Relationships and shadow work

[Pandora]

Relationships mess up because we all have unresolved shadows. Relationships bring out all of your insecurities. If you have any unresolved issues then a relationship will highlight these things. The more secure you are with yourself, the more secure you will be in a relationship.

Sometimes you do not even know you have inner work to do until you get into a relationship. This is why many women constantly sabotoge any relationship they get into. They have many inner demons that they then project onto their partner. Women are not able to self reflect so they never deal with these issues. They just hop from one partner to another. Being with a girl like this is a living hell. Add to this a large sexual partner count and you have a recipe for disaster. All of their childhood traumas, jealousy and insecurities are now dumped onto you.

I advise every man to use a relationship as a mirror in order to see what his insecurities are. Then work on them.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Not only do women have unresolved issues but when they see a mans insecurities and unresolved issues they would much rather sabotage and destroy the relationship than see it through or god forbid help a man through his hard times ( not financially , but internal issues )
This is why all relationships will eventually fail . Most times a man won’t even know what it is he is doing wrong
Women hate being a guys mother , which is unfortunate since that’s the first woman we learn to love and the only woman that loves us unconditionally.
The whole thing is kind of sad.

 

[andreihaha]

People and women in particular tend to project their insecurities onto their partner.
If she doesn't have a driver's license and has to take the bus all the time, she will hate you for not having a car.
If she's too lazy to cook, she'll be annoyed that you two are spending too much on takeout. And will make a big deal about it if she ever makes a salad.

We as men also do this sometimes. But more often, we inherently know our own flaws which makes us insecure and doubt we're good enough for the woman we're dating.

That's why it's so important to try to deal with your own demons before getting into dating.

I for example had quite a gambling problem a few years back. Didn't deal with it and went into a great relationship with a girl that genuinely loved me. Ended up loosing her when my gambling problem reappeared, and I hit rock bottom. This is a thing I almost didn't tell anyone, but I'd rather post it here if it could help someone.

Make room for light in your soul, mind and body if you want to be happy and successful.

 

[Bingo-Player]

@andreihaha Did she not know about the gambling ? i had similar issues but told mine about it from the get go

never really caused too much problems other than on a saturday i would usually be betting on the football all day long and not giving her any attention oh and the anger issues

we ended it but nothing to do with gambling

I got the impression women kind of liked these problems because it means she is not your main focus / priority

wierd

 

[andreihaha]

@andreihaha Did she not know about the gambling ? i had similar issues but told mine about it from the get go

never really caused too much problems other than on a saturday i would usually be betting on the football all day long and not giving her any attention oh and the anger issues

we ended it but nothing to do with gambling

I got the impression women kind of liked these problems because it means she is not your main focus / priority

wierd

No, she didn't know, I was dumb enough to think it would just disappear on it's own and that I'd never have to bring it up. That's why I remembered it when seeing this "shadowy" topic.

And I don't think they ever like these problems, which are unhealthy. Because she's not your main priority(which is good), but she's actually not a priority at all. The vice is your only priority, be it gambling, drinking, drugs or other pu55y. No women and no man would want to be near that kind of a zombie.

Having a higher purpose that women is obviously necessary, but women are still sensitive and need a certain level of care. As much as we pretend some of them are just ho's, they still have a soul and care. Not sure how it works with mentally ill women tho...

 

[mrskinnypantz]

People and women in particular tend to project their insecurities onto their partner.
If she doesn't have a driver's license and has to take the bus all the time, she will hate you for not having a car.
If she's too lazy to cook, she'll be annoyed that you two are spending too much on takeout. And will make a big deal about it if she ever makes a salad.

We as men also do this sometimes. But more often, we inherently know our own flaws which makes us insecure and doubt we're good enough for the woman we're dating.

That's why it's so important to try to deal with your own demons before getting into dating.

I for example had quite a gambling problem a few years back. Didn't deal with it and went into a great relationship with a girl that genuinely loved me. Ended up loosing her when my gambling problem reappeared, and I hit rock bottom. This is a thing I almost didn't tell anyone, but I'd rather post it here if it could help someone.

Make room for light in your soul, mind and body if you want to be happy and successful.

My biggest problem was my drinking, it cost me atleast 2 very decent women. I was very insecure and would drink more alcohol than necessary in the end I got too wasted and turned off these women, many times I would drink up the last of the monies and they were NOT impressed. But somehow they loved me and stuck it out until it just got too bad
Just like gambling, drinkin is OK in moderation.
It’s the insecurities or that void within us that cause us go overboard and overindulge

There is a void in all of us , in the end we have to find something that we love and can be obsessed with and not have it destroy us like money sex and alcohol will

 

[AttackFormation]

This is why it's so important to observe a healthy, boundaried relationship between your parents. Otherwise you just revert to expecting unconditional love as you experienced from your mother.

