Whats with my wife?

[Alpheta]

Feel kinda numb right now.

Im probably going to come across insecure, but I have to discuss it somewhere.

Quick background:

Im married. Wife is a housewife. Live with my parents and brothers. Wife does pretty much everything for me. Always up for sex and does everything i say. Literally.

The only real issue i used to have with her was her ''wondering eyes'' in public but that has pretty much stopped as I really stopped giving a phuck.

However, the one thing thats got me thinking today is how she is around my brother. Its nothing too much, but its just obvious for me. Everytime shes in his presence, she seems to always need to be in his ''view.'' She also always seems very nervous around him. Ive noted that before but kinda got over it. However, ive seen that again recently. I also note how she prelongs a conversation with him. Whats even more notable is her body language. If im sitting next to him and shes opposite me, shell have her body and attention edged towards him. Pretty much laughing and following on his conversations. I almost feel like she is more interested in his attention that mine.

Now, my brother doesnt reciprocate as he has a lot of respect for me so thats not a problem. Its just her behavior that makes me think.

In all other departments, shes fine. Gave up her career for me, I control the finances and she doesnt question it ive been really mean to her (things that could get me in real trouble) but shes put up with it. Always wanting to have sex. Very respectful and obedient.

I am an over thinker however I just dont think ive got it wrong on this one.

Any comments to be made on the situation above?

 

[Romanemp22]

Dude open four eyes, don't get fooled. You noticed something, you're gut is telling you something is off,you're not overthinking this as she is showing interest in your brother.

You may trust your brother now but you never know when will his inner Ryan Giggs wake up.

 

[Alpheta]

Dude open four eyes, don't get fooled. You noticed something, you're gut is telling you something is off,you're not overthinking this as she is showing interest in your brother.

You may trust your brother now but you never know when will his inner Ryan Giggs wake up.

Im stuck. Literally have a kid coming today or tomorrow. 1st ever child and i get hit with these thoughts.

Im acting indifferent atm. Not really giving my attnetion to her. Not to court her as such, just because im kinda numb towards her. I feel like i want to or need to pull back on the time and attention i give her.

If divorce is the answer, it makes me feel sick due to having a child. The courage to muster that up will be immense but if need be will have to be done i guess.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Are you the same poster that had a different thread where you blocked her and gave her the silent treatment?

 

[Alpheta]

Are you the same poster that had a different thread where you blocked her and gave her the silent treatment?

Yea

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yea

Well, all I can say is good luck. Based on that alone I have no earthly idea why you bothered getting married.

 

[Stoic]

Okay a couple things.

Your living situation is not ideal. Is you or your wife Asian? I was married to an Asian and it was more of a norm to live with family. But, you might want to get out from living under the same roof at some point. That can wreck havoc on a marriage. I realize its tougher now that you have a kid bc the family support is good.

Second, it's a biological attraction. You're wife is physically attracted to to your brother and cant help it. Theres nothing she can do about that physical attraction. Hopefully she never acts on it.

I would recommend a long term plan of getting out from under the same roof as mom and brother. And get in peak physical shape. And lead your new family as a strong leader.

Good luck man.

 

[bat soup]

Feel kinda numb right now.

Im probably going to come across insecure, but I have to discuss it somewhere.

Quick background:

Im married. Wife is a housewife. Live with my parents and brothers. Wife does pretty much everything for me. Always up for sex and does everything i say. Literally.

The only real issue i used to have with her was her ''wondering eyes'' in public but that has pretty much stopped as I really stopped giving a phuck.

However, the one thing thats got me thinking today is how she is around my brother. Its nothing too much, but its just obvious for me. Everytime shes in his presence, she seems to always need to be in his ''view.'' She also always seems very nervous around him. Ive noted that before but kinda got over it. However, ive seen that again recently. I also note how she prelongs a conversation with him. Whats even more notable is her body language. If im sitting next to him and shes opposite me, shell have her body and attention edged towards him. Pretty much laughing and following on his conversations. I almost feel like she is more interested in his attention that mine.

Now, my brother doesnt reciprocate as he has a lot of respect for me so thats not a problem. Its just her behavior that makes me think.

In all other departments, shes fine. Gave up her career for me, I control the finances and she doesnt question it ive been really mean to her (things that could get me in real trouble) but shes put up with it. Always wanting to have sex. Very respectful and obedient.

I am an over thinker however I just dont think ive got it wrong on this one.

Any comments to be made on the situation above?

Tell her it's obvious what she´s doing and that you find her behaviour disrespectful.

 

[Stoic]

Tell her it's obvious what she´s doing and that you find her behaviour disrespectful.

I know what you're saying but I wouldn't even bring it up.

What can you say, dont be attracted to my brother?

I think OP just needs to get out of that environment entirely as soon as you can.

