Too soon to date?

[TheNewStyle123]

What's up guys.

8 months post separation. I've had a small sample size of girls (bucked 13 so far and been on 20+ first dates) to determine what I want/don't want in a women to avoid the mistake of my marriage. I've also taken a lot of time to reflect and better myself in a lot of aspects of life to make sure I am mentally and emotionally ready for the next STR or LTR I may enter.

With that said. There is a girl I have been seeing for about a month now. She is just incredible. Always wants to fuuck or blow me whenever she comes over. Really submissive, Brazilian (had to throw that in their), sweet, attractive, giving, and cooks/cleans when she comes over. We have a lot of fun together and I really enjoy spending my time with her. Compared to the other girls I have fuucked or been on a date with, there really isn't much comparison - she stands above the rest.

I know this is a completely subjective question and none of you are in my exact position, but for any of my guys who got divorced (or broke off a LTR), when did you begin to date again and how did you know you were ready? My plan is to continue remaining nonexclusive until she inevitably brings it up "what are we", but at that point it would be hard for me to let her go just to keep seeing other women. I'm a little torn.


Thanks boys.

 

[Sir FB]

Took me 7 years post divorce to get where you are at. However, I was hobbled most of that time by blue pill programming. I eventually learned the mechanics of attraction and began to get laid but soon after that, I sat down and asked myself what I wanted. Turns out, I didn’t want to endlessly spin plates. I want to be in a committed relationship.

So an opportunity arose with a woman I like and that is the direction I’m now going. Maybe this relationship has an expiration date. Maybe I’ll learn things in the process and decide I do in fact want to spin plates. I currently don’t want to live with a woman and I’m definitely not looking for marriage, but I believe I’m as ready as I’ll ever be to investigate an exclusive relationship.

The truth is that you’ll never be ready. A superior man sees what he wants and goes for it. Ask yourself what it is that you want and pursue it. Hanging back because of fear of the unknown will lead to dissatisfaction and depression. The path is not around, it is through.

 

[Lookatu]

She is just incredible. Always wants to fuuck or blow me whenever she comes over. Really submissive, Brazilian (had to throw that in their), sweet, attractive, giving, and cooks/cleans when she comes over. We have a lot of fun together and I really enjoy spending my time with her. Compared to the other girls I have fuucked or been on a date with, there really isn't much comparison - she stands above the rest.

The truth is that you’ll never be ready. A superior man sees what he wants and goes for it.

Exactly ^^^

It sounds like you dated around to find out what you did and didn't like and did it methodically without jumping into anything quickly. You took some time off to evaluate and learn/reflect. Now it's time to keep moving forward. You said all the magic ingredients that makes a good woman and that other's will be lucky to find.

It sounds like you got a solid plan. If that question comes up, I'd personally take a chance as you may not get it again. And unlike other guys, you won't be going in blind as you've been on SS here long enough to be educated on many aspects of a woman. So it's not like you're going in with ignorance like other non SS guys do. You've already got a leg up IMO to succeed. My $.02

 

[Kotaix]

What's up guys.

8 months post separation. I've had a small sample size of girls (bucked 13 so far and been on 20+ first dates) to determine what I want/don't want in a women to avoid the mistake of my marriage. I've also taken a lot of time to reflect and better myself in a lot of aspects of life to make sure I am mentally and emotionally ready for the next STR or LTR I may enter.

With that said. There is a girl I have been seeing for about a month now. She is just incredible. Always wants to fuuck or blow me whenever she comes over. Really submissive, Brazilian (had to throw that in their), sweet, attractive, giving, and cooks/cleans when she comes over. We have a lot of fun together and I really enjoy spending my time with her. Compared to the other girls I have fuucked or been on a date with, there really isn't much comparison - she stands above the rest.

I know this is a completely subjective question and none of you are in my exact position, but for any of my guys who got divorced (or broke off a LTR), when did you begin to date again and how did you know you were ready? My plan is to continue remaining nonexclusive until she inevitably brings it up "what are we", but at that point it would be hard for me to let her go just to keep seeing other women. I'm a little torn.


Thanks boys.

Brazilian women are amazing compared to american women.
Be mindful of women with a huge libido, this is a sign of BPD. But that said, brazilians are much more sexual than americans.

You are ready to be in another relationship when you find a woman who is worthy of a relationship. But you must always be able to walk out on her if she crosses the line. What that line is is up to you, but you need to set one and die by it.

 

[jimwho]

Just try not to make any risky decisions until well after the honeymoon. You are slaying imo but be mindful of
How cunning women are. >"If its too good to be true". But so far she sounds like a great catch.

Dee was the same. One year in and she couldn't help herself. Suggestions, hints, proposals. Aargh.

