Good course of action

[AttackFormation]

So im talking to this girl, havent met yet. She lives 2 hours away in another city, but when i started talking to her i thought she lived in my city. She was visiting here but went back, and when i saw her location had changed, i told her in paraphrase "im not looking for a penpal, hit me up next time youre in my city" in between some jokes. She ended up saying "if it's like that come here, we go out and see how it goes". I left that last message on seen, and yesterday she wrote "or?".

My problem here is if i dont go to her, this might run out in the sand. But if i do go to her, then despite it being her suggestion, she will most likely get turned off by the fact that i traveled to see her. What women want most of all is a "challenge", someone they have to "tame", so based on my experience that i learned the hard way i think she will see this travelling as repugnant desperation. I guess because it's fairly close and cheap to go there, i could view it as a summer sightseeing regardless of what happens.

What would you do? would you stick to your guns and tell her you'll meet next time she's in your city? would you travel to her city? something else?

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Sounds like she's got something to hide, I'd keep looking for women in my area

 

[_sideways_]

Sounds like she's got something to hide, I'd keep looking for women in my area

How?

 

[AttackFormation]

Sounds like she's got something to hide, I'd keep looking for women in my area

Id prefer to do so too, but i have zero matches in my area and she looks like my type too. Why does she sound like she has something to hide?

 

[Serenity]

If I found her attractive enough I would travel if I had the time to do so of course. If it went well and she's equally interested then she will do the same the next time, if not then that's the end of it.

she will most likely get turned off by the fact that i traveled to see her

Not necessarily, depends how interested she is in you which doesn't have much to do with the fact that you travelled to her first. You're just creating a "damned of you do, damned of you don't" scenario for yourself. If you don't go, nothing happens, if you do go you might get the same result, but there's a greater than zero chance that it will be better then nothing. Based on that I'd go unless it's very inconvenient to take the time for such a trip.

 

[AttackFormation]

If I found her attractive enough I would travel if I had the time to do so of course. If it went well and she's equally interested then she will do the same the next time, if not then that's the end of it.


Not necessarily, depends how interested she is in you which doesn't have much to do with the fact that you travelled to her first. You're just creating a "damned of you do, damned of you don't" scenario for yourself. If you don't go, nothing happens, if you do go you might get the same result, but there's a greater than zero chance that it will be better then nothing. Based on that I'd go unless it's very inconvenient to take the time for such a trip.

Yeah, i guess ill just go. You could say there's a greater than zero chance of something happening if i dont go, because she can come back here, but that's too indecisive. There's also an argument to be made for learning from, but not limiting yourself too much by your past experiences. Worst case scenario this trip, i will just be sightseeing around a city i havent been to before.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

How?

Setting locations is the Hallmark of either a scammer looking for simps or a woman with a boyfriend to hide, ever hear the term don't sh1t where you eat

 

[AttackFormation]

Setting locations is the Hallmark of either a scammer looking for simps or a woman with a boyfriend to hide, ever hear the term don't sh1t where you eat

Well, she said she lives at her current location, so unless she's lying about that then she isnt trying to hide herself right now. She doesnt use blurred pictures either which she could easily do on this app.

 

[Glassguy]

Even getting involved with someone 2 hours away is setting yourself up for a bad ending. You are either going to waste a minimum of 4 hours driving, or at maximum you are going to like her and be in the dreaded LDR and we all know how those end every single time.

My max is 45 minutes- 1 hour. Anything further means there is no way to have a consistent plate or more from her. With my schedule, I have one plate 20 minutes away and another 40 minutes away and its hard to see either one of them more than once a week.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Well, she said she lives at her current location, so unless she's lying about that then she isnt trying to hide herself right now. She doesnt use blurred pictures either which she could easily do on this app.

I mean if her location is like constantly darting all over the map

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Even getting involved with someone 2 hours away is setting yourself up for a bad ending. You are either going to waste a minimum of 4 hours driving, or at maximum you are going to like her and be in the dreaded LDR and we all know how those end every single time.

My max is 45 minutes- 1 hour. Anything further means there is no way to have a consistent plate or more from her. With my schedule, I have one plate 20 minutes away and another 40 minutes away and its hard to see either one of them more than once a week.

This is exactly it, **** is readily available near her, we know this, so what's the deal

 

[AttackFormation]

Even getting involved with someone 2 hours away is setting yourself up for a bad ending. You are either going to waste a minimum of 4 hours driving, or at maximum you are going to like her and be in the dreaded LDR and we all know how those end every single time.

My max is 45 minutes- 1 hour. Anything further means there is no way to have a consistent plate or more from her. With my schedule, I have one plate 20 minutes away and another 40 minutes away and its hard to see either one of them more than once a week.

I would be taking the train, so i can spend that time reading my books anyway. If i had to spend 4 hours at the wheel every time, it would feel much more of a bother. I agree that being in a LDR is a bad idea, but i think a woman will make effort to be with you in proportion to how much she wants you.

This is exactly it, **** is readily available near her, we know this, so what's the deal

Indeed it is, but she did match with me and has kept talking... so yea, who knows what the deal is? I will do what LA85 just said and prepare for the worst case scenario, my mindset will be that im going there to sightsee in a new place, i dont even expect her to show up when i arrive.

