I need help.

[The_Hand_Of_God]

New to the forum, but have known about the site for a while from a friend. Not sure what i am looking for but it might be theraputic to vent a bit at least.

Basically, for as long as i can remember i have had issues with women. Recently, i was speaking to a girl for a while but i didn't really have much attraction for her at all. She rang me constantly etc and was obviously into me. Now however she said she is seeing someone else, and some weird bulb in my head flickered and now i have realised i do like her and want to go out ( or do i?, **** knows). I have basically screwed it up and missed my chance like, i get that, but now i am falling into old habits of wanting to speak to her and keep checking my phone like an idiot hoping she has messaged (she doesn't, not regularly anyway like before). It's like the entire situation has flipped and i hate it and i hate myself.

Does anyone have any advice for someone like me who clearly realises things late or only wants someone when they aren't interested? I know what i have put is confusing but at some point i have got to change and actually go for it with women when the time is right and not when it is too late. I'm 30 now and something needs to change.

 

[AttackFormation]

You need psychiatric help, not forum help. Dont put it off.

 

[SargeMaximus]

You need psychiatric help, not forum help. Dont put it off.

I think that’s a bit harsh.

OP I would suggest you focus on new girls

 

[AttackFormation]

I think that’s a bit harsh.

OP I would suggest you focus on new girls

If it was a woman who made that post, would you say she was perfectly fine and just needed to "focus on new men"?

 

[SargeMaximus]

If it was a woman who made that post, would you say she was perfectly fine and just needed to "focus on new men"?

Yes I don’t see a need for therapy in that post. Most of those issues will sort themselves once he gets an abundance mentality from new women in his life

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

 

[AttackFormation]

Yes I don’t see a need for therapy in that post. Most of those issues will sort themselves once he gets an abundance mentality from new women in his life

From what he wrote i suspected there is a deeper issue, but i hope youre right.

 

[darksprezzatura]

I'm not qualified enough to suggest any remediation.

From my experience going after unavailable partners runs into childhood issues. Many people have issues like that.

This chick pulled off dread game on you by mentioning another guy. It's disrespectful and a red flag.

Things will only get worse with this one.

Interested women don't risk the guy's interest.

They will never even mention another guy even if she's planning to marry him tomorrow.

Humans chase what's scarce. By triangulating you with another guy she's manipulated your subconscious to think she's high value.

This is a recipe for oneitis.

Please take care of yourself and your life and cut your losses with this one before it turns bad.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Basically, for as long as i can remember i have had issues with women.

1.) You do not need therapy. You need to get your shi't together and take ownership of your life and take action right now...

2.) It is not the women that are the problem. You are your own issue. You need and must to get better and improve yourself in all fields. (Example: Learn human social dynamics/code better, hit the gym, focus on building your career, build your social circle and business circle, read business/self improvement books, don't watch Tv, drop social media bull**** and focus on yourself etc.)

3.) The reason why you are where you are today is the sum of accumulation over time of your decisions actions/inactions to take responsibility and/or lack of to charge of your own life.
Remember you have 100% responsibility for everything that happens to your life.

but now i am falling into old habits of wanting to speak to her and keep checking my phone like an idiot hoping she has messaged (she doesn't, not regularly anyway like before). It's like the entire situation has flipped and i hate it and i hate myself.

Like said in first comment. You need to work on yourself end remove your insecurities. You are way to insecure and need to better yourself. Also women should never be the main priority in your life, they should be like an accessory in your life (like nice clock, motorcycle/car, a sharp suit or whatever) that makes it nicer but never really that important that you cannot be without it.
Note that women hate insecure men, they want leaders that takes control over them and their explosive emotional nature and not p'ussies and little insecure boys that needs momma's safety and skirt to cry in when the world is bad for them.
Before you have controlled that part of your life you will never get a bj or get laid. (Well you maybe from a ugly fat whale or worse a even fatter and desperate walrus or a prostitutes', but never the normal way).

