Help - oneitis/getting too attached

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey guys,

Back with an update. About a month ago she asked for exclusivity. I declined on the base of her bringing up other guys, said I found it pretty disrespectful so I’d rather wait. A week later I said let’s go for it.

about 2 weeks later she kissed with some guy from work in an evening brainstorm with wine. He’d been chasing her for a while. She said she’d almost let it happen just to get it over with because he’d been chasing her (which is a weird ****ing way to think). Anyways she told me and I told her to leave and that we’re done. About 5 days later we met up and decided I’d give it another shot. She looked like **** and hadn’t slept well over it.

it’s been pretty good since then. She’s been submissive, giving me wakeup BJ’s, cooking etc. but that kiss has still been in my head and ****ing with my self esteem tbh, something I’ve never had befote. I’m also worried about her losing respect for me for coming back on my decision and me losing my self-respect. I think I should cut her loose but I dig her and all is going well lately.

She doesn't respect you or the relationship. You will likely find out she has been doing a bunch of sh!t behind your back within a few months, possibly even dating back to even the beginning of your relationship.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Hey all

Long time lurker/first time poster here.

I’ve been seeing this girl for about 3 months now and I need some advice. It’s all going well - we have the same interests, her interest level is high, submissive etc. but I feel like I’m losing frame here. I’m 27, she’s 31 (yes I know).

She’s a quality girl, the kind that can genuinely spark up a room and partly because of that she’s good in the marketplace. I know guys still hit her up and it doesn’t bother me (think I passed every **** test there is) but what happened yesterday is still stuck in my head. Not per se what she did, but my own internal reaction. A guy she briefly used to date hit her up to have a threesome with a girl he’s currently dating. She told me that she’s been bicurious for a while and she wanted to know my thoughts on the treesome. I told her that if she wants to do it that she should just do it and that we can do what we want because we haven’t agreed to anything as we’re not exclusive. Then I felt she kinda regretted mentioning it (**** test?) and she also that she’d appreciate it if I told her I had sex with other people. Then she went on to tell me that it would be a way better idea to just have a threesome between her and a second girl we picked (what am I even complaining about here right).

Even though it might’ve been a **** test, the thought of her ****ing some other guy (even in a threesome) made me jealous which normally never happens to me, which leads me to concluding that I’m waaay too emotionally invested. At the same time I just know she’s also into me and I don’t wanna lose frame as this could be relationship material. I know this is the wrong way to think but I’m very much into her and I can’t help being a soft little b*tch at the moment.

I’m not spinning any plates atm (difficult with covid and tbh I’ve had it for a while, just not into it) so that’s also why I’m losing frame and gett

My plan is to get more distance (physically when I’m with her + texting etc.), to keep the dates light and to focus on my goals again. Yesterday she told me that ‘last year all guys fell in love with me but I didn’t love them back’: she likes her freedom just as I do so being needy is a sure way to drive her off.

Anyway I know I’m not operating from
the right mindset here so please slap some sense into me and give me advice. Although she’s been very good I’d also like to hear if you think the threesome and mentioning previous guys she dated are red flags. She’s mentioned a few now (like 3-4) and I didn’t used to think it were red flags but now I’m not sure why she’d keep
mentioning it.

you aint bein no bich dawg , telling her to go ahead and do it was wrong(if you're trying to be exclusive) , she is trying to cuck you, 1st its a threesome with an ex that you consent to, next thing you know the neighbor walking in and she's blowin him right there in front of you.. come on man , knock it off with this ''insecure , jealousy'' brainwash BS. as a man you are supposed to be jealous if your girl is showing interest in other men , that jealousy should turn to anger which should make you say **** that bich , and move on.
its biologically hard-wired into us for a reason, so we can protect our manhood

in this scenario you played it right, you told her we arent exclusive , now she wants you to pick the girl thats how it should be. but get it out yo head that you not suposed to be jealous that's Complete BS.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Hey guys,

