Other guys hitting on date

[Kataface]

Hi everyone,
I was looking for advice on how to deal with other men hitting on the woman you are with right in front of you. I had brought a woman I was dating to a little get together. My cousin was there and he was making passes at her all night. His friend did the same. I was angry but wasn't sure what to do considering this cousin is someone I will have to keep seeing at various family events once covid is over with. I said they should bring their own dates instead of hitting on mine, but they kept trying to flirt with her. Should I have started a fight? They weren't drunk either. My date ignored it or politely smiled.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

If you date beautiful women there will always be men flirting with and chatting up or making passes at your girl.

This gal handled it with class. But OP got angry inside.

Get over it. “Doing something” about it simply makes you appear butt hurt and insecure.

Not a good look.

This comes with the territory. You OP must get past this. It will never change so long as you date attractive women.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It’s both disrespectful and flattering. Control the situation with grace. Introduce her. “She is special isn’t she? Come on honey lets get a drink.” (Leads her away)

For the new guys - no group dates until she’s your girlfriend.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Hi everyone,
I was looking for advice on how to deal with other men hitting on the woman you are with right in front of you. I had brought a woman I was dating to a little get together. My cousin was there and he was making passes at her all night. His friend did the same. I was angry but wasn't sure what to do considering this cousin is someone I will have to keep seeing at various family events once covid is over with. I said they should bring their own dates instead of hitting on mine, but they kept trying to flirt with her. Should I have started a fight? They weren't drunk either. My date ignored it or politely smiled.

Why so defensive? If you trust that she's into you then what's the worry? To acknowledge it as a problem is to magnify some inherent doubt or insecurity you feel about being with her.

Ask your date if their passes are bothering her. Tell her you don't go to the gym just to watch old guys shower. If she says she can handle herself then trust her and laugh at their attempts or tease them for not having their own dates to flirt with.

There's always a chance she slips away, there's no guarantees in anything. All you can do is bring your best self to the table and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Hi everyone,
I was looking for advice on how to deal with other men hitting on the woman you are with right in front of you. I had brought a woman I was dating to a little get together. My cousin was there and he was making passes at her all night. His friend did the same. I was angry but wasn't sure what to do considering this cousin is someone I will have to keep seeing at various family events once covid is over with. I said they should bring their own dates instead of hitting on mine, but they kept trying to flirt with her. Should I have started a fight? They weren't drunk either. My date ignored it or politely smiled.

Why? Why did you bring her to a "get together"? (who "got together"? family? friends?)
She isnt your girlfriend right, so where is the point?

Only LTR-status-women get to family meetings and if you were just meeting guys to have fun, again, why bring a woman(plate)?

What would there be to fight over? A plate? If they annoy you, leave! If the woman shows interest in their advances, leave and dump her on the spot.

 

[bat soup]

Hi everyone,
I was looking for advice on how to deal with other men hitting on the woman you are with right in front of you. I had brought a woman I was dating to a little get together. My cousin was there and he was making passes at her all night. His friend did the same. I was angry but wasn't sure what to do considering this cousin is someone I will have to keep seeing at various family events once covid is over with. I said they should bring their own dates instead of hitting on mine, but they kept trying to flirt with her. Should I have started a fight? They weren't drunk either. My date ignored it or politely smiled.

Just consider them worms. Which they are. It´s not worth getting into a fight - either leave or just make a mental note to never trust these guys again. In the future don´t bring dates around these people.

 

[Grinderman]

Hi everyone,
I was looking for advice on how to deal with other men hitting on the woman you are with right in front of you. I had brought a woman I was dating to a little get together. My cousin was there and he was making passes at her all night. His friend did the same. I was angry but wasn't sure what to do considering this cousin is someone I will have to keep seeing at various family events once covid is over with. I said they should bring their own dates instead of hitting on mine, but they kept trying to flirt with her. Should I have started a fight? They weren't drunk either. My date ignored it or politely smiled.

