Do you Pay for First Dates?

[Zimbabwe]

For first dates I try to just go on coffee dates so it’s cheaper. And if a girl doesn’t even offer to pay it’s a dealbreaker for me. I don’t mind paying for the first date if it went well or if the girl is offering at least. But over the next few dates I would make it explicit that we’re not committed yet so I would like to go Dutch. If a girl doesn’t think that’s fair then I don’t think I would like to date her anyway. I’m not her ATM or credit card. If she’s employed and has a job she should be able to pay for her side of the meal/date

 

[EyeBRollin]

And if a girl doesn’t even offer to pay it’s a dealbreaker for me.

That is improper. Why would you expect the girl to offer to pay for the date?

 

[Zimbabwe]

That is improper. Why would you expect the girl to offer to pay for the date?

Because almost every girl I have ever dated has so far in the past, some have even offered to pay for the whole date.

This isn't the 1950s where only men are allowed to work, if she is an adult with a job she should be able to pay for her own coffee.

If she wants traditional gender roles like men paying for dates, then she better be ready to cook and clean for me in return.

She can't have her cake and eat it too

 

[EyeBRollin]

Because almost every girl I have ever dated has so far in the past, some have even offered to pay for the whole date.

This isn't the 1950s where only men are allowed to work, if she is an adult with a job she should be able to pay for her own coffee.

[/QUOTE]

That is poor social etiquette. The inviter pays. It is a yellow flag when a woman offers to pay on the first date. It signals she either has low interest (and doesn't want to be beholden to you) or she has masculine energy.

If she wants traditional gender roles like men paying for dates, then she better be ready to cook and clean for me in return.

She can't have her cake and eat it too

Of course. That should be the bare minimum standard.

 

[Zimbabwe]

@EyeBRollin

In the year 2021the norm among my age group is:

• on the first couple dates, you go dutch (or else split if that's easier)
• then when you are a couple, you alternately pay full

Red flags (no second date): the different kinds of sexists who either:

• expect one person to pay for both just because of their gender
• expect a transactional dynamic
• feel emasculated if they don't pay for both on the first couple dates
• feel they are a "princess" who is entitled to transactional courtship
• have a cherry-picking attitude towards egalitarianism

If someone asked me to hang out, I would proceed on the assumption that we were each paying for ourselves. If they suggested a place that was more expensive than I was comfortable with, I would be upfront about that. I think on principle that first dates generally shouldn't be at expensive places, so you could frame it that way (i.e. as a general principle) if you feel awkward saying it's out of your price range.

"Whoever asks does the paying" is a common idea that's passed around. It's a failure of an idea, because girls never ask, so guys always pay.

The only time a man should pay for everything is when he hires an Escort for the "full girlfriend experience".

 

[Fruitbat]

It’s ceremonial. Males provide resources. It’s just a mini play out of that.

it’s more of a concern if she gets funny about it and demands to pay all or half. This would suggest she’s been a-reading of Cosmo or various other airheaded feminist stuff and has a constant battle in her head with men, and sees the world as one of patriarchal oppression and your paying for a meal a manifestation of that.
This will mean in future every aspect of your relationship will be filtered through the lens of patriarchy. She’s demonised you long before she even met you. Leave them to it, if they’re so desperate to be oppressed let them find a genuinely oppressive man and that can fulfil their bias and give them something to write on Twitter.

 

[Juanto]

Rule of Thumb - make all initial dates (especially the ones before sex) the cheapest possible, meaning coffee, beer, something like that. And yes, on those dates, pay for those small things.

If these expenses are an issue for you, then you have bigger problems to handle first.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Because almost every girl I have ever dated has so far in the past, some have even offered to pay for the whole date.

This isn't the 1950s where only men are allowed to work, if she is an adult with a job she should be able to pay for her own coffee.

If she wants traditional gender roles like men paying for dates, then she better be ready to cook and clean for me in return.

She can't have her cake and eat it too

If you can’t afford to pay for a dumb coffee date then you have other problems you need to fix in addition to your misogynist attitude.

I pay because it’s one less thing I have to worry about on dates. I have had women pay for the date or sometimes they paid for the second date.

 

[BriBri]

Rule of Thumb - make all initial dates (especially the ones before sex) the cheapest possible, meaning coffee, beer, something like that. And yes, on those dates, pay for those small things.

If these expenses are an issue for you, then you have bigger problems to handle first.

There is no reason to not abide by the above Rule. If you invited her out on a one-on-one date, then you should pay, unless you agree with her otherwise (i.e. Dutch treat - I guess the Dutch are simply cheap-@$$es ).

 

[Bokanovsky]

That is poor social etiquette. The inviter pays. It is a yellow flag when a woman offers to pay on the first date. It signals she either has low interest (and doesn't want to be beholden to you) or she has masculine energy.