I have basically screwed it up and missed my chance like

You never had a chance. You just been used as a emotional tampon (aka. friend zone) while she is scr'ewing some other guys that she is sexually attracted too.

Does anyone have any advice for someone like me who clearly realises things late or only wants someone when they aren't interested? I

Get your sh'it together.

I'm 30 now and something needs to change.

Yes, it is time to grow up and be the man that life always wanted you to be and reach your full potential as human and a man.

 

[thekhris]

Actually what happened to you is one the hundreds of strategies to get women interested with you. So I suggest you move on and do that exact thing to the next women you’re interested with,shower her w attention and then suddenly cut. There is no magic to what happened to you,you will feel the same if a strager female you met tom wink her eye to you gave her number, have conversation over the phone for the next 2 nights then just suddenly stop talkiing to you. You will became obssed .

 

[Paper Crane]

Dude, you are 100% assuming this girl likes you when she's clearly with someone else. In your head, I guess maybe out of severe desperation you are believing the wrong things, and being super anxious about missing out on an opportunity that might not even exist. The worse part about all this is you aren't even attracted to her, but because you thought she was into you or wanted something more than friends, made you want her.. -- This definitely is a sign that you have a huge void within you and ... I honestly think that-- you really need to evaluate your situation and your emotional/mental health.

I know this sounds harsh and while it's not as harsh as the first reply to this post, I think that dude was onto something...

 

[VictorSleazy]

Most likely EGO problems. I would dig deeper on what it is you want in women in general? If you only want someone just to proof it to yourself that you can have her if shes seeing someone else is very ego based. I would focus more building on yourself and finding your core values and where does women stand in there.

Women these days flip easily to someone else and lose intrest if you seem unintrested _unless_ you have proved a lot of value.

 

[Glassguy]

OP- you are scared to lose this woman because you see her as more valuable once she isn't available. That's a scarcity mindset and is 100% detrimental in gaming women.

The more you pursue and interested woman the further you will push her away because its desperation mentality. Its like a kid who only wants the toy others are playing with so they can't have it, not because they want it.

Work on yourself.....mind, body, social status and finances. Improve your worth, increase your options in the dating world and women will start seeing you as valuable and will pursue YOU.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

you just like her now cause shes unavailable. As soon as you started dating her you'd remember why you werent attracted to her in the first place. Just walk away, its all in your head.

 

[manfrombelow]

New to the forum, but have known about the site for a while from a friend. Not sure what i am looking for but it might be theraputic to vent a bit at least.

Basically, for as long as i can remember i have had issues with women. Recently, i was speaking to a girl for a while but i didn't really have much attraction for her at all. She rang me constantly etc and was obviously into me. Now however she said she is seeing someone else, and some weird bulb in my head flickered and now i have realised i do like her and want to go out ( or do i?, **** knows). I have basically screwed it up and missed my chance like, i get that, but now i am falling into old habits of wanting to speak to her and keep checking my phone like an idiot hoping she has messaged (she doesn't, not regularly anyway like before). It's like the entire situation has flipped and i hate it and i hate myself.

Does anyone have any advice for someone like me who clearly realises things late or only wants someone when they aren't interested? I know what i have put is confusing but at some point i have got to change and actually go for it with women when the time is right and not when it is too late. I'm 30 now and something needs to change.

Buddy, where I'm from, we have an idiom like this: "Only when you have lost the big fish you realize it's the big fish" to describe exactly your situation. At first you didn't like her, but the moment she said she's seeing someone else, you get freaked out and begin to want her. This is pure instinctive behaviour. In short, the emotion you're experiencing is something instinctive, not rational/logical.

This is also exactly why us men see our exes trying to contact us again after finding us are doing well without them. It's all instinctive.

All I can say is, treat this case like a case where you had been dumped/rejected right from the beginning, aka moving on without looking back, work on improving yourself as a person, and start seeing/hitting on new women. Same old classic "formula" for all of us.

You're 30 now, your prime age has just begun, if you start doing your homework correctly from right now.