Is it disrespectful? Is it flattering? These are all just subjective frames that may only add confusion to the situation and confuse you as how to handle things. IT IS WHAT IT IS. Often any "perceived" bad situation (adversity, challenges, responsibility) is an opportunity for you to display or emphasize your positive traits coming from strong character.

In this case would anger be appropriate to the situation? No. Anger is not a trait you wish to enhance or display. Even if things turn violent, anger will only lead you to lose emotional control and ultimately come undone in a physical confrontation. (On a side note: consider taking up a martial art. You will feel a wonderful sense of confidence that should ****e hit the fan you could defend yourself and those by your side, but that confidence will remove the ego needed to become involved with any nimrods in the first place. The supreme confidence and security in oneself in choosing to walk away as opposed to feeling like a weak coward and scurrying away with your tail between your legs).

Your cousin and his friend "hit on" your female as they are insecure, scarcity driven, weak worms of low character. Is that something to get angry about? No, not at all. In fact, you can show EMPATHY towards them in understanding their behavior (when you know someone is coming at you from a place of lacking, their is no need to get angry, the empathy is simply to understand the behavior (it doesn't mean you want to be all lovey towards them). You can use your new found UNDERSTANDING against them.......USE HUMOR with your female to display your CONFIDENCE AND SECURITY (that you are not rattled by the situation, in fact you are AMUSED)

USE HUMOR:
"Jeez these guys are thirsty as hell"
"you'll have to forgive my uncouth cousin, he's just got out of prison"
"wow fellas, you seem quite lonely"

Of course then you can just use body language to cut them out of the conversation if they get too much.......

....always with a self amused grin on your face. You will be railing her tonight. The two desperados will have to jerk each other off. (you should be thinking these things while in the situation)

Remember: you can't control women, whether she goes home with you or not, so this is a nice opportunity for you to see her interest level in you. If she has interest and she came with you, she is leaving with you, don't get your feathers ruffled.

 

[Glassguy]

You should have left the little get together and went to do something else. You obviously chose to stay for whatever reason.

I would have left and then eliminated them from your life based on their disrespectful actions towards you.

Disrespect= Silence and Distance.

This is a good example of eliminating toxic people, family or not, in your life......because you dont set boundaries and stick to them.

While you cant control how other people act, you certainly can control allowing those people to stick around or allow yourself to continue to be around them.

The chick handled this great. You did not as you stayed there and was treated like a cuck and did nothing about it. She probably lost a lot of respect for you.

Just my opinion

 

[Alvafe]

i'm up for glassguy here

you drop people who is garbage family or otherwise, the girl the very least had class, your cousin didn't

I said this before and gonna retell the tale, I had a uncle who tried to be physical against my dad, who was still recovering from cancer and was over 20 year older, I told everyone in my family asking is he crazy? he really belive he would leave whole if he did anything? because I knew everyone and his sister would tell him what I said, pretty much after that he never had the balls to show his face up on any family gathering, and note I don't consider the fuk|<er family anymore

so again you cut people who are idiots from your life its not worth the hassle

 

[PRW63]

I know a chick that complained that her guy didn't do anything when other guys were going to so far as to grab her hand and try to pull her away from the table. I told her, well maybe we want to see how you handle it. We want to know if you'll go with them or resist. On the other hand she did also say her guy in that incident was way too passive to the point of just being weak, so her complaint may be legit.

 

[Kataface]

Some really good answers and a lot to think about. It's true that people will always make passes at an attractive woman. Why did I get insecure? I think I was angry because I felt disrespected. They were insulting me by acting like that. Like they were saying we can do this in front of you because we're not afraid of you. If I was a 7 foot strongman they wouldnt have said anything in front of me. I will have to learn to deal with it and be less sensitive about it.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

When a guy hits on your girl the aim is to not react and get the guy to **** off / make him look stupid without sounding like Bob the beta.

