If she is lustfully staring at other men or flirting.

[mrgoodstuff]

I have only read the first two pages of this thread, and the last, so perhaps I’m going to say something that was already covered.

When you’re out with a woman who becomes obsessed with other men, that’s a clear yellow flag. It’s a problem, 100%.

What’s throwing a lot of people off here is the word, “lustfully”. Each person’s personal definition of that word colors his or her response to the OP.

Some women, while out with their man, become irresistibly fascinated by other men while they are out and about together. These women will find themselves constantly looking over at that other man because they have developed an emotional attachment, a fascination. That man over there becomes the focal point of her evening, eclipsing everything.

Men will often describe that as “lust”, because men will usually look at other women on a surface, physical level. However, women usually look not only at the physical, but their minds start filling in the blanks and they end up developing an entire imaginary dossier on the guy. It becomes a fascination.

Women today are incredibly blind to their own lack of social propriety. If you call them out on repeatedly gazing at a particular man while you are both out together, they will be flabbergasted and vehemently deny, even though they are factually in the wrong and behaving rudely with their man, and insulting both him and their established relationship.

If anyone has a woman like that, I feel sorry for him. There is no cure. She will not be reasoned with, snd she will blame you for being “insecure”. Women today are a horror show of impropriety.

There is only one hope for correction of a woman like this. It’s a Hail Mary pass, but it can work. Tell her to get up, walk with her over to the subject of her fascination, and tell him that she has been looking at him all night, and you thought it would be appropriate to introduce her to you. Then say “This is Name. And you are…?”
If your relationship survives her initial embarrassment and anger, she will likely develop the wherewithal to control her roving eye in the future.

A woman of class resists constantly looking at other men out of respect for her man. Nothing less is acceptable. If my wife did this on the regular, I would have booted her a long time ago.

Burping is a natural human function, but out of politeness and respect we don’t just burp right out loud every time the urge comes. We do it silently snd appropriately so as not to offend. There is a parallel here. If women can exercise social graces regarding burping, they certainly should be able to do the same with controlling their wandering eyes when out on a date with their man. They are not just looking. They are constructing a story about him. They are investing emotionally. They would swear up and down this isn’t true, but it is.

Some of them done that bull to intentionally ding you. Its overplayed on her behalf.

 

[zekko]

Burping is a natural human function, but out of politeness and respect we don’t just burp right out loud every time the urge comes. We do it silently snd appropriately so as not to offend.

*Takes notes furiously*

How would you handle a guy tryna pick up a girl under your nose?

IMO it's the woman's responsibility to rebuff the guy, turn him down in whatever manner she is accustomed. If the guy doesn't get the hint and becomes a pest, or gets physical, then it's time to step in. That might consist of saying something to the guy, escorting the girl out of the venue, or something more direct, it depends on how diplomatic or violent you are. But I really think it's up to the girl to turn him down first. They should be able to do it, they've had practice.

 

[Roober]

She doesn't get to check out other men, regardless if they are famous or not. If she's "lustfully staring", you should go fvck someone else to punish her misbehavior.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

I have only read the first two pages of this thread, and the last, so perhaps I’m going to say something that was already covered.

When you’re out with a woman who becomes obsessed with other men, that’s a clear yellow flag. It’s a problem, 100%.

What’s throwing a lot of people off here is the word, “lustfully”. Each person’s personal definition of that word colors his or her response to the OP.

Some women, while out with their man, become irresistibly fascinated by other men while they are out and about together. These women will find themselves constantly looking over at that other man because they have developed an emotional attachment, a fascination. That man over there becomes the focal point of her evening, eclipsing everything.

Men will often describe that as “lust”, because men will usually look at other women on a surface, physical level. However, women usually look not only at the physical, but their minds start filling in the blanks and they end up developing an entire imaginary dossier on the guy. It becomes a fascination.

Women today are incredibly blind to their own lack of social propriety. If you call them out on repeatedly gazing at a particular man while you are both out together, they will be flabbergasted and vehemently deny, even though they are factually in the wrong and behaving rudely with their man, and insulting both him and their established relationship.

If anyone has a woman like that, I feel sorry for him. There is no cure. She will not be reasoned with, snd she will blame you for being “insecure”. Women today are a horror show of impropriety.

There is only one hope for correction of a woman like this. It’s a Hail Mary pass, but it can work. Tell her to get up, walk with her over to the subject of her fascination, and tell him that she has been looking at him all night, and you thought it would be appropriate to introduce her to you. Then say “This is Name. And you are…?”
If your relationship survives her initial embarrassment and anger, she will likely develop the wherewithal to control her roving eye in the future.

