What I've learned from being out of the game for over 2 years (rant)

[sangheilios]

It's been over 2 years since I've had a real date or even asked a woman out. From 2017 through the first half of 2019 I was having nothing but bad experiences that were ruining my self esteem and it was getting to the point where it was having an affect on my mental health and overall well being.

I was originally only going for women that I found very attractive, which resulted in nothing. I reflected upon this and decided to consider going for women I was not attracted to, believing that I'd have better results. I was mistaken and found the experiences demoralizing and insulting. "Why is a white man that is 6'4" and jacked getting rejected by some fat chick" were repetitive thoughts lol. I tried speed dating, which was an abysmal experience that left me feeling even worse. I tried tinder and OLD, had a couple "matches" with women that weighed as much as I did lol. I was running solo and approaching average women at bars and they would just stare at me with a blank expression, even tried this with a couple overweight women and they stuck their noses in the air at me lol. I had a few times where other people would point out a very obese women and tell me that was my league and I was totally blown away by it. My response was "Why would a man who is 6'4" and one of the fittest guys at the gym date that?".

To add to this, I was meeting tons of attention *****s and getting a handful of first dates that led to absolutely NOTHING for me. I was having other men who in reality couldn't compare to me criticize things about me, it was as if everything in the universe was out to ruin me lol.

All of these things were starting to seriously affect my self esteem to the point I was questioning literally everything about my existence. I eventually got to the point where I totally accepted that I needed to step away from this for my own sake.

I stepped away and spent the next couple years working towards other amazing things. I now have an investment portfolio that is well within the 6 figure range and I'm quickly accroaching on millionaire status and get enough in monthly dividends to cover the cost of an average apartment in my area. I live in a home in a very nice area of town. I'm in the best shape ever and at a ridiculous level with that, for instance I'm life time drug free and at 6'4" and 240 I'm able to do 10+ reps on dips with an extra 70 pounds around my waist. I could go on with various feats but that is a more recent personal record.

What I learned is that you can't base your happiness and sense of self off of the opinions and input of other people. When you have a lot going for you it makes others very insecure and they seek to bring you down a notch as a control mechanism, this goes for both women and other men. The solution is to identify toxic losers in your life and then cut them out entirely. You don't lower your standards or try to fit in with people that are at a different level than you. You don't become a poser on instagram and pretend to be something you are not by creating a false public image nor do you seek the approval of other people. You associate with people that are on your level and if you can't find them then you accept that you will be alone and continue to improve.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I was originally only going for women that I found very attractive, which resulted in nothing. I reflected upon this and decided to consider going for women I was not attracted to, believing that I'd have better results. I was mistaken and found the experiences demoralizing and insulting.

Go for women you are attracted to, but the average guy wouldn't find all that attractive. Someone who you think is an 8, but most guys think is a 6. I'm a boobhound, so I tend to target slightly chubby girls with huge knockers and cute but not beautiful faces (provided they are not of Italian descent, as I am not a masochist).

Also, this:

Stop being Arod and your success will likely improve.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Get married to your mirror

Mark Davis married Jon Gruden, so stranger things have happened.

 

[sangheilios]

Go for women you are attracted to, but the average guy wouldn't find all that attractive. Someone who you think is an 8, but most guys think is a 6. I'm a boobhound, so I tend to target slightly chubby girls with huge knockers and cute but not beautiful faces (provided they are not of Italian descent, as I am not a masochist).

Also, this:

Stop being Arod and your success will likely improve.

I'm so much happier now than in the past because I'm not wasting my time on the opposite sex. I'd rather be single and totally out of the game than putting in effort and getting nothing but essentially abuse, criticism, etc. all for the sake of a slight chance of ***** from women I may not even all that into.

 

[bat soup]

It's been over 2 years since I've had a real date or even asked a woman out. From 2017 through the first half of 2019 I was having nothing but bad experiences that were ruining my self esteem and it was getting to the point where it was having an affect on my mental health and overall well being.

