The question below is for men who are generally opposed to getting married

[corrector]

Same as me.

Okay so you mean compatible, or no issues there. In that case, with me its a no-brainer to marry her.

 

[Josh Davidson]

Okay so you mean compatible, or no issues there. In that case, with me its a no-brainer to marry her.

I think so, as long as I get along OK with her family. I think that is very important.

 

[corrector]

I think so, as long as I get along OK with her family. I think that is very important.

In my extremely limited experience of marriage, it is probably the most important things. After all, its her family & friends that can introduce suggestions or attitudes that can undermine and kill the marriage or can make it work. I had the misfortunate of having an ex-wife with an extremely toxic and materialistic sister, mother and even (former) mutual friend of my mother, and I believe their influence with her helped kill everything shortly after we got married.

 

[Josh Davidson]

In my extremely limited experience of marriage, it is probably the most important things. After all, its her family & friends that can introduce suggestions or attitudes that can undermine and kill the marriage or can make it work. I had the misfortunate of having an ex-wife with an extremely toxic and materialistic sister, mother and even (former) mutual friend of my mother, and I believe their influence with her helped kill everything shortly after we got married.

I'm sorry to hear that. I'll definitely get to know her family well before getting married! How many months do you think I should know her family for before tying the knot?

 

[corrector]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'll definitely get to know her family well before getting married! How many months do you think I should know her family for before tying the knot?

How do you know them so far? Did she invite you home for dinner and introduce you to her family? How would you describe how they are with you? Have you noticed any red-flags?

I noticed allot of red-flags coming from the in-laws, in particular her mother and sister. There was always toxic disagreements as to who was paying for the wedding expenses and how they were expecting me to fork over money despite the fact I wasn't really making an income and going into debt during that time. It looks like her mother married a simp white guy who basically spoiled her and raised her own daughter because she had this crazy betabux mind-set while my love-dovey ex-wife insisted that she loved me and wasn't concerned about my finances, etc..... However, my ex-wife changed during the marriage and became like that family and of course the whole thing would fall apart badly because there are very opposing mind-sets that don't work unless there is an agreement of mind beforehand that stays the same during the marriage.

I also feel there were other red-flags (ie friends and family saying the marriage was rushed, or they pick-up that the marriage won't work with us, strange dreams, etc...). My folks sort of encouraged it for me because I was getting older. So there was allot of push to go ahead despite the red-flags. However, my advice would be a few things. Do you feel pressured into getting married because you are getting older? Is she suggesting marriage or are you making the suggestion? Is there any red-flags with her and her family?

 

[EyeBRollin]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'll definitely get to know her family well before getting married! How many months do you think I should know her family for before tying the knot?

This is all on you bro. There is no set timeline. It is all about values and what you expect. What is it you want out of your own life?

 

[Josh Davidson]

How do you know them so far? Did she invite you home for dinner and introduce you to her family? How would you describe how they are with you? Have you noticed any red-flags?

I noticed allot of red-flags coming from the in-laws, in particular her mother and sister. There was always toxic disagreements as to who was paying for the wedding expenses and how they were expecting me to fork over money despite the fact I wasn't really making an income and going into debt during that time. It looks like her mother married a simp white guy who basically spoiled her and raised her own daughter because she had this crazy betabux mind-set while my love-dovey ex-wife insisted that she loved me and wasn't concerned about my finances, etc..... However, my ex-wife changed during the marriage and became like that family and of course the whole thing would fall apart badly because there are very opposing mind-sets that don't work unless there is an agreement of mind beforehand that stays the same during the marriage.

I also feel there were other red-flags (ie friends and family saying the marriage was rushed, or they pick-up that the marriage won't work with us, strange dreams, etc...). My folks sort of encouraged it for me because I was getting older. So there was allot of push to go ahead despite the red-flags. However, my advice would be a few things. Do you feel pressured into getting married because you are getting older? Is she suggesting marriage or are you making the suggestion? Is there any red-flags with her and her family?

I am asking hypothetically. I ask hypothetical questions in order to set rules that I live by!

 

[corrector]

I am asking hypothetically. I ask hypothetical questions in order to set rules that I live by!

Okay, well just check for red-flags and don't ignore them. Listen to your friends feedback, those who are close with you and have your best interest at heart. Most importantly, don't let anyone push you to do something that you are not ready for.

 

[Josh Davidson]

You said: "...don't let anyone push you to do something that you are not ready for." I'll remember that! Thank you!

 

[Zimbabwe]

The only thing stopping me is divorce laws, reform that and get rid of bullsh*t like alimony and division of assets and much more men would want to get married.

