Is there anything wrong with seeing escorts?(long, personal story)

[sangheilios]

Shortly before COVID hit last March I had decided to hire an escort to have time with. Now, to clarify this would be considered a higher tier one, meaning more money, that also goes to socials, parties, etc. and wasn't just some cracked out meth head that basically stays at a hotel having one guy after another.

Anyway, this was something that I had considered going through with for a while, as for a very long time I was having issues with my dating life. Through 2017, 2018, and 2019 I was just having nothing but horrendous experiences with women (dating, approaches, numbers,etc.). I was getting women to approach me or ask me out, just to get flaked on. I was getting no results with dating apps or sites. I was forcing myself to approach women that I often felt little to no attraction to, as "practice", and they would just awkwardly stare at me. This was getting to the point where I felt my mental health was starting to legitimately suffer and I noticed I was feeling tons of anger and anxiety. I've already posted this a million times on here but the repetitive thoughts going on in my mind were "I'm 6'4", go to the gym regularly blah blah blah and yet I can't even land a date with a 3?". I was at a stage where I was considering just full blown giving up, as the quality of my overall mental health and well being was not worth compromising. However, during this time I had also started posting on this forum, which made me realize that the issues I had were far more prevalent throughout men of the general population than I had realized at the time.

February of 2020 I had contacted this escort that I had found through tons of research and searching online. We texted back and forth a lot and I explained what I was looking for, etc. We met at a local coffee shop for half and hour, it was part of her screening process and it allowed me to see if it would be a good fit for me or if I'd bail. She actually came across as very normal and interacting with her was much more enjoyable than all of these women I had been approaching despite the fact I wasn't even attracted to half of them. A couple weeks later we met at an incall location that she hosted, it was a small guest house that was in a neighborhood near the downtown area of my city, lots of apartment complex around, etc. Without getting into details, I basically just spent time talking with her, making out and I had a sexual finish. After that I had considered going back for more but I refrained from doing so, as while I did enjoy it I also was aware that this was not a habit to develop. I do remember afterwards that I felt a surge of confidence and that I was approaching women pretty readily afterwards and seemed to have better interactions, but shortly COVID hit and everything was closed down.

Since COVID hit I've had next to no interactions with the opposite sex and I feel that I need to have a confidence booster. For a couple months I was considering meeting up again with this same woman but I hesitated until more recently where I decided to follow through with it and scheduled something later this week. Can something like this be of benefit or is this potentially a bad habit that could develop that could stunt me in some ways in regards to dating? I have the power to be able to call this off and it's something that I've been debating internally, weighing the pros and cons, etc.

I also have behaviors related to experiencing emotions in regards to getting hooked on different things, though I have enough awareness to be able to cut them off early. I really enjoy poker and have experienced and resisted the feelings of enjoying this thrill regularly, though every so often I allow myself to go to the casino to play in tournaments. I also have had similar experiences with partying, investments, etc.

 

[manfrombelow]

If you can afford it, there's nothing wrong with seeing an escort.

Just make sure she's not your only source of sexual activity. Hit the gym, go on Tinder and start dating other women as well.

 

[Bigpapa]

As an advice , try to go to other escorts so you do kot end up with an oneitis

in general , I would not recommend for guys to go to escorts , but sometimes I reckon that this is a confidence boost that is much needed

it will make you loosen up , and score

 

[Lookatu]

Personally I wouldn't make a habit of it, especially if you aren't able to date or be intimate with a regular girl. I'd try to figure that out first.
But on the other hand, if you are aware of it and only doing it from time to time to boost your morale and such, I think it could be beneficial.

I'm not sure how much you're shelling out but I would try more of the sugar daddy/sugar baby angle first. The difference is they can potentially become someone you can interact with more on a regular basis and may iron out or discover things about yourself in interacting with them that you didnt know about before. With escorts, it's mainly just a one and done thing where as sugar babies, it can be more interactive and longer lasting with more possibilities.

 

[Alvafe]

I say don't have much problem as long its not you main source of sex, in a dry spell? go ahead, always wished to F*** a woman type its kinda hard for you to get? go ahead, you belive it will help you game in the long run? go ahead


but don't depend on it to much, also some guys I know always said, alwyas look for new ones, once is ok, 2 if she was really that good, never the 3rd time, and please don't do like some big CEOs who did show up on the news marrying one of then....