A woman of class resists constantly looking at other men out of respect for her man. Nothing less is acceptable. If my wife did this on the regular, I would have booted her a long time ago.

Burping is a natural human function, but out of politeness and respect we don’t just burp right out loud every time the urge comes. We do it silently snd appropriately so as not to offend. There is a parallel here. If women can exercise social graces regarding burping, they certainly should be able to do the same with controlling their wandering eyes when out on a date with their man. They are not just looking. They are constructing a story about him. They are investing emotionally. They would swear up and down this isn’t true, but it is.

You hammered it home with this one.

I really don’t understand why the words “lustfully staring “ triggered so many people

She doesn't get to check out other men, regardless if they are famous or not

Fvckin right , there is no “pass “ just because he’s famous .

100% agree @mrskinnypantz. I thought that's what I posted, but perhaps failed to articulate correctly?

That it's about "respect" (or disrespect) for my boyfriend, for me, for us. As opposed to "mate-guarding" or being "protective" of ME in that type of environment (bar/club or just out and about).

I DO need to trust that he can handle things and feel safe. But I don't need him starting bar brawls or aggressively getting in a man's face (like my ex did) unless such man is threatening my life or his life in some form or fashion.

But a rude and/or sexually suggestive comment at a bar or wherever? Nah, I don't need or even want that type of "mate-guarding" or "protection."

Not necessary. Simply say what you suggested indicating you do not tolerate disrespect. Assertively but calmly and rationally.

A man losing his cool in that type of sitch might even turn me off. Might even make me feel "less" safe with him.

Nope ,you didn’t fail to articulate anything
The only thing I disagree with is that the main focus still seems to be on YOU.
When it’s not about you, unless you were staring and flirting.
If your dude is dealing with the other guy for disrespecting him , then maybe you should just let him be a man.
“Mate guarding” is when YOU are seeking the extra attention, on that note it makes no sense to mate guard since you are the one asking for it
If it’s the other men coming on to you then it’s not mate guarding it’s called being a man and not letting people think they can just come in and take your sh1t cause they feel like it.

 

[metalwater]

I think I'm realizing now why I had trouble grasping this - "mate guarding" in the context you've described.

I'm not perfect by any stretch but one thing I DON'T do and never did, is seek extra attention (or any attention) from other men while with my boyfriend.

I'm focused on him, on us. Same for him, focused on me, on us.

I'm not invalidating what you guys experience with women, being attention seekers etc, I just can't relate to that type of behavior. I've seen it though so I know it happens.

I actually can't relate to a lot of the female behavior discussed on this forum, like what @Pan87 espouses time and time again. I'm sure you've read so won't repeat.

I have no idea what type of women he attracts but it is so far removed from what attracts me, keeps me around and how I behave and respond, it's sometimes difficult to wrap my brain around.

Again, I know there are women like this tho. It's sad (imo) they are the only type of women he encounters.

But if it works for him, and other men, I s'pose that's all that matters.

happens ALL the time. I was the AFC/victim and seen it, now I get it from another woman ALL the time. It's not just a few it's 90%. But if asking them they will swear that either they don't understand the topic or that they don't do it. I don't ask any longer, no point.

self-image and public image can be different, also some of it is just done and not thought about.

 

[Jair213]

**** her good and she won’t stare! Give her the best sex it always works! Simple.

 

[metalwater]

**** her good and she won’t stare! Give her the best sex it always works! Simple.

true. that sure cuts all the bull out.

sometimes a guy doesn't or can't, figuring out why and fixing is important instead of accepting.

 

[Jair213]

true. that sure cuts all the bull out.

sometimes a guy doesn't or can't, figuring out why and fixing is important instead of accepting.

It’s really that simple and as a man have style, be masculine and move with confidence. Stay being attractive. Work out. Dress well. Take care of your self.

all of this elements are vital too.

she will take noticed of every detail and be inspired who you aspire to be. She won’t look elsewhere. Just speaking from experience.

 

[metalwater]

It’s really that simple and as a man have style, be masculine and move with confidence. Stay being attractive. Work out. Dress well. Take care of your self.

all of this elements are vital too.

she will take noticed of every detail and be inspired who you aspire to be. She won’t look elsewhere. Just speaking from experience.

I think so, it can be like you tell. It is not natural for all guys, in fact, it is not natural for most guys these days. Add to the threads as you see them and tell how to do it.

things that are not as simple.

