Research shows that relationships that start online are stronger and last longer than in person ones

[BackInTheGame78]

This goes against all the advice here but to be honest this is what I have found as well.

Have been in 2 lengthy relationships with women I met on OLD(one from POF and one from OKC) and they were the 2 best relationships I have ever had.

The vast majority of women you will meet in real life are also on the dating apps so claiming there is some huge difference realistically doesn't make much sense in "quality" of women.

Are there garbage women online? Yeah of course, but they are relatively easy to spot and avoid. There are also plenty of garbage women in real life. In fact most of the cringe worthy women that are talked about on here I have found to be ones the guy met in real life.

Scientists think relationships that start online may have a huge advantage over relationships that start in real life

A growing body of research suggests marriages and relationships that start through online dating are more likely to survive than those that start in person.

www.businessinsider.com

 

[Serenity]

It's important to note that this is separate from the success rate of finding a relationship in the first place, that's rather low. It makes sense that the relationships that do occur will on average be better. People are more picky and will more easily next when using online dating, it takes a much better match to consider a relationship. Going through a larger volume of people obviously increases the chance of finding someone compatible.

Dating IRL only takes more time and effort, you won't go through a large volume and might be tempted to settle for less than if you checked out more people.

 

[sangheilios]

OLD doesn't work for the vast majority of men unless you are willing to date well below your actual league.

There have been numerous OLD experiments, studies, anecdotal evidence that point to this. I've posted this before but it's a good glimpse into how bad it is....

Misc.

The most popular bodybuilding message boards!

forum.bodybuilding.com

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OLD doesn't work for the vast majority of men unless you are willing to date well below your actual league.

There have been numerous OLD experiments, studies, anecdotal evidence that point to this. I've posted this before but it's a good glimpse into how bad it is....

Misc.

The most popular bodybuilding message boards!

forum.bodybuilding.com

Well I guess I must be one of the rare ones it does work for then. Maybe because I don't feel the need to talk overtly sexual before meeting or get them to send me nude pics within the first 5 messages like 90% of the dudes on there who come off as thirsty.

And no offense, but the thread you linked to, I can't even relate to because I wouldn't even entertain a conversation with a woman looking like that.

I think the problem is you've determined what you believe to be true based on other people's beliefs, which those people likely believe based on other people's beliefs, which is probably based on a few weirdo dudes having bad experiences.

Part of the problem is you have a large percentage of guys who have no idea how to act with women and probably never talk to them in real life trying to interact with them online whereas they would never interact with them in person. They can hide this online but not in person. So when they get blown out after meeting in person, they automatically think there is something wrong with OLD.

No...there is nothing wrong with OLD just with their ability to interact, converse with and attract women.

 

[bat soup]

The further you are away from a woman, the easier it is for her to waste your time and mess you around. With online dating, a woman could literally be tens of thousands of miles away and not look anything like her photos.

Rather than bringing people together, the internet keeps them apart.

 

[Mike32ct]

My "problem" with OLD is it's so unnatural. I feel like I almost have to "fake" being interested in somebody (for a while) and see if it "takes."

Like maybe they have a decent profile, some common interests and passes the boner test. But you still have no idea if you are on the same "wavelength" or "click" with that person. You go on a first date and maybe the vibe is "meh." Then it leads to, "Should I go on one more to see if we really click, or move on?"

TLDR: OLD can sometimes leave you stuck in "no man's land." The person is ok on paper but you don't really know if you "click." So there may be this weird element of "fake it until you make it" that you didn't have to deal with in real life dating. (In other words, OLD can feel like a soft "arranged marriage" of sorts lol.)

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Two ideas:

1) people who create relationships online are self selecting for relationships than people who hook organically.

This would mean the study indicates "people who are actively seeking a relationship and create one with another person who is actively seeking a relationship tend to create stronger relationships."

Duh.

2) people who create relationships online have more general social anxiety that people who get together socially. So once they find themselves in a relationship, they're more likely to hang on for dear life.

 

[SW15]

The vast majority of women you will meet in real life are also on the dating apps so claiming there is some huge difference realistically doesn't make much sense in "quality" of women.

I'd like to explore this angle more. I'm not so sure that it is true.

In commercial real estate, the best properties never make it to the big listing sites (LoopNet, CoStar). I would like to think the same is true in the mating environment. The best prospects never make it to Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge.

The best prospects usually are able to find who they need to find through their social circle first, and then if they can't do through their social circle, they do it through in-person activities. They get cold approached during the day and at night, though the pandemic is impacting that somewhat.