 

[EyeBRollin]

Escorts should not be a primary source of poon. They have a specific niche to fill. It’s best to leave it at that.

 

[Barrister]

The fact that you seem to be associating this with some of your past vices that have become a habit makes me think you shouldn't mess with this at all. Sign up for a dating app and get someone from there if you're just after some sex. It isn't hard unless you are absolutely hideous with a terrible job.

Reading between the lines - you also seem to have oneitis for this particular escort. You are entering the danger zone with this on a number of levels. Steer clear.

 

[Visionist]

It's amazing how feminists and outrage merchants have managed to make escorting and sex work into some kind of sordid taboo almost akin to peodophilia. It's ridiculous.

Men are horny. Men need sex. Non negotiable. Women can provide sex for a fee. Problem?

Exactly.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with banging a hooker. I used to do it a lot before bat disease broke out. Just gotta follow some simple rules:

- If in doubt, back out. If she's not the girl advertised, or if she's a cûnt, back out or at worst request an on the spot discount. I run through the list of what she does before meeting, over texts, hopefully having read trusted reviews first (often impossible here as girls constantly come & go). Bear in mind you could be texting with her pimp, so when I meet her, if she's the girl advertised and seems pleasant, I again run through my list of requirements, ending with "do you deep french kiss with tongue (yes, I'm that specific - no room for misunderstandings)?" and I make out with her to decide if she's worth paying for.

Otherwise, I walk.

- Don't see the same girl twice. I've broken this rule a couple of times, especially as the overwhelming majority of escorts are absolutely terrible at their job (this alone is the only real argument against seeing an escort, but keep reading...) and so a decent to great one tends to capture my imagination the same way a civvie might (and that's another steep road to a potential oneitis).

- Watch your spending. Assign a budget that you won't exceed within a given time period. My budget is very low as I'm no longer earning so in a way the decision to punt (British verb meaning to have sex with an escort) has been made for me; I can't afford to do it. So I don't. Even if that means going months without sex because you aren't seeing any civvies.

Discipline.

Now to conclude this essay, I have had a few very memorable experiences with escorts that outweigh the bad ones. I had sex with identical twins, for one. I don't expect that would have happened otherwise. Will it warp your views of women and make you unable to get with regular girls? Quite the opposite. You develop an immediate abundance mentality. Knowing you can send a couple texts and be inside a HB8 or 9 within a half hour makes regular girls lose all their mystique, and Yes, this is a good thing.

 

[LiveYourDream]

TL; DR Bolded

An analogy comes up to share with you, @sangheilios. I don’t know why, maybe it will offer some objectivity and/or neutralizes some of the charge or self judgement, on this particular topic, as you consider it. Here goes...

You are super fitness dedicated. As I perceive, you highly value/prioritize your personal health and body aesthetic. You work out hard. You prioritize eating healthy and nutritious food. You aim to always eat food that best nourishes and fuels your body. You do your very best with that.

You find yourself in a bind. What to do? A drive through fast food meal is not the same as a fresh home cooked meal. (I know... bear with me.) Fast food can take care of hunger. Fast food (generally) will not satisfy you nutritionally and support your health/body values/goals, in the same way a fresh cooked homemade meal will.

For some people an occasional fast food meal can serve in a bind or be had and seen as a treat to enjoy.

A fresh home cooked meal will/can satisfy you on more levels than just satiating your immediate hunger. More than better nutrition as well. A fresh home cooked meal can offer satisfaction on levels that fast food can simply never touch.

Does that mean that a drive thru fast food meal should never be had? I believe a fresh home cooked meal made with care is almost always the preferred option. One isn’t always available, for whatever reason. Due to issues of timing, location, lack of preparation, etc can lead to people to find themselves really, really, hungry and needing to eat but without the option of a home cooked meal, at that time.

The ease and convenience of a drive thru fast food meal can at least alleviate that immediate hunger. And satisfying that built up hunger, with a quick drive thru meal, can provide people with an experience/feelings of immense relief. Feeling satiated and satisfied, one can then better get re-focused back on the things that matter most to them.

There can be trouble when people get drawn into the taste and convenience of quick and easy fast food. A once in a while can become weekly and then more. They can unexpectedly find themselves eating that way more and more. They start to feel or decide they are too tired to cook. They didn’t invest their time in stocking their fridge in advance. Etc. Or maybe their grocery store is temporarily closed.