1. does the guy know how to do it.
2. can the guy maintain it.
3. is the guy aware of the lone wolf.
4. her cycle and chems.
5. even being number one gets boring.
6. season of life.

 

[Grounded eagle]

@metalwater you have to understand something. Positive happy people are attractive. If they also happen to be physically attractive and warm/engaging? They are massively attractive as well as rare. Everyone wants a partner with those attributes. I cannot change my personality or my positive energy. I like that I have sex appeal. It beats being awkward. I am well aware of the vibe I exude. I manage it and exhibit loyalty because I have character.

This is why character matters. And yes I am perfectly happy to turn away attention from men I might otherwise have interest in. That’s what you do as a partner. I enjoy the man I’m with. Why would I mess that up, disrespect him or betray him? I wouldn’t.

Maybe I’m way off but it seems to me that you might be drinking the kool aid of “Every woman is constantly on the hunt for something better…” that gets tossed around on here.

Now. Many many women are in fact like that. But not all. I am happy to be on my own. In fact it’s preferable to dealing with some sub par guy. I don’t entertain sub par guys. I don’t waste my time like that. If I’m with a man? It’s because I chose him from among those who wanted an opportunity to date me. I’m choosy. So if I’m giving a man my time? It’s because I find him worthy of the investment of my time, which is valuable and which I cannot get back.

So it’s not about whether I am having a blast…(I AM but not for the reasons you imagine, rather because I am internally happy, satisfied with life, full of joy, and positive…)

And this gets back to why I’m magnetic and attractive.

The avatar? That’s me. Recently. I’m fit, athletic, slender & stylish. I have a pretty face. But I’m not the single most beautiful woman on Earth. I know that. But as a total package I’d say I’m a solid 8 across the board. I know this. So if some gorgeous witch comes around? She might be a 10 in looks and or body with a 3 personality and a 6 intelligence and have an entitled attitude. Am I worried? Hell no. I’m solid across the board. Few women are. And so I own it.

And if someone who is genuinely a better option than me comes around? He can go. I’m not worried about all that. Seriously.

In one breath you say not all women are on the hunt for something better,in the next you say you’d rather be alone than with some “subpar” guy.Hmmmm....
Also,ultimately looks trump attitude and personality when men are seeking sexual partners.Men would rather be with a 5 in the personality department if she’s a 10 in the looks department than a 10 in the personality department but a 4 in the looks department.

 

[Grounded eagle]

This is interesting. Awhile back, there was talk on this forum about the three Ps of masculine behavior: Protect, Provide, and Procreate.
Basically these were three things women wanted in men: the ability to protect them, to provide for them, and be good in bed.

Guys here often would denigrate the "Provide" portion as being solely for betas, "BetaBux" and all that. But the "Protect" part was still seen as alpha because it suggested that you were strong, athletic, and capable as a fighter. In recent years however, I notice more guys are sliding the "Protect" portion over to the beta side as well. "If you're willing to protect her, then she will see you as a beta". IMO they are taking this beta stuff to the extreme here, because of course any woman wants to feel safe when she is with her man. There's nothing unsexy about that.

Yes.I think it angers most guys because they can’t match up.So they disqualify them.

 

[Grounded eagle]

Facepalm.

There is no dualistic mating strategy.

Why? Because I have everything I desire from the same man. I have always chosen men this way, and I admittedly am blessed in having the ability to choose desirable men who choose me. I do not go seeking attention. To be frank it is nice that I do not garner the same attention as I did when I was younger. It is something independent of my looks however and will exist even as I age. You see, positivity and charm is ageless.

My BF mate guards out of his own insecurities. Period. His own deep seated fear that he isn’t good enough to keep a woman like me.

Otherwise he wouldn’t tell everyone that it took him 30 years to find me. Otherwise he would see me as replaceable. He doesn’t see me as replaceable. I am not.

And you can go on and on about me thinking I’m special and so forth. I am. There are women who are rare. Men want to find one. When they do they want to keep her. I am that girl and I make no apologies about it.

And men see, know and observe very quickly that although I am charming and have a universal allure? My charms are reserved for my man. Period.

Enjoy your weekend gents. I have a birthday boy to spoil rotten this weekend

Cheers

How old is your boyfriend?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Women today are incredibly blind to their own lack of social propriety. If you call them out on repeatedly gazing at a particular man while you are both out together, they will be flabbergasted and vehemently deny, even though they are factually in the wrong and behaving rudely with their man, and insulting both him and their established relationship.