In a lot of bigger cities, especially in the US Sun Belt region, social circles are getting weaker. The Sun Belt cities are notoriously transient. A lot of people in those cities didn't grow up in that region, so their social circles are weaker. The people in their circles are often also transients who didn't grow up in the region and have weaker circles. Up until roughly middle age, I've noticed that those who spent their entire childhood in one geographical region and remain there as adults are able to utilize social circles for extended relationships better than the transient people. The transient people who moved around in childhood, or live far in their 20s/30s from where they spent their 0-18 years are often the ones either cold approaching or using swipe apps.

 

[bat soup]

My "problem" with OLD is it's so unnatural. I feel like I almost have to "fake" being interested in somebody (for a while) and see if it "takes."

Like maybe they have a decent profile, some common interests and passes the boner test. But you still have no idea if you are on the same "wavelength" or "click" with that person. You go on a first date and maybe the vibe is "meh." Then it leads to, "Should I go on one more to see if we really click, or move on?"

TLDR: OLD can sometimes leave you stuck in "no man's land." The person is ok on paper but you don't really know if you "click." So there may be this weird element of "fake it until you make it" that you didn't have to deal with in real life dating. (In other words, OLD can feel like a soft "arranged marriage" of sorts lol.)

You'd think it would work. In theory it sounds great - you get straight to the point, avoid any "friendship" BS, plus you know that the person you're meeting also finds you attractive. But what it fails to take into account is that men and women are different.

So what you get is men sending out messages to thousands of women, to get literally zero replies whilst women are flooded with attention, which turns them into rude arrogant biatches with an excessively high opinion of themselves that think they deserve the top shelf of men.

So these women get the top 10% of men and this top 10% use them and then throw them away, because just like them there are 10,000 more and men like variety.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'd like to explore this angle more. I'm not so sure that it is true.

In commercial real estate, the best properties never make it to the big listing sites (LoopNet, CoStar). I would like to think the same is true in the mating environment. The best prospects never make it to Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge.

The best prospects usually are able to find who they need to find through their social circle first, and then if they can't do through their social circle, they do it through in-person activities. They get cold approached during the day and at night, though the pandemic is impacting that somewhat.

In a lot of bigger cities, especially in the US Sun Belt region, social circles are getting weaker. The Sun Belt cities are notoriously transient. A lot of people in those cities didn't grow up in that region, so their social circles are weaker. The people in their circles are often also transients who didn't grow up in the region and have weaker circles. Up until roughly middle age, I've noticed that those who spent their entire childhood in one geographical region and remain there as adults are able to utilize social circles for extended relationships better than the transient people. The transient people who moved around in childhood, or live far in their 20s/30s from where they spent their 0-18 years are often the ones either cold approaching or using swipe apps.

I know women who get approached all the time but don't really care for that and would prefer to select who THEY want to meet rather than some strange dude approaching them. Hence them being on OLD.

And once you hit mid 30s social circles really start to disappear as a means for that as more and more of their friends are now married.

 

[RickTheToad]

The quality of females on OLD, when I was on it a couple of years ago ran the gambit. However, on Bumble, OKC or Match I didn't have much of a problem receiving interest. IIRC, I had more than a dozen numbers in the first few hours I didn't call many of them. Point being, it wasn't that hard. I had a few dry spells, but everyone does from time to time. One fixes that by only using each app for 30 days, then deleting the profile and app/account and switching to the next one.

I do recall that single mom's were very prevalent on OLD. In general, dudes go for female a little less their league or the same. Females, in general, go for a dude who's usually on their level or higher. However, it seems, all levels of females are on OLD now.. They have these virtual dates. The female gets the validation, the dude gets blue balls. Whacky world.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The quality of females on OLD, when I was on it a couple of years ago ran the gambit. However, on Bumble, OKC or Match I didn't have much of a problem receiving interest. IIRC, I had more than a dozen numbers in the first few hours I didn't call many of them. Point being, it wasn't that hard. I had a few dry spells, but everyone does from time to time. One fixes that by only using each app for 30 days, then deleting the profile and app/account and switching to the next one.

I do recall that single mom's were very prevalent on OLD. In general, dudes go for female a little less their league or the same. Females, in general, go for a dude who's usually on their level or higher. However, it seems, all levels of females are on OLD now.. They have these virtual dates. The female gets the validation, the dude gets blue balls. Whacky world.

I agree it is really easy. No virtual dates for me bro. Straight invite over for cooking dinner together after some chatting and a phone call to make sure we would have some conversational vibe during the easing of the lockdown. Banged 4 women with no prior meetups this way on the first date.

I will let those other dudes have the virtual dates.