The truth is, swatting away an AMOG by simply avoiding the entire interaction is as alpha as you can be. Do you think a king would entertain some ******* AMOGing him and trying to hit on his b1tch for the night? If he doesn't have the guy arrested and tortured he will just separate himself from the riff raff.
The best response is: "Have a good night ", then simply walk away with your girl. I have done this countless times.
The beauty of this method is it gives the AMOG zero chance of saying anything witty as a rebuttal, or give you any rope to hang yourself with. If this is your woman and you've already been inside her, unless you want to **** with an AMOG for fun you have zero obligation to 'compete' with this AMOG.

Lines you can use if walking away is not an option:


“Thirsty, bro?”

“She's a lucky girl”

“She knows where it's at”

“Aww babe I think this guy has a crush on you”

“Hey buddy, you seem like a nice guy. There’s plenty of girls out there man don't give up on yourself” (make sure to sound patronizing of course lol) - say this if a guy keeps going.
Almost any confident response will work. If you can’t say it with a smile, you better work on yourself
Note: when another man hits on your girl it's her job to say "I have a boyfriend" and not yours.
If she tries to incite drama or a fight by having you meet other men or trying to make you jealous then she is going to be a headache over the long run and you should soft next her, don’t take this type of disrespect. You can keep her as a plate but she is not relationship worthy.

learned this from a book

 

[Barrister]

There was nothing wrong with the girl here -- but I agree with the others you should have left the get-together after you said something to your cousin and he persisted in hitting on her. Regardless of what happens with the chick I would meet with your cousin face-to-face and tell him his behavior was unacceptable and disrespectful. If he doesn't apologize then cut him out of your life until he comes around and accepts that what he did was not cool. I can't imagine taking multiple passes at a girl that my cousin brought to a family get-together. That is borderline outrageous in how disrespectful it is.

This is more about you and your family than it is about the girl. You need to establish boundaries with them and they need to respect you.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Kataface, you’re not in control of your relationships with the people you know. And it shows: there’s no respect and they’re not even cautious with overstepping your boundaries. That signals weakness. Not a good thing.

Work on your behavior and mark your boundaries consistently.

This didn’t come up out of the blue. Let people know what you will not tolerate on a more consistent basis. However “little” the offense may seem, don’t set a precedent of tolerating disrespect. After doing this for a good while things like this will stop happening and even strangers will start respecting your boundaries and ask for your permission to interact with your date.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

There was nothing wrong with the girl here -- but I agree with the others you should have left the get-together after you said something to your cousin and he persisted in hitting on her. Regardless of what happens with the chick I would meet with your cousin face-to-face and tell him his behavior was unacceptable and disrespectful. If he doesn't apologize then cut him out of your life until he comes around and accepts that what he did was not cool. I can't imagine taking multiple passes at a girl that my cousin brought to a family get-together. That is borderline outrageous in how disrespectful it is.

This is more about you and your family than it is about the girl. You need to establish boundaries with them and they need to respect you.

Kataface, you’re not in control of your relationships with the people you know. And it shows: there’s no respect and they’re not even cautious with overstepping your boundaries. That signals weakness. Not a good thing.

Work on your behavior and mark your boundaries consistently.

This didn’t come up out of the blue. Let people know what you will not tolerate on a more consistent basis. However “little” the offense may seem, don’t set a precedent of tolerating disrespect. After doing this for a good while things like this will stop happening and even strangers will start respecting your boundaries and ask for your permission to interact with your date.