Just reading that a man expects "unconditional love" from a woman makes me disgusted.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Just reading that a man expects "unconditional love" from a woman makes me disgusted.

everybody wants to be loved , what the fvck is wrong with that?
It makes me nauseous that women can’t love somebody for who they are , instead you have to be rich , Charismatic, handsome and much more , we can’t all be all of that
and then they take half your money when they divorce you ,that should make you fvckin sick

I have dudes tellin me they lost their laptops ,gaming console , and other **** that they own and have worked all their life for
Only to have some beautiful broad come by and sell them a dream of unconditional love and take everything , liens on cars ,clothes jewelry.
To be fair it’s their fault as well for being so gullible , but women aren’t saints , far from it

 

[AttackFormation]

everybody wants to be loved , what the fvck is wrong with that?
It makes me nauseous that women can’t love somebody for who they are , instead you have to be rich , Charismatic, handsome and much more , we can’t all be all of that
and then they take half your money when they divorce you ,that should make you fvckin sick

What's wrong is expecting it to be "unconditional" as if you are her toddler (even then the condition is youre her child), why the fvck would she love you unconditionally and why would you need that? She can love you because she likes fvcking you, she enjoys being with you and she respects you (meaning you are neither spineless nor have a hair trigger inferiority complex). Those are all conditions just like your conditions for "loving" her. Even then it's still her choice, she as an individual is not obligated to love you. Stop crying and whining man, fulfill the conditions or dont.

I saw a couple on the subway a couple days ago and the woman appeared to love the man. But guess what? neither of them were rich or handsome. That woman was not conventionally "hot", but they were happily together.

 

[andreihaha]

My biggest problem was my drinking, it cost me atleast 2 very decent women. I was very insecure and would drink more alcohol than necessary in the end I got too wasted and turned off these women, many times I would drink up the last of the monies and they were NOT impressed. But somehow they loved me and stuck it out until it just got too bad
Just like gambling, drinkin is OK in moderation.
It’s the insecurities or that void within us that cause us go overboard and overindulge

There is a void in all of us , in the end we have to find something that we love and can be obsessed with and not have it destroy us like money sex and alcohol will

I agree with most of it, not with the moderation part.
I for example am probably a problem gambler, and I don't even want to come close to a casino any more. I know that even small stakes will make me get out of control eventually. Just like for others drinking, masturbating, coke is an addiction.
Yeah, it's fun to do some of this with moderation IF you can and it doesn't change you, but it's not for everyone.

You never know you have an addiction until it's already too late. And then it takes a lot of time and composure and the willpower of a monk to get out of it.

I re-watched Fight Club a few weeks ago, and some of the messages are still so powerful. Things you own end up owning you.
It's tough to see that thin line between usefulness/pleasurable and sickness. But we have to try.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

I agree with most of it, not with the moderation part.
I for example am probably a problem gambler, and I don't even want to come close to a casino any more. I know that even small stakes will make me get out of control eventually. Just like for others drinking, masturbating, coke is an addiction.
Yeah, it's fun to do some of this with moderation IF you can and it doesn't change you, but it's not for everyone.

You never know you have an addiction until it's already too late. And then it takes a lot of time and composure and the willpower of a monk to get out of it.

I re-watched Fight Club a few weeks ago, and some of the messages are still so powerful. Things you own end up owning you.
It's tough to see that thin line between usefulness/pleasurable and sickness. But we have to try.

So tru , especially with stuff like alcohol,in the end you can say only a couple of drinks, before you know it 1 or 2 drinks end up being 1 too many.I know a guy who used to be an alcoholic, he’s now 3 years sober( pretty impressive right?) he said he had to change his whole way of thinking(which was most likely the root of the issue)
I love that movie fight club , it has a lot of hidden meanings behind it

Stop crying and whining man, fulfill the conditions or dont.

That’s fair , I don’t mean to whine or complain and most of the time I don’t
I’m about solutions and fixing problems but I’m still a human being at the end of the day. If you wanna fault me for that go ahead bro I don’t care it is what it is . If you don’t like it that’s your problem

 

[Kotaix]

everybody wants to be loved , what the fvck is wrong with that?
It makes me nauseous that women can’t love somebody for who they are , instead you have to be rich , Charismatic, handsome and much more , we can’t all be all of that and then they take half your money when they divorce you ,that should make you fvckin sick

Women can love someone for who they are. But they have to start from that premise. This is why it's SO important to only pursue high interest women if you want to have a relationship with one. A high interest woman will submit to you and go to some lengths to please you. And no matter how high interest she is, if you are or become a fvckup, don't expect them to stick around; just like you wouldn't stick around a woman who is herself a fvckup.

The problem is that guys think that they can make a difference with their game or money and actually create interest in a low- or medium-interest woman with metaphorical penis extensions like money, status or fancy cars. But for the most part this just creates reasons for a woman to tolerate him. The man is forcing something that should not be, because of his own pride in wanting to conquer the pvssy he can't have. And all he ends up with is a bad marriage with a low quality woman.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Women can love someone for who they are. But they have to start from that premise. This is why it's SO important to only pursue high interest women if you want to have a relationship with one. A high interest woman will submit to you and go to some lengths to please you. And no matter how high interest she is, if you are or become a fvckup, don't expect them to stick around; just like you wouldn't stick around a woman who is herself a fvckup.

