How do I improve on interactions like this, shot myself in the foot.

[sangheilios]

I had the entire day to myself and was doing some errands and stopped at a wal mart that I normally frequent to pick up a few things. The last thing I needed to pick up was some new razors, which they have locked away, and by chance the employee there that asked if I needed help was this cute woman in her early 20s, not super hot but definitely attractive (pretty face, nice body, etc.). Anyway, I grab the razors and initiated a conversation with her. It started with asking if she liked working there and it eventually got to where she grew up, what she was in college for, what she did for fun, etc. This went on for about 5 minutes and then there was this pause in the conversation and I froze and started feeling anxiety building up internally. She was lingering there and didn't at all make an effort to leave but I got so nervous and uncomfortable that I ejected myself from the conversation by saying I had to leave. She looked disappointed and then went back to what she was doing and within a few seconds I knew I had blown it but I decided not to linger, so I just took it as a loss and walked away.

This was the first time I've interacted with a female like this since COVID lockdowns hit over a year ago so I realize I'm out of practice but I was very angry with myself for messing something like this up. I have no idea how to improve upon issues like this.

 

[Paper Crane]

Hey man, there's nothing you did wrong. Sounds like you're just not used to these type of interactions and got a bit nervous or anxious.
It's good that you exited the conversation because that's what you naturally felt inclined to do. Now, if you run into her again, you can capitalize on it.

I do the same thing when I approach women at social events or at the club. I think it's weird to hover around them and ask for too much but also can be weird to close right away.. So I go around and do my thing, hang with my friends, talk to a different girl, and when I bump back into them, they're usually a bit more drunk/tipsy and it becomes so much more easy to escalate since you already initiated with them.

another thing you can easily do is simply tell them that you'd like to keep in touch, and ask for their number, offer yours, or ask for some social media info. one of my friends is a big advocate of the social media thing because his IG page is designed to sell himself in the sense that he purposely structured it and the content on it to make him look like the perfect bachelor candidate for a sexual hookup or casual date

 

[Paper Crane]

Next time you see her in the store, tell her you're getting a drink at XYZ Bar at 7. Invite her to join.

There's no need to slow play this. And I agree w/ @Paper Crane - you didn't do anything wrong here.

I would advise against this unless it's like a Friday night. It's also a strong move, a bit too strong if the girl isn't really interested in you and was just looking for conversation. Also try not to mention an outing unless you mention your friends. A girl who's practically a stranger to you doesn't want to hear you ask her to go alone with you to a random bar to get drunk. "I'm meeting some friends at this cool karoake bar tomorrow if you want to come along" is much better. It's a value proposition but it's also alot safer than going alone with a stranger somewhere and also provides instant social proof.

But also I want to mention something that I should have mentioned initially:
I think many guys have the preconceived notion that if a girl is engaging in conversation with you that she's actually into you rather than killing time at work and being friendly. The best way to gauge interest in a woman is a simple and direct : "do you have a boyfriend?" If she says yes, you can try to pry her more, or you can respect it as a sign she's not interested. If she says no, you're pretty much game, unless she mentions "but i'm not looking for anything right now". This can also be interpreted different ways based on other things mentioned and cues during the conversation.

Regardless man, I think most people should just not waste time with cold approach and focus on getting a good Tinder game. Even skilled PUA's are switching from mainly cold approach to OLD. If you can master OLD, you can have hundreds of matches a day at your disposal.

 

[sangheilios]

Next time you see her in the store, tell her you're getting a drink at XYZ Bar at 7. Invite her to join.

There's no need to slow play this. And I agree w/ @Paper Crane - you didn't do anything wrong here.

Most likely I won't run into her there, it's not like I go every single day and this is a super Wal Mart that has a ton of employees and customers.

 

[sangheilios]

Hey man, there's nothing you did wrong. Sounds like you're just not used to these type of interactions and got a bit nervous or anxious.
It's good that you exited the conversation because that's what you naturally felt inclined to do. Now, if you run into her again, you can capitalize on it.

I do the same thing when I approach women at social events or at the club. I think it's weird to hover around them and ask for too much but also can be weird to close right away.. So I go around and do my thing, hang with my friends, talk to a different girl, and when I bump back into them, they're usually a bit more drunk/tipsy and it becomes so much more easy to escalate since you already initiated with them.

another thing you can easily do is simply tell them that you'd like to keep in touch, and ask for their number, offer yours, or ask for some social media info. one of my friends is a big advocate of the social media thing because his IG page is designed to sell himself in the sense that he purposely structured it and the content on it to make him look like the perfect bachelor candidate for a sexual hookup or casual date

It's not very often when I have very spontaneous interactions with women in public that I am also attracted to, so as you said it isn't really something I'm all that accustomed to. Before I left I should have just asked for her number but when I froze and decided to eject myself I didn't want to reapproach her as that would have been very awkward, so instead of lingering I just went about my business.

 

[jaymbrs]

"So look I gotta run but I'd love to continue this conversation some other time, say over coffee?"

 

[sangheilios]

"So look I gotta run but I'd love to continue this conversation some other time, say over coffee?"

I know that's what I should have said, this thread is more about how to not have these awkward pauses and avoiding anxiousness, etc.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I know that's what I should have said, this thread is more about how to not have these awkward pauses and avoiding anxiousness, etc.

Practice, practice and more practice. Failure is the mother of success.

 

[Paper Crane]

I like your approach. I just prefer to be pretty direct with women I meet, when it comes to asking them out.