Divorce needs to be a two step process. 1. The end of marriage. No fault. It’s all done and over that day. 2. Marital assets and kids 2a: Fault attaches here. If you violated the terms of the marital contract, you are going to lose just like in any other contract dispute. 2b: Kids need a lawyer to defend their interests. No automatic custody.

 

[SargeMaximus]

In an open marriage? Maybe. Monogamous? No

This.

 

[BadBoy89]

Would you marry a woman who was beautiful, - yes
younger than you, - yes
earned more than you, - no
her family was wealthy, - yes
her family had connections that could be good for your career, - no
neither of you want children, - no
you are both really into each other, - yes
and she lets you make the major decisions for the two of you (or she makes them if you're the type of man who doesn't like to make decisions). - yes

I know a woman's sexual market value decreases and a man's sexual market value increases, but given this situation, would you marry her? - no

[

 

[Juanto]

Is it because of women's declining SMV, you want to be able to have sex with whoever you want, or why? I'm just curious.

I dont think humans are sexually monogamous, both sexes crave variety from time to time. So unless you want to cheat or be cheated on....even if its not a marriage but a relationship, I dont do anymore (at least for now) monogamous sexual relationships.

 

[zinc4]

In an open marriage? Maybe. Monogamous? No

Open marriages are degenerate asf. I know that few women are capable of a real marriage this day and age but stuff like open marriage is a mockery of what it is supposed to be and just shows how far our society has fallen in general. It is also promoting a married woman to act like a sloot.

If you allow that she wont respect you deep down and will emotionally side up with one of her FWB who pushes for a real relationship and go to him.

 

[Juanto]

Open marriages are degenerate asf. I know that few women are capable of a real marriage this day and age but stuff like open marriage is a mockery of what it is supposed to be and just shows how far our society has fallen in general. It is also promoting a married woman to act like a sloot.

If you allow that she wont respect you deep down and will emotionally side up with one of her FWB who pushes for a real relationship and go to him.

to expect fidelity in this day and age from both men and women.... is wishful thinking in my view.I dont want to promise something I know there is a high chance I will not deliver.

 

[Juanto]

and will emotionally side up with one of her FWB who pushes for a real relationship and go to him.

let her go then

 

[zinc4]

let her go then

That's fine if not married. Open marriage is a terrible idea in general. Just saying. If you get married, find a virgin. Anything else you are 2nd place to her earlier lovers because women lose the ability to properly pair bond very quickly after each new man that she sleeps with.

So even if you are the best it wont matter because her pair bond ability is nothing like it was with her first and even second or third love.

 

[SW15]

My ex-wife technically earned more than me, but I still spent over 20k to untie the knot in legal fees. So, don't kid yourself on that earnings bs.

Women resent it when they earn more than men. This happened to one of my cousins. His ex-wife was earning more than he was. She didn't like that. She cheated on him with a higher earning man because of hypergamy. This higher earning man was having sex with a single mom in her late 30s. Male thirst is an epidemic. A divorce happened. I had heard that my cousin had a favorable financial settlement.

His older brother, another cousin, did not have a favorable financial settlement in his divorce. He owned his ex money despite them not having kids. That settlement was some upfront money and some payments for a time. That was a horseshiit settlement.

Interesting. How can we know their notch count? I mean, I know how to check if its 0 but other than that, I have no idea? I could ask her, but she'd probably lie. I once heard that if you ask a woman her notch count, multiply it by 3 to get an accurate idea.

You can't know a notch count for sure. Social science statistics have shown that women's self reported counts prior to marriage are positively correlated with a divorce. The higher the notch count before marriage, the higher probability of a divorce to a point. It doesn't take many previous partners to get into a situation of an unacceptably high probability of divorce.

Open marriage is a terrible idea in general. Just saying. If you get married, find a virgin. Anything else you are 2nd place to her earlier lovers because women lose the ability to properly paid bond very quickly after each new man that she sleeps with.

I agree that open marriages are a bad idea. In most open marriages, women have more extramarital partners because it is easier for women to find sex partners. Few guys can do an open marriage well where they are having more extramarital sex partners than the woman. These men are quasi cucks. I don't know if they can be called full cucks because the cuckold terms implies infidelity. Infidelity is marital disloyalty. Sexual loyalty is not built into an open marriage. If the couple is actively swinging and hard swapping, the guy is a once again a quasi cuck but at least he's getting another woman's vagina.

Finding a virgin for marriage is tough, especially for age 30+ men who have been having sex partners for 10+ years.

 

[Juanto]

If you get married, find a virgin

Good luck with that. Not happening where I live (and in most of other places).

 

[EyeBRollin]

Good luck with that. Not happening where I live (and in most of other places).

Find one abroad or fresh off the boat.