Basing self worth on material possessions is not just a chick thing, no, but disparities in social/financial status being a turn on, or off, in a partner is absolutely and pretty much solely a chick thing. In this instance, the sudden increase in her earning abilities has caused her to look down upon her once-equal partner -- and because she thinks she is better than he is, she is now less attracted to him. Unless she loses her job and gets knocked back down to size, I doubt she'll redeem herself there.
Straight from the horse's mouth then.
I'm not shaming you about the age difference -- maybe you're a little defensive about it, which is understandable, because I'm sure your relationship functions in the face of what is probably an annoying taboo to you, maybe a taboo that's threatened the relationship at times.
I also won't elaborate on how, and why, older men dating younger women is not analogous to older women dating younger men. But it's simply not. Not socially or biologically. I'm not judging you, I'm simply noting that difference. I don't know what you look like, I'll take your word that you've got a cougar thing going -- but in order for most men to defy their social and biological conditioning to mate and nest with an older woman, they have to have atypical -- or maternal -- mating preferences. Not wrong, but atypical. Women who date much older men face the same stigma of having paternal preferences in their mates ("daddy issues" etc.).
The income disparity in your case is not marked enough to separate status, as it is in the OP's case, and I guessed that it was a facet your relationship's dynamic -- older, more experienced partner with a younger, more energetic partner. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.
It’s funny because I’m the more energetic partner. He laughs about this all the time. And he’s the athlete
No way I’m going to be anybody’s “sugar mama” so no I won’t date someone in a lesser socioeconomic tier. Such a man cannot lead me anyway. Not a chance. So no attraction is possible because I require leadership as well as desire…
Age is a number. My own grandmother was happily married and widowed twice, first to her high school love who died from industrial exposure (he was an independent oil man) in his early 40s…she was alone for 18 years then in her 60s married a second time & she was 8 years older than him. He was a widower who had every single woman in town chasing him…but he chose my grandmother. She outlived him too. She lost him at age 91 when he was 83. She lived to be 97. And her hair never grayed. A little salt. That’s it. They were happily married 33 years. So it’s a dynamic I’ve observed in my own family. We never really realized she was older than him. He was the husband & undisputed leader of that marriage. She was a great wife and a stunningly beautiful woman. They adored one another.
One of my sisters married a guy 14 years older, the other two married men their own age. I have a cousin who is partnered with a man 30 years older…and she does NOT have daddy issues she was very close to her father like I was to mine.
Relationships are what the two people in the relationship decide. What my BF appreciates about me is my patience & stability combined with how I look physically. But I’m still a chick & still irrational at times. He reigns that in as he leads the interaction. It’s not a cougar situation at all. But I can understand your desire to try and label things. People assume I’m 5 to 10 years younger than him, just due to how I look. And he’s a very handsome youthful looking man.
My avatar is me. I’m 50 in that photo. It is an unretouched unfiltered photo. I look the same now. I have modeled here & there in the past, just wasn’t tall enough to do it seriously (and was pre-med anyway), lol. That’s my real hair, no extensions. I’ve had women run their hands under my hairline before because they didn’t believe me (which is weird). I’ve had no “work” done. Just good genes combined with healthy habits.
So I’m an outlier physically. We don’t function as an older/younger couple. We function as a match, physically and mentally. He leads and I appreciate his leadership.
For OP’s thread I agree it’s bad news most likely for the husband. If he isn’t masculine enough to check her ego, and she thinks she’s better than him? Not good.
But it’s really not hypergamy. It’s loss of respect for him relative to her. Hypergamy would be her seeking a more status partner than her. If she picked a new guy at her same level that isn’t hypergamous. It’s dropping someone she already feels is “less than”.
Hypergamy is a waitress getting with a pro athlete or a secretary with a CEO. This isn’t that in my view. She has lost respect, no question, which may not be fair to him but it’s the tip of the iceberg I assure you or she wouldn’t feel as she does.
