Platonic "friends" of opposite sex

[Barrister]

Something I don't think truly exists except in very limited circumstances. Those circumstances being your buddy's wife, a childhood friend you have known for ages, employer/employee (not that this stops everyone), neither person finds the other attractive at all, etc. (there are others but don't want to bog this post down). Even in these circumstances, outside of the limited circumstance where there is no attraction either way, I think there can be sexual tension that but for the previous relationship something would otherwise happen.

For the most part, I think in most dynamics between a man and a woman, one of them, typically the man, is always going to be attempting to escalate the situation to sex. I had a disagreement with an ex in the past that told me that my stance made her "feel sorry for me" because of what I was missing out on to be friends with women. I simply disagree it is possible. I think there is always an undercurrent of sexual energy and that it will be in play in some way, maybe not overtly, in a relationship between a man and a woman (in most situations).

I think women will sometimes view their orbiters as platonic "friends" when in fact these orbiters are generally beta men that want nothing more than to move into a sexual role with her -- she just is not receptive to it and then pigeon holes them into the friendzone believing that she has a platonic, male friend. They, being desperate, accept this role in the friendzone because they (wrongfully) believe that if they bide their time being friends then it may become more.

 

[Alvafe]

of course she feel sorry for you, you will not share resources or atencion to woman if she is not doing lapdance on your hip.

don't overthink, having a woman "bestie" is a waste of time, most of time she will **** block you

 

[Mike32ct]

It's a complicated issue. I'll list one pro and one con to having platonic female friends.

Pro

1. If a guy is a long dry spell and/or is inexperienced, at least being around a chick friend (even better if she's attractive) can stop him from descending into an awkward/creepy zone due to lack of interaction with females. He can at least learn to become or stay comfortable around chicks. And then he can be more chill around chicks that are interested in him.

Con

1. If your chick friend is not asking about your dating life/trying to set you up with other women/suggesting other women to you, she may secretly think you are an undateable loser.*

*It's totally fine if you aren't HER type. My concern is that she thinks you are nobody's type lol.

 

[Robert28]

It's a complicated issue. I'll list one pro and one con to having platonic female friends.

Pro

1. If a guy is a long dry spell and/or is inexperienced, at least being around a chick friend (even better if she's attractive) can stop him from descending into an awkward/creepy zone due to lack of interaction with females. He can at least learn to become or stay comfortable around chicks. And then he can be more chill around chicks that are interested in him.

Con

1. If your chick friend is not asking about your dating life/trying to set you up with other women/suggesting other women to you, she may secretly think you are an undateable loser.*

*It's totally fine if you aren't HER type. My concern is that she thinks you are nobody's type lol.

To expand on your con, it very well could be that. Or it could be she knows she doesn’t have to date you or fvck you to get resources from you and she will use your feelings against you. Let some other woman come sniffing around and watch how she acts.

 

[Mike32ct]

To expand on your con, it very well could be that. Or it could be she knows she doesn’t have to date you or fvck you to get resources from you and she will use your feelings against you. Let some other woman come sniffing around and watch how she acts.

Another thing that can happen is she takes advantage of the "have stuff in common" thing. The (bluepilled) guy thinks that having things in common with her (like hobbies/activities/fav restaurants) will increase attraction and eventually lead to some action. But she just sees him as someone to do xyz activity with so she doesn't have to go alone. I've had this happen.

 

[Robert28]

Another thing that can happen is she takes advantage of the "have stuff in common" thing. The (bluepilled) guy thinks that having things in common with her (like hobbies/activities/fav restaurants) will increase attraction and eventually lead to some action. But she just sees him as someone to do xyz activity with so she doesn't have to go alone. I've had this happen.

“Have things in common”= she likes money, you have money. See, things in common!

I catch a lot of sh!t for saying this but I do not do friendships with women at all. I’ve been burned twice and both times were experiences that changed me forever. I’m not cut out for platonic friendships and I’ve learned that I’m not, I excel in relationships. Friendships where I have to act like a boyfriend but don’t get to be a boyfriend? Yeah, I suck at those.

 

[isasda66]

I think women will sometimes view their orbiters as platonic "friends" when in fact these orbiters are generally beta men that want nothing more than to move into a sexual role with her -- she just is not receptive to it and then pigeon holes them into the friendzone believing that she has a platonic, male friend. They, being desperate, accept this role in the friendzone because they (wrongfully) believe that if they bide their time being friends then it may become more.

Well said. But its also on the girl because she knows the guy wants them and she loves the attention she gets.

I dont think women and men can be friends. Most of the time one side always wants to fvck the other.

