Forget About The Girls In Your Past

[Survivor]

About a month ago, a female friend of almost 20 years and I decided to become more than friends...It took only less than 2 weeks before she stopped returning my calls.

Now I'd expect that from a girl I just met, but this hurts more because this was someone I've known and loved as a friend for almost 20 years. We practically grew up out of the same cradle. She should have been confident enough in our friendship to let me know the truth without fear of a confrontation.

It leaves me no choice but to re-evaluate our friendship. Thats the worst part of it.

But after thinking about it, I no longer blame her for the situation. I blame myself 100%.

My friend obviously has some self-esteem issues. Else she would have had the confidence to dump me face to face. But I blame myself anyway. I should have known better.

I still consider her my friend and will treat her as such. Because this whole fiasco was my fault, not hers. I deserve what happened to me.

Why do I blame myself?

Because I've been on this site almost a year and made a bonehead rookie mistake. I thought that I could rekindle something that was never there: High Interest Level From A Woman In My Past.

I made the classic mistake of thinking that I could turn a past disinterested woman, albeit a friend, into an interested woman. Anti-Dump once warned me about it in the post "The Return of the User Part I", but I slipped and did it again last month. (Feel free to run a search on that post.)

Now I realize she only went along with my attempts at being more than friends (temporarily) so she wouldn't hurt my feelings.

DJs, I implore you to learn from my bonehead mistake. Once you become a DJ, you must rule out ALL women from your past. That includes secret crushes, ex-girlfriends, female friends, etc. ANY WOMAN YOU HAD A FRIENDSHIP OR RELATIONSHIP WITH BEFORE FINDING THIS WEBSITE WILL MOST LIKELY NEVER BECOME YOUR GIRLFRIEND. GET THAT SILLY PIPE DREAM OUT YOUR HEAD ASAP!

Yes there are exceptions, but it is very rare.

I now understand that I made unfavorable first impressions on these women a long, long time ago and will never live it down. I will always be a weakling in their eyes and thats a cruel fact of life that I'll have to accept.

The only limitation to the DJ principles is that they will only work on present and future women, not past ones.

Bottom line...Forget about the girls in your past. Heaven knows I'm trying to.

 

[Raingem]

edited

[This message has been edited by Raingem (edited 08-26-2001).]

 

[Sgt. Ray]

Survivor --I read your old post and I noticed that even though you are really down on yourself for giving in to the user and for reverting to old habits, you really dissect what happened and have a great grasp of DJ principles.

Something similar is happening now. You know the principles and have learned the lessons; it just takes time to put them into practice.

I think we are all tempted to "reycle" women from our past because in our nostalgia we make these women and relationships more than what they really were. It also seems easier to recycle some chick we already know than to approach someone new.

But I think your main point is well taken: Women from our past have seen our most groveling, candyass, AFC behavior. That's an obstacle that just can't be overcome.

 

[Don_Juanabe]

Originally posted by Sgt. Ray:
But I think your main point is well taken: Women from our past have seen our most groveling, candyass, AFC behavior. That's an obstacle that just can't be overcome.

Aint it true? And my how the truth hurts! I guess it takes a woman to turn a boy into a man...

DJBe

 

[SoSuave.com]

Tips forum.

 

[swigue]

Survivor. Hmmmmm... I understand what you mean, but I don't neccesarily agree with this advice. I don't think you should rule out ALL Girls from your past.

IMO: That's one of the best ways to make connections/ get laid.

I think you should re-write that to be...forget about all girls you were not sexual with in the past.

I mean how many stories have we all heard about people being friends for years and tehn ending up dating or getting married? I've heard a lot.

So I can't really agree with your advice here totally. Although I think that you are right that you shouldn't make more out of something than what it is.


I think that that is the real problem with guys who are friends with girls they have a thing for. They are all bottled up in their heads all thinking about her and its not real. So when their feelings become known they gush them all out.

With a girl you meet and then start getting with you haven't had all that time to thin about things, so you are not going to act as intensely.

 

[RonJuan]

Analogy Alert!!!!!