Back with an update. About a month ago she asked for exclusivity. I declined on the base of her bringing up other guys, said I found it pretty disrespectful so I’d rather wait. A week later I said let’s go for it.

about 2 weeks later she kissed with some guy from work in an evening brainstorm with wine. He’d been chasing her for a while. She said she’d almost let it happen just to get it over with because he’d been chasing her (which is a weird ****ing way to think). Anyways she told me and I told her to leave and that we’re done. About 5 days later we met up and decided I’d give it another shot. She looked like **** and hadn’t slept well over it.

it’s been pretty good since then. She’s been submissive, giving me wakeup BJ’s, cooking etc. but that kiss has still been in my head and ****ing with my self esteem tbh, something I’ve never had befote. I’m also worried about her losing respect for me for coming back on my decision and me losing my self-respect. I think I should cut her loose but I dig her and all is going well lately.

its time to take out the trash homie , she had her shot and blew it.
only 2 weeks later and i doubt it was just kissing bruh. i feel like she lost respect nd will cheat on you,dont be that guy kissing her in the mouth after another dude just dumped his kids in there.

 

[Grinderman]

Your girlfriend has no integrity / loyalty. Therefor, for those who would scrutinize a woman's character before agreeing exclusivity / an LTR she would fail the entry level requirements.

The fact that you are considering keeping her around as girlfriend /ltr because "she gives good head" or implying that you are giving the sympathy vote to her ("she looked like she hadn't slept yada yada horse****e ") suggest immature emotional boundaries and weak character on your part.

You don't really need to spin plates to "not feel attached" not to get "oneitits" (advice from a book from a married nerd to boot). What's your job / social / support network like. This is your ecosystem. This is where you learn what to say no and yes to. This is where you are busy with other people and activities. She is just one square in a page full of squares. She can never be the whole page.

 

[Realthangpoon]

Your girlfriend has no integrity / loyalty. Therefor, for those who would scrutinize a woman's character before agreeing exclusivity / an LTR she would fail the entry level requirements.

The fact that you are considering keeping her around as girlfriend /ltr because "she gives good head" or implying that you are giving the sympathy vote to her ("she looked like she hadn't slept yada yada horse****e ") suggest immature emotional boundaries and weak character on your part.

You don't really need to spin plates to "not feel attached" not to get "oneitits" (advice from a book from a married nerd to boot). What's your job / social / support network like. This is your ecosystem. This is where you learn what to say no and yes to. This is where you are busy with other people and activities. She is just one square in a page full of squares. She can never be the whole page.

Thanks for the insights. Just broke it up, on good terms (something I value). I feel relieved. Can’t say it was easy, hadn’t had this with a chick since my first LTR ended about 5 years ago. I guess that’s partly why I rationalized her behavior. Atleast I can keep my self respect (or part of it) and be the guy that got away instead of getting cucked hard in a few months. Lesson learned though and I know I have some boundary work to do, the foundation has been laid.

Concerning work/my circle: I work in the music industry (a field I’m very passionate about) and I’ve got my eyes fixed on a 5 year goal. Covid has been rough on everyone and I’m sure it has massively contributed to my own weaker mindset in these last months - with live music gone, one of my biggest outlets have been gone for a year now. That situation has made it easier to cling to a woman.

Concerning my circle/friends, I’m going through a phase of reevaluating friendships which has been a pretty big mind**** as well lately. If you add all these up I can understand where I slipped in my frame.

I just bought some equipment for a home gym and I’m starting a program this week. This should get those good hormones going. Onwards & upwards.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

I just bought some equipment for a home gym and I’m starting a program this week. This should get those good hormones going. Onwards & upwards.

do it, ive been working out for only a few weeks now here at my home gym, cleaned up my diet and trust me , you're going to feel it

 

[Realthangpoon]

I’ve got a rebound date coming up next week, one of my good friends hooked her up with me.

Me: bla bla when the weather is good we can still go for a walk
Her: it looks like it’s raining so I don’t think so
Me: then we’ll have to keep busy indoors
Her: I don’t think that will be a problem hehe

I’m getting laid