I've also had a ton of horrendous experiences with my approaches and interactions with women and it's gotten to the point where I can now admit I am afraid of them. I'm not afraid of them specifically but what they can do to me and I seem to auto reject in situations where I might actually be able to do well. I feel one of the biggest issues I've had is that I've had such an overwhelming degree of negative experiences that it's easier to just avoid it all together and focus on the things I'm good at (investment, finances, working out, etc.)
First, I want to recognize and acknowledge you for the deep authenticity and vulnerability in your sharing. I respect that greatly. To me it shows that you ARE willing to be uncomfortable AND take risks to get over this hurdle in your life. That gains more respect from me. With that I have some more things that have come forward to share. First, I am going to ask you to take another step that may be very uncomfortable for you. Recognize each step that you take that you are willing to move through your discomfort and do it anyway, strengthens you and brings you closer to what you truly want.
I want to see you succeed
@sangheilios! I do! This board already had too many men that have resigned themselves to living their lives as incels. You do not have to settle for living as an incel too. I hope you don’t. You will have to be willing to get really uncomfortable. Are you willing? You have so much to gain and not just for yourself! There will be others here that are incels and others who live held back by their fears, you have the opportunity to be rooted on, to take down your fears, and move forward in your life! Will it be hard? Certainly! Will you feel challenged? Absolutely! Will it be uncomfortable? Often! But so what! Living the next 50 years of your life as an incel because of fear you were too afraid to face would be 50 years of discomfort vs some short term growing pains.
You didn’t build your gym body and physical aesthetic by staying comfortable. You pushed yourself out of your comfort zone, over and over and over. You trained yourself to trust that you could handle it and that it would pay you dividends for having done so. You have shown yourself you can do that.
Mastering this part of your life, is something YOU CAN DO as well!! You have to choose it! You have to show up with a willingness and positive attitude and put in the work.
No doubt you look at overweight or even obese men and think if only they choose to eat well and work out. If they followed steps like you they could transform their body and live a very different experience. You look at them and you see what is possible for them. You find it hard to see that they resign to just being obese and unhealthy when you KNOW with some dedication and persistence they could transform themselves.
Many of us here see something similar with you. You’ve transformed the outside. Now it’s time to transform your inside. The opportunity is yours. Are you going to COMMIT to whatever it takes to get to the other side??? Are you???
Or are you going to be the obese guy sitting in his couch eating junk food unwilling to look at himself and unwilling to take responsibility and, unwilling to get out of his comfort zone over and over and over until he’s no longer obese. Till he’s no longer fat. Till he’s no longer over weight. Instead until he’s lean and fit and confident in his new body.
Are you going all in on this transformation of yours, whatever it takes? Or are you just looking to put a toe in so you can feel like you “tried” before you resign yourself to sitting on your obese azz (analogy) eating junk food, feeling like a victim, yet not willing to put in the work.
Choice is yours??? Are you going to commit now, to taking this all the way, as you have your physical transformation?
Are are you still toying with the idea of settling into living the life of an incel and just declaring that’s your lot in life, and maybe you’ll see an escort on occasion? These are indeed my words and not yours. I want to know where you stand?!?!?
There are great men who have transformed themselves. Who they have become is far apart from how they were when they started. They were willing to do the work and they did it! They got results from doing it!
Will you? Is that a Yes? No? Maybe? We’ll see? Depends? Or a Fvck Yes, no matter what it takes???
People will invest their time and energy in supporting you but there comes a point when it’s either worth their while to continue or it’s just a waste of their time. You, imho, are kind of at that place, with many people here.
Are you truly desiring to do what is needed to get to the other side of your current experience??? Or is this another series of posts that will soon fade into the background and no real change will happen.
My intent is not to beat you up with these words. My intent is to gain clarity on whether you are 2% up for change? 15%? 30%? 80%? or 1000%???
Where do you stand? Is now your time? Or not yet? Or maybe never.
The choice is yours. Time to get real with yourself. If now is not your time to face your fears and some necessary growing to improve your interactions and experiences with women, then so be it. If it is, then so be that. Your life. You decide. Whatever you decide, own it.
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I copied parts of what you shared above. Please go into more more detail about what exactly you fear. Spell it out in great detail what it looks like all the way down to the worst case scenarios. How do you fear those scenarios could impact you, exactly.
Then what are having these fears costing you in your life? How have they affected your life to this point? How will they affect it if you don’t resolve them? How will that play out into your future?
If you resolve them, what will change for you and your life? What will be different for your future?
Uncomfortable to do? I suspect so.
Until you are willing to shine a light on those fears they will never transform. So lay them out. Rational or not, lay them out. The more clear and honest and vulnerable you can be about them, the greater the opportunity to put them to rest. The more you offer up, the more there is that you can potentially leave behind.
Will it be a journey. Indeed. You may want to start a journal thread dedicated to your transformation and detail your fears to start in there. Your progress and transformation can follow along there as well. That is the possibility I see,
Here is what I can also say...
Your willingness to be uncomfortable and put in the work is what will determine the outcome. Support from myself and others is not guaranteed. If you invest in your transformation that will inspire others to support you in it.
An opportunity even bigger is that you can demonstrate what is possible, to others who may still remain held back by their own fears.
You can inspire their willingness to get uncomfortable and to change. In my view, the ripples could reach wider than you may imagine.
Ok...a few more questions.
Any other BIG fears that impact your life? Some people have intense fear of flying. Some people have intense fear of spiders. You get the idea.
Do you think any of your fears feel disproportionately intense to you, relative to the logical explanation. Which ones? Why do you think that is? How intense are they? Why do you think that is?
That’s my piece right now. I understand you may or may not be into what I shared and asked of you. I am not attached. I have plenty on my plate. It’s your life. You invest or you don’t, as you choose. Likewise for all of us. Ball is in your court.
