“You look like a player”, yet...

[RestUnknown]

On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Yet I haven’t had a a girl for over 6 years (and back then it even only was an affair with a bpd).

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Of course you can’t tell via this forum. But any ideas that come to mind to situations like this? Body language? Self-esteem? ...?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How many woman have you approached and/or asked out in the past 6 years, OP?

I am going to guess not nearly enough.

Think of it as if you were looking for a job and were unemployed. Some people send out 3 resumes and then say they tried and nobody is hiring. Others send out 50 and have 5 job interviews and 3 job offers.

At the end of the day you have to go get it. There are no two ways about it. Dating is simply a numbers game in a lot of ways. Yes, obviously the better looking and more socially adept you are the better you will do, but at the end of the day just by volume you will see some success.

Too many times people act like it is just going to fall into their laps from heaven without them doing anything. Not saying this is you, but anytime I hear something like this the first thing I think is that you haven't approached nearly enough women.

And by nearly enough, if it hasn't been at least 3 a week over a 6 year period, meaning close to 900-1000 women, you are simply not even in the game OP. Whether that is in person or via OLD, it doesn't matter. You have to be in the game before you can win. Lack of approaches by whatever method is simply sitting on the sideline watching. And if you are going to stand on the sideline then you have no business wondering why you haven't been able to score. You gotta get in the game to do that.

 

[Romanemp22]

Work on yourself. The rest will follow

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Wardrobe probably. Maybe also how jacked you are (if you are). Describe how you dress. Do you wear any jewelry? Do you smile a lot?

 

[zekko]

On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Just out of curiosity, are these guys telling you this or girls?

 

[Hal9000]

If women are telling you this they are probably hitting on you. This is a way for them to tell you that you're attractive while kind of insulting you at the same time, so if you blow them off they aren't technically being rejected. Its the adult equivalent of a little boy pulling a little girls hair that he likes. I know its stupid and counterintuitive but that's women for you.

 

[Serenity]

I get the same feeling as @BackInTheGame78 that you might be passive. If this is the case and others do perceive you as a player it should take relatively little effort to get girls, all you have to do is be a bit more active.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Yet I haven’t had a a girl for over 6 years (and back then it even only was an affair with a bpd).

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Of course you can’t tell via this forum. But any ideas that come to mind to situations like this? Body language? Self-esteem? ...?

Do you actually want a woman? One woman? Many women? For flings? For marriage? Kids? One to tie up and spank with a spatula while you're cooking eggs?

Set a goal. Want fit girls? Great, go do group fitness. Want repressed girls? Great, go to church. If you've been doing activities that don't involve women then obviously you won't be getting any.

Facilitate an ecosystem of women, then enjoy yourself.

 

[Barrister]

The current feminist/"toxic masculinity" society teaches that being a "player" is bad. However, in my experience, whenever a woman says this to me it is almost always a positive thing. It generally signals they are open to you sexually (hence them making this type of comment in the first place since they are thinking of you in that manner) and this is the green light to begin flirting with them and ask them out. The best response is definitely C&F in my experience that keeps her guessing but makes her think "yep - this guy is so confident around women he has to be a player."

Since you are not seeing anyone right now, I would keep that information to yourself. Women want a man who is wanted by other women because it signals you must have value.

 

[Lookatu]

Use less hair gel and cover up that chest by closing up a couple more buttons on your shirt.

 

[Bigpapa]

Read this article , I think that you will find it interesting

When Girls Think You're a Player (Then Shut You Down)

If a girl thinks you’re a player, it can be a pretty uphill battle with her after that. Here’s why she thinks you’re a player – plus how to remove the ‘tells’. I counseled a friend recently who's struggled with women for sometime. He's a bit of a 'hard case' - a guy who's been in the game a long...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Bigpapa]

I don't really agree with this. It SOUNDS true, and the guy is observant and a good writer, but I think its more based on speculation and logic than real information or experience being seen this way.

