My girlfriend thought meeting up with her ex was a good idea

[SammyNfor]

As you may see, I am new here so I'm ready for the full treatment.
I have been with my girlfriend for the past 6 months and things were going great.
Until I found out that there was this guy she had a one night stand with 2 years ago. They were still keeping in touch and she was planning to go and visit him (he lives a 100 miles away) after lockdown because she says they are friends.
I put my foot down and said that's highly suspicious behaviour and that I was not having it. She now says she is sorry and wants us to move on.
My question is, is this just straight up grounds to dump her or should I continue the relationship because she listened to me?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

As you may see, I am new here so I'm ready for the full treatment.
I have been with my girlfriend for the past 6 months and things were going great.
Until I found out that there was this guy she had a one night stand with 2 years ago. They were still keeping in touch and she was planning to go and visit him (he lives a 100 miles away) after lockdown because she says they are friends.
I put my foot down and said that's highly suspicious behaviour and that I was not having it. She now says she is sorry and wants us to move on.
My question is, is this just straight up grounds to dump her or should I continue the relationship because she listened to me?

OP, it sucks you find yourself in this position but unfortunately she is still likely going to do this behind your back and try and hide it from you. Just how it works when you tell them not to do it...like when you tell a kid not to take a cookie from the cookie jar.

It's highly disrespectful to you and the relationship that she would even consider doing something like that.

I would be on high alert with this one.

To your question, yes that is grounds to dump her. However it is up to you how to handle it. But it is good that you told her to go kick rocks in regards to meeting him. Keep your head up. I will bet something shady will happen within the next few months that will likely revolve around her secretly seeing this dude.

 

[spikeanut]

Continue but be extra cautious. Although you may have stopped her from going to see him this time, the facts show she has been speaking to him for quite some time, if not for the whole duration of your 6 month relationship. Before I get serious with any girl, I lay my boundaries. One of those is: no guy friends unless he's gay. It sounds like you did not give her your boundaries beforehand. Which is the only reason why I say continue instead of dumping her outright. If you had laid down these boundaries and she was still speaking with him then that's the end of it.

There's no reason a girl in a relationship should have any close male friends that she would go out and have a 1 on 1 dinner or meet up with. She may have guy acquaintances or friends in passing, meaning friends of friends or of the same social circle. But even those have constraints. If a girls wants anything serious with me, then all prior exes or any guy she has had any type of non-platonic or sexual interaction with, is out. Those are my conditions and they may chose to comply or leave, no questions asked.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

If she wants to meet her ex, she's going to do it regardless of what context you say to her. Just end it

 

[Paper Crane]

If she thinks this is okay to do , me personally, I would think they had been talking throughout and possibly even met up before behind your back.. I would end whatever you have immediately. Because dude, if you think that guy is just going to go away just because you said its not cool.. This is just her testing the waters in my opinion.

I 100% agree with @Jake_Gyllenhaal69 . I would move on quicker than she can blink. She'll probably look at you different just for being able to do such a strong move. Girls hate it yet want you more when they feel like your indispensable to them. It's the compliance that gets them doing stupid ****.

Move on now and don't look back. I've read too many stories of guys forgiving behavior like this, only for it to bite them in the ass much later and when they're so deep into the relationship. ie: engaged and all.

 

[Datinglife26]

If she thinks this is okay to do , me personally, I would think they had been talking throughout and possibly even met up before behind your back.. I would end whatever you have immediately. Because dude, if you think that guy is just going to go away just because you said its not cool.. This is just her testing the waters in my opinion.

I 100% agree with @Jake_Gyllenhaal69 . I would move on quicker than she can blink. She'll probably look at you different just for being able to do such a strong move. Girls hate it yet want you more when they feel like your indispensable to them. It's the compliance that gets them doing stupid ****.

Move on now and don't look back. I've read too many stories of guys forgiving behavior like this, only for it to bite them in the ass much later and when they're so deep into the relationship. ie: engaged and all.

This.

End it OP. My ex did the whole bringing up a "friend" thing with a guy she called "ugly and probably gay, i made him take me shopping he is so needy".

One guess as to who she has been dating the last year since I broke up with her ?


The fact she is even considering this is disrespectful as ****.
Low integrity woman is dipping her toe in the water

 

[EyeBRollin]

Dump her immediately.

 

[Jariel]

This is not good. Had it been a long term platonic friend it might be different, but this is a guy she slept with and was/is obviously attracted to.

My biggest regret from my first long term relationships is that I didn't act on the red flags. I found out she had been keeping in touch with one of her exes and had also considered meeting him. I confronted her about it, we argued, she assured me it was all innocent, they were just friends and tried to make me out to be paranoid (typical gaslighting ****) and I let it go. No surprise, I eventually found out she cheated on me. That's just one case of cheating I know about. There were probably more throughout our relationship.

My point is that this is a glaring red flag telling you to get out. You have seen this girl's true nature now. If you don't act on it, you'll pay the price sooner or later when it's out of your control.

 

[SirBigBell]

As you may see, I am new here so I'm ready for the full treatment.
I have been with my girlfriend for the past 6 months and things were going great.
Until I found out that there was this guy she had a one night stand with 2 years ago. They were still keeping in touch and she was planning to go and visit him (he lives a 100 miles away) after lockdown because she says they are friends.
I put my foot down and said that's highly suspicious behaviour and that I was not having it. She now says she is sorry and wants us to move on.
My question is, is this just straight up grounds to dump her or should I continue the relationship because she listened to me?

Welcome to the forum bro.

This guy isnt an ex boyfriend. He was a one night stand. There are way too many red flags here.

1. She found it proper to communicate with this guy behind your back.

2. You were not meant to find out that this interaction was going on, meaning you were disrespected and treated like a fool.

