Dealing with embarrassment of performance anxiety

[Romanemp22]

Hello everyone, im from Europe so sorry for possible mistakes. How to deal with shame and embarrassment after poor or failed sex due to performance anxiety? Im a perfectlly healthy 22 yo male and i never had problems with keeping erection. Two days ago i guess i was very stressfull as how good will i be to my girl that i somehow became soft when i was putting condom on and few pumps in. Also my girl was very disinterested in giving any kind of foreplay (bj) as i did a lot to her so it all really fell down on me to do the work. After that we snuggle a litlle bit and spent the rest of the night together. She Said it happens and that wont Change her opinion of me as she had similiar situation before but i could felt things were awkward. After that she kinda backed off and today we formally ended things, saying that its not working out etc. Note that she has two kids and is 32. This wholle thing hit my ego, pride and self esteem, and i never thought this could happen to me. Also i started to Like her a lot which it makes it harder. My question is how to properlly bounce back as i feel down right now and due to embarrassment i have no one to talk about. Every advice will be appreciated

 

[Mbuckets82]

Shes 32 with two kids, single mother, and you feel like you lost something? She did you a favor dude. Could have been your subconscious telling you this ain’t right. And what do you know, it was right because the relationship stopped. Don’t get serious with single moms. They’re gonna want you to be fill in dad and that’s a lot to take on.
Talk to more women. Go on more dates. Just walk the mall and you’ll see women all over.

 

[xplt]

Accept, that it can happen to everyone and shrug it off. Don‘t let it too deep inside your mind.

I had five months of ED and PA from it from last december till april and at some point it just disappeared.

Were you into her? Do you live a healthy lifestyle

 

[xplt]

The fact, that you sensed, that she didn‘t put much effort into pleasing you could be a trigger btw

 

[HyenaPrince]

You have to develop the mentality that it's only about sex. She's just there for your personal satisfaction and entertainment. That'll lift every pressure currently present in your mind. For good.

 

[Romanemp22]

Shes 32 with two kids, single mother, and you feel like you lost something? She did you a favor dude. Could have been your subconscious telling you this ain’t right. And what do you know, it was right because the relationship stopped. Don’t get serious with single moms. They’re gonna want you to be fill in dad and that’s a lot to take on.
Talk to more women. Go on more dates. Just walk the mall and you’ll see women all over.

Yea i guess that was it, i really thought about that. Usually i dont have problem at attracking women but this hit my confidence a little bit but i guess as you say its not worth stressing about it

 

[Romanemp22]

Accept, that it can happen to everyone and shrug it off. Don‘t let it too deep inside your mind.

I had five months of ED and PA from it from last december till april and at some point it just disappeared.

Were you into her? Do you live a healthy lifestyle

Im glad that you overcome it bro, Yea i liked her, she is pretty but doesnt have very atractive body but i Still liked her and got a boner every time we made out. What i didnt Like was that she just approached sex mechanicali, wasnt interested in giving oral etc. Yes i workout 5 times per week and eat pretty much well

 

[Romanemp22]

You have to develop the mentality that it's only about sex. She's just there for your personal satisfaction and entertainment. That'll lift every pressure currently present in your mind. For good.

Yea its pretty much all in my head i guess

 

[Romanemp22]

Agreed with your subconscious telling you it's wrong.

generally the way to play it is to kind of blame them for giving you bad body language... Usually when it's happened to me I'm either extremely stressed out, drunk, or getting a lot of negative body language. unfortunately negativity in the bedroom can sort of be a sh1t test and ideally you could power through the negative body language...some women are "brat" type or have anxiety at first as well and seem negative or off).

I agree with you, that whole atmosphere and foreplay really does play a big part in everything. Im not totally blaming her but she could 've be more interested in this whole thing, foreplay sex etc

 

[bcude]

No personal experience of this, but..

Also, it takes two to tangle.

What i didnt Like was that she just approached sex mechanicali, wasnt interested in giving oral etc. Yes i workout 5 times per week and eat pretty much well

This was not a good sign. If she's into you, she will do it just because YOU enjoy it. That's how a woman acts when she's truly into you. I'm guessing here but you probably made sure her needs were met before yours.
This wasn't a great loss, maybe even a blessing in disguise? (single mother of two)

 

[Romanemp22]

No personal experience of this, but..

Also, it takes two to tangle.


This was not a good sign. If she's into you, she will do it just because YOU enjoy it. That's how a woman acts when she's truly into you. I'm guessing here but you probably made sure her needs were met before yours.
This wasn't a great loss, maybe even a blessing in disguise? (single mother of two)

Sexual failure part i guess is true, however i do know a lot of cases where men were unable to keep it up first time and their gfs were very understanding so i guess its different from women to women. Yea i guess her disinterest in foreplay And me wanting to satisty her made big preassure on me, unfortunatelly she just lay down and that was it

 

[Dash Riprock]

Years ago, I used to battle the same thing mainly with a new partner. Now before each interlude, I take 10 mg (a very small dose) of Sildenafil (generic Viagra) and have zero issues. As a matter of fact, if I take it after drinking, I can f*uck for over an hour. I've had women tell me they're getting sore, lol. If the girl stays over, I've also found the effects carry over to morning, though a bit diminished.

Some women can be brutal about a bad performance in bed, especially for a ONS or early in a relationship, and dump the guy, get distant, or spread around to their girlfriends for a laugh. There was a hot chick at my gym years back. Kind of a b*itch. She started dating a young doctor and told everyone he couldn't get it up during their first sexual encounter. She dumped him cold.

