire your validation they literally have a visceral internal cringe. A switch happens now they secretly resent you because you are low value.

I found this to be true. What more, reality doesn't even matter -- only how they perceive it and what other people think. This is why all those d-bags who gloat (lie) about their success & how awesome they are in front of women get some success from it, lol. Fake it till you make it.

It's kind of messed up. A woman would rather be treated like trash and as an option by someone deemed desirable than settle with a loser who has no options or tries too hard and cares too much. Even if the "loser" is genuine and focuses on one woman (which they all claim to want, while gravitating towards the opposite). Better yet, a person can be deemed desirable in the first place by treating them like trash and as an option! 1 + 1 = 2, right? lol. Facts and logic don't matter.

I've had instances in the past where a girl would be super interested when I acted aloof and uninterested (ie, better than them), only to have all that interest plummet to nothing once they found out I was actually shy / inexperienced and awkward around women. The only thing that mattered was their perception, in how I was deemed "above" or "beneath" them. They didn't care about facts or reasons. I'd wager this is where a lot of men's frustration comes from, in believing what women say while playing the victim and complaining about men. The guy assumes that being the opposite will win her over, only to crash land into the friend zone or nothing.

The only time women bothered to "help" me when I was being a jerk was when I was perceived as being in demand and high value -- ie, acting arrogant, aloof, and not committing. As well, it made them feel like a special snowflake to be chosen, otherwise they would ***** and complain when their ego got hurt. They don't care too much to save a jerk who is bitter and complains about his lack of success or options, unless there are other desirable traits like looks.

Who you are and how much you care not only doesn't matter, it pretty much turns them off. Just look at how they attack all those nice guys for their entitlement and so on, while rewarding those who treat them like trash. Being caring is clingy and needy; not giving a damn is being strong and independent.

Yeah yeah, I'm probably talking in extremes, but so is their way of thinking.

Right is wrong in this game. The truth is in there if you pay attention to what's actually going on.

 

[metalwater]

Discussing theory in this form is beta game.

beta on the path to improvement. much better than alpha on the path to destruction.

 

[metalwater]

This shows the flaw in your seduction process. You want access to higher quality women. Women know this is the reason you are cold approaching.

It should be the other way round for a succesful seduction. She must feel you are someone she wouldn’t normally have access to. That your social circle more is valuable than hers. Not the other way around.

So you want to ensure that you meet in a way which conveys this. If you’re at an expensive members club or gym or cool exhibition, or studying at a university campus or friends wedding (where you have status as a groomsman) she may feel that you have more going on than her and be interested. But not on the street.

‘ do you consider it a cold approach if the girl is already eye-locked with you?’ go for it in this scenario. It is a rare scenario on the street, but you wouldn’t be beta for approaching. You would be more beta for ignoring. However don’t expect amazing results, some will eye lock just for attention.

PUA tells you that cold approach is being confident and therefore attractive. Men don’t show ‘social courage’ for women that are below their league. You’re not going to make grand gestures towards a girl you consider kinda unattractive. Displaying too much confidence is anti seductive because it shows you’re trying and therefore she’s above your league. Indifference > confidence/courage
Indifference is the most attractive trait not confidence
In the notebook and titanic the men make courageous gestures to win over the girl. This is hollywood ‘hero’ programming. It is a form of white knight - the ultimate dream for a woman looking for a provider. Cold approach is only ever successful if she interprets you as a provider with high interest - it has less to do with seduction and more to do with comfort.

I can see the value of your argument or position on this. it is defendable. tell us how you learned that position or did you always know?

the flaw I see is that women are emotional and can be stampeded. if the emotions are spiked the woman can be emotionally driven to any behavior. if doing that is beta, then all PUA is beta. could be... that brings the old what is alpha questions. is it the leader of men or the taker of women.

some women are fishing for providers, some for breeders, some for lovers. Which should the cold approach work on if ever?