 

[Epimanes]

I'm 2yrs out of my marriage from my high school sweet heart. We had been together from 15 and 16.... she left me after 23+ yrs of marriage for an uglier guy with more money than I can compete with.... kids (23and 16) picked me after 1yr of Seperation. Anyways.... what I have learned is that you will never be ready for someone else.... likely no one will ever feel like it was during that really long relationship... you will forever be expecting the shoe to drop... and for that reason you will be forever guarded.... but that shouldn't stop you from at least giving another woman a chance..... go with your gut.... and don't ever ignore it again. It never lies.... ask me how I know.

Epi

 

[Epimanes]

Nothing is forever...... enjoy it for what it is.... til it isn't.

 

[2Rocky]

Ask these questions about your self and later about your potential partner... (substitute "ME" for she...)

Is she available to commit to a relationship with me?



Do I love her for who she is right now, who she is today?



Does she blame her ex, kids, other people, or circumstances for her life situation?



Is this what I really want?



Am I afraid to be alone?



Does she talk too much (especially about herself) and tend to monopolize the conversation?



Does she appear to be poor listener?



Do I find myself wanting to “help” or rescue this divorced or divorcing woman because I see her potential?



Is she emotionally distant?



What kind of effort does she make to really connect?



Does she walk her talk? Does what she says about herself appear to match reality?



What am I most attracted to about her?



Do I find myself focusing on one important quality (sex, fun, humor, money, etc), while ignoring unmet relationship requirements?



Do we share values?



Is she pessimistic or negative about things that matter to me?



Does she appear to still be pining for her ex or another past relationship?



What do this woman and I have in common?



What are the glaring differences between me and my partner?



Am I avoiding looking at the differences, because of the important things that we have in common?



Does she appear to accept feedback, take responsibility, and be willing to self-examine?



Is she honest in dealing with people, money, etc?



Does she appear to lack integrity?



Am I trying to change this woman to fit what I want, instead of accepting her for who she is?



Does it feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster, and that there is regular and recurring emotional drama in this relationship?



Does this woman tend to react to frustration with anger, rage and/or blame?



Does she try to control everything (including me)?



Would I want this woman to raise my child?



Is this woman looking to me to make her life better (especially if her life is particularly problematic?)



How is her attitude?



Does she appear to be overly judgmental toward herself or other people?



Does she have an active addition (or addictive disposition)?



If she has an addiction or addictive disposition, does she rationalize it as “not a problem”?



Can I depend on this woman to keep agreements?



Does this woman tend to be immature, impulsive, and/or irresponsible?



Would I want my child to be exactly like my partner?

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Took me 7 years post divorce to get where you are at. However, I was hobbled most of that time by blue pill programming. I eventually learned the mechanics of attraction and began to get laid but soon after that, I sat down and asked myself what I wanted. Turns out, I didn’t want to endlessly spin plates. I want to be in a committed relationship.

So an opportunity arose with a woman I like and that is the direction I’m now going. Maybe this relationship has an expiration date. Maybe I’ll learn things in the process and decide I do in fact want to spin plates. I currently don’t want to live with a woman and I’m definitely not looking for marriage, but I believe I’m as ready as I’ll ever be to investigate an exclusive relationship.

The truth is that you’ll never be ready. A superior man sees what he wants and goes for it. Ask yourself what it is that you want and pursue it. Hanging back because of fear of the unknown will lead to dissatisfaction and depression. The path is not around, it is through.

Great story man thank you! And amen to what I bolded above, that's true about ALL facets of life!

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Exactly ^^^

It sounds like you dated around to find out what you did and didn't like and did it methodically without jumping into anything quickly. You took some time off to evaluate and learn/reflect. Now it's time to keep moving forward. You said all the magic ingredients that makes a good woman and that other's will be lucky to find.

It sounds like you got a solid plan. If that question comes up, I'd personally take a chance as you may not get it again. And unlike other guys, you won't be going in blind as you've been on SS here long enough to be educated on many aspects of a woman. So it's not like you're going in with ignorance like other non SS guys do. You've already got a leg up IMO to succeed. My $.02

Definitely man. Once again I'm grateful for finding TRM and deciding to join this site. It has been a roller coaster these past few months and it's been wild opening up and sharing the successes and failures with everyone on here (and more to come). She seems like a really sweet girl and as you mentioned on another one of my posts, that doesn't always come by too many times in life.

If and when it comes to it, I think I would choose her over continuing to spin plates.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Brazilian women are amazing compared to american women.
Be mindful of women with a huge libido, this is a sign of BPD. But that said, brazilians are much more sexual than americans.

You are ready to be in another relationship when you find a woman who is worthy of a relationship. But you must always be able to walk out on her if she crosses the line. What that line is is up to you, but you need to set one and die by it.

Yes and yes hahaha. Them and Hispanic women are my favorite. Thank you for the tip buddy.

 

[Toddz]

One month is such a short period of time. Just enjoy the moment and continue screening her for any possible red flags.