The primary reason that women think you are a player is not how you act but how you look. I was literally a virgin and people thought I was a player because I had just learned how to dress, work out, and style my hair. Nothing else is required. I certainly wasn't smooth or slick (now I sort of am, but more friendly).

The primary reason that women might not want to seriously date a player is not because they don't like them, its because they are afraid of being cheated on. These women will still sleep with them, but they want to be in control of their significant other at the end of the day. Secondarily, they think it hurts their reputation to date a player in certain social groups.

I get what you are saying

from my experience is a mix a both , firstly how you look& dress and secondly how you carry yourself .

i am quite an attractive guy and I have this bad boy vibe around me , but mainly I have this vibe because life was not easy with me and I just had to go through a lot of sh1t .

secondly it is how I handled women , which was not taking them serious and being very sexual .

attractive + bad boy vibe + good fashion sense + very sexual = being seen as a player

I just toned down my sexual vibe and went more on the philosophical side .Seen better results in how I am perceived and women have lower walls to smash . basically I f^ck them mentally first

 

[Bigpapa]

definitely a lot to be said for raising the comfort level. I've become more this way into my 30s.

I still get this thing girls from time to time , but this mainly happens because they see me as a skilled conversationalist and very relaxed with women .

Just recently I girl that I met told me that I give the vibe of someone that has an older sister

 

[Clamslammer]

On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Yet I haven’t had a a girl for over 6 years (and back then it even only was an affair with a bpd).

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Of course you can’t tell via this forum. But any ideas that come to mind to situations like this? Body language? Self-esteem? ...?

Are you a good looking guy? If so than these girls are likely rejecting you based on their insecurities thinking you are too good for them and eventually you will drop them once you get to know them. This happens to guya when they are really good looking, smart, and high value; girls can sense your confidence thus shut you down before you get an opportunity to shut them down in their eyes.

Once guys realize girls just put up a front to look confident but in reality they are not confident at all you will have girls salivating of you.

 

[DarkRealm]

On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Don't worry if girls tell you that you're a player. It means that they consider you as above their league.

It means that you are a challenge for them.

It means that they must compete with many girls to win you over.

What you have to do is to tone down your 'player' vibe and make yourself more attainable. You must also make them more comfortable being with you.

You're probably:

• Good looking
• Well dressed
• Act in an attractive way

When a girl tells you that you're a player or thinking that you've been with lots of girls, it means that most girls must consider you as attractive and she's attracted to you too. Girls are followers. They will follow what is desired by other girls. Use it to your advantage.

Within these 2 weeks, 2 girls had said to me that I must have been with many girls, implying that I'm a player. A few days later they crack sexual jokes towards me. These are church girls. You must make them feel comfortable expressing their sexuality near you. If you're comfortable with your own sexuality, then they will be too. Girls follow your lead. Lead them properly.

 

[flowtheory]

On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Yet I haven’t had a a girl for over 6 years (and back then it even only was an affair with a bpd).

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Of course you can’t tell via this forum. But any ideas that come to mind to situations like this? Body language? Self-esteem? ...?

It’s as though you’re asking two questions above.

There’s an external thought that you are a player whom obtains sex with ease. You probably enjoy this as you know the subtext meaning.

Then there’s an internal issue which doesn’t match the external. Herein lies the problem you’re presenting.

You’ve wrapped the package in a veneer of how you wish to be seen, yet you lack the esteem and confidence to be in harmony with the aesthetic. Your internal force hasn’t blossomed, and is not being functionally supported by your own means.

What you’re experiencing is Imposter Syndrome. On some level you’ve done this, I imagine, as a way to withdraw and self-defeat to tell yourself something which isn’t true. Built out of the belief that you don’t make the cut, for whatever reason.

Your issue isn’t women. It’s self-esteem. Look there. Don’t worry about women for now.You canenjoy time with them, but don’t seek your confidence in that as it is too volatile when you’re trying to build yourself up.