Women watch a lot of porn these days so I think they all expect men to be walking dildos and get hard and stay hard on command, like in the porno flicks. Little do they know those scenes are often shot over hours or days and most porn guys take a ton of ED meds and/or inject a drug via needle directly into their d*ick. No thanks, man.

No reason not to have some Viagra on hand. Take about 45-60 minutes before the deed.

Good luck.

 

[Romanemp22]

A huge part of it is that you wounded their ego by making her feel like she isn't pretty enough... Even though she knows logically she shouldn't see it that way.

No ofcourse not, it would hurt me even more If i made her feeling not appealing enough, i never said anything bad to her, Like that

 

[Romanemp22]

Years ago, I used to battle the same thing mainly with a new partner. Now before each interlude, I take 10 mg (a very small dose) of Sildenafil (generic Viagra) and have zero issues. As a matter of fact, if I take it after drinking, I can f*uck for over an hour. I've had women tell me they're getting sore, lol. If the girl stays over, I've also found the effects carry over to morning, though a bit diminished.

No reason not to have some on hand. Take about 45-60 minutes before the deed.

Yea i heard about viagra and cialis work wonders, ive never tried it but maybe will one time just to bild up my confidence back. Also i stopped masturbation and porn, its toxic

 

[Stoic]

Years ago, I used to battle the same thing mainly with a new partner. Now before each interlude, I take 10 mg (a very small dose) of Sildenafil (generic Viagra) and have zero issues. As a matter of fact, if I take it after drinking, I can f*uck for over an hour. I've had women tell me they're getting sore, lol. If the girl stays over, I've also found the effects carry over to morning, though a bit diminished.

Some women can be brutal about a bad performance in bed, especially for a ONS or early in a relationship, and dump the guy, get distant, or spread around to their girlfriends for a laugh. There was a hot chick at my gym years back. Kind of a b*itch. She started dating a young doctor and told everyone he couldn't get it up during their first sexual encounter. She dumped him cold.

Women watch a lot of porn these days so I think they all expect men to be walking dildos and get hard and stay hard on command, like in the porno flicks. Little do they know those scenes are often shot over hours or days and most porn guys take a ton of ED meds and/or inject a drug via needle directly into their d*ick. No thanks, man.

No reason not to have some Viagra on hand. Take about 45-60 minutes before the deed.

Good luck.

Exactly what dash said about the viagara. I always keep some on hand. It works for me everytime.

 

[Romanemp22]

I know, but the egos are so fragile it's irrational. I once had a situation with zero positive body language so I just lost my boner...she first told me she didn't feel the chemistry, which was true, but later ..."am I not that attractive to you?" Lol

Yeah i got your point, it can be pretty tricky thing for both man and women

 

[Mike32ct]

No personal experience of this, but..

The video is spot on.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sexual failure part i guess is true, however i do know a lot of cases where men were unable to keep it up first time and their gfs were very understanding so i guess its different from women to women. Yea i guess her disinterest in foreplay And me wanting to satisty her made big preassure on me, unfortunatelly she just lay down and that was it

The "you wanting to please her" energy must've been HUGE. They can feel it... When they feel it they won't work so hard and the pressure fvcks you up. The energy you need to have is your gonna hit it like a champ. She has to want that. That huge "want to please her" energy can't be used often and shouldn't be used until youve had a few months of her wanting to give it to you.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Years ago, I used to battle the same thing mainly with a new partner. Now before each interlude, I take 10 mg (a very small dose) of Sildenafil (generic Viagra) and have zero issues. As a matter of fact, if I take it after drinking, I can f*uck for over an hour. I've had women tell me they're getting sore, lol. If the girl stays over, I've also found the effects carry over to morning, though a bit diminished.

Some women can be brutal about a bad performance in bed, especially for a ONS or early in a relationship, and dump the guy, get distant, or spread around to their girlfriends for a laugh. There was a hot chick at my gym years back. Kind of a b*itch. She started dating a young doctor and told everyone he couldn't get it up during their first sexual encounter. She dumped him cold.

Women watch a lot of porn these days so I think they all expect men to be walking dildos and get hard and stay hard on command, like in the porno flicks. Little do they know those scenes are often shot over hours or days and most porn guys take a ton of ED meds and/or inject a drug via needle directly into their d*ick. No thanks, man.

No reason not to have some Viagra on hand. Take about 45-60 minutes before the deed.

Good luck.

Women are f*cking ruthless when it comes to performance. They talk about men as if they were machines with different benchmarks. After sex one female told me that she's had sex with a guy who just couldn't get it up a couple of months ago. He lived like 3-4 hours away from her and she would always summon him when she felt like it. He immediately came over to lick her p*ssy because he couldn't get it up. While telling me how she left him in her apartment to go out with her girls, she seemd to enjoy it. For one that she just had sex with me and for another that he couldn't give it to her, as a contrast. I asked her why she would constantly try it again if it didn't work. Do you know what she told me? "He could lick it damn good." He was merely a living vibrator.

I saw it in her eyes. She definitely felt pure contempt for him. By telling me that story she made herself hornier. I'm glad she told me that sh*t after we've had sex. Disgusting b*tch.

 

[Romanemp22]

The "you wanting to please her" energy must've been HUGE. They can feel it... When they feel it they won't work so hard and the pressure fvcks you up. The energy you need to have is your gonna hit it like a champ. She has to want that. That huge "want to please her" energy can't be used often and shouldn't be used until youve had a few months of her wanting to give it to you.

It was more i need to show good or else kinda preasure, but Yea you got a point