DonJuanjr's growing pains

[DonJuanjr]

Well I was a little inebriated when I thought that was a good idea... In hindsight I guess not... Either way, it helps with the approach aspect of game, because I am losing approach anxiety knowing that even when you get the number, or date, nothing is set in stone. So why get nervous with the approach if there's still a good chance of it leading no where.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Thanks for helping realize a rule I should stick to from now on. No texting prospective dates after a certain amount of drinks...

 

[Rainman4707]

I'll text her tomorrow, and set it up for monday.

I don't know fellas..... I feel like a pu$$y and loser. I was at the bar tonight, and there must have been like 15 collage aged females there. They were in groups of 4-5. I didn't have the balls to approach. I just don't know how to carry on a conversation with a group of chicks. I have nothing interesting going on with my life. My passion is weight lifting and coffee. Really compelling conversation.... My chosen career is boring as fvck, and I just don't know how to relate... Does an older guy have to be interesting to be successful with younger chicks? Or is not caring about their opinion of him, automatically make him higher value and lack of interesting life not matter?

Classic fear of rejection. You have to have the mentality to not care what they think of you.
I don't care if those group of hot chicks think i'm weird.
These forums are littered with cold approach. Pook has a post on dj bible.

I'm aware some people advise not to think to much about what you're going to say. I agree with this. Although, i do think it's a great idea to have a automated method to fall back on.
Read the game by neil strauss.

 

[Rainman4707]

Are you going out to the bars with your weightlifting buddies? Are you getting together with other coffee snobs to taste each other's roasted beans ($hit that sounds like a gay metaphor...sorry...)

My point being Friday night is a Social night you spend with buddies. It is easier for groups to meet groups for sure, and tough to break into a group that is engaged within itself. I remember being the OLD guy at the college bar 15 years ago...about the same age as you. It's not easy for anyone.

You gotta remember College kids don't know what they don't know....and they have grownups your age and older STILL telling them what to do. Their world is really small. But they think that they are worldly. So if you can get them to tell you about something THEY think is really important and interesting you won't have to do much work in the convo.

So it's not so much what you have to offer as much as you hearing what THEY have to offer.

"you guys go to school at State U here?"

"Yeeeaaahhhhh...."

"Dorm Sorority or off campus?"

What ever their response.....

"When I went here the Tri-Delts had the best functions/DonJuan Hall had the best rooms/such and such apartments was the party place/ the Office was the bar all the college kids hit on Friday . Is that still the case?"

They talk about whatever.....

"So you must be getting ready to graduate soon. What are you studying?" And then let them talk about ALL their experiences..."


When you have a big age difference...You gotta be real indirect. You might be conversational with 3 groups before you even try to be flirty with a girl...you gotta warm up.

I remember late 2013 when i was reading neil strauss's the game. I was sarging in the clubs. I had a don't give a fu'k attitude. I was a cold approach machine.
I can concur with OP in that when approching some big groups, it did feel like i was interrupting and intruding and yeah likely came acriss as a wierdo, but like i say....i was buzzing with confidence and did'nt give a fu^k about outcome. I felt that i'd rather feel like that then a little beta faggot who is scared to put himself out there.

I agree with you in saying that it's very beneficial to find something in common, but i think that is better for one on one, not big groups. Big groups...you have to be the entertainer. You have to stand out, unless they will ignore you. Especially in the beginning of interaction. Get more personal when you isolate her.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Update:
The chick just texted me back confirming next monday at noon for our date.

 

[Lookatu]

Update:
The chick just texted me back confirming next monday at noon for our date.

Next Monday is a long ways away. I'll put money that something comes up by then(better options) and she'll cancel. I don't mean to sound like a downer but just trying to keep your expectations in check based on your previous interaction with her and her making it all difficult.

Edit: Also noon for a date seems a little odd. Is she expecting a free lunch out of this so she can go on a regular night time date with her first option?

 

[DonJuanjr]

I figured this was a very likely scenario... Hopefully not, because I want to make an a$$ out of myself with attempting/practicing seduction on her. I don't even think I'll get a second date with this chick. Which I don't care if I do or not. I am not in a mindset of "I'm not good enough" or anything. I am just entering this with a practical mindset of ruining it with clumsy seduction. This is an opportunity for growing pains. How long should I wait to text her, to try and keep her barely registering interest alive?

 

[Lookatu]

How long should I wait to text her, to try and keep her barely registering interest alive?

I tried rescheduling the date for today with that chick. She didn't respond. I waited a day then texted "I assume you had a change of heart regarding our date?". She replies "No, I'm just trying to figure it out. Due to free time only during the weekdays before 2." I then reply "Tuesday and twelve thirty." She replies that her dad is coming over to do some things for her and that she didn't know when he'd leave. She said that we could keep it up in the air though. I reply with next monday at noon. No response... So after 3 hours I replied "I tell you what, I'll wait for you to give me times and days when you don't have anything going on. I'll pick from them which works best for me. Till' then."

The way I see it, it started off with already low interest then got lower and you dried up her pvssy double texting, and then stating a time, not once but twice rather than asking. You're texts reek of a power grab and she senses it and it turns her off.

Just by restructuring the way you interact with her could've made the difference. Right now, you're trying to sound like a powerful boss without actually having any ammo behind it.

As for texting her, I don't know if it would really even matter that much at this point. Personally, I wouldn't even text her until the morning of the date to verify that it's still going on. But you can always just send a couple gifs here and there as the damage is already done.

One thing I've learned is that texting is one thing but if you're actually able to meet someone in person, that can change things around because now you have the human component instead of just words on a screen.

