Is this relationship worth it?

[The LadyKiller]

I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half, and for the most part, it's been amazing. However, she has taken a pair of 3-4 week vacations with her parents on the other side of the country in just the past couple of months because she feels confined in her own apartment during COVID (for the skeptics out there - this is actually true, she's not cheating or anything). We plan on moving in later this year...but now I'm wondering if I should go through with it. She says the vacation spot is "her family's second home." I feel that if this becomes a recurring trend and not just her trying to entertain herself during the pandemic, I make the painful choice to live on my own and break things off. Not worth living with a girl who is in her early 30s and like to go on lengthy getaways with her mom and dad multiple times a year.

Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm not. How should I approach this situation?

 

[deadmasterx]

Go there with her.

If she's not trying to get you together in her plans, then that's something to be worried about. But if her parents know you, I think you shouldn't be that worried. If her parents don't like you, you shouldn't be that worried either. The girlfriend's friends can be the worst enemy a man can get, it's way easier for them to make the girl's mind than the parents. These are the ones you should be careful about.

Chill. If she cheats, just breakup and move on. Don't let the fear ruin your plans.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Go there with her.

If she's not trying to get you together in her plans, then that's something to be worried about. But if her parents know you, I think you shouldn't be that worried. If her parents don't like you, you shouldn't be that worried either. The girlfriend's friends can be the worst enemy a man can get, it's way easier for them to make the girl's mind than the parents. These are the ones you should be careful about.

Chill. If she cheats, just breakup and move on. Don't let the fear ruin your plans.

I’m not worried about cheating. Her parents know me and like me. Her friends know me and like me My concern is that my gf is suddenly taking these 3-4 week vacations to go to her parents’ second home and I’m feeling like less of a priority.

 

[deadmasterx]

I’m not worried about cheating. Her parents know me and like me. Her friends know me and like me My concern is that my gf is suddenly taking these 3-4 week vacations to go to her parents’ second home and I’m feeling like less of a priority.

Is she inviting you over? Remember that couples also need some time apart to sparkle their feelings for each other again. Being together too much for too long can ruin it.

It seems that you got all the odds on your favour. Her parents and friends like you, so what would you worry about? I believe that you make yourself a priority by giving her quality time, but it's not always about you. It can be a family tradition, or she's just too connected to her parents and like keeping it up like this. Honestly, I don't see any problem in here besides the possibility of her not wanting you to join her in the trip.

 

[The LadyKiller]

I can’t go cross-country on a whim right now because I have to work and she has more vacation weeks than I do.

I think what you’re saying is right. At the same time, the first family vacation was tradition. This second one was because she felt trapped in her apartment during the pandemic (her roommate is lousy and some of her friends are flaky)

 

[deadmasterx]

I can’t go cross-country on a whim right now because I have to work and she has more vacation weeks than I do.

I think what you’re saying is right. At the same time, the first family vacation was tradition. This second one was because she felt trapped in her apartment during the pandemic (her roommate is lousy and some of her friends are flaky)

I have a very social girlfriend, so I know what you're talking about. I honestly didn't feel my life changing that much with the lockdowns, but I can see that she did. Some people just can't stand being home or by themselves, c'est la vie.

If all she needs is a trip to recharge her batteries, that's awesome. Most girls aren't that simple. Honestly, you can align that to what you can do about it when you have the time and means to do it, use it on your favour. If what you said is the whole case, I honestly see no problem.

 

[Grinderman]

I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half, and for the most part, it's been amazing.

Ok so great. Amazing is rare. Let's appreciate this part in a non attached way.

However, she has taken a pair of 3-4 week vacations with her parents on the other side of the country in just the past couple of months because she feels confined in her own apartment during COVID (for the skeptics out there - this is actually true, she's not cheating or anything).

Ok great (why do I feel like Chael today?) You seem pretty secure / confident in the fact that her reasons are genuine and she is loyal (a woman with integrity is what a man should only consider for any sort of LTR) You are confident in this (granted many have been confident in this and being surprised....AGAIN if the female has integrity and a reliable character this is the best indicator of future behavior, and not necessarily the extreme red pill thinking of "woman's hypergamy says she will monkey branch). The question: is it reasonable for somebody to take advantage of their parents holiday home to escape the confinement / covid bull****e/madness? I believe it is.

We plan on moving in later this year...but now I'm wondering if I should go through with it.

Only because of this reason? Could this be an inner issue with yourself? ie she is going off doing things without me? Could this be a little bit of lingering codependence or insecurity? immature boundary issue? (ie boo she is going off doing ****e without me, rather than mature boundary "ok have fun" ......because you know that you will enjoy the time and space.