 

[sangheilios]

Well I guess I must be one of the rare ones it does work for then. Maybe because I don't feel the need to talk overtly sexual before meeting or get them to send me nude pics within the first 5 messages like 90% of the dudes on there who come off as thirsty.

And no offense, but the thread you linked to, I can't even relate to because I wouldn't even entertain a conversation with a woman looking like that.

I think the problem is you've determined what you believe to be true based on other people's beliefs, which those people likely believe based on other people's beliefs, which is probably based on a few weirdo dudes having bad experiences.

Part of the problem is you have a large percentage of guys who have no idea how to act with women and probably never talk to them in real life trying to interact with them online whereas they would never interact with them in person. They can hide this online but not in person. So when they get blown out after meeting in person, they automatically think there is something wrong with OLD.

No...there is nothing wrong with OLD just with their ability to interact, converse with and attract women.

I'm not saying you or most men would go for a woman on that social experiment I linked above. The point is that even something as unattractive as that is getting validated by hordes of men. Can you imagine what it would be like for even an average or cute woman, let alone hot?

Again, anecdotal evidence. I know of a woman in my area, around mid 20s, overweight and VERY obnoxious personality. I remember a while ago she showed her phone/tinder and how she literally had about a dozen men in rotation. Earlier in the spring I met a woman off of tinder, she was much heavier in real life but was a nice person, I just wasn't interested. She told me that she literally has a new man every week looking to meet up, again this is a woman who is not very attractive and is quite overweight.

OLD and social media has made women far pickier than what they'd be if you went back even just 10-20 years ago. Ironically, it's actually been more difficult for people to meet each other. As a man, me trying to find what I'm looking for chances are I'm not going to see it on a dating app or OLD site, and if I did I'd be one of hundreds of men trying to make anything come of it. It's not just what you see on OLD but also the numbers game, as women literally are going to have hundreds of men contacting them. Unless you have some sort of celebrity status, or pretend celebrity status, it's going to be an uphill battle.

Also, I've seen plenty of evidence that shows that women's standards and ideas of leagues have been very warped by this. I've had a woman point out a very overweight and unattractive woman and ask if I'd go for that, to which I responded "Why would a man who is 6'4" and in really good shape go for a woman like that?" and her response was "You are going to be alone for a while". I've seen a few instances where other women would say a fat woman was not fat and that she should be getting a hot ripped guy. It's not just OLD and men that are creating this but other women are part of the problem as well.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm not saying you or most men would go for a woman on that social experiment I linked above. The point is that even something as unattractive as that is getting validated by hordes of men. Can you imagine what it would be like for even an average or cute woman, let alone hot?

Again, anecdotal evidence. I know of a woman in my area, around mid 20s, overweight and VERY obnoxious personality. I remember a while ago she showed her phone/tinder and how she literally had about a dozen men in rotation. Earlier in the spring I met a woman off of tinder, she was much heavier in real life but was a nice person, I just wasn't interested. She told me that she literally has a new man every week looking to meet up, again this is a woman who is not very attractive and is quite overweight.

OLD and social media has made women far pickier than what they'd be if you went back even just 10-20 years ago. Ironically, it's actually been more difficult for people to meet each other. As a man, me trying to find what I'm looking for chances are I'm not going to see it on a dating app or OLD site, and if I did I'd be one of hundreds of men trying to make anything come of it. It's not just what you see on OLD but also the numbers game, as women literally are going to have hundreds of men contacting them. Unless you have some sort of celebrity status, or pretend celebrity status, it's going to be an uphill battle.

Also, I've seen plenty of evidence that shows that women's standards and ideas of leagues have been very warped by this. I've had a woman point out a very overweight and unattractive woman and ask if I'd go for that, to which I responded "Why would a man who is 6'4" and in really good shape go for a woman like that?" and her response was "You are going to be alone for a while". I've seen a few instances where other women would say a fat woman was not fat and that she should be getting a hot ripped guy. It's not just OLD and men that are creating this but other women are part of the problem as well.

And I will guarantee that none of those dudes probably met her. That is the real issue is that guys message and want to play paddycake with the women but rarely meet or take forever to meet.
That's why anecdotal evidence doesn't really matter to me because most of the guys providing the evidence are doing it wrong...they think they need to message for a month to get a girl comfortable and out on a date when it really only takes 3 or 4 messages to do it. Most of the women are shocked when I ask if they want to meet because so few guys actually do apparently.

I mean I have messaged and met women the same day. The sh!t isn't hard, it's the mindset and belief system that a lot of guys have that is not based in reality that makes it hard for them. Even worse is most guys have no ability to show any personality through messages and they end up making themselves look boring. Who would want to go out with someone they think will put them to sleep?

