TERRIBLE performance on a first date

[TheNewStyle123]

What's up fellas.

I have some owning up to do on what I believe was quite possibly the worst performance I have had on a first date so far.

Started talking to this Brazilian chick on hinge about a week ago. She gave me her number and told me to text her if I wanted. We planned on her coming to my place for dinner tonight (I was going to cook Brazilian food and she was going to bring drinks and a dessert). I know off the bat cooking dinner for a girl on a first date is usually a no go as she has not "earned" it, but in the past this has worked out in my favor and I felt better having her bring some stuff over too (wine and dessert).

Anyways, she arrived and we talked for a little and ate. Conversation was great but I did not initiate kino. No great opportunities at the time. Afterwards we decided I would teach her bachata and she would teach me a Brazilian dance called forro. Normally, this is the point when I make a move on a girl in my apartment, but she never looked up or turned towards me - so there was never a good chance to go in for a kiss. During dancing she asked if it would be OK if she recorded us to show her friends that she was teaching me. I didn't seem the harm in it (thoughts on this? I didn't really care, she was super giddy and excited).

Afterwards we had the dessert in my kitchen she again asked if she could record me trying a Brazilian dessert show she could show her friends my reaction. Again, I didn't really care and allowed her. For the first time that night I initiated kino by holding her hand in mine and looking at her while sitting at my table.

After that I invited her into the living room to sit on the couch and continue to talk and drink, she almost immediately said it was late and she had to get going. I said no problem and offered to walk her out. When we got to her car she eagerly hugged and thanked me giving me no time for a kiss, when we were exiting the hug I kept my hand on her waist and tried to turn her towards me while still embraced to go in for a kiss, but it ended up being kind of messy and she just pulled away and thanked me again.

Terrible, terrible performance fellas. I can't tell if I just got friend zoned. She texted me when she got home (I did not ask her to) and said:

HER: "Hi, I made it to my house. I loved our dinner. Thank you so much for having me there tonight."
ME: "I had a great time tonight too. Glad you made it home safe. Thank you for the dessert."
HER: "Sleep well (kissing emoji) Goodnight!! (kissing emoji)
ME: Good night, ____.
HER: (sends me the video of me eating the dessert with a smiley face emoji).


Anyone have any thoughts on the next logical step with this chick? If there is even salvaging it at this point... or do you think I'm wasting my time? My next guess would to be to ask her on another date this weekend, but a PUBLIC one. And if no kissing or kino happens, then next her.


Thanks boys.

 

[DonJuanjr]

My next guess would to be to ask her on another date this weekend, but a PUBLIC one. And if no kissing or kino happens, then next her.

This is out of my element, but this is what I think guys will agree with.

 

[Black Widow Void]

If she wanted a video of you two dancing, then you can rest easy in knowing that she views you as 'bragging material.' I take it that she held her end of the bargain (bringing over drinks and desert). If so, all these are good signs.

I'm not familiar with Brazilian culture, but here in the states, this would sound like a gal that's either not interested (but the above would seem to indicate otherwise) or... a gal that is taking the conservative 'old school' way of wanting to become girlfriend material.

Like yourself, I've had times when the opportunity just didn't seem to fall into place. And when I did attempt to make a move, it came across as clumsy.

I think a lot will depend on how she presented herself. Did she appear smug, overly confident ... socially comfortable around you ... or nervous and shy?

If she showed up at a reasonable time (and cheers for getting her to your place on the first date) , also brought desert and drinks, I'd say this is a good sign that she's interested. However, I'm guessing that you may have to work a little extra to show her your etchings in the bedroom.

 

[DonJuanjr]

but she's not gonna toss you out just because of a botched kiss attempt.

The only date I got was with a 21 year old. We had a second date lined up for the following weekend. I botched a kiss attempt with her, and then when I was on my way home she texted me cancelling the following date. Ended things right there.

 

[DonJuanjr]

That's an awfully convenient story for you to tell to refute what I told OP.