And if a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, my response is always, "that's cool, but I'd prefer if he didn't come along."

Another good one and my go-to is "How long have you had that problem?" lol

 

[ThisIsSparta]

This went on for about 5 minutes and then there was this pause in the conversation and I froze and started feeling anxiety building up internally.

5 Minutes conversation is long enough for her to decide if she would go on a date with you or not.
You dont want to tell the story of your life on a first encounter in a walmart and after all she is at work.
Get her phone number/ social media and be on your way.

 

[SW15]

And if a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, my response is always, "that's cool, but I'd prefer if he didn't come along."

This is a solid boyfriend destroyer line. I have a few others I use. Getting the "I Have a Boyfriend" excuse is annoying. I wasn't hearing it as much in the few years before the pandemic as I did in the 2000s. I didn't learn the boyfriend destroyer tactic until the 2010s when I was hearing the excuse less. I think women have moved beyond that excuse in large part.

 

[jaymbrs]

I know that's what I should have said, this thread is more about how to not have these awkward pauses and avoiding anxiousness, etc.

When you feel that awkward pause coming, use my line.

 

[NoMind]

I like your approach. I just prefer to be pretty direct with women I meet, when it comes to asking them out.

And if a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, my response is always, "that's cool, but I'd prefer if he didn't come along."

Good one

Another line I like use is:
"So do you have a boyfriend?"
"Yes"
"Ok so when is he making us dinner"

 

[Sir FB]

I did a cold approach at a place with live music the other day and would have totally fallen into that nervousness. Luckilly I was there with a group of friends to get dinner, so I was able to say that I had to get back to my friends but asked for a phone number. It worked and I got a date out of it. I think Corey Wayne talks about this. Find an excuse to GTFO and get a phone number.

 

[corrector]

I would advise against this unless it's like a Friday night. It's also a strong move, a bit too strong if the girl isn't really interested in you and was just looking for conversation. Also try not to mention an outing unless you mention your friends. A girl who's practically a stranger to you doesn't want to hear you ask her to go alone with you to a random bar to get drunk. "I'm meeting some friends at this cool karoake bar tomorrow if you want to come along" is much better. It's a value proposition but it's also alot safer than going alone with a stranger somewhere and also provides instant social proof.

But also I want to mention something that I should have mentioned initially:
I think many guys have the preconceived notion that if a girl is engaging in conversation with you that she's actually into you rather than killing time at work and being friendly. The best way to gauge interest in a woman is a simple and direct : "do you have a boyfriend?" If she says yes, you can try to pry her more, or you can respect it as a sign she's not interested. If she says no, you're pretty much game, unless she mentions "but i'm not looking for anything right now". This can also be interpreted different ways based on other things mentioned and cues during the conversation.

Regardless man, I think most people should just not waste time with cold approach and focus on getting a good Tinder game. Even skilled PUA's are switching from mainly cold approach to OLD. If you can master OLD, you can have hundreds of matches a day at your disposal.

Interesting. Usually I thought our job as guys is to close, or number close rather than give her an out. It is up to her to interpret your intent and reply accordingly. This way you did not give her an out. Also sometimes there are strong vibes where you dont find yourself closing because you just feel its not meant to be that level. That way I never ask a girl if she is single because it sounds too desperate to do so.

 

[derby1]

And if a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, my response is always, "that's cool, but I'd prefer if he didn't come along."

"Great he can cook for us"

 

[Paper Crane]

Interesting. Usually I thought our job as guys is to close, or number close rather than give her an out. It is up to her to interpret your intent and reply accordingly. This way you did not give her an out. Also sometimes there are strong vibes where you dont find yourself closing because you just feel its not meant to be that level. That way I never ask a girl if she is single because it sounds too desperate to do so.

nah that's the most direct way to do it. in fact, its one of my favorite openers especially on a busy bar street, or a night out at the club or bar hopping.. when i see girls on the street i usually hit them with the "daym you bad.. can i get a 360?" and if she complies, i move in. OR ill straight up ask them "damn girl u bad af, u single?" .. its direct and lets u know right away if their game or not. good way to skip all the bull.**** and have her confused as to why ur trying to talk to her or whether she likes you or not.

ofc i dont really just say the same generic thing over like "dam you bad".. its kind of whatever just comes out at the moment, whatever im feeling., but the rest is the same premise.

 

[corrector]

100% with being direct, but asking the Walmart girl to go on a date after a 5min conversation is a bit uncalibrated, almost creepy. Pick up on chicks while they at work rarely works in my experience but it's not impossible.

You have to gamble with the hand you are given. The OP should be good looking enough not to be creepy and his regret is the lady seemed disappointed he chickened out and did not close her and was a wuss about it. An alpha guy knows what he wants. He says me like this girl and she is mine but she does not know it yet and goes for the number!

 

[jaymbrs]

You have to gamble with the hand you are given. The OP should be good looking enough not to be creepy and his regret is the lady seemed disappointed he chickened out and did not close her and was a wuss about it. An alpha guy knows what he wants. He says me like this girl and she is mine but she does not know it yet and goes for the number!

In theory. But in the real world, women have to warm up to you (unless you're Brad Pitt). You can be alpha all day long but if she feels intimidated or in any way uncomfortable, chances are good you're not getting that girl.

 

[corrector]

In theory. But in the real world, women have to warm up to you (unless you're Brad Pitt). You can be alpha all day long but if she feels intimidated or in any way uncomfortable, chances are good you're not getting that girl.

The OP girl seemed comfortable and was waiting for him to lead.