 

[Glassguy]

This is exactly it, **** is readily available near her, we know this, so what's the deal

Yep. I dont have to drive to the dairy farm to get milk since the grocery store 5 minutes away has it. Its even better if it can be delivered lol.

Proximity is a major deal breaker for me.

 

[Glassguy]

i think a woman who actually likes you will move to be with you.

You do what you want.....as you should do. I would understand if you met this chick out and about and there was sexual attraction on both sides. But to travel by whatever means 4 hours round trip for someone you never met? Seems a bit weird.

I am going to assume you met her on OLD? Have you thought that she doesnt even look like she does in her pics or might not even be the same person (catfish)? Thats a big gamble for a 4 hour loss bro. If you have other women, a purpose, job, hobbies and solid group of friends, 4 hours is a lot of time that you could be doing something productive instead of rolling the dice.

Just my opinion.

 

[AttackFormation]

You do what you want.....as you should do. I would understand if you met this chick out and about and there was sexual attraction on both sides. But to travel by whatever means 4 hours round trip for someone you never met? Seems a bit weird.

I am going to assume you met her on OLD? Have you thought that she doesnt even look like she does in her pics or might not even be the same person (catfish)? Thats a big gamble for a 4 hour loss bro. If you have other women, a purpose, job, hobbies and solid group of friends, 4 hours is a lot of time that you could be doing something productive instead of rolling the dice.

Just my opinion.

Haha, funnily enough i already bantered to her that she was a fake account... i will definitely get some proof that she's not a catfish.

The time spent is fine - like i said i will just read my books like i do anyway, im more introverted. The problem is to have a mental contingency for the worst scenarios, like her being narcissistic and just discarding me once i confirm im on the trip (ask me how i know). I swore years ago to never expose myself like that again without a solid contingency. So i agree with the spirit of your opinion.

 

[derby1]

Humans dont value things we dont invest in , for instance my uncle used to travel to peoples houses to give them addiction advice and discipline advice for their children....

you would think this is a real kind 1950s styled service, personal, and discreet in the comfort of your own home? WRONG

The clients used to completely F*ck him about and cancel, ghost. hardly donated aswell.

HOWEVER now he makes them fill in a 20 minute form, and they have to post it to him to be considered for the charity service! Guess what they donate 10 times as much and speak of him like a Hero. yet hes exactly the same guy as in the first scenario where he got fcked about.

Travelling two hours will destroy your social value to her imho

 

[AttackFormation]

Humans dont value things we dont invest in , for instance my uncle used to travel to peoples houses to give them addiction advice and discipline advice for their children....

you would think this is a real kind 1950s styled service, personal, and discreet in the comfort of your own home? WRONG

The clients used to completely F*ck him about and cancel, ghost. hardly donated aswell.

HOWEVER now he makes them fill in a 20 minute form, and they have to post it to him to be considered for the charity service! Guess what they donate 10 times as much and speak of him like a Hero. yet hes exactly the same guy as in the first scenario where he got fcked about.

Travelling two hours will destroy your social value to her imho

I strongly believe in this as well, very well said. I have two experiences traveling a significant distance to see a woman... one i set us up to meet halfway, and that was a success. The other i travelled all of the way, and that became my worst dating experience so far.

So my third option i was thinking of while writing the OP was to insist on meeting her somewhere halfway between us. The rational side of me feels it's petty to insist on that when the extra distance to her is so small from that halfway point, but the "w0manese wisdom" side knows what you said is likely to be true, even despite that she suggested going to her. Either choice can turn her off, it just depends on what her triggers are. What do you think?

 

[derby1]

So my third option i was thinking of while writing the OP was to insist on meeting her somewhere halfway between us. The rational side of me feels it's petty to insist on that when the extra distance to her is so small from that halfway point, but the "w0manese" wisdom side knows what you said is likely to be true. Either choice can turn her off, it just depends on what her triggers are. What do you think?

I personally would leave this one, however all the ones Ive gone LDR on usually give it up on the first night

 

[corrector]

You need to have an abundance mindset and have plenty of options.

 

[bat soup]

So im talking to this girl, havent met yet. She lives 2 hours away in another city, but when i started talking to her i thought she lived in my city. She was visiting here but went back, and when i saw her location had changed, i told her in paraphrase "im not looking for a penpal, hit me up next time youre in my city" in between some jokes. She ended up saying "if it's like that come here, we go out and see how it goes". I left that last message on seen, and yesterday she wrote "or?".

My problem here is if i dont go to her, this might run out in the sand. But if i do go to her, then despite it being her suggestion, she will most likely get turned off by the fact that i traveled to see her. What women want most of all is a "challenge", someone they have to "tame", so based on my experience that i learned the hard way i think she will see this travelling as repugnant desperation. I guess because it's fairly close and cheap to go there, i could view it as a summer sightseeing regardless of what happens.

What would you do? would you stick to your guns and tell her you'll meet next time she's in your city? would you travel to her city? something else?

If she's willing to meet up with you and it looks like a sure thing, then it might be worth going. 2 hours by plane or by car? I wouldn't want to go that far just for a coffee and a peck on the cheek, though.