Why would I lie about that? It happened to me, it could happen to him. In fact I have seen many guys on here saying how you can ruin things with an attempted kiss when the vibe wasn't right.

You're the guy on SS that intentionally tries to sidetrack the flow of every thread with contrarian non-sense.

I take it you don't want to be friends anymore? Just because you say it doesn't make it so.... I have an opinion, doesn't mean I'm trying to "sidetrack" anything... Isn't that the purpose of conversation, exchange ideas and view points? I am pretty sure we were in agreement on a few topics on here. So only when you don't agree with a few of my view points I'm all of a sudden derailing things huh?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear New Style,
I think you went well....It is very hard for a Woman to find a Male dancing partner,in her eyes you are a real catch!

 

[TheNewStyle123]

If she wanted a video of you two dancing, then you can rest easy in knowing that she views you as 'bragging material.' I take it that she held her end of the bargain (bringing over drinks and desert). If so, all these are good signs.

I'm not familiar with Brazilian culture, but here in the states, this would sound like a gal that's either not interested (but the above would seem to indicate otherwise) or... a gal that is taking the conservative 'old school' way of wanting to become girlfriend material.

Like yourself, I've had times when the opportunity just didn't seem to fall into place. And when I did attempt to make a move, it came across as clumsy.

I think a lot will depend on how she presented herself. Did she appear smug, overly confident ... socially comfortable around you ... or nervous and shy?

If she showed up at a reasonable time (and cheers for getting her to your place on the first date) , also brought desert and drinks, I'd say this is a good sign that she's interested. However, I'm guessing that you may have to work a little extra to show her your etchings in the bedroom.

Thanks man, great advice. And she did bring the items, she did show up very promptly, and she wore a tight, short black dress with black heels and red lipstick. She also seemed nervous and giddy.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

That's an awfully convenient story for you to tell to refute what I told OP.

You're the guy on SS that intentionally tries to sidetrack the flow of every thread with contrarian non-sense.

OP, you have nothing to worry about.

Thanks Hank, and you're right brother. As I mentioned to @Black Widow Void above, some good signs were that she:
- showed up promptly
- brought the items
- wore a tight black dress, black heels, and red lipstick
- was nervous and giddy the whole night

My plan was going to be to wait until the end of the day today to text her to set up a date this weekend, or see if she texts me today then set that up. Sounds like a better plan is to just wait then? Regardless if she texts me today or not?

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Dear New Style,
I think you went well....It is very hard for a Woman to find a Male dancing partner,in her eyes you are a real catch!

I am a catch, god damnit! hahaha nah, but in a non-braggadocios way I feel like I definitely demonstrated some strong qualities last night that make it so. I will see if she reaches out today.

Thanks man.

 

[Machine10033]

I think your over analyzing this... it did not sound bad at all. Believe it or not some girls are still old fashioned... especially from other cultures. American girls seem to fck and sck anyone at anytime... I have experience with Asians and they are pretty old fashioned as well... they might put off kissing on the first date and definitely fcking on that first date. If I had that interaction and got that text when she got home... I would proceed as normal. Don’t call or text for a few days.... I would be careful if she’s conservative and you completely ignore her texts or calls that might backfire. Get back to her but give it a few hours.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

I think your over analyzing this... it did not sound bad at all. Believe it or not some girls are still old fashioned... especially from other cultures. American girls seem to fck and sck anyone at anytime... I have experience with Asians and they are pretty old fashioned as well... they might put off kissing on the first date and definitely fcking on that first date. If I had that interaction and got that text when she got home... I would proceed as normal. Don’t call or text for a few days.... I would be careful if she’s conservative and you completely ignore her texts or calls that might backfire. Get back to her but give it a few hours.

Glad to hear it man, thanks buddy. If she texts me today, should I try to set something up for this weekend?