Sorry nuclear man, but I have to disagree with you here. They are not blind to their lack or property; they just don't care. Women who act in the manner described by the OP know very well that they are being disrespectful but they do it anyway because they believe their man will tolerate it. They would not even dream about acting this way around a high value man with a spine.

 

[HaleyBaron]

You cannot discredit a perspective or argument just because it came from a women. Discredit it based on it’s merit, not who it came from.

As much as I agree on this, I cannot agree that women are the right people to talk to about these kinds of issues. Their natural prerogative is to always adhere to their feminine brain, and as a result, they will still say all the things they are meant to say without even knowing. This is why I am a strong believer in keeping women out of administrative or political positions. At most, I would let the cream of the crop run female centric areas or units of women, but never have them take over important positions or make such decisions. We have had several women show up on this site, and they all displayed the same qualities that I come to expect. The #1 rule is that when it comes to male and female dynamics, take what any woman says with a grain of salt. I've yet to see this rule defeated in my daily life.

To OP:

I am in a very unique situation where I am the one who looks at nice looking girls. The girls I go out with have made an increased observation that girls are looking at me with her. I just assumed she was saying this out of insecurity, but she's also seeming to be mate guarding me. If you are in a situation where you feel like she is looking at others, then you are simply confirming how you see yourself. Get to the stage where you don't care who she looks at, then your problem is solved since it's entirely a personal issue.

 

[BeExcellent]

In one breath you say not all women are on the hunt for something better,in the next you say you’d rather be alone than with some “subpar” guy.Hmmmm....
Also,ultimately looks trump attitude and personality when men are seeking sexual partners.Men would rather be with a 5 in the personality department if she’s a 10 in the looks department than a 10 in the personality department but a 4 in the looks department.

You must have skimmed but not read. What happens is that over time is that men adjust to a woman’s looks. They normalize to her looks. As that happens the other factors rise in weight or importance because these other factors have more to do with long term connection and compatability.

Men with a ton of experience with women understand this and after a while start screening (if they seek more than just sex) on these non looks based factors, especially when the man is someone for whom beautiful women are the norm. Men will sacrifice a little in the looks department for other traits that confer greater compatibility and pleasant nature to be around.

Nobody who can pull 10s in looks will drop to 4s. But they will drop to an 8 or 9 in looks provided the girl has a pleasing disposition.

I would rather be alone than with a dude who doesn’t appeal to me. I’ve already explained that. I am happy with my BF, so that’s not an issue.

My boyfriend is 45. And hot/sexy AF. And delighted to have me. He meets all my criteria. So no dual mating strategy here I assure you

 

[Grounded eagle]

You must have skimmed but not read. What happens is that over time is that men adjust to a woman’s looks. They normalize to her looks. As that happens the other factors rise in weight or importance because these other factors have more to do with long term connection and compatability.

Men with a ton of experience with women understand this and after a while start screening (if they seek more than just sex) on these non looks based factors, especially when the man is someone for whom beautiful women are the norm. Men will sacrifice a little in the looks department for other traits that confer greater compatibility and pleasant nature to be around.

Nobody who can pull 10s in looks will drop to 4s. But they will drop to an 8 or 9 in looks provided the girl has a pleasing disposition.

I would rather be alone than with a dude who doesn’t appeal to me. I’ve already explained that. I am happy with my BF, so that’s not an issue.

My boyfriend is 45. And hot/sexy AF. And delighted to have me. He meets all my criteria. So no dual mating strategy here I assure you

Men adjust to women’s looks? I don’t know where you got that idea,but no man with options would do that lol.No man.Long term connections with women aren’t things men necessarily go looking for.No man looks at a girl he’s attracted to and thinks,”Gee, I wonder where we’ll celebrate our 5 year anniversary?”He thinks more along the lines of,”Damn she has fat ass.”A man’s attraction,and later commitment to a woman is dictated first and foremost by how much he is physically attracted to her, and maybe not even then.Men aren’t thinking about things like “long term compatibility.”All that comes later,if he feels like keeping her around.Men with options will only start thinking that way much later on,having indulged their desires to the fullest.And while these men wouldn’t be caught dead with 4s,it is a reality that even these 4s can find somebody to **** them.The sexual marketplace is that way for women. I don’t think you understand what guys mean here when they refer to the dualistic sexual strategy of women,but you best believe it exists.It is derived from motivations of women to get into relationships with men,short or long term.