The problem is that guys think that they can make a difference with their game or money and actually create interest in a low- or medium-interest woman with metaphorical penis extensions like money, status or fancy cars. But for the most part this just creates reasons for a woman to tolerate him. The man is forcing something that should not be, because of his own pride in wanting to conquer the pvssy he can't have. And all he ends up with is a bad marriage with a low quality woman.

To be fair, I’m not really looking for love anymore.
I used to, but I’ve grown out of that phase and matured . I’m good with a few high interest women who wanna fvck me like a wild animal. Plus it’s easier to keep the interest level high when you’re not living with them or seeing them constantly

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Relationships mess up because we all have unresolved shadows. Relationships bring out all of your insecurities. If you have any unresolved issues then a relationship will highlight these things. The more secure you are with yourself, the more secure you will be in a relationship.

Sometimes you do not even know you have inner work to do until you get into a relationship. This is why many women constantly sabotoge any relationship they get into. They have many inner demons that they then project onto their partner. Women are not able to self reflect so they never deal with these issues. They just hop from one partner to another. Being with a girl like this is a living hell. Add to this a large sexual partner count and you have a recipe for disaster. All of their childhood traumas, jealousy and insecurities are now dumped onto you.

I advise every man to use a relationship as a mirror in order to see what his insecurities are. Then work on them.

This is true. Most people that jump into LTR are not ready for them and eventually will slap them on the face.

It's said you need to heal and be fulfilled internally before committing to someone. Truth is, the dating world, society, etc has left us scars. Scars that for some, will never heal. Demons that always hunt us. So in reality, LTR (monogamy) will become a thing of the past.

Heck, we now see polygamy, open relations, etc more and more often for that reason. It's easier to still have relationships but not commit fully.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Pandora]

It's said you need to heal and be fulfilled internally before committing to someone. Truth is, the dating world, society, etc has left us scars. Scars that for some, will never heal. Demons that always hunt us. So in reality, LTR (monogamy) will become a thing of the past.

Heck, we now see polygamy, open relations, etc more and more often for that reason. It's easier to still have relationships but not commit fully.

Modern Man Advice

Yes exactly. Casual dating has left scars on males and females. It was a bad idea. This is one of the reasons why there is so much misandry among females. They get hurt by a couple Chads/ Tyrones and suddenly ALL men are garbage. Women don't have the intellectual capacity to see that casual dating is designed to hurt almost everyone. They will champion casual dating even though it is destroying them.

 

[Pandora]

I have noticed that young females are not able to contain their limerence. When they really like a guy they often self sabotage by becoming very insecure. They become very clingy, co dependant and high conflict. Things are even worse when they have an underlying low self esteem. They become very neurotic. It ultimately destroys the relationship. They often do not mean to destroy the relationship. They are just too emotionally immature to handle really liking a man.

The women that are able to handle the overwhelming feelings of infatuation are often too jaded to really bond. It is difficult to find that middle ground. Have any of you found this to be true?

 

[mrskinnypantz]

I have noticed that young females are not able to contain their limerence. When they really like a guy they often self sabotage by becoming very insecure. They become very clingy, co dependant and high conflict. Things are even worse when they have an underlying low self esteem. They become very neurotic. It ultimately destroys the relationship. They often do not mean to destroy the relationship. They are just too emotionally immature to handle really liking a man.

The women that are able to handle the overwhelming feelings of infatuation are often too jaded to really bond. It is difficult to find that middle ground. Have any of you found this to be true?

Those young hot girls aren’t tryna bond
They only wanna bond with Chad and Tyrone ,everyone else is replaceable

 

[Pandora]

Those young hot girls aren’t tryna bond
They only wanna bond with Chad and Tyrone ,everyone else is replaceable

Yes i agree. But I mean the few that see you as Chad or Tyrone. They very few I end up getting are super neurotic once they start to fall in "love". They become hypersensitive and high conflict. They also become highly suspicious and BPD like.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Yes i agree. But I mean the few that see you as Chad or Tyrone. They very few I end up getting are super neurotic once they start to fall in "love". They become hypersensitive and high conflict. They also become highly suspicious and BPD like.

Well you can be a Chad to one girl and an average cat to another girl .
is that what you mean by very few chads and tyrones?
yeah once you fvck her good she will be highly intoxicated with you , and they usually get suspicious eventually , just keep it real with them that you’re only dating ,don’t worry this will not dry her up.
if you’re in an LTR don’t cheat, or atleast don’t get caught.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Ironically, some of the very behavior described from the OP's message... is being demonstrated within the responses by several (presumably) male forum members. And that female behavior which they abhor will (through their own self-deniability) continue to reside within themselves.

Quite often, we'll find that the characteristics we dislike in someone are the very characteristics that we deny possessing. Humbling as it may be, I can relate to this.

I've read that we (on a subconscious level) search out people that remind us of our own failed relationships (failed friendships, family ties, relationships etc...) . I know several married men that have wives that are similar to their mothers. I'm thinking that there may be some validity to this theory. After all, we men are fixers.