 

[Epimanes]

Womens hormones when they are preggo is a fkn nightmare..... but your gut is saying something...listen to your intuition..... baby any day now? Man i feel you... if your pulling back then your basicly pushin her into arms of another man. Womens operate on feelings..... if shes not feeling things for you she is pursuing feelings somewhere else.. either in reality or in her heart (thats worse cuz if another fills her heart and changes her feelings good luck recovering from that)... wake up man.... time for you to take action. You have 18yrs ahead of you with the new kid on the way and its not gunna be a fkn walk in the park.... kids dont make things better.... ever... only worse..... good luck

 

[Alpheta]

I know what you're saying but I wouldn't even bring it up.

What can you say, dont be attracted to my brother?

I think OP just needs to get out of that environment entirely as soon as you can.

Thanks for this comment buddy.

Yes shes asian/from the sub continent.

The plan of moving is too hard as i live in london and its ultra expensive to leave. Moreover, I dont want to leave my family because of my wife. If push comes to shove, Ill leave her before I leave them. Especially of she feels the way she does.

 

[bat soup]

I know what you're saying but I wouldn't even bring it up.

What can you say, dont be attracted to my brother?

I think OP just needs to get out of that environment entirely as soon as you can.

It's not about whether or not she's attracted to the guy. But displaying it openly is massively disrespectful.

For me, just seeing that would be cause for divorce.

 

[7onriverI f]

Just let your brother get some pus/sy thats if he even wants it bro.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks for this comment buddy.

Yes shes asian/from the sub continent.

The plan of moving is too hard as i live in london and its ultra expensive to leave. Moreover, I dont want to leave my family because of my wife. If push comes to shove, Ill leave her before I leave them. Especially of she feels the way she does.

So your plan is to live with your family your whole life?

 

[Gstring]

Your wife respecs your brother. If you continue with your insecurity she will divorce you. Why did you got married? Scarcity mindset?

 

[7onriverI f]

Your wife respecs your brother. If you continue with your insecurity she will divorce you. Why did you got married? Scarcity mindset?

get marrriage terimated now by suggesting a threeway with brother. brother might want a handjob and you can get a *******. maybe it will bring the family and you and your wife closer.

 

[Bigpapa]

This thread is quite autistic again ...

Mate you have a lot of problems on your side based on the other threads you opened , and you have to fix them before you can see things objectively

I think that you are imagination is playing mind games on you when it comes to your brother and your wife , so make 3 steps back and look at your fears and sensibility towards different things

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Your wife respecs your brother. If you continue with your insecurity she will divorce you. Why did you got married? Scarcity mindset?

I would find it pretty difficult to respect someone who deals with conflict by blocking someone and completely shutting down communication. That's the mentality of a child, not an adult. If this is some attempted show of power it actually shows the opposite.

A plate that means nothing, maybe. Your wife? Nah...until you fix these major underlying things you will keep posting the same types of things.

 

[Atom Smasher]

This is one of the things that should have been taken care of before marriage. I’m going to have to post a guide for men of things that need to be proactively dealt with in the very early days of a relationship.

So now you find yourself in this situation, and it needs to be dealt with after the fact. You need to lay some groundwork.

Here’s how I would handle it. I would start gaslighting her on the dangers of emotional infidelity.

Starting this works best when you are out somewhere together and you are “musing” about life out loud. You muse how you know of a marriage that was destroyed and how sad that is. The wife had a propensity toward emotional attachments and that eroded the relationship. You talk about how men need to be on their guard about physical attraction, while women need to be on their guard about emotional attraction. You muse how sad it is that neither your friend not his wife recognized what was happening till it was too late.

You will likely get agreement from her. You muse that you’re glad that you are both aware of this and that you are committed to taking care of the relationship and each other.

Next, you subtly punish her when she does what you're complaint about here. You withdraw your attention every time she misbehaves in order to condition her. You say little things like “Would you two like to be alone?”

I don’t know what your relationship with your brother is like, but if you’re tight, you should confide in him and work out a way for him to discourage her actions.

Basically what you’re doing is making her extremely uncomfortable when she acts out. Eventually it will dawn on her what is going on, and she might work to self-correct.

The only reason I’m suggesting working with her is because you said she has lots of rate redeeming qualities. If it weren’t for that, I would have completely different advice.

Women have ZERO UNDERSTANDING of rational argument. They only understand covert communication. They completely shut down with direct confrontation. What they do understand is that your removal of attention and your subtle hints mean that her actions are costing her some consequences.

Hopefully she doesn’t realize the gravity of what she’s doing and can be corrected once made aware. Some women do this stuff completely on autopilot with no awareness whatsoever.

It’s up to YOU to set the parameters of the relationship. YOU are the authority and the leader. If the subtle stuff doesn’t work, then the direct confrontation becomes necessary. The less emotional involvement and the less discussion the better.

You state the problem, you state why it’s a problem, you state the ramifications of her behavior, and you state the likely outcome of it continues. While stating all this you remain RUTHLESSLY calm and detached. You are stating how it’s going to be with machine-like confidence. Discussion and argument are out of the question.

So I would try the subtle approach first. If it doesn’t work or her behavior escalates, then the big guns come out. Either way, it must be handled now.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Some of that bull shes doing is subconscious. You might have similar behaviors that you are unaware of.