 

[PRW63]

So no dual mating strategy here I assure you

You can't get rid or it. It is biologically ingrained. What is happening is that your BF just satisfies both sides of it at the same time. He is the correct balance of the two.

 

[BeExcellent]

Men adjust to women’s looks? I don’t know where you got that idea,but no man with options would do that lol.No man.Long term connections with women aren’t things men necessarily go looking for.No man looks at a girl he’s attracted to and thinks,”Gee, I wonder where we’ll celebrate our 5 year anniversary?”He thinks more along the lines of,”Damn she has fat ass.”A man’s attraction,and later commitment to a woman is dictated first and foremost by how much he is physically attracted to her, and maybe not even then.Men aren’t thinking about things like “long term compatibility.”All that comes later,if he feels like keeping her around.Men with options will only start thinking that way much later on,having indulged their desires to the fullest.And while these men wouldn’t be caught dead with 4s,it is a reality that even these 4s can find somebody to **** them.The sexual marketplace is that way for women. I don’t think you understand what guys mean here when they refer to the dualistic sexual strategy of women,but you best believe it exists.It is derived from motivations of women to get into relationships with men,short or long term.

I assure you I understand exactly what is meant by dualistic mating strategy. At my age, having been married, having had 3 children, having been divorced, and having seen countless women bargain their looks transactionally in exchange for resources or perceived financially security I know a tremendous amount about this.

Socially I have a friend for example who is 55. She looks 35, much as I do. She married 30 years ago her college sweetheart. He is worth now over 100 million. She can get whatever cosmetic procedure she wants, they have whatever material things they desire, their two children are grown and attending expensive private universities, they support many charities etc. And they hate each other. They will never divorce. It would cost him too much money, and she would lose the lifestyle and prestige she basks in. So they both openly take lovers on the side and they stay together as partners. So believe me, I get it.

I just am not a woman who believes in transactional relationships. I require actual desire to be the glue that holds things together.

I have friends I know personally in their 30s to 60s who have banged hundreds (in a couple of cases over 1000) of women. They all get bored with meaningless sex in time. Men who have never experienced this cannot wrap their brains around this concept.

You are so enthralled with how hot a girl is that you cannot imagine anything else being more important. Men with much more life experience (and experience with women) will tell you the same thing…

“It doesn’t matter how beautiful she is. Someone somewhere is sick of her shjt”

Google that statement. You’ll find it educational.

In other words looks,while important are not the most important thing to high value men with options. I should know. Desirable men are the only ones I go out with.

Here is why this is true. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen. They are everywhere. Now. You may or may not be able to date them, but they are everywhere.

High value men always can get beautiful women. That is a requirement. Baseline. The ugly need not apply. Understand?

But finding a beautiful woman who is pleasant, warm, giving, fun, sweet, kind, feminine and engaging? Very small subset of hot women also have those attributes. High value men select from this subset. Beauty is a given. It only gets you in the door. The other qualities matter much more.

 

[PRW63]

Men adjust to women’s looks? I don’t know where you got that idea,but no man with options would do that lol.

She's right. I work in the media,...the TV industry. We even had Matt Damon walking the halls once when one of his movies was filmed here. We don't put the Muts in front of the camera. I've been here for 22 years. My younger self had to adjust to it. Now when I see a chick walking the hall that other guys would drool all over themselves with,...I just see them as normal,...it's what they are just supposed to look like. Heck, I may have watched a movie on their couch one or twice at some house party with a bunch of them. I still have a Santa Clause hat in my closet that I somehow came home with years ago from one them. They stop being a big deal,...I know too much about them,...they just become humans.

 

[BeExcellent]

You can't get rid or it. It is biologically ingrained. What is happening is that your BF just satisfies both sides of it at the same time. He is the correct balance of the two.

I can agree in that respect since you subscribe to this view.

I will say however that I do not need him to take care of me financially. I never chose men along those lines all my life. I out earn him as it is. I also take care of my children’s costs and offer some financial assistance to my ex husband per our agreement. So I do not have the dual need you guys espousing this dualistic mating strategy seem to believe so strongly in. It is not biology. This is a belief you and others hold. I am self sufficient from a resource perspective. I chose based on desire and leadership as I described earlier in this thread.

Among other things I hold a degree in biology. This is not biology. Sociology Ok. But not biology. The sexual desire/leadership thing is more biologically based. Your beliefs reflect social constructs arising from your belief system. Do not conflate the two. They are not the same thing.