 

[DonJuanjr]

DJs always say to be assertive, control the situation, show decisiveness... That's what I was trying to do. I realize the double texting was a bad idea. What would have you said in place of my replies? So I can better gauge the next scenario without over calibrating. I have not replied to her text of "Next monday at noon works". Should I text her "Sounds good" and then go awol till the day of?

 

[DonJuanjr]

Edit: Also noon for a date seems a little odd. Is she expecting a free lunch out of this so she can go on a regular night time date with her first option?

I don't know maybe... She said that it was easier before 2pm to go out, as her daughter is still in school(she has an 8yo). I chose noon because that gives an hour on a date, and if she is craving d!ck, that gives enough time(not that this scenario is likely).

 

[Sir FB]

Sure, text backs "sounds good". Text her Monday morning to confirm, no texts in between.

Be aware that a noon hour date leaves little chance to escalate

HOWEVER, I have come to believe that is not such a bad thing. Remember, you are supposed to be vetting HER as well as the other way around.

Go meet up, have fun, and don't worry about escalating. See if she suits you.

I wouldn't ask her out for a second date while ON the first date.

Leave it for a few days, then text her and ask her out again if you are interested.

Do everything above exactly as he has suggested, it’s spot-on advice for the situation you are in.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I am going to make sure I put a little extra effort in approaching other females till then, as I can use this possible date to reinforce abundance mindset.

 

[Lookatu]

What would have you said in place of my replies?

Don't mix up being assertive as being a d1ck or rude(in their eyes). You don't need to bark up times and make it sound like a command but rather a question. "Tuesday 12:30" sounds more like a command. "Does Tuesday 12:30 work?" sounds like a question.

Should I text her "Sounds good" and then go awol till the day of?

Yes do that. Mauser96's suggestion is good and mirrors mine.

She said that it was easier before 2pm to go out, as her daughter is still in school(she has an 8yo).

She's a single mother with low IL? That's an uphill battle right there.

I am going to make sure I put a little extra effort in approaching other females till then, as I can use this possible date to reinforce abundance mindset.

Definitely. I always double stack when I can in case one flakes. Or there are days when I do staggered dates if both don't flake. Win/Win either way if you can set it up like that.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Update:
The b1tch stood me up. I didn't reach out until today to confirm the date. I didn't get a response, but I figured maybe she was getting around or something. Nope.... Oh well, on to the next...

 

[Sir FB]

Update:
The b1tch stood me up. I didn't reach out until today to confirm the date. I didn't get a response, but I figured maybe she was getting around or something. Nope.... Oh well, on to the next...

The man committed to self improvement will always look at his own shortcomings in these situations. He will evaluate what he did to lower the females attraction, take responsibility, and take steps to improve in the future. The lazy, short sighted man will blame the female rather than recognize she is acting exactly as her nature would prescribe.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I didn't assign blame to her. It was my fault for double texting. I agree she is acting in hypergamous nature. The chick is delusional thinking she can wait it out for mr. right as a mid thirties single mom.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Maybe a little... I mean, it's understandable with a peak smv, but a mid thirties single mom.... I would have thought that would have afforded a little more leeway. I am just frustrated with the missed opportunity of attempted seduction on a date.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Update:
So today I approached 9 females. I got 3 numbers, and so far 1 date lined up for friday. I am waiting on a response for another for thursday. The last chick I have to investigate a little as she seems like a hood rat. Since she is the most likely to put out on the first date, I am probably going to go through with it.

The conversation with the first went:
Me: Hi 1, This is DJj. How's salads at place on friday at 8 sound?
1: Yeah I think that should work!
Me: Sounds good. I'll see you then.
1: See you then!

Conversation with chick 2:
Me: Hi 2. This is DJj. How's apps at place sound on thursday at 8 sound?

I am still waiting for a response on her. She may have gave me her number out of niceness and has no real interest. Her body language was pretty defensive when I was talking with her in the store. She seems introverted. At one point in the conversation I said "You're not interested are you?" she replied with "well I don't know you". So I took this as an invitation to keep trying. I talked a little more, and she was like talking to a brick wall. But she gave me her number and seemed to to take my alternative of having appetizers instead of drinks.

Once this is confirmed, I will set up the third chick's date for Saturday since she is willing to have a drink.

 

[DonJuanjr]

So the chick I was supposed to go on a date with tonight cancelled on me. I texted her around 1:
Me: Hey stranger, just checking to make sure we're still on for tonight.
3 hours later
her: Sorry, something came up. I can't
Me: When can you?
I'm just going to leave it at that. Until further notice she's dead to me.

Regarding chick 2:
I waited until yesterday for a response from her. I didn't get any. I figured since it's so close to my proposed date time, she's ghosting. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I sent her a double text.

Me: Obviously you're not comfortable enough with me yet to go on a date with. If you need to know more about me, text me or call me sometime.
I get a response from her.
Her: Sorry usually people tell me about themselves first. Also I don't have Thursdays off.
Me: I figured I was imposing while you were working, so I wanted to make it quick. Also I thought that is what the date is for.
Her: Okay I see. That is what it's for, but I like to have an idea.

I proceed to tell her a little about myself. She responds with a little about her self. Then she writes:
Her: It's too bad you don't like running. I could use a running buddy.
I'm thinking this is not going well as I'm giving anti seductive friend zone type of attention. So I reply:
Me:Yeah I just don't have the energy after weight lifting. What days do you have off? I could use an appetizer eating buddy. This was a half an hour ago. I'm awaiting a response. I'm hoping the winking face makes it clear that this is a date, and not a friend outing.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I also hit up the hood rat on Tuesday trying to set up a date for tomorrow. She has not replied.