You know how you avoid that? Message and meet more women. As in messaging happens to lead to meeting. Not to lead to more messaging. Too many guys get in this mindset where they get stuck on one woman instead of keeping the pipeline going by adding more women to it on a regular basis.

Then they wonder why they end up with the women they do. It's because they cut off all their other options of their own volition or got lazy and stopped putting in the effort.

If women are telling you those things when you are 6'4", in shape and good looking then it's obvious they are giving you hits to try and bring you down some OR you are giving off a weird social vibe which means unless you majorly settle in the looks department they don't see you dating someone on your level and might just be up front.

I can't answer that for you because I have never met you or seen any interactions you have had with women. But I can tell you if you are giving off some weird stalker/serial killer vibe then none of that other stuff matters, you are going to send chicks running for the hills.

 

[Epimanes]

Well... i found my current gf who was my science 10 lab partner i had a crush on back in my highschool days with POF the day i decided to delete all my OLD profiles... met my ex wife that same year in grade 10 also... had not seen my grade 10 science lab partner in 23yrs and was with my wife for 25..... prior to science lab partner i had a couple chicks on rotation... one was steady. But i dropped em all when the chemistry hit with the other highschool crush popped jnto my life.... played catch up and chemistry was unreal... and dont even have the feeling like i wana keep lookin for other women atm since things are going so well... guess we will see... been 4 months now....

 

[Lookatu]

There's definitely people on both sides of the fence on this one but utimately, it's an introduction tool. Meeting someone is the same whether introduced in real life or through an app. If both people treated it like that(introduction tool) and actually pushed to meet in real life, I think there could be better outcomes(on both sides).

Girls are also going to have to finally realize that OLD only conveys and isolates the looks part and it is ultimately up to them to realize that and not let that be the main deciding factor in getting together or choosing a guy. Thanks to video messaging built into these apps more recently, it can offer us guys to communicate our personalities, game, etc more effectively to separate ourselves from the rest but also see if the girl is fake or has doctored her photos.

I think for guys that are 7 or below in smv will fare better in the real world where they can make up the deficit with other redeeming qualities. Guys that are 8 or above will be able to get in the door at least. Now whether they have game or good personality to close the deal is another story though. My $.02

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There's definitely people on both sides of the fence on this one but utimately, it's an introduction tool. Meeting someone is the same whether introduced in real life or through an app. If both people treated it like that(introduction tool) and actually pushed to meet in real life, I think there could be better outcomes(on both sides).

Girls are also going to have to finally realize that OLD only conveys and isolates the looks part and it is ultimately up to them to realize that and not let that be the main deciding factor in getting together or choosing a guy. Thanks to video messaging built into these apps more recently, it can offer us guys to communicate our personalities, game, etc more effectively to separate ourselves from the rest but also see if the girl is fake or has doctored her photos.

I think for guys that are 7 or below in smv will fare better in the real world where they can make up the deficit with other redeeming qualities. Guys that are 8 or above will be able to get in the door at least. Now whether they have game or good personality to close the deal is another story though. My $.02

I am maybe a 6 or 6.5 based on my build but I have zero issues getting 7s in OLD. Personality takes you a lot farther online than people like to think. And ability to have fun and interesting conversations.

Looks definitely are important but based on my results it isn't the end all be all. At least not if you are able to make up for it in other ways. And it doesn't hurt that I will be the best sex most women ever will experience in their life, so once it gets to that level the hook is in pretty deep.

 

[RickTheToad]

I agree it is really easy. No virtual dates for me bro. Straight invite over for cooking dinner together after some chatting and a phone call to make sure we would have some conversational vibe during the easing of the lockdown. Banged 4 women with no prior meetups this way on the first date.

I will let those other dudes have the virtual dates.

Never did a virtual date, so IDK how that works. If I'm not getting it in within 3 dates, I'm out. Waste of time. My last three GFs (including this one) I f ucked them all on the 2nd or 3rd date. That's how it should be.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Never did a virtual date, so IDK how that works. If I'm not getting it in within 3 dates, I'm out. Waste of time. My last three GFs (including this one) I f ucked them all on the 2nd or 3rd date. That's how it should be.

Yeah, if they are interested they make it easy for you as long as you have a little patience. My two main plates I have been seeing for a couple months now both turned down invites back to my place on the second date but then eagerly came over on the 3rd date to cook dinner with me and banged both of them on the 3rd date.

I don't have a hard and fast rule tho. As long as I am making escalation progress and she is showing interest I am good...I have never had to wait past the 5th or 6th date and it was probably on me that it took that long.

 

[Georgepithyou]

OLD is not the place to find a healthy relationship With a respectable woman