I was originally only going for women that I found very attractive, which resulted in nothing. I reflected upon this and decided to consider going for women I was not attracted to, believing that I'd have better results. I was mistaken and found the experiences demoralizing and insulting. "Why is a white man that is 6'4" and jacked getting rejected by some fat chick" were repetitive thoughts lol. I tried speed dating, which was an abysmal experience that left me feeling even worse. I tried tinder and OLD, had a couple "matches" with women that weighed as much as I did lol. I was running solo and approaching average women at bars and they would just stare at me with a blank expression, even tried this with a couple overweight women and they stuck their noses in the air at me lol. I had a few times where other people would point out a very obese women and tell me that was my league and I was totally blown away by it. My response was "Why would a man who is 6'4" and one of the fittest guys at the gym date that?".

To add to this, I was meeting tons of attention *****s and getting a handful of first dates that led to absolutely NOTHING for me. I was having other men who in reality couldn't compare to me criticize things about me, it was as if everything in the universe was out to ruin me lol.

All of these things were starting to seriously affect my self esteem to the point I was questioning literally everything about my existence. I eventually got to the point where I totally accepted that I needed to step away from this for my own sake.

I stepped away and spent the next couple years working towards other amazing things. I now have an investment portfolio that is well within the 6 figure range and I'm quickly accroaching on millionaire status and get enough in monthly dividends to cover the cost of an average apartment in my area. I live in a home in a very nice area of town. I'm in the best shape ever and at a ridiculous level with that, for instance I'm life time drug free and at 6'4" and 240 I'm able to do 10+ reps on dips with an extra 70 pounds around my waist. I could go on with various feats but that is a more recent personal record.

What I learned is that you can't base your happiness and sense of self off of the opinions and input of other people. When you have a lot going for you it makes others very insecure and they seek to bring you down a notch as a control mechanism, this goes for both women and other men. The solution is to identify toxic losers in your life and then cut them out entirely. You don't lower your standards or try to fit in with people that are at a different level than you. You don't become a poser on instagram and pretend to be something you are not by creating a false public image nor do you seek the approval of other people. You associate with people that are on your level and if you can't find them then you accept that you will be alone and continue to improve.

I remember a few years ago, I reached a point where I was feeling quite frustrated. I was meeting a lot of attention whoares and timewasters and it was grating on me. I had some time to sit down and think and I reflected on my past - I thought about it and realised that I probably had done better than the average guy and even if I never got to have sex again, I had done OK and anyway it didn´t really matter. Sure, it´s a pleasure to have sex but it´s just that. It´s not really important. People don´t get to the end of their life and wish that they´d played more video games. Then I went down the hill to meet a girl, who I thought would probably be another silly attention whoare. One of the first things she told me was that she was a lesbian, but I could see she was enjoying the way I touched her and I ended up fingering her against a wall.

So the moral of the story is... well, I don´t know. It´s not really that important. Everyone gets what they can, but it´s not a measure of who you are or what your value is as a man. When you die they won´t write your lay count on the gravestone (unless your name is John Anthony).

 

[SW15]

It's been over 2 years since I've had a real date or even asked a woman out. From 2017 through the first half of 2019 I was having nothing but bad experiences that were ruining my self esteem and it was getting to the point where it was having an affect on my mental health and overall well being.

To add to this, I was meeting tons of attention *****s and getting a handful of first dates that led to absolutely NOTHING for me

That is massive trauma. That's going to take its toll. First dates that lead to nothing and rejected approaches hurt.

I was originally only going for women that I found very attractive, which resulted in nothing. "Why is a white man that is 6'4" and jacked getting rejected by some fat chick"

A 6'4", muscular white male is a high SMV guy. In theory, a 6'4', muscular white guy can get nearly any woman. You can go for the tall (5'10"-6'2") volleyball women, the similarly tall and slender model type, or shorter women. You can have many successful seductions or get an LTR from a top tier woman. That's an enviable position.

I tried tinder and OLD, had a couple "matches" with women that weighed as much as I did lol. I was running solo and approaching average women at bars and they would just stare at me with a blank expression, even tried this with a couple overweight women and they stuck their noses in the air at me lol. I had a few times where other people would point out a very obese women and tell me that was my league and I was totally blown away by it. My response was "Why would a man who is 6'4" and one of the fittest guys at the gym date that?".

Even with bad ratios on swipe apps, a 6'4", muscular guy is supposed to be getting a ton of matches and a ton of casual sex from them.

You were correct your league is not an obese woman.