Sorry, but this is complete nonsense. The 1950's called and they want their rigid rules back. Most women these days at least offer to pay. By no means is it an indication of low interest or "masculine energy".

 

[SargeMaximus]

I put “Other” because most of the time the first time I meet a girl is at her house to have sex

 

[Bokanovsky]

I usually pay on the first date but I have to admit that the "man pays" rule irks me a bit. It's got nothing to do with being cheap or poor. One, it reinforces female entitlement (i.e. you are expected to pay for pvssy, even if you're not getting it) and two, no one likes being used. If a girl isn't interested and still lets you foot the bill, it's not a good feeling afterwards.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I usually pay on the first date but I have to admit that the "man pays" rule irks me a bit. It's got nothing to do with being cheap or poor. One, it reinforces female entitlement (i.e. you are expected to pay for pvssy, even if you're not getting it) and two, no one likes being used. If a girl isn't interested and still lets you foot the bill, it's not a good feeling afterwards.

Learn to filter out women better. If a woman makes you pay for everything then she sees you as a beta male provider plain and simple. From my previous relationships, we have taken turns paying for things. It's pretty easy to spot women that use men for free expensive meals. Why are you taking out strangers to expensive places in the first place?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Learn to filter out women better. If a woman makes you pay for everything then she sees you as a beta male provider plain and simple. From my previous relationships, we have taken turns paying for things. It's pretty easy to spot women that use men for free expensive meals. Why are you taking out strangers to expensive places in the first place?

The subject of this thread is paying on the first date, not paying on subsequent dates or providing for women. You still need to meet a woman for the first time before you can filter her out.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Usually, but my first dates are always something cheap, usually a couple drinks at a dive bar, coffee, or I just have them come to my place.

 

[roaming shark]

I have a rule of only coffee or drinks first date. I pay yes lol. Since when was $25 a problem? I’ll do dinner 2nd date if we progress or I sense interest. Stop overthinking. most women expect it, play the game if you want to win. Or be hardheaded and lose. It’s called strategy.

Plus it demonstrates a level of leadership when you pick the place and pay. It’s simply petty to even consider anything less. IMO. BUT, chumps do expensive dinners first date for example

 

[KirthWGersen]

I have a rule of only coffee or drinks first date. I pay yes lol. Since when was $25 a problem? I’ll do dinner 2nd date if we progress or I sense interest. Stop overthinking. most women expect it, play the game if you want to win. Or be hardheaded and lose. It’s called strategy.

Plus it demonstrates a level of leadership when you pick the place and pay. It’s simply petty to even consider anything less. IMO. BUT, chumps do expensive dinners first date for example

The fact is, decent, fun, respectful women don't expect it. They expect it from providers and guys they are not sure they are attracted to, but not from lovers.

In my experience, if you pay for the date, she is much less likely to have sex with you.

Try it out, you'll see what I mean.

 

[zinc4]

I have a rule of only coffee or drinks first date. I pay yes lol. Since when was $25 a problem? I’ll do dinner 2nd date if we progress or I sense interest. Stop overthinking. most women expect it, play the game if you want to win. Or be hardheaded and lose. It’s called strategy.

Plus it demonstrates a level of leadership when you pick the place and pay. It’s simply petty to even consider anything less. IMO. BUT, chumps do expensive dinners first date for example

This. Of i think it's worth my time ill pay...especially coffee or drinks. Ffs lol. I try to avoid first date dinner dates like the plague though. If she demands dinner first date that's a red flag.

Also, in my experience if a woman is really attracted to you, she will expect you to pay...ESPECIALLY in non western countries. If a new woman goes out of her way to go dutch on first date then well usually she is not interested and that's her way of letting you know.

Some countries though, the man always pays. Try going down to the Dominican republic for example and demanding the girl go Dutch lol. Doubt you would ever see her again.

Now with all this being said.....if i think the girl is not into me i will demand we split it only if its a lot of drinks or dinner or something. But tgen again i rarely do dinner first dates if ever anymore.

 

[KirthWGersen]

A lot of guys pay on the first date because they have not got the balls not to. They don't want the woman to reject them because of it.

It is a topsy-turvy view of world. For an attractive man, sex is easy to get. The woman should be qualifying herself to you at least as much (and usually much more) than you are qualifying yourself to her.

It is not about being a ****. It is about being a man who knows his own value.

 

[RSDCharlie]

If you can’t afford to pay for a dumb coffee date then you have other problems you need to fix in addition to your misogynist attitude.

I pay because it’s one less thing I have to worry about on dates. I have had women pay for the date or sometimes they paid for the second date.

Where in his statement did he state that he hated women? When did asking women to pay for their share become misogynistic?