3. She pulled out the friend card as a way to sugar-coat the BS she was about to do you if you hadnt found out somehow.

4. She was willing to travel 100miles to get piped. Usually its men who travel to get laid. A woman doing the travelling shows a very high level of interest in the guy or in his pipe.

5. She apologised and wants you guys to move on because she realises she is about to lose someone more reliable over some guy whose only offer is a good pipe. She knows this guy aint interested in committing to her in any way.

You want this girl to respect you? Dump her.
If you dont ditch her, you will come across as needy, desperate and weak, and she will bob along with you for a while and then dump you herself. Women struggle to be attracted to someone they dont respect. I would dump this sloot and move on. She will forever respect you and consider you “the one that got away”.

 

[Jariel]

You want this girl to respect you? Dump her.
If you dont ditch her, you will come across as needy, desperate and weak, and she will bob along with you for a while and then dump you herself. Women struggle to be attracted to someone they dont respect. I would dump this sloot and move on. She will forever respect you and consider you “the one that got away”.

This is a great point and I've seen it happen exactly this way many times. Girl takes a good guy for granted, guy shows some balls, refuses to accept her bull**** and dumps her. Girl spends years (sometimes even most of her life) regretting her behaviour and pining for him, always wondering what could have been.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

OP, it sucks you find yourself in this position but unfortunately she is still likely going to do this behind your back and try and hide it from you. Just how it works when you tell them not to do it...like when you tell a kid not to take a cookie from the cookie jar.

It's highly disrespectful to you and the relationship that she would even consider doing something like that.

I would be on high alert with this one.

To your question, yes that is grounds to dump her. However it is up to you how to handle it. But it is good that you told her to go kick rocks in regards to meeting him. Keep your head up. I will bet something shady will happen within the next few months that will likely revolve around her secretly seeing this dude.

THIS!

Or seeing any other dude, she can get a hold on...... your GF might try the monkey-branch-move.

 

[SammyNfor]

How did you find out about the ONS?

She told me about it. And that they had been texting regularly prior to her meeting me.

 

[metalwater]

depends on what you want.

know that this is not a girl with oneitis for you. a girl that sees you as her one and only and admires and respects you completely would NEVER EVER say or suggest this to you and would not want to do it.

if you want to keep her as a toy by all means do. do not invest your heart with her. she could be great.. but she is not ONLY for you, and has openly told you.

If you're looking for the girl that will be with you and only you this is not the one.

when you dump her, make sure she knows why. it is because she had the balls to ask you if it was ok with you for her to go fck another guy again. then don't listen to anything she tells until at least a weak later. you can then decide if she is making a real apology or not. but still, know that she asked the question. a girl that is all into you would never.

 

[Tilex]

100 miles is a very long drive.
People don't drive 100 miles just to visit for only a few hours.
She'll be there for the entire weekend.
If it happens near a holiday, she could be there for the entire week.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

100 miles is a very long drive.
People don't drive 100 miles just to visit for only a few hours.
She'll be there for the entire weekend.
If it happens near a holiday, she could be there for the entire week.

Not really bro...no idea where you live but in the US 100 miles is nothing. It's like an hour and a half or so.

 

[Billtx49]

She told me about it. And that they had been texting regularly prior to her meeting me.

It’s more than likely they had quite a bit more between them than just a ONS if she’s going back after two years…

 

[EyeBRollin]

This behavior is simply unacceptable. There is no option but to dump her. She’s driving 3 hours to get her back blown out by another dude. Dump her now!

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This behavior is simply unacceptable. There is no option but to dump her. She’s driving 3 hours to get her back blown out by another dude. Dump her now!

Exactly, shame on people to even advocate OP to try and retain this girl as a plate. My ex did something similar and my biggest regrets was not ending it right there. I listened to the dumb advice of being passive and acting like you cared and everything worked out, but she would start pulling more shady **** and now she is stalking me to this day. This person is clearly showing toxic sociopathic behavior and should be banished from your life asap.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Too many knee jerk "dump her" posts here.

No reason to dump her.

She told you, you put your foot down, she complied. What's she supposed to do, bake you a pie and write you a love song, too? She could have just gone to see the guy without saying a word, but didn't. That's a check positive.

She had a life before you. Understand that. Could have been a s*it test to see how much you like her. Now she knows. Good for you. You handled it well. Just don't bring it up again.

I would keep on as before but be aware (not paranoid) of odd behavior, long periods of silence, etc.

Good luck.

 

[FuzzX]

Too many knee jerk "dump her" posts here.

No reason to dump her.

She told you, you put your foot down, she complied. What's she supposed to do, bake you a pie and write you a love song, too? She could have just gone to see the guy without saying a word, but didn't. That's a check positive.

She had a life before you. Understand that. Could have been a s*it test to see how much you like her. Now she knows. Good for you. You handled it well. Just don't bring it up again.

I would keep on as before but be aware (not paranoid) of odd behavior, long periods of silence, etc.

Good luck.

Sorry what? Are you nuts? That's not a check positive, that's her broadcasting a spinning, running up the wall, to which none can defend kick to the balls before she makes it. If my wife of 10 years told me that, I would have the house up for sale today and I'd be on the next flight out of the country the day after..

As you may see, I am new here so I'm ready for the full treatment.
I have been with my girlfriend for the past 6 months and things were going great.
Until I found out that there was this guy she had a one night stand with 2 years ago. They were still keeping in touch and she was planning to go and visit him (he lives a 100 miles away) after lockdown because she says they are friends.
I put my foot down and said that's highly suspicious behaviour and that I was not having it. She now says she is sorry and wants us to move on.
My question is, is this just straight up grounds to dump her or should I continue the relationship because she listened to me?

Lol, is this for real? Why haven't you kicked her out yet?