Be clear with your intentions

[Redwolf]

This felt good today.

A woman I offered to spend time with today messaged me several hours before our meet up and told me she didn't want anything sexual to happen. I reminded her of what I had made clear previously, my interest in her is more than platonic.

I basically told her if she was uncomfortable spending time with me we should just drop it for today, maybe another time

It felt great to state my intentions and walk away.

 

[DonJuanjr]

What did she say in response?

 

[Georgepithyou]

Well of course it feels, you just saved urself a lot of time. Being direct and honest eliminates a lot time wasters.

If she doesn't have high interest in you from the start, chances are ur doomed.

 

[Redwolf]

What did she say in response?

She said very little. Something about not wanting it to be taken a certain way. I basically repeated what I told her previously.

 

[dasein]

Much more detail needed. If they mention sex at all in any way without the "let's just be friends" putoff included when you haven't brought up the topic, often they are thinking about sex with you and testing or wanting you to heat things up or apply a little subtle persuasion, seduction, desire. Sometimes they are testing for the man to show temper or whine, other thirsty turnoffs. Remember that nothing they do is ever their fault, and they are often looking for ways to remove any accountability from the impulsive things they do. Indifferent or worse women don't try to test men in this way IME. Many times I have heard "I'm not going to sleep with you," and then upon "full stopping" the date instantly at that point, when I start to leave while remaining cool and affectionate with a smile and an ominous "take care!" they are pulling me back and even texting for me to come back before I leave in the car.

Remember never take what they say as a man saying it to be rationally answered. Of course, you know all the details, so what you did is likely the right call, but personally, I would have taken her statement playfully and as a challenge to my seduction skills, "should we have a chaperone or a whole fleet of them like in the Godfather?" "don't worry, I'll wear my chastity belt" and then gone on with the meet. They want to be seduced, persuaded gently, for us to show our desire. There's nothing wrong with what you did and often it is the right call, but maybe reconsider whether it was more of a brick wall or a challenge on her part.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

This felt good today.

A woman I offered to spend time with today messaged me several hours before our meet up and told me she didn't want anything sexual to happen. I reminded her of what I had made clear previously, my interest in her is more than platonic.

I basically told her if she was uncomfortable spending time with me we should just drop it for today, maybe another time

It felt great to state my intentions and walk away.

I don't think you played this right. You told her you wanted something more than platonic, and she still agreed to meet with you. Instead of using game in person to escalate things, you basically tried to convince her in text message that you wanted to have sex.

Not very smooth man.

 

[Redwolf]

I don't think you played this right. You told her you wanted something more than platonic, and she still agreed to meet with you. Instead of using game in person to escalate things, you basically tried to convince her in text message that you wanted to have sex.

Not very smooth man.

There really is a lot more to it than what I posted here and I'm not going to type it all out. But her and I have known each other for a while and she's attempted to put me in fz before. We are around each other often and she knows I want more. I've made it very clear.

I dropped her this day and took another girl out who she knows. This other girl actually posted pics of us together this day on fb. I got a good laugh out of that.

I believe I played it right based on what I know about this girl. No regrets

 

[Redwolf]

He did the right thing.

When a girl tells you that sex isn't going to happen, before you even mention it...it's going to happen.

He fails this mother of all sh!t tests if he still agrees to meet with her on HER terms.

This is exactly why I dropped her. I'm not meeting on platonic terms. I made that very clear.

 

[Redwolf]

Much more detail needed. If they mention sex at all in any way without the "let's just be friends" putoff included when you haven't brought up the topic, often they are thinking about sex with you and testing or wanting you to heat things up or apply a little subtle persuasion, seduction, desire. Sometimes they are testing for the man to show temper or whine, other thirsty turnoffs. Remember that nothing they do is ever their fault, and they are often looking for ways to remove any accountability from the impulsive things they do. Indifferent or worse women don't try to test men in this way IME. Many times I have heard "I'm not going to sleep with you," and then upon "full stopping" the date instantly at that point, when I start to leave while remaining cool and affectionate with a smile and an ominous "take care!" they are pulling me back and even texting for me to come back before I leave in the car.