What is super important is to stay aware that fast food can become easy to default to, over and over, so much so that it can become a regular habit or part of your lifestyle, before you even know it. Suddenly you find you have put on lots of weight, without really noticing how each meal added up over time.

Everyone knows that too much fast food tends to lead to poorer health and obesity. That doesn’t mean people don’t get caught up eating more and more. It also doesn’t mean a fast food meal on occasion can’t be helpful.

Just be careful that you don’t get hooked on fast food and end up sacrificing your deeper values/goals of fitness/health, for the long haul.

Not sure why, but that’s what showed up in me to share.

In your personal situation, it could be a bridge to alleviate your hunger so speak. I think gaining more experience/s with women is key for you personally. I think that additional experience, if positive, could help set you more free with women as a whole. An escort/s could help you to learn to feel more comfortable and confident around women generally as well as sexually. I think that greater confidence and ease could help you bridge this gap you have been facing and positively move forward.

It’s also super important, in my view, that you intent-fully engage the experience with an escort, as to expand your life, and expand your well-being. To be clear and not allow yourself to get caught up in the focus and ease of just quick releases, so much so that you start to justify to yourself a life of only being able to eat fast food, for one reason or another, so to speak.

Wish I could of said all that in fewer words. There it is. Wishing you all the best.

 

[Josh Davidson]

Shortly before COVID hit last March I had decided to hire an escort to have time with. Now, to clarify this would be considered a higher tier one, meaning more money, that also goes to socials, parties, etc. and wasn't just some cracked out meth head that basically stays at a hotel having one guy after another.

Anyway, this was something that I had considered going through with for a while, as for a very long time I was having issues with my dating life. Through 2017, 2018, and 2019 I was just having nothing but horrendous experiences with women (dating, approaches, numbers,etc.). I was getting women to approach me or ask me out, just to get flaked on. I was getting no results with dating apps or sites. I was forcing myself to approach women that I often felt little to no attraction to, as "practice", and they would just awkwardly stare at me. This was getting to the point where I felt my mental health was starting to legitimately suffer and I noticed I was feeling tons of anger and anxiety. I've already posted this a million times on here but the repetitive thoughts going on in my mind were "I'm 6'4", go to the gym regularly blah blah blah and yet I can't even land a date with a 3?". I was at a stage where I was considering just full blown giving up, as the quality of my overall mental health and well being was not worth compromising. However, during this time I had also started posting on this forum, which made me realize that the issues I had were far more prevalent throughout men of the general population than I had realized at the time.

February of 2020 I had contacted this escort that I had found through tons of research and searching online. We texted back and forth a lot and I explained what I was looking for, etc. We met at a local coffee shop for half and hour, it was part of her screening process and it allowed me to see if it would be a good fit for me or if I'd bail. She actually came across as very normal and interacting with her was much more enjoyable than all of these women I had been approaching despite the fact I wasn't even attracted to half of them. A couple weeks later we met at an incall location that she hosted, it was a small guest house that was in a neighborhood near the downtown area of my city, lots of apartment complex around, etc. Without getting into details, I basically just spent time talking with her, making out and I had a sexual finish. After that I had considered going back for more but I refrained from doing so, as while I did enjoy it I also was aware that this was not a habit to develop. I do remember afterwards that I felt a surge of confidence and that I was approaching women pretty readily afterwards and seemed to have better interactions, but shortly COVID hit and everything was closed down.

Since COVID hit I've had next to no interactions with the opposite sex and I feel that I need to have a confidence booster. For a couple months I was considering meeting up again with this same woman but I hesitated until more recently where I decided to follow through with it and scheduled something later this week. Can something like this be of benefit or is this potentially a bad habit that could develop that could stunt me in some ways in regards to dating? I have the power to be able to call this off and it's something that I've been debating internally, weighing the pros and cons, etc.

I also have behaviors related to experiencing emotions in regards to getting hooked on different things, though I have enough awareness to be able to cut them off early. I really enjoy poker and have experienced and resisted the feelings of enjoying this thrill regularly, though every so often I allow myself to go to the casino to play in tournaments. I also have had similar experiences with partying, investments, etc.

I'm not sure where you live, but the problem I have with it is that it is illegal to pay for sex in the United States (I don't think it should be, but it is).

 

[LiveYourDream]

I would spend the money on behavioral therapy to help you work through the negative thinking pattern and adjust your approaches.

I can see your point. Indeed that could be really helpful.

