No kiss on the first date, immediate grounds for nexting?

[derby1]

I am wondering if she sees LTR material in me and does not want to come off as too easy? I don't think kissing someone on a first date is considered 'easy' though....

No she is an Attention W/Narcissist who likes to control the frame,(make you work for the kiss) she also flipped the "let me know when you get home safe" onto you.

If there was a date 2, she will let you kiss her, she will smile when kissing but it wont be in a lust way it will be in a control way.

Also on date 2, she will get comfy on your sofa but she will know all the body positions to sit in, to make sure you can't escalate.

 

[AttackFormation]

If we lived in a different culture, then you may not even have gone for the kiss at all on the first date, and her giving the cheek would be normal if you did.

However in the culture we live in now, i believe this is a bad sign. I dont think she behaved the way she did out of any principle she herself has. I think it's just calculation, which personally makes me feel uneasy - if a woman is so cool headedly calculating, it probably means she is lukewarm about you at best.

 

[TheProspect]

I haven't had a girl yet deny me a kiss.

Yeah and that was probably your ego that wanted to instinctively next her after your kiss got rejected.

Try not to be consumed by hard rules of what is promoted here on the forum ("always next if she rejects your kiss close on first date, she's low interest!", etc). You can have guidelines, but don't be rigid in your approach because someone else alleges to have success with a certain method.

Maybe better than dinner for a second date? She lives 30 min from me.

If you just want sex from this girl, schedule a simple date such as drinks at X and that you'll pick her up at Y time. Escalate during the date and you'll figure out where this girl stands with you.

If you see potential for an LTR with this girl, I wouldn't rule out courting her by taking her out for dinner, some girls need to be shown that they are not just being used for sex, and they will appreciate that... as long as you show you have balls and try to make a move.

As long a chick is allowing a natural progression of your escalation towards sex to happen, you're on the right track. What I said about courting a woman will go against what many would advise here, but it's just a reality that the way you approach dating is different if you just want sex asap versus a relationship. You can always determine that she's not LTR material and relegate her to a plate at any point.

In any event, don't continue to invest if she isn't allowing you to escalate by the end of the second date, and continue to date/bang other women in the meantime.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

What's up guys.

Had a great time tonight with this Brazilian girl on our first date. We met at a bar in her town and ended up being there for a few hours talking. Conversation was great, she was a sweet girl, and fun to be around. She and I both initiated kino throughout the night and she seemed interested in me based on the way she had been flirting with me.

When we left the bar I walked her to her car with my arm around her and her up close to me as she said she was cold. She was not averse to this at all and was holding me tightly too as we walked. When we got to her car she offered to drive me to mine. Bingo. I figured this would be a perfect time to try to make out with her.

When we got to my car she pulled up next to it and didn't park her car. That was my first sign that she may have been trying to avoid a kiss. When I turned to her to say goodnight and went in for a kiss, she kissed my cheek and said "it's better this way." And some other line that I really can't remember now that was a nice way of saying "not tonight". She asked me to text her when I got home.

When I go home I said "I made it home safe!"

She said "I had a really great time with you, the hours just flew, it was nice to get to know a little bit of you. I hope you had good time too. I wish you a good night and sweet dreams" (with a kiss and heart eyes emoji).

Me: "Me too. It did go by very fast. Goodnight!"


Would you guys give this girl another date? Throughout the night from the way she described her past relationships and herself she definitely seems like she takes things slow/is careful. She is an intelligent, hardworking girl and an HB8. I can understand a girl being a little guarded, but do you think I would just be fighting an uphill battle at this point if there was no genuine desire to kiss on our first date?

Thanks boys.

Don’t whine because she only gave you a cheek kiss the first date. Men these days think if you don’t get into her pants within an hour of meeting her it’s a fail.
Sounds like you’ll get your kiss soon, but there’s no need for impatience.

 

[derby1]

Its not the fact that she offered the cheek, its the fact we know womens true nature, and they are perfectly capable of a passionate kiss on the first meet, its as simple as a handshake to them.

the fact is she hasnt given OP the handshake.

so "he is now wondering if he has got the job as secretary, as she wants to run the corporation"

 

[RickTheToad]

Good plan buddy - thank you! And I have been following the same policy as you as far as escalation on dates. This caught me by surprise though. I haven't had a girl yet deny me a kiss. But like @Velasco said, just means you have to step your game up.

And yeah @RickTheToad and @BillyPilgrim I'm going to try that. Maybe better than dinner for a second date? She lives 30 min from me.

Activity and if it goes well, get a drink or tapas (something light) near her home. Preferably walking distance; if possible.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Don’t whine because she only gave you a cheek kiss the first date. Men these days think if you don’t get into her pants within an hour of meeting her it’s a fail.
Sounds like you’ll get your kiss soon, but there’s no need for impatience.

Good advice man thank you. @TheCharmingGuy makes a great point too. I think a second date is definitely worth investigating. If no escalation on this date - then I'll next her. But it's not worth the missed opportunity when date #2 can be a small investment.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Activity and if it goes well, get a drink or tapas (something light) near her home. Preferably walking distance; if possible.

She texted me later in the day asking what I was up to today. I was seeing a plate and didn't respond to her for a few hours when I was cooking later. She replied "wow that sounds delicious, I should of invited myself over to try some of that!"