Biggest red flag for me is being friends with an ex. If its causal, I cant be bothered but will never LTR someone who stays friends with exes. I've had a chick once hamster the **** for being in contact with an ex. Oh we were only teens it was different then we were children. I could have left but decided to use it as an opportunity to "get even". Coincidentally I became friends with a girl who I pretended was an ex. Old chick couldnt stand the it.

But it is good to be on friendly terms with women mainly for the social proof.

 

[SW15]

Something I don't think truly exists except in very limited circumstances. Those circumstances being your buddy's wife, a childhood friend you have known for ages, employer/employee (not that this stops everyone), neither person finds the other attractive at all, etc. (there are others but don't want to bog this post down). Even in these circumstances, outside of the limited circumstance where there is no attraction either way, I think there can be sexual tension that but for the previous relationship something would otherwise happen.

I agree completely. The best thing I've done over the years is not have platonic female friends of the opposite sex outside of a couple of limited circumstances that aren't relevant.

It can be argued that female friends can help with social circle. Social circle is a way better means of getting laid consistently and developing interactions with greater longevity than either cold approaching or app swiping. A broader issue is that social circle rarely works because there are too many variables involved. Relocations usually are what submarine the social circle effort.

In my own life, I've never been able to do social circle.

Men who have good social circles have social circles with women in them. This includes women who have not been their sexual partners.

When you don't do the social circle path, you're going to be doing cold approaching and/or swipe apps, both of us are more frustrating. If you can do social circle, I recommend it. If not, I'd focus on self-improvement and cold approaching. You don't need female friends to be a cold approacher.

But it is good to be on friendly terms with women mainly for the social proof.

Friendly terms is not the same as friends. I agree with this. The social proof will help. This is also less time consuming but these acquaintances might not serve as good social circle contacts.

 

[RangerMIke]

I have quite a few female friends, to me they are like sisters and cousins. It's actually not that hard for me. However, you should definitely not try to be friends with a woman you are sexually interested in. Really... the only problem I have with many of my female friends is that they are boring. I have a couple that aren't, but these women are interesting and I enjoy talking with them. One loves sports and we will go to Saints and Pelican games together... she pays her own way and she knows the players, the game, and can hold her own in a conversation. The other has the same taste in music and she's always a good person to contact last minute if a concert or play comes up that we both might like... and again... she pays her own way. She cleans up really well and when I need a last minute 'date' for an event when I need to impress people, I'll take her. I know she isn't going to embarrass me in front of important people. With the second one, we messed up and hooked up once, but it was a one time thing and this caused problems, and we didn't see each other for months after that, but we are back on track.

You can be friends with married or women with serious boyfriends... but NEVER meet with them in person unless their SO is also around. It might not be me, or her, but the other dude doesn't like it, and I do not blame him.... he doesn't know what's in my mind, and all that does is cause undo stress and drama.

The other thing you have to be careful about is if a chick you are friends with trying to use you to make a dude that she is really interested in jealous. This has happened to me quite a few times... this is especially true with married women and chicks with BFs they are trying to shack things up or get a commitment from. In the last couple of years, off the top of my head, I can think of 6 women (Becky, Blair, Mindy, Erin, Alba, Ashley), who had BFs that they had been dating... then they have problems... break up... and then we start meeting, then all of the sudden... they are engaged. There really isn't anything you can do about this... but you have to be careful... you never know when some jack@ss will lose emotional self-control and come after you... You do this by NEVER getting into a position where something might happen. No evening meet ups, no visits to her or your place... do NOT leave some stupid digital footprint of texting that could be misconstrued.

 

[SW15]

I have quite a few female friends, to me they are like sisters and cousins. It's actually not that hard for me. However, you should definitely not try to be friends with a woman you are sexually interested in.

I have been sexually interested in many women. I've never kept a female friendship with a woman in a situation where I am sexually interested. I don't understand how it is possible to have a social circle with attractive women in it, which is essentially needed for effective use of social circle, if you don't have strong relational ties to women when you're sexually interested. Maybe this is part of why I've never used social circle effectively for meeting sexual partners in 20+ years in the mating environment.

You can be friends with married or women with serious boyfriends... but NEVER meet with them in person unless their SO is also around. It might not be me, or her, but the other dude doesn't like it, and I do not blame him.... he doesn't know what's in my mind, and all that does is cause undo stress and drama.

I've had some friendships with married women/women with serious boyfriends. One situation has been a married woman former co-worker with kids where I am a childless male. Even calling these "friendships" is debatable. These have been people I've seen in person on average less than once per 3 months.

 

[Robert28]

Being friends with women is just asking to set yourself up to be used. It just is. They’ll need a favor, they’ll ask to borrow money, they want you to do boyfriend **** when you aren’t dating, but you can’t flirt or anything like that. It’s not for me, never will be. I don’t want women friends for social proof, you want social proof I can show you my social media and you can make your own conclusion from it. Besides, me trying to get some random woman’s number when I’m with a female friend is asking to get your head bitten off, the other women will never buy the “just friends” excuse.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Apart from girls off limits ie. buddys' girls, the only time I'd have a platonic relationship with a woman is if she has a lot of non sexual favours to offer and looks absolutely nothing like someone i'd bone.