Who's idea is it to move in? Is marriage on the horizon? Have both of you set clear boundaries with regards to moving in? (how you will manage chores, finances, going out etc etc)

I feel that if this becomes a recurring trend and not just her trying to entertain herself during the pandemic, I make the painful choice to live on my own and break things off.

I would say after RESPECT, the second most important thing if you are living with someone / in a LTR is SPACE. So I'm not sure if this is a bad thing. I mean if you change the way you look at this it could actually turn out to be something positive.

I make the painful choice to live on my own and break things off. Not worth living with a girl who is in her early 30s and like to go on lengthy getaways with her mom and dad multiple times a year.

Try living with her......then you might change your mind!!! This could actually be a GODSEND!!! Again, explore where this is coming from.......fear of being apart/ of being on your own? scarcity...she is having fun without you?

Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm not. How should I approach this situation?

I would say the fact that you state that you have an "amazing" relationship and are considering cutting things because she may take holidays without you (in a place where you feel secure about her being) is probably overreacting and coming from a "lack of" thinking rather than a place of "abundance"...

Ask anyone who has lived with a female. This would be a nice situation.

 

[bat soup]

I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half, and for the most part, it's been amazing. However, she has taken a pair of 3-4 week vacations with her parents on the other side of the country in just the past couple of months because she feels confined in her own apartment during COVID (for the skeptics out there - this is actually true, she's not cheating or anything). We plan on moving in later this year...but now I'm wondering if I should go through with it. She says the vacation spot is "her family's second home." I feel that if this becomes a recurring trend and not just her trying to entertain herself during the pandemic, I make the painful choice to live on my own and break things off. Not worth living with a girl who is in her early 30s and like to go on lengthy getaways with her mom and dad multiple times a year.

Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm not. How should I approach this situation?

There´s something fishy about it for sure. Don´t install spy software on her phone because that would be wrong.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

the first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging that there is one right? so first off lets be honest here
... you like this chick ,you been with her for a year and a half and her taking 3-4 for weeks vacation on the other side of the globe isnt actually exciting right?
now WHY is that?
1. the length of time, its damn near a month away, the heart grows fonder while its away right?? wrong(bad brainwashing dating advice from feminist so she could cheat on bob the beta)
your gut is telling you something is wrong , because ideally she should want to spend every minute with you, doesnt that mean you spend every minute with her? NO you shouldnt be available 24/7 but she shouldnt be ok taking these long trips away from home either. there has to be a balance to it.

2. lets be honest here, if its really far away she COULD POSSIBLY cheat and you would never find out about it.
idc how much her parents love you ...do you really think they would tell you if she cheats? no , that would be invasive in her personal relationship. from my experience , women would much rather sweep it under the rug, water under the bridge, what you dont know cant hurt you. many women take these business trips far far away , they go on these vacations, and what happens there stays there right? thats where the what happens in vegas stays in vegas thing comes from , you go there, cheat, come back . it stays in vegas right? doesnt count.(in their mind)

imo, it seems like you are in slight denial about your feelings, you may care what the guys here on SS think . '' OH IM INSECURE'' blaah blah , but the reality is, you're finna move in with this girl you been seeing for a long time, and she is taking these long trips far away, and its making you uncomfortable which it should for obvious reasons if you guys are going the EXCLUSIVE ROUTE
imo she should be including you in these trips. i feel there is a lack of boundaries or lack of understanding to where this is going on her end. again this is all based off of an exclusive idea of a relationship, you guys should be going together, if this was a casual thing , then no big deal. also if she is feeling ''trapped'' this is a very bad place to be coming from mentally imo, i wouldnt want my gf on the other side of the country , without me, after feeling ''trapped''
my honest 2 cents here.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half, and for the most part, it's been amazing. However, she has taken a pair of 3-4 week vacations with her parents on the other side of the country in just the past couple of months because she feels confined in her own apartment during COVID (for the skeptics out there - this is actually true, she's not cheating or anything). We plan on moving in later this year...but now I'm wondering if I should go through with it. She says the vacation spot is "her family's second home." I feel that if this becomes a recurring trend and not just her trying to entertain herself during the pandemic, I make the painful choice to live on my own and break things off. Not worth living with a girl who is in her early 30s and like to go on lengthy getaways with her mom and dad multiple times a year.

Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm not. How should I approach this situation?

If you have been dating this girl for this long why isn't she inviting you to join her?

 

[Barrister]

I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half, and for the most part, it's been amazing. However, she has taken a pair of 3-4 week vacations with her parents on the other side of the country in just the past couple of months because she feels confined in her own apartment during COVID (for the skeptics out there - this is actually true, she's not cheating or anything). We plan on moving in later this year...but now I'm wondering if I should go through with it. She says the vacation spot is "her family's second home." I feel that if this becomes a recurring trend and not just her trying to entertain herself during the pandemic, I make the painful choice to live on my own and break things off. Not worth living with a girl who is in her early 30s and like to go on lengthy getaways with her mom and dad multiple times a year.

Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm not. How should I approach this situation?

Always trust your gut instinct because usually it is correct. Use silence and distance. I would begin pulling back now and see what happens. If you see it had no or little effect on her I think the writing is on the wall and you should beat her to the punch and dump her. This will save you a ton of grief.

If it has the desired effect of her coming back closer to you - make it very clear that this “trips” are not ok with you moving forward. Set the boundary now and see her reaction. Again, her reaction will determine whether it’s time to eject or not.

 

[Jariel]

Contrary to some other replies here, I don't see the issue here at all. I think it's great to see a girl with strong family values and a great relationship with her parents. I also think it's healthy in a relationship to have your own lives and activities beyond each other and to be free to take time apart.

Many of the happiest couples I know have told me that's been a key in their relationship. It stops them taking each other for granted or resenting each other for their lack of freedom.

While she's away maybe you can go away on your own or with friends, or catch up on some things you love to do. It'll make you more centred.

The worst mistakes I've ever made in relationships is being too demanding and wanting/expecting to be her priority all of the time. It resulted in me appearing needy and ultimately them losing respect and attraction for me. You have to understand that girls are temperamental. One day you can be the centre of her existence, the next day she's obsessing over some drama or excited about seeing an old school friend. Just go with the flow. When she's distant or focused on other things, make the most of the break and do your own thing. If you do that she'll always come back.

To quote Thich Nhat Hanh - “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

 

[EyeBRollin]

My two cents:

Stop wasting this girls time. A year and a half and you are moving in with her why? Her and her family are likely talking shvt about why the two of you aren’t engaged yet. This is abnormal behavior.

I maybe in the minority, but I truly don’t understand why men date women longer than a year, try to play house, then refuse to commit to her. Either wife the girl or go back to spinning plates.

 

[Lookatu]

Contrary to some other replies here, I don't see the issue here at all. I think it's great to see a girl with strong family values and a great relationship with her parents. I also think it's healthy in a relationship to have your own lives and activities beyond each other and to be free to take time apart.

This.

Plus you said you couldn't get the time off work to go with her. If you could, I'm sure she would've invited you since you already met her parents before.

For going out with a girl over a year, living with her is the next logical solution to see if you guys are compatible 24/7. Not everyone passes this test. I think it can be beneficial to try this out now rather than later and not waste time if things didn't work out. It seems like she comes from a good family and her parents like you. If she has LTR/Marriage potential, I would take that next leap. Remember, you are in your 30's. You don't wanna waste away your good years on someone you won't be compatible with.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

There´s something fishy about it for sure.

definitely

 

[EyeBRollin]

For going out with a girl over a year, living with her is the next logical solution to see if you guys are compatible 24/7. Not everyone passes this test. I think it can be beneficial to try this out now rather than later and not waste time if things didn't work out. It seems like she comes from a good family and her parents like you. If she has LTR/Marriage potential, I would take that next leap. Remember, you are in your 30's. You don't wanna waste away your good years on someone you won't be compatible with.

I have to strongly disagree here. If you need a year and a half with a girl and there is no talk of marriage or an engagement, the “compatibility” is wrong. Moving in with a girl is chump beta shvt. Those relationships lead to higher divorce rates and you two essentially become roommates. Put on a ring on her finger or stay a single man with autonomy and a roster of plates. There is no benefit to playing house.

 

[rart]

you are not her priority. demote her to a plate status, do not move her in.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

you are not her priority. demote her to a plate status, do not move her in.

****in' straight up

 

[Grinderman]

you are not her priority. demote her to a plate status, do not move her in.

It can be a burden to be anybody's priority. Only two very independent people have a chance of any sort of healthy, worthwhile friendship or relationship.........

....too many take a toxic, codependent dynamic that nosedives into a painfully, slow death.

 

[Lookatu]

I have to strongly disagree here. If you need a year and a half with a girl and there is no talk of marriage or an engagement, the “compatibility” is wrong. Moving in with a girl is chump beta shvt. Those relationships lead to higher divorce rates and you two essentially become roommates. Put on a ring on her finger or stay a single man with autonomy and a roster of plates. There is no benefit to playing house.

To be more clear, I think after being together with someone exclusively for 1.5 years, you should look to elevate your relationship to the next level or break up and not waste any more time if there isn't a LTR/marriage potential there. This next level would be moving in together to see if both can tolerate each other on a full time basis. After both pass this test, they are ready for either a serious LTR or marriage depending on what they both want in life.

Only a fool would think about marrying someone without living together with them for a bit.