I responded that she should MAKE food with me this Wednesday night and replied to another text message she sent. She did not reply about coming over Wednesday but acknowledged it by liking the message. I think at this point I am not going to mention it again and she continues to text me, tomorrow I'll drop "so what did you decide to make for your part of the meal Wednesday night? I am going to show you how to make (insert dish)."

Do you suggest going to a public place instead even if she sent a text like that?

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Don't text her tomorrow.

I'll elaborate when I get home and to my computer.

I have an unopened video message from her on my phone. (she sent a video of herself. Doesn't look promiscuous but she's wearing a tank top in her room alone.

Should I open and respond tonight?

 

[RickTheToad]

I have an unopened video message from her on my phone. (she sent a video of herself. Doesn't look promiscuous but she's wearing a tank top in her room alone.

Should I open and respond tonight?

No. Think you may had jumped the gun a bit. Next time, this one or another one, when they said something like they should invite themselves over, you respond. When works for you? Just wait until she replies. Nothing more until she replies.

Since she sent you a video, view it in the morning and then reply back. Short and sweet.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She texted me later in the day asking what I was up to today. I was seeing a plate and didn't respond to her for a few hours when I was cooking later. She replied "wow that sounds delicious, I should of invited myself over to try some of that!"

I responded that she should MAKE food with me this Wednesday night and replied to another text message she sent. She did not reply about coming over Wednesday but acknowledged it by liking the message. I think at this point I am not going to mention it again and she continues to text me, tomorrow I'll drop "so what did you decide to make for your part of the meal Wednesday night? I am going to show you how to make (insert dish)."

Do you suggest going to a public place instead even if she sent a text like that?

I think that was too eager. Gotta have patience my friend. Ask her out for the public place.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

I think that was too eager. Gotta have patience my friend. Ask her out for the public place.

I won’t bring that up again then and next offer will be a public place. Good idea!

 

[Focal core]

If no escalation on this date - then I'll next her. But it's not worth the missed opportunity when date #2 can be a small investment.

Fully agree on this op

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Do whatever your gut is telling you.

You’re running the risk of out-gaming yourself because you’re striving for perfection with every text, every interaction.

I think you’re right...

 

[RickPound]

Like @Hank Moody and @LARaiders85 are saying - Overthinking and out gaming can be counter productive. A strategy for avoiding this, if a text requires a reply, is type what you would say out loud if you were having a real conversation with her (or one of your guy friends).
Her: I should’ve invited myself over to try some of that
You: Yea you should’ve. It was good.

Whatever you say is no big deal. You’re not going to change much through a text conversation like this. But you can make it weird by trying too hard to be perfect and potentially lose some ground. I doubt she is analyzing the words like you are.

As far as the video, open it tonight and don’t reply.

If you find yourself trying to keep the text convo going, and a reply to her isn’t specifically needed, it’s too much. Better to end it with one from her and wait for her to reach out again (double text), however long that takes. Always look for your opportunity to bow out of the text exchange rather than keep it going.

It helps maintain mystery and keeps you from talking her out of being interested.

Imagination is what they want early on.

 

[manfrombelow]

She asked me to text her when I got home. And yeah man if no kissing on at least the second date I’m out!

This is typical manipultive move experienced girls pull to "test" you. I have encountered this countless times, and I never do it. If they asked, I'd just say "Oh I was too sleepy so I forgot."

 

[derby1]

"wow that sounds delicious, I should of invited myself over to try some of that!"

Bro
Words>Actions

shes getting you high on the "feel good"

dont get rid of her, just understand how good these women are at this.

I also believe it will be transaction sex, Not Lust

 

[derby1]

This is typical manipultive move experienced girls pull to "test" you. I have encountered this countless times, and I never do it. If they asked, I'd just say "Oh I was too sleepy so I forgot."

I understand its a flip of what we advise, why is it manipulative? interested as its only been done to me by Narcs

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Bro
Words>Actions

shes getting you high on the "feel good"

dont get rid of her, just understand how good these women are at this.

I also believe it will be transaction sex, Not Lust

My last experience with transactional sex (with the 22 y.o.) wasn’t great. Maybe I should cut like now hahaha

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Like @Hank Moody and @LARaiders85 are saying - Overthinking and out gaming can be counter productive. A strategy for avoiding this, if a text requires a reply, is type what you would say out loud if you were having a real conversation with her (or one of your guy friends).
Her: I should’ve invited myself over to try some of that
You: Yea you should’ve. It was good.

Whatever you say is no big deal. You’re not going to change much through a text conversation like this. But you can make it weird by trying too hard to be perfect and potentially lose some ground. I doubt she is analyzing the words like you are.

As far as the video, open it tonight and don’t reply.

If you find yourself trying to keep the text convo going, and a reply to her isn’t specifically needed, it’s too much. Better to end it with one from her and wait for her to reach out again (double text), however long that takes. Always look for your opportunity to bow out of the text exchange rather than keep it going.

It helps maintain mystery and keeps you from talking her out of being interested.

Imagination is what they want early on.

Damn, that is a much better answer haha. I like that. Overall, you're right though. Overthinking is counterproductive and the minute you start doing that dating isn't fun anymore. Everyone has given great advice on this. I'm going to proceed and try not to overthink things and see what happens.