 

[sangheilios]

I remember a few years ago, I reached a point where I was feeling quite frustrated. I was meeting a lot of attention whoares and timewasters and it was grating on me. I had some time to sit down and think and I reflected on my past - I thought about it and realised that I probably had done better than the average guy and even if I never got to have sex again, I had done OK and anyway it didn´t really matter. Sure, it´s a pleasure to have sex but it´s just that. It´s not really important. People don´t get to the end of their life and wish that they´d played more video games. Then I went down the hill to meet a girl, who I thought would probably be another silly attention whoare. One of the first things she told me was that she was a lesbian, but I could see she was enjoying the way I touched her and I ended up fingering her against a wall.

So the moral of the story is... well, I don´t know. It´s not really that important. Everyone gets what they can, but it´s not a measure of who you are or what your value is as a man. When you die they won´t write your lay count on the gravestone (unless your name is John Anthony).

Honestly, the biggest thing for me is that I feel a lot of personal validation for all of the accomplishments I have, the things I've built, overcome, working towards, etc. It's frustrating to see that not get recognized by other people but all of these things are for me and not other people. When you are getting rejected by a woman who later enters into a relationship with a 300 lb. pound that has been unemployed since COVID hit that's ridiculous lol.

That is massive trauma. That's going to take its toll. First dates that lead to nothing and rejected approaches hurt.



A 6'4", muscular white male is a high SMV guy. In theory, a 6'4', muscular white guy can get nearly any woman. You can go for the tall (5'10"-6'2") volleyball women, the similarly tall and slender model type, or shorter women. You can have many successful seductions or get an LTR from a top tier woman. That's an enviable position.



Even with bad ratios on swipe apps, a 6'4", muscular guy is supposed to be getting a ton of matches and a ton of casual sex from them.

You were correct your league is not an obese woman.

Summer of 2018 I went on a first date with a woman I met in the downtown night life scene of my area, cute asian/latina mix. Anyway, we had one date and it resulted in nothing afterwards. A few months ago I was at the gym and this very same girl walked in, I had never seen her there before, and we immediately recognized each other, though I quickly went back to what I was doing and did not at all engage with her. She was with this average looking guy and seeing this made me reflect on a lot. I used to have this repetitive though that if these women were rejecting me they were holding out for some ubermensch prime Dolph Lundgren type or something along those lines. This particular instance completely debunked that.

I'm not even holding out for some Victoria's Secret Adriana Lima type or anything like that, as I see attractive women I'd definitely go out with on a regular basis, though most of these I see at the gym. If I was super selective or ultra picky this would make sense but that isn't the case for me.

 

[jimwho]

Pretend like you're in a good mood at all times, it works. Add charming to that, a nod or a smile with eye contact.
Nothing more than that erases creepiness. Let them come to you. Try it..

 

[AttackFormation]

Get married to your mirror

Always felt something is off with OP, but it doesnt cross the line to where it becomes dead obvious to call out.

 

[Velasco]

felt something is off with OP, but it doesnt cross the line to where it becomes dead obvious to call out

Face

 

[DonJuanjr]

Face

The only logical answer to his stated height/physique.

 

[Hal9000]

I've got to say that your post doesn't make you sound like someone most women would want to date. Not judging, but you may want to reread it and wonder why that is.

 

[Stoic]

Have to admit a 6'4 muscular guy not getting laid is a bit of a mystery to me. No offense at all, but I imagine there is some defect in your personality/behavior/social skills that you need to identify/resolve. My guess is that if you remedy that defect, you will attract a lot more attractive women.

Best of luck man.

 

[LucianoM]

Man this is legit. Ive put up with alot of chit just to have someone to kick it with. F that!

 

[Bingo-Player]

I coach a lot of men about women and the number one attitude that keeps coming up is

" i deserve a good woman why haven't i got one" , "modern women are trash" , " i want a relationship but no woman ive met is suitable"

First of all understand the world is not laterally "fair" its peaks and troughs of experiences

Nobody owes you anything you are not entitled to a disney style relationship simply because that is what you have grown up beleving what you would have

people are so expectant .....and then when someone lets them down they are begrudged and disappointed ( this is where bitterness stems from )

Why ?