To me, OP seems to be very heady. He thinks things through very thoroughly. That has its pluses and minuses. As I recall, he also has very minimal hands on experience (not judging, just stating). I imagine some more actual hands on experience (positive) is what would most help him with this, to get some actual positive momentum and get his ball rolling, so to speak.

I realize right now, I think we are actually saying the same thing, except I saw “behavioral therapy” as potentially possible through some focused and positive escort experiences. I don’t know if that is actually possible. That is what I imagined/hoped for him.

 

[Josh Davidson]

I can see your point. Indeed that could be really helpful.

To me, OP seems to be very heady. He thinks things out in detail. As I recall he also has very minimal hands on experience (not judging, just stating). I imagine some more actual hands on experience (positive) is what would most help him, to get some positive momentum and get his ball rolling, so to speak.

I realize right now, I think we are actually saying the same thing, except I saw “behavioral therapy” as potentially possible through some focused and positive escort experiences.

I agree but...can't someone get arrested for hiring escorts for sex in the United States? <--- I am asking this question to anyone who thinks they know.

 

[corrector]

The issue with all of this is it puts guys in a transactional sex mindset and they start to believe that the only way to get laid is through paying for it.

In his case it is though.

 

[corrector]

OP congrats. You are able to buy sex. I cant do that no matter how desperately I want to take a thick girl and tumble around with her.

I would never make out with an escort because she suck other guys c0ck.

 

[Bigpapa]

I would never make out with an escort because she suck other guys c0ck.

well , statistically, most women touched with their lips a male organ at some point in their life

and 100% of touched a penis with their hand

basically everyone that you met and will meet touched a penis in their life

 

[Barrister]

I agree but...can't someone get arrested for hiring escorts for sex in the United States? <--- I am asking this question to anyone who thinks they know.

Legal in Nevada.

 

[corrector]

well , statistically, most women touched with their lips a male organ at some point in their life

and 100% of touched a penis with their hand

basically everyone that you met and will meet touched a penis in their life

I dont care if its a civvie that did something over a year ago. An escort could have done that the same day or yesterday. Some offer bbbjcimsw and no gag reflex and even rimmimg. The idea of kissing or making out is too disgusting and even shocking. Also its too intimate to do with an escort. You should not be paying for that. Making out is more intimate than sex is and is how you really express love or do in a park or some nice place. Paying to talk to a woman or make out sounds sad.

 

[Lookatu]

The idea of kissing or making out is too disgusting and even shocking.

I bet you're glad you found out all this in your adultlhood after your mom used to give you all those kisses. Or does she still kiss you?

 

[corrector]

I bet you're glad you found out all this in your adultlhood after your mom used to give you all those kisses. Or does she still kiss you?

As I have said on other posts I have only kissed civvies. My first kiss was back in 2007 with a virgin college aged black girl who was into me. I had intense make out sessions with my ex gf in 2012 and got married in 2014 where lots of making out was involved.

It.gets sick that people have all these twisted assumptions. I am not even making incel threads like either @MatureDJ or @Xenom0rph does.

There is no defination where an incel is just someone who never did anything so get with the times.

 

[sangheilios]

The fact that you seem to be associating this with some of your past vices that have become a habit makes me think you shouldn't mess with this at all. Sign up for a dating app and get someone from there if you're just after some sex. It isn't hard unless you are absolutely hideous with a terrible job.

Reading between the lines - you also seem to have oneitis for this particular escort. You are entering the danger zone with this on a number of levels. Steer clear.

I've tried dating apps and all I was getting from it was either no matches at all or just really unattractive and very overweight women. I've met 2 off of there and they were much bigger than the photos suggested and I was not at all attracted to them.

As for this particular escort, I wouldn't say that I have oneitis but I feel very comfortable with this woman in particular and that I had a good vibe with her. I had looked into this in the past, for similar reasons that I mentioned on this thread, and I always got really bad vibes from these different women.

As for the other vices, I never made any of them habits but I've felt the urge to do so and as I mentioned I was aware enough to cut it off. For instance, back in early February I went to a poker tournament, I genuinely really enjoy it and spending $100 for a few hours of entertainment is not at all bad. However, afterwards I wanted to go back next week and I even said "I'm really well of financially, it isn't that much money" but then I caught this thought right then and there and cut it at it's roots. I've had experiences like this with other things and would have similar thoughts and responses.