Remember never take what they say as a man saying it to be rationally answered. Of course, you know all the details, so what you did is likely the right call, but personally, I would have taken her statement playfully and as a challenge to my seduction skills, "should we have a chaperone or a whole fleet of them like in the Godfather?" "don't worry, I'll wear my chastity belt" and then gone on with the meet. They want to be seduced, persuaded gently, for us to show our desire. There's nothing wrong with what you did and often it is the right call, but maybe reconsider whether it was more of a brick wall or a challenge on her part.

I fully understand where you're coming from here. However in this case I am pretty certain it's a wall. This girl is big on having fz guys for attention.

 

[Redwolf]

I don't think you played this right. You told her you wanted something more than platonic, and she still agreed to meet with you. Instead of using game in person to escalate things, you basically tried to convince her in text message that you wanted to have sex.

Not very smooth man.

I really feel she was more trying to get out of the meet. She knows I want more and even said that. She made it clear she didn't want to do anything sexual. So I dropped her. I'm not here just to be pals.

 

[Toddz]

I would have messaged back "that's fine, I don't know if I'm even attracted to you yet..."

Agree and amplify while at the same time knocking her self value and worth down.

 

[Redwolf]

I would have messaged back "that's fine, I don't know if I'm even attracted to you yet..."

Agree and amplify while at the same time knocking her self value and worth down.

I'm not but hurt and didn't want to sound that way to her. I restated my intentions, dropped her and spent time with another girl who was down for me.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

Okay, but I don't see much seducing going on here. Just because you're upfront with a woman and tell them you want sex, it doesn't mean they're going to give it to you, lol.

From the little bit you've posted, I don't feel much of a seducer vibe from you. I don't see much game. Just you getting upset when you ask for sex and she says no.

Ironically, you landed in the very place you were trying to avoid... the friendzone.

You know why? Because your emotions got the best of you. You revealed your intentions before the woman's emotions were invested.

You weren't being clear with your intentions, you were telling her how you feel.

Fatal mistake.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

Depending on the rapport between these two, the message you suggest might make her think, 'fvck this guy.'

I'm not a fan of the super overt neg. This isn't 2004.

Totally agree. This forum at times seems to forget we're not in the early 2000s anymore.

 

[Redwolf]

Depending on the rapport between these two, the message you suggest might make her think, 'fvck this guy.'

I'm not a fan of the super overt neg. This isn't 2004.

This is why I left it at "maybe another time". I'm fine with walking away without burning the bridge.

 

[Redwolf]

Okay, but I don't see much seducing going on here. Just because you're upfront with a woman and tell them you want sex, it doesn't mean they're going to give it to you, lol.

From the little bit you've posted, I don't feel much of a seducer vibe from you. I don't see much game. Just you getting upset when you ask for sex and she says no.

Ironically, you landed in the very place you were trying to avoid... the friendzone.

You know why? Because your emotions got the best of you. You revealed your intentions before the woman's emotions were invested.

You weren't being clear with your intentions, you were telling her how you feel.

Fatal mistake.

Your response is full of assumptions about the situation.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

No it isn't. I'm going off exactly what you said.

I'm trying to get you to think differently. Anytime you're in a situation where you have to convince a woman, it's not going good. That means her emotions are not invested in the situation.

Now that you have said you've known her for a while and she has attempted to put you in the FZ, the whole "nothing sexual is going to happen" makes sense. Everybody is telling you how you should respond, instead of asking you what lead up to all this. I don't need to ask, because I already know.

You came off way too strong. That is the only reason a woman would respond like that. You can tell me you didn't, and that's fine. But I'm going to tell you something, more guys get put in the friendzone for coming off too strong than anything else.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Is there really trying when it comes to a female putting someone in the friend zone. He said she "tried" to put him in the friend zone a few times. Could it just be that he IS IN the friend zone?

 

[SargeMaximus]

I've heard guys tell me that it's better to seduce and "pass" these **** tests but in my experience, if she's REALLY interested in you, she'll take your lead.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

Is there really trying when it comes to a female putting someone in the friend zone. He said she "tried" to put him in the friend zone a few times. Could it just be that he IS IN the friend zone?

He definitely is. Most guys are under the impression they land there by not making a move. This is a prime example of how that's not entirely true. You're just as likely to land there by being too aggressive, which is the case here.

You should absolutely meet up, but DON'T make a move on her. She's expecting you to do that. Instead, be a fun, cool guy. Don't hint at the fact you want to bang her, don't bring up your previous conversations, etc. You treat her like she's in your friendzone.