Being nice has gotten me so much further with women

[evansblue]

I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.

 

[fastlife]

It comes down to the fact that once you have high value for a girl and are already generating a lot of attraction, comfort and attainability become increasingly important. The more value you’re displaying through your vibe, subcomms, and outcome independence, the more trying to build additional value will start to work against you.

However, once your ego becomes invested in a certain set of behaviors that get you better results than you had before, it will fight like hell to maintain those behaviors instead of risking that validation. Plus, a lot of guys here have been too burned from being nice from a place of weakness to risk being nice from a place of abundance.

That said, I’d encourage guys who are just starting out to lean more into their jerk side—it’ll generate more sexual polarity, compensate for their lack of internal value, and help them develop their edge.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It comes down to the fact that once you have high value for a girl and are already generating a lot of attraction, comfort and attainability become increasingly important. The more value you’re displaying through your vibe, subcomms, and outcome independence, the more trying to build additional value will start to work against you.

However, once your ego becomes invested in a certain set of behaviors that get you better results than you had before, it will fight like hell to maintain those behaviors instead of risking that validation. Plus, a lot of guys here have been too burned from being nice from a place of weakness to risk being nice from a place of abundance.

That said, I’d encourage guys who are just starting out to lean more into their jerk side—it’ll generate more sexual polarity, compensate for their lack of internal value, and help them develop their edge.

That ego "having to fight for it" is a sign... When things flow correctly there is no fighting to get it. It's coming to you.

Maybe that sign means to pull back or she just isn't into you enough.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

It comes down to the fact that once you have high value for a girl and are already generating a lot of attraction, comfort and attainability become increasingly important. The more value you’re displaying through your vibe, subcomms, and outcome independence, the more trying to build additional value will start to work against you.

However, once your ego becomes invested in a certain set of behaviors that get you better results than you had before, it will fight like hell to maintain those behaviors instead of risking that validation. Plus, a lot of guys here have been too burned from being nice from a place of weakness to risk being nice from a place of abundance.

That said, I’d encourage guys who are just starting out to lean more into their jerk side—it’ll generate more sexual polarity, compensate for their lack of internal value, and help them develop their edge.

Great post

 

[Kotaix]

I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.

It's one thing to be nice, it's another to allow that attitude to become pathological and to always let people walk all over you because you have no ability to engage in conflict or stand up for yourself. Most guys on these forums are following PUA formulas like negging.

There are also women out there who think that being treated like sh!t is normal. I've literally been a d!ck to women to try and get them to leave me alone, only to have them latch on to me.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Different things work with different girls, one size doesnt fit all.

Some girls like it if ur nice, and i mean genuinely nice not rhe fake kind some people do.
And some like arrogant jerks

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Different things work with different girls, one size doesnt fit all.

Some girls like it if ur nice, and i mean genuinely nice not rhe fake kind some people do.
And some like arrogant jerks

Different things work with different girls, one size doesnt fit all.

Some girls like it if ur nice, and i mean genuinely nice not rhe fake kind some people do.
And some like arrogant jerks

That fake nice has a stench to it. Their aura gives it away.

 

[Georgepithyou]

That fake nice has a stench to it. Their aura gives it away.

Exactly, women can smell most "nice" guys a mile away. These guys are "nice" only because they expect sex out of it.

And they complain online when they don't get it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Exactly, women can smell most "nice" guys a mile away. These guys are "nice" only because they expect sex out of it.

And they complain online when they don't get it.

I was talking about fake nice on women. Its more common there. There are alot of nice men who don't understand women. They want to love them and treat them well. They just don't know that she's attracted or not and they use nice men. It's better to share that kindness with women who are attracted to you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.

It works with you because it's within your natural character. Your also bedding women who are already attracted. Your not trying to force unattracted babes to like you.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Exactly, women can smell most "nice" guys a mile away. These guys are "nice" only because they expect sex out of it.

And they complain online when they don't get it.

It is because they attach their fake kindness to only actions or words, not both or even adjust for the situation... If you act kind but verbally escalate, you will go far... If you act in an escalating way while talking kind, it seems super disengenous... It shows you the value of words and actions, sometimes I will go days without talking, instead just using my actions.

I bet i could pull a number without speaking once, it could happen, but I know for sure words alone will carry me in a way action will not, its just what type of words im using... With this being said, words are a proximity problem... Sometimes you need to be quiet, discrete, this is where the action over words come into play in a big way.

Guys who feign kindness (Words alone) are not aware of these nuances, its just the same tired strategy all over.

Like just walk up and hand her your phone sometime, if she seems confused, reach for her hand and hold it... No confusion.

Also body language reads but that takes time to develop

 

[EyeBRollin]

I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.

