Was this a **** Test?

[Lookatu]

Generally things have been moving well, but those comments bugged me slightly, despite feeling like they were dealt with ok at the time. Are those kind of things ;**** tests' or more insight that she's a bit a ****?

I really like her, we generally get on so well. Trying to overlook the accumulating red flags.

Always go with your gut. If you wanna have fun with her, do so but don't invest anything emotionally and treat her like a plate. I see guys like you all the time come here to say something isn't right, yet at the same time try to defend the girl in some way, or make it lighter then it is to rationalize their behavior. There is definitely something lurking there. Don't invest and be ready to bail at anytime or for her to dump you at any time.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Yeah did cross my mind. There are certainly a few red flags: single mum (divorced), smokes, drinks a fair bit, bad relationship with total loser/nutter of an ex, has a really high powered job for her age.

Good fun to be around, but sense there could be something not quite right in her head, but bizarrely I'm really drawn to her.

In fact she's just messaged me about being up for trying out pretty much anything sexually together, apart from anal, lol.

Folks attract the polarities of their own mental illness.

I'd keep one foot out the door w this one.

Have fun.

 

[B80]

Well, her ex has gone awol. Apparently called her 2 nights ago crying his eyes out saying what a bad dad he is, amongst other things and that he's leaving for a bit. She thought he might be getting sectioned, but turns out his girl friend said he's disappeared with another woman.

The girl I'm seeing is close to her parents and stayed there last night. We were due to meet this evening but she says she will be staying with them again. This is the first time in months she has cancelled.

She's said she's really sorry and would understand if I no longer wanted to see her again due to all the drama in her life.

She does appear to have been effected by the recent episode, one of so many that has happened over the past couple of months.

Not sure how to respond as I like her and the fact I am (well, was) getting regular great sex. Was on the line with treating her as a 'plate' with potentially more serious down the line. THis firmly places her in plate territory of course.

Wondering whether to just completely ignore her or how best to play it?? Cynical part of me wonders if this is a test of some sort to see how I react.

Whats the best response to keep things open, whilst not coming across as too 'beta'.

My female friend advises saying 'Say you understand and will leave her to sort herself out and wait for her to contact you when she can.'

 

[B80]

It depends. How does she dress? Social situations how is she? Look at her behavior.
Joking about having another dude eat her puzz while your sitting there is a bit strange.
You have to train her. Your 2 months in man. I would have probably soft nexted her after i got home.
That type of behavior is a turn off to me. The girls in my past that acted this way turned out to be hores and only good for mouth ramming with your **** so they cant actually talk. Only gag.

She's very bubbly, outgoing. Dresses well tbh, not too slutty. Although her demenour, way she talks indicates she may be/have been in the past if I being honest.

Did you see my more recent post from earlier today?

 

[B80]

Why? You have low self esteem man. My .02

possibly, been out of the game for 3 years, so when someone attractive and usually fun arrived on my lap, was trying to overlook the negatives as her just being her and not necessarily a big deal.

 

[B80]

They are frame tests. Shyt tests. Im in the opposing camp. They want to know how solid you are. I think the guys that hate being tested are a bit insecure in areas.
Nothing personal Espi but if your not challenged on your boundaries by her how will she know how you will react when challenged by another man or s violent situation.

You have a chic not wrestle with you? Charlie horse you? Or just physically fck with you? Why do you suppose they do this?

yeah its weird though as I am physically strong, lifted weights for years. Pick her up, toss her about on the bed.

I'm qquite laid back with verbal teasing, tests etc but I'm not afraid of physical confrontation with people. I don;t tend to really step up unless someone is really rude or if its a dangerous situation. **** tests and people acting like idiots just make me roll my eyes and wonder what the hell they're playing at.... not worth losing my rag over.

 

[B80]

I believe I did. I. Getting a vibe from your posts that you are maybe overly justifying. I dont know but the real issue is making sure your not rationalizing away disrespectful behavior. Good luck with her

cheers mate, appreciate your insight. what do you make of the message she sent earlier? soft next from her?

 

[RangerMIke]

I've concluded that whoever invented the term "Shiat Test" was NOT thinking like a DJ.

This whole "shiat test" theory has done a disservice to a multitude of aspiring DJs.

I advise you to never waste a minute of your time wondering if they're testing you.

There's nothing beneficial in acknowledging/analyzing/questioning a woman's expectations.

TRUTH! It's just normal female behavior. Women are always just trying to figure out where they stand with you... it's not a test really, it's just chicks being chicks. Some women slowly let you know who they are, some do it much faster.... the speed with which this happens depends on her history and how interested in you she is and weather or not she thinks she has competition for you or not. The more interested, the slower she goes... the more time she thinks she has... the slower she goes... if she just came out of a bad relationship... the faster she goes because she wants to know as soon as possible if you are in or out because she doesn't want to get emotionally attached to soon.

So are you being tested? Well... I guess you are sort of... but it really has nothing to do with you and it isn't a test you can pass or fail, which is where PUAs have it wrong. Women are relationship ninjas it's not YOU she cares about it's about the relationship and what you can do for her.

