@Bigpapa @LARaiders85 @Lookatu @LiveYourDream
The purpose of hiring this particular escort was to just give me a morale boost and get some positive momentum. Last year after I saw this woman I was approaching without even thinking and the interactions I had lasted far longer and I felt more confident, though as I said COVID hit very shortly after. This was more or less the same plan I had this year and things in my state are very recently slowing starting to become more normal, which was why I had reached out in the first place. This particular escort has a college degree and has a 9-5 job, and as I also mentioned she does go to social events, etc. When I interact with her you can tell she is educated and knows how to speak/interact with men in a non awkward manner, which was one of the reasons why I had decided to follow through with her in the first place. In the past I had looked into this and had contacted other female escorts but even through just interactions with text messages I felt a very bad vibe from their end and decided not to pursue anything with them.
@Lookatu Going back to your sugar daddy comment that you left on my thread. A while back I actually considered looking into essentially hiring women to just go out on dates with me, it wasn't even related to anything sexual but just to gain some social experience around women. I had a very unusual/abnormal experience growing up and through my teenage years and early 20s, which ultimately left me extremely socially stunted, especially in regards to interacting with the opposite sex. I've had a handful of sexual experiences and had dates but it takes a lot of effort on my end to make anything related to that even happen.
I've also had a ton of horrendous experiences with my approaches and interactions with women and it's gotten to the point where I can now admit I am afraid of them. I'm not afraid of them specifically but what they can do to me and I seem to auto reject in situations where I might actually be able to do well. I feel one of the biggest issues I've had is that I've had such an overwhelming degree of negative experiences that it's easier to just avoid it all together and focus on the things I'm good at (investment, finances, working out, etc.).
For instance, there is this blonde that I see at the gym almost every single day that I am there, she is around 22-24 and I would honestly rate her an 8 or 9. This has been going on for about a month, but every time I'm there she makes an effort to go out of her way to make extended eye contact with me or create proximity. Last week I was walking into the gym and by chance she was ahead of me, she holds the door for me and locks eyes with me and doesn't look away, it made me uncomfortable and I didn't say or do anything. Earlier on Monday I was there and something similar happened, except this time I was in the warmup area before going to do my full workout. This freaks me out and makes me feel uncomfortable because while I do find her attractive I start thinking about all these bad experiences I've had and I just avoid it. I logically am aware of the fact that a woman would be attracted to a man who is 6'4" and athletically built like a rugby player but it's not enough for me to overcome these fears.
I've had a lot of experiences that play out like that above.