The proper term is kind. Kind and nice are not synonyms.

“Nice” guys are weak. They do deeds with an expectation of validation. Their motives are not sincere.

A kind man is strong. His benevolence comes from inner power to do well by others. There is no expectation attached.

OP, you are not a nice guy. You are a kind gentleman with manners.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.

There is nothing wrong with being nice. There is something wrong with being a nice guy.

When you do these things because you want to do them and it comes from a good place in you without having any expectations then there is nothing wrong with that.

When you do things because you think it will get you somewhere with a woman, find yourself agreeing with whatever she says or afraid to have an opinion that differs from her because you think you will offend her or are doing things expecting something from her in return then that is a problem and is what a nice guy is.

 

[Serenity]

The term "nice guy" doesn't refer to a guy who acts nicely. It refers to a guy who believes he's nice, but he definitely isn't and he is in strong denial about it. His actions are not interpreted as nice by anyone other than himself and fellow "nice guys".

The other type of nice guy is the one without a spine, he will be nice even if the other person far from deserves it. He lacks boundaries, will let people walk all over him and continue being hurt because of it. When these guys have had enough they turn into the "nice guy" mentioned above, being an absolute ******* to everyone while proclaiming to be the nicest man ever to exist.

There's nothing wrong with being genuinely nice, as long as you know when not to be nice (have boundaries) and you don't fool yourself.

 

[Medina]

I'm only nice when they earn it and even then, the only nice things I do is pay for meals or activities that benefit us both

One thing I don't do is buy gifts anymore. It's largely a waste of time and you end up breaking up and all the objects become meaningless anyway

I would rather pay for a weekend away or a day-out that gives us both enjoyment and memories

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.

Do you differ in "trying to get lucky on first date" and "holding the frame in a LTR or setting it after X dates" ?

I guess most of the guys here will act in a manner befitting the level of the relationship with a woman.

There is a huge difference with what you can get away on a first date compared to dating over a few months or an LTR.

 

[MILLY1985]

There is a difference between being a nice guy and a strong gentleman. James Bond isn’t a jerk

 

[Mike32ct]

Yes by all means be kind.

Yes some “nice guys” have issues with being “fake” to try to win women over.

But most of the time, when she complains about a guy being “too nice” or a “nice guy,” she’s being disingenuous. She doesn’t find him physically attractive, but she will sound “less shallow” if she appears to be disqualifying him based on personality traits rather than looks.

 

[RangerMIke]

I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.

There is a difference between being 'nice' and being a push-over. I am 'nice' to women, I treat everyone with respect unless they otherwise indicate through their actions they are not worthy of respect. I treat everyone the same, and if people are respectful and pleasant I will reciprocate. This has served me well.

Being a pleasant person without any expectation of reciprocity builds trust. Trust is important.

The "Nice Guy" pejorative is reserved for men that expect something in return for their behavior. Typically when a 'nice guy' isn't rewarded for good behavior, he gets butt hurt. It's like the child that didn't get a cookie from his mom when he was a good boy, throwing a tantrum. A person that is willing to twist themselves into a pretzel in a futile attempt to be liked is not attractive. Too many women have had men it their lives try to manipulate them with nice behavior, and it turns them off.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

This ^^^

To expand a bit on some other nice-guy behaviors:
1. Changing their opinion on things in order to align with the woman's, or to align with what they THINK the woman will want to hear
2. Have no entitlement that a woman should be doing things for him, in-kind to what he does for her. It's not so much tit-for-tat, but most nice-guys are SO focused on pleasing women, they literally expect nothing in return (other than hopefully her permission to have sex with her). If I do things like cook her dinners or give her a ride somewhere, I'm going to expect the same from her. I'm not going to keep track and I'm not going to get butt-hurt if she doesn't do it, but if she doesn't, I'm not going to keep doing things for her like that. I'm going to scale back to whatever level of investment she is providing, even if that means fading away until we are no longer talking/dating.
3. Do not have clear boundaries
4. Do not hold women accountable for anything
5. Are anti-confrontational and afraid to disagree (often related to the above two points)
6. Are afraid to challenge women
7. Agree with everything she says and are over-complimenting. "WOW, you like to ride bicycles? No way! So cool!"
8. Await the woman to give him a lit-up neon sign inviting him to escalate physically with her

Women don't like d-bags. Women like certain good characteristics that D-bags possess from the above list. Sadly, D-bags have a lot of other bad traits that women do NOT like, but they go for the guy anyway because they can almost never find the good traits listed above in nice guys. To me, this is a CORE part of being a good DJ..... because if you can be nice, and also do the opposite of the list above, you are in the top 1-2% of all men and women CRAVE this.