 

[dasein]

OP we have all been there. That you are starting to realize and especially ADMIT mistakes is all you need at this point. Next you will change behaviors to avoid past mistakes. Keep your dating binary, keep yourself sane. Close women for face to face twice over a week or two, if there is friction or no results there, move on, but don't block or get pissy. They do tend to take their time and turn up again down the road. ALL women are involved with several other men when you first meet them. HER interest in getting physical with you in a timeframe convenient to HER, not your interest or timeframe, gauges your responses. We have little control other than self-improvement at that early stage.

Next, while face to face, close for touch, then getting her alone, then sex. Until you are at the very last stage of that, any particular girl shouldn't even exist fully in your world. Modern ease of communication gives an ILLUSION that women are in your life long before they actually are. Recognize that illusion as what it is and you will be on your way to concrete results that don't drain you emotionally or physically.

Until she is alone with you and making out towards sex, she doesn't exist in any meaningful way, and what you describe is a good example of that.

 

[bat soup]

New to the forum, but have known about the site for a while from a friend. Not sure what i am looking for but it might be theraputic to vent a bit at least.

Basically, for as long as i can remember i have had issues with women. Recently, i was speaking to a girl for a while but i didn't really have much attraction for her at all. She rang me constantly etc and was obviously into me. Now however she said she is seeing someone else, and some weird bulb in my head flickered and now i have realised i do like her and want to go out ( or do i?, **** knows). I have basically screwed it up and missed my chance like, i get that, but now i am falling into old habits of wanting to speak to her and keep checking my phone like an idiot hoping she has messaged (she doesn't, not regularly anyway like before). It's like the entire situation has flipped and i hate it and i hate myself.

Does anyone have any advice for someone like me who clearly realises things late or only wants someone when they aren't interested? I know what i have put is confusing but at some point i have got to change and actually go for it with women when the time is right and not when it is too late. I'm 30 now and something needs to change.

I think this is just fear of loss. You didn't lose anything you really wanted anyway, so just forget it and move on.

Find women that you actually are excited about dating and you'll soon forget about this one.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

New to the forum, but have known about the site for a while from a friend. Not sure what i am looking for but it might be theraputic to vent a bit at least.

Basically, for as long as i can remember i have had issues with women. Recently, i was speaking to a girl for a while but i didn't really have much attraction for her at all. She rang me constantly etc and was obviously into me. Now however she said she is seeing someone else, and some weird bulb in my head flickered and now i have realised i do like her and want to go out ( or do i?, **** knows). I have basically screwed it up and missed my chance like, i get that, but now i am falling into old habits of wanting to speak to her and keep checking my phone like an idiot hoping she has messaged (she doesn't, not regularly anyway like before). It's like the entire situation has flipped and i hate it and i hate myself.

Does anyone have any advice for someone like me who clearly realises things late or only wants someone when they aren't interested? I know what i have put is confusing but at some point i have got to change and actually go for it with women when the time is right and not when it is too late. I'm 30 now and something needs to change.

A lot of miss information from our local so suavers. Look you went with your gut feeling. You screened her and now she's gone. I'll tell you something in the local drugstore the manager plays some cruel jokes on customers. Expecting the opposite sex to fall for the deal and accomplish a sale. How does the manager of a store have to do with the one that got away? Well the product is the girl and you decided to not fall for the managers tricks before you check out. Live life with no regrets. Number one thing you did right was not to waste time. You bothered to screen. Many sosuavers fall for the cheap lay in favor of number. Like I always say quality over quantity. And there's many fish in the sea because there are. You did everything good by passively nexting the girl. More on that later, what you have to keep in mind this is a numbers game and right now after this 2020 is settles girls are 1 out of 10 or %140 less likely to "not" go for you. Cheers because a good story we tell in business is getting rejected more than out right yes's and of course getting the girls number. So abc always be closing, get the next girl. Keep the number in your phone but you did the right thing. As for confidence I recommend books like "a road less traveled". Also Cary grant movies also give good confidence like "philadelphia story, his girl friday" He was Madmen before madmen...My two cents op