Alright guys, I have an update on the stripper story... By the way, I know that this is a long read but trust me it's worth it. I had a red-pill psychologist (friend of mine) read the whole thing and he said it was absolute GOLD and asked me if he could use it in some of his therapy sessions (to which I happily agreed) so get a drink and get ready for a hard-won story...
In my initial post, I said that I wanted to meet her in the city first and see how the interaction would go. If it went well, then I said I would invite her to my parent's house for New Years. Once again, I had no intention of LTR'ing her and my parents were told this in advance.
I ended up going to the city to meet her up. I myself had to drive 2 hours and pay expensive tolls to get to her. I then purchased tickets to a nice museum, got some alcohol for both of us, and would end up buying some food later. Some might say that this is overkill but in this context, I believe it was right of me to be generous (she purchased plane tickets and hotel). All in all, she seemingly went more out of her way than I did.
Upon meeting, we both drank a little bit to calm our nerves. It had been roughly 4-5 months since we'd seen each other. The energy was good.
The next few hours were spent gently making our way to the museum. We held hands and the vibe was very romantic. The conversation revolved around the things we were both up to in the past few months.
At this point, what was interesting is that she didn't bother painting a picture of perfect virtue. She made it a point to tell me things that revealed her dark side. I don't know why she did this. Was it because she wanted to be authentic with me due to her genuine desire for me? Was it because she knew I wasn't a simp and that a little bit of strategic disclosure/vulnerability would disarm me? I am going to go with the darkest possible interpretation bc that is the one we need to protect ourselves against as red-pill men.
Throughout the day, she proceeded to tell me about many of the men she "hustled" in her stripper days:
"If they were obviously drunk, I would tell the clerk to charge them for 5 songs instead of 2 and they would pay it!"
"I wouldn't waste time on guys that were broke. I learned to quickly identify the cheap ones and the ones that had the money."
"One older guy let me live in his vacation house rent-free for a year (she was asked to house-watch) without me having to do any sexual favors."
"There is this older guy that just buys me stuff whenever I want."
She even told me a story about how her stripper-friend was dating a guy who didn't know she was a stripper. The guy was rich and would buy her all kinds of stuff right in the beginning of their dating (phones, expensive dinners, etc). She said the guy heard that she was a stripper from someone else and both of them "played like perfect actors" and denied the whole thing.
What was interesting was her tone of voice while she told these stories. It seemed like to her all of this was play and just a harmless byproduct of living that life. Reminder: She said she got out of stripping right after she met me (which I believe is true due to the fact that she is 26 and is entering the epiphany phase + I know people that go to her club and nobody reported seeing her there recently).
There were definite covert signals of her wanting something serious with me. She kept saying things like:
"I dreamed about you several times and knew I would see you again."
"It's so hard to find looove these days."
etc
Not only that but she kept showering me with attention. Kept insisting that we take selfies of us kissing. She also kept implying that she came to my region just to see me.
Fast forward, we were back at her hotel towards the late evening. Things quickly led to sex and it was great. She really made it a point to satisfy me. I felt genuine desire on her end. I even woke her up in the middle of the night for a BJ which she happily gave me.
Then after some morning sex and conversation, I left saying "I had some friends to see and business to take care of." I said that I would let her know about potential New Years events.
Later in the day, I decided that she wasn't too needy and that bringing her over for New Years would be okay. However, she broke down and sent me a long text saying that she felt like I didn't actually like her and that she didn't feel like I wanted anything serious with her. We went back and forth a couple of times and I managed to save her as a plate but only for the future. She told me to come visit her in her state if I still wanna see her but that it would be too "emotionally uncomfortable" to spend New Years with me now that knows where I stand (during our back and forth, I ended up overtly saying that I wasn't interested in a relationship).
We ended on a relatively positive note. I wasn't a dyck about it and I let her know that I still valued/appreciated her but that I wasn't looking for anything too serious. She seemed to be okay with my answer and said that we can continue seeing each other in the future if anything.
I legitimately felt sad for her but...
A man needs to realize...
You can't be so identified with the feminine imperative. You need to just focus on your own imperative (spinning plates, gaming women, learning seduction, fun sex life, etc) within reason.
So what if she feels sad? So what if she spent some time with a guy who wasn't serious about an LTR? So what if I took advantage of her desire for me in order to have some fun?
Throughout this whole process, I was respectful and I invested time, money, and energy into the interaction.
Did she care about all of the guys that she hustled, led on, and enjoyed significant financial/time investments from?
The answer is NO. To her, this was all "part of the game".
So the small benefit that I got from gaming her, banging her, and ultimately rejecting her desire for an LTR is nothing compared to the benefits she experiences all the time from guys that just want to be around a young/pretty girl.
Part of my instinctive wiring and blue pill conditioning feels apologetic for having "wasted her time" but that's all it is: blue-pill conditioning and instinctive empathy for small/feminine creatures (protector instinct).
As a man, I did exactly what I was supposed to. I enjoyed the sexual/financial/emotional investments of a hot and willing female. That is how it's like to be an alpha guys. Get used to it. Yes, when you're not used to it, you can't help but feel like you're being bad/cold/evil whatever. But that is not true.
Why should her imperative be more important than mine?
How come she gets to ride the ****-carousel, be a stripper for years, enjoy tons of financial/time investments from all these sucker guys only to then decide that she's getting older (epiphany phase) and wants to settle down with a man like me (above average fit, good at seduction, high status in social circles, etc)? How come I should feel bad about not participating in her optimizing the fvck out of her hypergamy? At what point do men draw the line and make themselves their own mental point of origin unapologetically? Does this mean I'm going cold? No... I am just building an awesome sex-life based on my imperative (and I am respectful and reasonable with women as I do this if I may add) so no...I am doing EXACTLY what I should be doing...
It is INSANE how deep the blue-pill conditioning is and how INSIDIOUS the desire to put the feminine imperative above your own can be...