Chicks of the past are like cars you've owned. Sure, there is nostalgia, sure ther is comfort in familiarity. But consider why you got rid of the beast in the first place. I sold my first car, a 65 Mustang, many years ago. It was in so-so shape when I had it, and one day years later I seen it going down the road, I knew it was my old car by the license plate, but DAMN, it looked good!! I was kicking myself for not taking the same incentive. Then when I got closer I saw a for sale sign! My heart raced, thinking about the nostalgia as well as this improved version of my old sweetheart. When I got closer, though, I saw that the good looks were nothing more than a cheap spray-job. The interior was the same, and presumably the tranny problems that kept occuring were still there too, that's probably why he was looking to unload it!

Then I think of the other cars in my past. Every one would be more beat than when I owned it, more knicks and dents, more miles, probably with the same problems as when I owned them, and probably some more problems coming with additional age. The nostalgia and familiarity would probably only last until the first breakdown.

So, lesson learned is Don't buy back your old cars = No old girlfriends/girl-friends back in your life!

------------------
Let's all put our heads together and gang up on these ho's!

 

[MaNiac]

I agree with most of you that it seems impossible to get back to your ex-girl.

Imagine I knew this girl for 4 years, knew her so well, loved her so much, expected so much out of her and some sad day the relationship end's. I have lost all my trust ... I feel if someone so close can do something like this to me how can I even trust anyone else. Anyone could do that to me. See around every where and you will find all kind people in different type of relationships and in all sort of troubles.

I think we should not forget our past girl friends .. We should still stick to them with what ever they happen to offer us. This doesn't mean we should stop hunting or going out with other girls. Our ex girl friend has made us realize our mistakes, they have made us strong, we have learned a lot from them .. So why forget them so easily. Keep them .. and you can still learn a lot. The more you get hurted by them the stronger you will get. This way you will be able to face all sorts of girls in future ..

Who knows .. Anything is possible .. maybe things might work out someday .. Infact you shouldn't keep any hopes for your ex, but still never give up. Life's all about trying ...

I am sure most of them will not agree to what I say. Everyone believes in ditching your past and moving forward in life. Just imagine .. How many girls will you keep ditching. You just cannot end relationships this way and move forward in life. You have to consider your past for a better future.

Think about it guyZ. Keeep your EX... as a source of learning ...

 

[Aztec]

DJs, I implore you to learn from my bonehead mistake. Once you become a DJ, you must rule out ALL women from your past. That includes secret crushes, ex-girlfriends, female friends, etc. ANY WOMAN YOU HAD A FRIENDSHIP OR
RELATIONSHIP WITH BEFORE FINDING THIS WEBSITE WILL MOST LIKELY
NEVER BECOME YOUR GIRLFRIEND. GET THAT SILLY PIPE DREAM OUT YOUR
HEAD ASAP!

Do you also mean that even for booty call?

 

[KCFlyer]

Don't you think it's possible for people to change? I mean if there was a fat girl that you grew up with across the street, and then you see her again, and she's buff, who wouldn't treat her differently. Then if a girl sees that we've grown up, and don't give girls what they want all the time, I think it's possible that we would change in their eyes too. Of course I'm using my brain and thinking logically again...

 

[Bear]

Originally posted by KCFlyer:
Don't you think it's possible for people to change? ... Then if a girl sees that we've grown up, and don't give girls what they want all the time, I think it's possible that we would change in their eyes too.

The fact is she would ALWAYS remember the weakness of your past; you would have to be comfortable with the knowledge she just wants to prove she has the same power over you - that you aren't too good for her now. Use her and abuse her and she'll be yours...
but do you want that? Don't fool yourself.

 

[Jake Steed]

Uhhh, I want to fvck as many different gorgeous women as I can before I find myself trapped in the jailhouse of marraige, so why would I waste my time pursuing girls from the past when there are so many NEW girls out there?

Jake

 

[~The_Chosen~]

Just remember past ones for the sake of learning and lessons. ONce you make a mistake you shouldn't do it again.

------------------
~The_Chosen~ has spoken...

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is just not an act but a habit." - Aristotle

Judge a man by his questions and not his answers.