 

[SW15]

Apart from girls off limits ie. buddys' girls, the only time I'd have a platonic relationship with a woman is if she has a lot of non sexual favours to offer and looks absolutely nothing like someone i'd bone.

With my closest male friends who are in long term relationships and married, I do not have much of a relationship with any of the girlfriends/wives. Most of the time, I have seen my male friends separate from their girlfriend/wife. Depending upon the friend, I may only see their girlfriend/wife a couple times a year.

 

[bat soup]

Something I don't think truly exists except in very limited circumstances. Those circumstances being your buddy's wife, a childhood friend you have known for ages, employer/employee (not that this stops everyone), neither person finds the other attractive at all, etc. (there are others but don't want to bog this post down). Even in these circumstances, outside of the limited circumstance where there is no attraction either way, I think there can be sexual tension that but for the previous relationship something would otherwise happen.

For the most part, I think in most dynamics between a man and a woman, one of them, typically the man, is always going to be attempting to escalate the situation to sex. I had a disagreement with an ex in the past that told me that my stance made her "feel sorry for me" because of what I was missing out on to be friends with women. I simply disagree it is possible. I think there is always an undercurrent of sexual energy and that it will be in play in some way, maybe not overtly, in a relationship between a man and a woman (in most situations).

I think women will sometimes view their orbiters as platonic "friends" when in fact these orbiters are generally beta men that want nothing more than to move into a sexual role with her -- she just is not receptive to it and then pigeon holes them into the friendzone believing that she has a platonic, male friend. They, being desperate, accept this role in the friendzone because they (wrongfully) believe that if they bide their time being friends then it may become more.

My opinion is that if you want to date a girl, then you shouldn't be friends with her

But if you don't find her attractive, it really doesn't matter.

 

[Robert28]

My opinion is that if you want to date a girl, then you shouldn't be friends with her

But if you don't find her attractive, it really doesn't matter.

More guys wouldn’t be friends with women they want to date if women would just come right out and reject them. But they use phrases like “not ready to date right now”, every rejection they use to maneuver you into the friendzone has a little bit of hope attached to it. It’s by design too, it’s not an oversight on their part. By the time the girl friendzones the guy he’s most likely emotionally invested in her, she knows it’s all but
Impossible to walk away. I’ve had girls that friendzoned me hard, basically “you are too ugly for me” was what their actions said, only to then demand I spend time with them when I start dating someone else. Then get pissy because “we don’t hangout like we used to, you never text me anymore”.

 

[bat soup]

More guys wouldn’t be friends with women they want to date if women would just come right out and reject them. But they use phrases like “not ready to date right now”, every rejection they use to maneuver you into the friendzone has a little bit of hope attached to it. It’s by design too, it’s not an oversight on their part. By the time the girl friendzones the guy he’s most likely emotionally invested in her, she knows it’s all but
Impossible to walk away. I’ve had girls that friendzoned me hard, basically “you are too ugly for me” was what their actions said, only to then demand I spend time with them when I start dating someone else. Then get pissy because “we don’t hangout like we used to, you never text me anymore”.

They can't do any of that if you never speak to them again.

Basically, with women you like you should escalate and find out if they're down. If not, you leave them in the dust.

 

[isasda66]

Impossible to walk away. I’ve had girls that friendzoned me hard, basically “you are too ugly for me” was what their actions said, only to then demand I spend time with them when I start dating someone else. Then get pissy because “we don’t hangout like we used to, you never text me anymore”.

Funny enough the bold portion solves most guys problems. If he is serious and goes no contact for at least 6 weeks then she is out of his life or she is wet af.

They lost out on the attention and some of them desparate enough will even fvck the orbiter a few times, get him to drop the chick and then LJBF. Or get the orbiter to drop his girl first and then LJBF.

 

[Redwolf]

I've really don't do just friends with girls I am around a lot. We can be acquaintances but I'm not going to be texting about nonsense all the time, following her social media and giving her free attention if we aren't at least in some way being sexual.

 

[3agle 3yes]

I agree with the fact that there is almost always some sexual tension in male-female friendships (for one person at least), but this doesn’t mean it has to be acted upon.

 

[Robert28]

I agree with the fact that there is almost always some sexual tension in male-female friendships (for one person at least), but this doesn’t mean it has to be acted upon.

If it’s not gonna happen then I don’t see the point in keeping her around. There’s an old saying “if we ain’t fvcking, we ain’t anything”.