 

[Seductions_Mad_Scientist]

Hi everyone,
I was looking for advice on how to deal with other men hitting on the woman you are with right in front of you. I had brought a woman I was dating to a little get together. My cousin was there and he was making passes at her all night. His friend did the same. I was angry but wasn't sure what to do considering this cousin is someone I will have to keep seeing at various family events once covid is over with. I said they should bring their own dates instead of hitting on mine, but they kept trying to flirt with her. Should I have started a fight? They weren't drunk either. My date ignored it or politely smiled.

typically in a scenario like this 1 of 3 things will happen:

1) you react to the other dudes advances --> makes you reactive (duh) --> makes you look like a bitchh --> you lose

2) You do literally nothing --> better strat than 1 (but then again literally anything works better then that) --> but in circumstances where you are outclassed in seduction skill you might get left behind for the other dude.

3) you go along with the situation in a way that shows you are not bothered --> joke around/ assume shes into you/ play with the situation --> you've addressed the issue but dont look like a bitchh.

----

I'll leave you with this. Do some work on you inner perspective of other men as competition and on dating in general. I'm not asking you to become a yogi. I'm asking you to acknowledge how this specific insecurity is making you behave and therefore portray yourself.

If you genuinely didnt give a **** about the situation would this even be an issue? no. --> So it seems that this is only really an issue in your head. There are literally more girls being excluded from your dating criteria at any point in time than you could hypothetically bang in a lifetime. So wtf makes this one so special? Even if you banged a new girl every day for 50 years thats less than 19K girls. which is like 2% of a major cities population.

if there was a textbook on what to do and not do --> "I said they should bring their own dates instead of hitting on mine, but they kept trying to flirt with her." --> is in huge red text of DO NOT DO. --> the statement shows the entire room your massive insecurity. --> and start a fight over dudes flirting. WT actual F is going on in your brain. Do you believe these dudes cant say flirty things to literally any girl. what gives you the right to tell them to not flirt? If you actually believe they shouldnt flirt with this girl I'd be willing o bet that you generally dont flirt much and therefore think it means anything rather than it just being a type of conversation.

I flirt with almost every girl i run into daily. Why? because it keeps you in that mode of conversation. and sometimes good things just happen when you do

Again i've said things similar to this elsewhere on the forum. If you workout 5x per week and do 300+ reps per workout what is the actual proportionate value of 1 rep? Whereas if you only do say 24 reps per year of course the impact of 1 is more significant. GET YOUR REPS IN SON!

Cheers

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

depending on how long you've let your family disrespect you , its likely you will have a very rough time setting boundaries now
better to just dump them all together at this point.
when they reach out and initiate contact thats when you set the boundaries and start new.

 

[Glassguy]

depending on how long you've let your family disrespect you , its likely you will have a very rough time setting boundaries now
better to just dump them all together at this point.
when they reach out and initiate contact thats when you set the boundaries and start new.

Good post.

With anything its easier to let up on boundaries over a period of time with someone, hard to make them stricter. Damn near impossible to be honest.

 

[King Lion]

I've experienced that many times, but rather than overt flirting with the females I was with - Guys will say something like " your lady is very good-looking" etc., at which I say, 'Cool' and/or 'you've got good taste in women' etc..

I'm too physically imposing for guys to get stupid with, so that sh*t is not much of a problem for me personally.

Better to take it as a compliment - because she certainly will - Just appreciate the fact they showed her and you what type of thirsty creeps they are.

If she is really good looking - Get used to it - That sort of thing comes with the territory!

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

I've experienced that many times, but rather than overt flirting with the females I was with - Guys will say something like " your lady is very good-looking" etc., at which I say, 'Cool' and/or 'you've got good taste in women' etc..

I'm too physically imposing for guys to get stupid with, so that sh*t is not much of a problem for me personally.

Better to take it as a compliment - because she certainly will - Just appreciate the fact they showed her and you what type of thirsty creeps they are.

If she is really good looking - Get used to it - That sort of thing comes with the territory!

don't you just hate it when guys say **** like ''you're a lucky man'' it's so cringy because they don't even know the chick, nothing about her personality , moral code of conduct ,personal interest, hygiene. NOTHING. and they already frame her as the prize smh
she may be flattered at first but after hearing this creepy line so many times she will realize she's actually the lucky one