 

[derby1]

dont wait to get back to her, do it now within 24 hours, no idle chit chat, the phone is for setting up appointments.

my issue is how sneaky women are, I do not believe them one bit, after all my interactions.

could you imagine tagging her in your stories on the first meet? she would bail on you real fast.

way to early to be in any of her vids, with compliance testing

I had one that wanted me to hoop jump, she literally said "we work up to tongues on the third meet" I got her tongue by the first meet, but she had put me off her by then, the attention wh8re

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Believe it or not some girls are still old fashioned... especially from other cultures.

Old fashioned girls dont come to your place for first date and bring alcohol. Neither are they filming themselves doing that.

 

[derby1]

Old fashioned girls dont come to your place for first date and bring alcohol. Neither are they filming themselves doing that.

well spotted hercules poirot, good game sir, good game.

 

[Bingo-Player]

The problem isn't her or the date

It's you , you are the problem

A chick turns up at your house wearing this

she:
- wore a tight black dress, black heels, and red lipstick

And you let her walk out the door unscathed ?

There was no missed opportunities you just failed to execute and dominate her because you were too scared of rejection

The jerk would have opened the door taken one look at her said "wow dinner can wait" and started kissing her

^^^ forget social conventions and small talk ****e that is how women whom are attracted to you want to be greeted

even if you only get one or two kisses in it sets the tone for the rest of the evening and ensures she knows what's going to happen in a few hours rather than the two of you skipping and jumping around the freindzone like a couple of kids

she needs you to subconsciously reassure her you are a strong male who is going to take what he wants .......this will allow her to relax and become sexual with you

The more time you spend in the freindzone together the less attracted she will become

when i first met my last GF she invited me over her house i walked through the door and within 5 minutes i was kissing her within an hour we were having sex .....she didn't get a say in the matter

we were together for almost 4 years after that

 

[TheNewStyle123]

The problem isn't her or the date

It's you , you are the problem

A chick turns up at your house wearing this



And you let her walk out the door unscathed ?

There was no missed opportunities you just failed to execute and dominate her because you were too scared of rejection

The jerk would have opened the door taken one look at her said "wow dinner can wait" and started kissing her

I don't know about that one man. Coming to my place on the first date, nervous, not from this country and I open the door and immediately start kissing her? I think that would of backfired. I agree though, there should have been more kino and attempted kissing while dancing, etc..

 

[Bingo-Player]

Maybe a slap on the ass or something then whatever just something to indicate you actually want to F@ck her and not just have a tea party with her

 

[bat soup]

I've highlighted what I see as red flags. From the beginning she was telling you what to do and getting you to do things for her. It sounds like she was bossing you around and basically running the date, even though she was at your place.

And I don't think it's a coincidence that there were "no great opportunities" to escalate. She was at your house, so for that to be the case she must have deliberately kept her distance from you the whole time whilst distracting you with all of the other totally irrelevant BS. All she had to do was come close to you and shut up and she didn't want to do that.

Started talking to this Brazilian chick on hinge about a week ago. SHE TOLD ME TO text her. WE planned on her coming to my place for dinner tonight

Anyways, she arrived and we talked for a little and ate. Conversation was great but I did not initiate kino. No great opportunities at the time. Afterwards WE decided I would teach her bachata

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Maybe a slap on the ass or something then whatever just something to indicate you actually want to F@ck her and not just have a tea party with her

LMAO trust me brother I definitely wanted to slap her ass. It was large and in charge.

 

[Old Balls]

I've noticed that a lot of south american "good" girls will hold out on that first kiss. I had an amazing first date with a Peruviana and she tried every trick in the book to not put herself in a position to be kissed. It was becoming humorous the amount of effort she was putting in. And we even danced the bachata too haha. The ol bone was poking her because she smelled and looked sooooo good.

I thought she wasn't that interested, but on our second date she ate my face off. And after we broke the seal on the first kiss, we made out like our plane was going down from that day forward.

I asked her about it, and she said she never kisses on the first date no matter what.

Had virtually the same experience with a Braziliana as well.