 

[Kalkor]

Traditionally I've always remained good friends with my exes. In fact, I attended the wedding of one to a good friend of mine, and everyone said my current GF and I were the "cutest couple there"... awwwww, puke

I agree with the car analogy... but would like to point out, conversely:

My last LTR ended, as I mentioned, when she finally got fed up with my ***** Nice-Guy ways and my inability to take the cues she gave me.

Because of that dump, I have become a much more desireable man. I am now her dream MAN. This does NOT fit your analogy. But still, I would never go back to her. She may learn in time that I'm much more of a catch than she ever dreamed possible, but there is no way I'd ever go back to a 7 when I got 9's fighting for me. Right?

Kalkor

 

[lynx]

Bottom line...Forget about the girls in your past. Heaven knows I'm trying to.[/B][/QUOTE]

I think that, once you become a DJ, it's okay to SLEEP with a former girlfriend, even if she dumped you. At that point, you won't be attached to her anymore, and it won't matter if she leaves again. After all, you're just sleeping with her, and you have no romantic feelings for her anymore. Sleep with her, practice your new ****y attitude on her, and smile in A Bond-like manner if she starts acting up again. Then go out with one of your other girls the next day.

 

[T Dog]

Bump -- A T-Dog Top Ten

 

[Cappo Yung]

This shouldn't be a debate.

why?

The message here is clear. Chrystal clear.
Don't try to rekindle past relationships, Build new ones.

And as Survivor mentioned, it’s ok to remain friends, no bad blood, but never initiate romance, run up a hill if she does, and never discuss your life or anything major with her.

 

[Romanemp22]

About a month ago, a female friend of almost 20 years and I decided to become more than friends...It took only less than 2 weeks before she stopped returning my calls.

Now I'd expect that from a girl I just met, but this hurts more because this was someone I've known and loved as a friend for almost 20 years. We practically grew up out of the same cradle. She should have been confident enough in our friendship to let me know the truth without fear of a confrontation.

It leaves me no choice but to re-evaluate our friendship. Thats the worst part of it.

But after thinking about it, I no longer blame her for the situation. I blame myself 100%.

My friend obviously has some self-esteem issues. Else she would have had the confidence to dump me face to face. But I blame myself anyway. I should have known better.

I still consider her my friend and will treat her as such. Because this whole fiasco was my fault, not hers. I deserve what happened to me.

Why do I blame myself?

Because I've been on this site almost a year and made a bonehead rookie mistake. I thought that I could rekindle something that was never there: High Interest Level From A Woman In My Past.

I made the classic mistake of thinking that I could turn a past disinterested woman, albeit a friend, into an interested woman. Anti-Dump once warned me about it in the post "The Return of the User Part I", but I slipped and did it again last month. (Feel free to run a search on that post.)

Now I realize she only went along with my attempts at being more than friends (temporarily) so she wouldn't hurt my feelings.

DJs, I implore you to learn from my bonehead mistake. Once you become a DJ, you must rule out ALL women from your past. That includes secret crushes, ex-girlfriends, female friends, etc. ANY WOMAN YOU HAD A FRIENDSHIP OR RELATIONSHIP WITH BEFORE FINDING THIS WEBSITE WILL MOST LIKELY NEVER BECOME YOUR GIRLFRIEND. GET THAT SILLY PIPE DREAM OUT YOUR HEAD ASAP!

Yes there are exceptions, but it is very rare.

I now understand that I made unfavorable first impressions on these women a long, long time ago and will never live it down. I will always be a weakling in their eyes and thats a cruel fact of life that I'll have to accept.

The only limitation to the DJ principles is that they will only work on present and future women, not past ones.

Bottom line...Forget about the girls in your past. Heaven knows I'm trying to.

Its never fruitful thinking about what could've happen with specific girl that's why thinking about past women is a rut way of thinking. 100% sign this

 

[Lookatu]

Thinking of getting together or rekindling of past women is a scarcity mindset unless she was truly special in someway other than her pvssy being made out of gold.

If her heart was gold but you fvcked it up, well you fvcked it up, realize, learn and move on to not make the same mistake.

 

[Max Baker]

am i reading correctly? Friends with exes? No thanks. Take all the lessons they give you, improve yourself and become a better version and leave them where they should be. In the past. Friends with exes is a big mistake.