 

[B80]

and shes now just text me to ask how my day is and shes going for full custody after visiting police, solicitors. so she hopes things will be sorted soon.

 

[B80]

You could say this but I respond to this type of comment.

"Ok" and then move on for now and see other girls. She will be back.

Be careful taking dating advice from women.

oh really, whats the gist of not asking for advice from other women?

 

[B80]

I would just research it and study it. Have you read any on the RPill?

will do mate. I did read rational male after divorce 3 years ago and spent time on rooshv forum, so can recall it being mentioned not to trust womens advice when it comes to dating, but can't recall specifics.

 

[B80]

Check this one out too

cheers. funny enough I saw someone mention that book last week and bought it for kindle. couple of chapters in so far.

 

[B80]

Keeps texting me tonight so god knows what's going on

 

[derby1]

oh really, whats the gist of not asking for advice from other women?

Women are not consciously aware of what arouses them, they will tell you A,B,C then you will see them later with D,E,F.

ask a woman who her favourite ever boyfriend was....it wont be the guy who was available and dependable

look at the guys they allow to get them pregnant, then look at how they turn their own sons into the total opposite of the guy who aroused them.

 

[B80]

Driving me up the bloody wall. She's been texting me and asked me to come over this evening last night.

This morning she said her daughter may be staying with her now instead of her mums but that doesn't change me coming over later.

A few hours later she texts to say she's exhausted as there's been further drama with her ex. She needs to hire a solicitor to get a injunction or something like that. She said can I do Wednesday instead.

I said Wednesday not good for me. She then wrote a long spiel about how tired she is with the drama around her ex and how this time last week she was really happy after our weekend together.

I don't know how to respond, we had a similar event last week.

Tempted to just say. 'OK, hope you sort things out. Take care' and leave it like that.

Pretty gutted as really like her. Part of me wants to accept she's going through a tough spell with her loose cannon of an ex and not do anything rash as sex is great we have good fun and she's offered to reschedule.

Another part is really frustrated and not sure I want to put up with any more crap and just walk away.

 

[bat soup]

Hey,

Been seeing a woman for over 2 months, went away with her last weekend.

At one point, whilst we were drunk, she said 'you provide me entertainment... for now anyway'.

I was a bit drunk and just looked her in the eye and said nothing. The subject moved on.

Next night we were a watching a film and she made a comment about an actor in the film saying something like 'he can cry on my shoulder any time, then his head can go down further, further...'. We looked at each other, I just raised my eyebrow and held eye contact. She immediately apologized and said she was just joking. Thought it was a bit of a disrespectful thing to say, but aware of not getting funny, lashing out. Maybe could have amplified but I wasn;t really quick-witted at the time for one reason or another.

Rest of the trip went well, she complimented me a fair bit: great sex, well-endowed (above average, nothing special in reality ), funny, easy to get along with, feels really comfortable with me etc and started talking about starting day trips with our kids down the line.

I turned it on her the next day and started making jokey remarks to her about the cabin being nice, shame about the company etc Things like that, which seemed to get her going (in a positive way).

Generally things have been moving well, but those comments bugged me slightly, despite feeling like they were dealt with ok at the time. Are those kind of things ;**** tests' or more insight that she's a bit a ****?

My diagnosis is that she is simply stupid.

 

[bat soup]

ok, how would you react/interpret this kind of comments? or would you just completely ignore them and carry on with the woman, not caring at all?

I would consider this behaviour unattractive and put her down as a fbuddy only that I wouldn't want to take too seriously or spend too much time with.

 

[Lookatu]

There are many other women out there that can give you what you want. Why are you wasting your time making compromises with someone you hardly know(2 mos is not long)? It's only going to get worse and worse.

Think of abundance mindset and start seeking out others.

Her kind of situation only works if you already have 2-3 others plates on deck. Otherwise, if she's your only option, you have two choices:
1. Next her and look elsewhere
2. Keep her on deck but still be looking for new and more reliable plates

 

[B80]

There are many other women out there that can give you what you want. Why are you wasting your time making compromises with someone you hardly know(2 mos is not long)? It's only going to get worse and worse.

Think of abundance mindset and start seeking out others.

Her kind of situation only works if you already have 2-3 others plates on deck. Otherwise, if she's your only option, you have two choices:
1. Next her and look elsewhere
2. Keep her on deck but still be looking for new and more reliable plates

Cheers mate.

Hits home what you're saying.

If I'm honest I know my issue is abundance mindset, struggling to meet anyone I'm meet online so worried I won't meet anyone else so I'm desperately trying to overlook the continuous red flags and issues.

Part of me tempted to toughen up and take her for what she offers: sex and a bit of fun once a week. Keeps me in the game for when I meet other women.

The other part just wants to get rid and move on.

Life was better when single for ages, clear mind, stable, no distractions.

Just feels like a roller coaster at present, big highs then drama which is starting to consume me.

 

[B80]

My diagnosis is that she is simply stupid.

Amazing isn't it. Shes earning nearly 100k gbp at 30 and acts like this.

Highlights how people can be switched on some ways, but really dumb in others.