Advice from the old lady:
OP you did fine. There is obviously attraction between you. When I say a “good guy” I mean a solid guy, a real man. Don’t worry about semantics, watch what she does.
I’m dating someone I like whose divorce is final right after New Year. I’m not crazy about the timing, obviously, but you meet people (through real life social circle in this case) when you meet people. Attraction is attraction and being contrived gets you nowhere good. I met this guy mid Nov. We’ve been on 6 dates, he makes a point to carve out time for me when he comes home (he manages commercial projects out of state during the week and has to be on site)...even though his time home is limited...
He is very sexy. Very. He was completely polite the first 3 dates. Light kino, lots of smiles, sexual tension & some teasing. No big make outs etc., but the guy has not had a lover at all for years...he was pretty wild however in his youth and has an edge that I could sense under his politeness...it was subtle but it was observable.
Fourth date he kissed me but still cautious. 5th date we went to dinner & I thought we were going for a drink after. Instead he took me to mine. Let’s just say I was a very happy girl. I loved that he didn’t ask. He simply made a decision, took me home and that was that. Of course we had both become very curious what things would be like...but he was cautious at first. This is over the course of as many weeks as dates so there has been time for longing to develop...and he’s a lousy texter but he does call.
Last weekend he came to a party with me and many of my friends (including several of my regular male running buddies) and he was well received and thoroughly enjoyed himself. He and my friends got along well and then he spent the night at mine.
My point is this developed more slowly than the board here would suggest is ideal. I like this man quite a bit and I’ve told him so. I’ve also told him I appreciate him making time for me with all he has going on...
My hesitation is that coming out of a long marriage this guy is unlikely in a position to want a LTR out of the gate. So I will enjoy him, see what develops and continue to keep my options open. But I do like him and have high interest.
But I rarely text him, almost never call him. I allow him to reach out to me because between his enormously busy high stress work, his turbulent personal life & the holidays, the last thing he needs is to feel any neediness or pressure from me. I like to be his release, his escape & his relaxation at this point. He feels light and fun and free in my company, and his smile & laugh communicate that in spades. He’s started telling his buddies he’s “met someone”...but he’s got to be careful not to upset his agreement before it’s final and I get that.
Gauge her interest level. Is she warm, is she responsive? She has attraction but doesn’t want to be seen as too easy. It’s a double standard that persists.
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t be too formulaic or contrived. Relax and figure out what suits YOU.
In fact that is exactly what I’ve told the man I like. Irrespective of outcome from my perspective.
Get your feet back under you & you’ll do fine. Stick around here & read. We are all figuring it out as we go.
Cheers
" Alternate hot/cold, lots of desire/cool and cold... It will make her think about u and wonder about u...