Just enjoy your life...... stop desperately searching for something that cannot be defined , stop expecting the earth the moon and the stars from anyone but yourself

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, this isn’t a “looks” issue. There is likely something in your personality, something you’re projecting that is turning women off.

If you were to take a stab at it, what would you guess this personality trait might be? Usually our gut feeling is the right answer. Is there something in your personality that you think needs improvement?

 

[SW15]

Face

OP, this isn’t a “looks” issue. There is likely something in your personality, something you’re projecting that is turning women off.

If you were to take a stab at it, what would you guess this personality trait might be? Usually our gut feeling is the right answer. Is there something in your personality that you think needs improvement?

It does come down to either face or some personality issue. 6'4", muscular men are top tier men on paper.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Facial problem, teeth, breath, skin condition, or weird personality quirk. These are the possibilities. OP, you should know which one(s) it is.

 

[sangheilios]

Have to admit a 6'4 muscular guy not getting laid is a bit of a mystery to me. No offense at all, but I imagine there is some defect in your personality/behavior/social skills that you need to identify/resolve. My guess is that if you remedy that defect, you will attract a lot more attractive women.

Best of luck man.

OP, this isn’t a “looks” issue. There is likely something in your personality, something you’re projecting that is turning women off.

If you were to take a stab at it, what would you guess this personality trait might be? Usually our gut feeling is the right answer. Is there something in your personality that you think needs improvement?

As I've mentioned, I've been out of the game for over 2 years now, so I haven't put any amount of effort into this....I don't have to explain why that would result in getting 0 dates lol.

Now that I look back on that stretch of time I was talking about, where I was putting in a lot of effort into trying to meet women, I feel I perhaps was trying too hard and putting a lot of pressure on myself. I have much more going on in my life now than I did back then, I'm definitely more confident in myself now and at the time that represented a period where I was just starting to become social. In my teens through my early to mid 20s I had virtually no social life and by most standards could be classified as a recluse. I can look back and definitely say I was a bit awkward compared to now, so perhaps this was being picked up on by women and other people.

I also feel that there are a combination of various factors at play. Some other things I feel were simply related to bad luck/meeting the wrong women, I had a few specific cases I could elaborate on that were pretty bat**** crazy.

For instance, in 2017 I met one that was a huge attention *****, ultimately led to nothing, and 6 months later I found out this woman was a politically active communist in my area. There were videos of her in the news, plus she had a youtube channel and a facebook page dedicated to this stuff, it was actually pretty shocking and when I saw this I immediately realized that the universe had saved me from a bullet. I've had others but this one was definitely more unique in comparison.

Some other issues relate to the demographics of my area, the mid 20s-30s dating scene is not exactly the best. A lot of women in my area have also expressed that they don't date white men, this is something that I've heard other people discuss but based upon some of my experiences I feel there may be truth to this.

If I was to actually put effort in right now I feel I would be in a much better place. I don't think I'd put so much pressure on myself to succeed, which is a trait I've always had that has at times proven to be problematic in that I burn myself out emotionally. With some of the experiences I've had, I'd be able to spot red flags much easier and would be able to emotionally move on right then and there, where as before I overlooked these signs far too regularly and burned myself. With all the stuff I have going on right now, I don't think I'd tolerate a whole lot and would quickly next a lot of women. My current mental state I'd honestly say is now in a place of being scarce on time and energy, where as before I was in a place of emotional scarcity. That's why I stated earlier that I feel I used to base my happiness and sense of self from other people, whereas now it's based off of validation I get from my own accomplishments, etc.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Speaking as a guy who, while not the best looking guy in town, is decent enough (probably a 7 +/-1 to most women) ... your presence around them is almost always the determining factor, if good looks are the common denominator. Status, wealth, charisma, wit, are all meaningless if you have a sense of entitlement and are looking for external validation from them.

I only get attention from women when I have no interest in them (and a genuine disinterest, not merely feigning it). When I'm not-trying to impress or looking for any external validation, even if I'm in a sour mood, it's not uncommon for them to look at me with intrigue, some even say stuff to me as I pass them.

When I'm actually looking to make something happen (ie paying attention for IOIs or glances), they usually ignore me.

I still remember when I was in my early 20s, I accidentally gave a smoking hot brunette chick the stink eye, and she ended up being obssessed with me for a like month after.