Being a hero

[Exil]

Morning gents.

I really need some advice.

This is a strange one and I don't really know how to word it. My ex has managed to acquire herself a simp stalker on Instagram who's turned quite possessive and weird over the last couple of days. I know who the guy is and he has a history of violent and threatening behaviour towards women.

I could put a stop to it which will ultimately solve her problem but wouldn't actually benefit me personally in any way other than to self-validate my own power that I could solve the problem with my actions easily, if I wanted to.

She has reached out to me to "tell me about it" but really it's a cry for help as she knows I could make her problem go away. She's actually shown me full conversations between them and you can pinpoint the moment he starts to change.

Doing this could of course and most likely would lead to sexual favours from my ex as a thank you for solving her problem but that's not something that motivates me at all. She is also the mother of my children and so there's a safety aspect also to consider as he could start showing up at the house (which could put my kids at risk) or at her place of work with flowers (which he did last Saturday).

My question though is, would this be something any of you would do if you were in this position? I mean I know I'm not obligated at all to do anything and could just watch it play out however, I do still care about her after over a decade and two kids together.

Calling the cops isn't an option.
Dilemma.
Help.

 

[backseatjuan]

Tell her you can make her problem disappear if she pays you money, 500 british pounds. Tell her you are taking a great risk during this pandemic and go out and kick someone's ass.

A lot of people reach out and ask for help, just translate them into the monetary plane and they will disappear.

 

[Exil]

Tell her you can make her problem disappear if she pays you money, 500 british pounds. Tell her you are taking a great risk during this pandemic and go out and kick someone's ass.

A lot of people reach out and ask for help, just translate them into the monetary plane and they will disappear.

I could achieve the same outcome by simply doing nothing and ignoring it. It's not about money or even being a hero, it's about whether I should or shouldn't help her considering that I have no obligation to do anything for her anymore but at the same time, this could affect my children.

 

[andreihaha]

I could achieve the same outcome by simply doing nothing and ignoring it. It's not about money or even being a hero, it's about whether I should or shouldn't help her considering that I have no obligation to do anything for her anymore but at the same time, this could affect my children.

You indeed have no contractual obligation, but maybe you feel a moral obligation. Like all the men before us, we are trying to help the damsel in distress.
You could wait for him to stop, which could take some time.
You could also show up when he starts stalking her again and tell him "Leave the mother of my kids alone or you'll get in trouble."
You could also talk to him in a friendly manner, like you would talk to a guy on this forum that has a crush on your ex and no chance to achieve anything with her.

All of these are valid options and there's a lot more that I couldn't think of right now, it's all up to you man.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Your wife will have many more personal problems in the coming years. That's life. And IG stalkers are routine for average/above average women. You'd be doing this full-time if you decided to pursue this mission.

 

[Exil]

To be honest I was trying to o avoid being the white knight but feel I have a moral obligation as stated above. The problem is he knows things about her that could cause her more trouble with the law, hence why I said she can't call the cops.

It's not going to serve me at all getting involved, I'm fully aware of that and I'm not bargaining here. This is a situation that's been thrown at me to fix and I'd really not get involved. Any intention from me to fix this isn't for her, it's for my children.

 

[andreihaha]

To be honest I was trying to o avoid being the white knight but feel I have a moral obligation as stated above. The problem is he knows things about her that could cause her more trouble with the law, hence why I said she can't call the cops.

It's not going to serve me at all getting involved, I'm fully aware of that and I'm not bargaining here. This is a situation that's been thrown at me to fix and I'd really not get involved. Any intention from me to fix this isn't for her, it's for my children.

Do you have an actor/aspiring actor friend? Even a good friend should be enough.
Ask him to make a scene once, like he's another stalker, scare him so he backs off. I'd do that for you mate, but I'm far away from the UK.

 

[Exil]

Why? Most states dont fck around with stalker types these days. PFA is the way to go here.
Your just going to potentially get your self into some triangle shyt.

Tell her to file a restraining order. If she really feels threatened and isnt playing into the danger to make her nipples hard she will do it.

I get what you're saying man and I agree. In any other situation I'd be advising anyone else to go to the authorities but it's not an option as he could potentially bring everything crashing down.

She has a business that she's not declaring tax on as she's only just started up which is a big no over here in the UK. If she did get prosecuted, she would lose everything and possibly end up in prison which would impact my life as I'd have to step in and be my children's sole parent which is what I'm trying to avoid.

 

[Exil]

No I think you

Man dude white knight for sexual favors?
Not sure but being an ex and overall to me a bit cringe and a bit strange not to mention a bit needy..

I think you've misinterpreted what I meant. I'm not saying I want to do it for sexual favours. I'm saying that would probably be her choice of reward for a "job well done". I'm not interested in that. I just want to get out clean and carry on doing me.

 

[Exil]

Do you have an actor/aspiring actor friend? Even a good friend should be enough.
Ask him to make a scene once, like he's another stalker, scare him so he backs off. I'd do that for you mate, but I'm far away from the UK.

I don't but you mean to out-crazy this guy? Lol

 

[andreihaha]

Dude that is fcking good thinking lol and actually could work but man in these times some strange **** could happen like some getting a bullet or some crazy shyt.

You're right. A call with no caller ID might be enough. Proof that brainstorming works.

 

[Exil]

Ahhh gotcha. Yea it sounded kinda strange.
As far as your kids go you gotta look out for them. I would encourage her to go the legal route.
Cops dont like stalkers and neither do female judges.

I know you're right, I know this is the best way to deal with it. I was trying to find a solution to keep her out of jail, me not become incumbered and the guy to just f off. I usually don't resort to a violent solution and I really would prefer to solve the problem amicably or more precisely, HER to solve her own problems (which she created)!

 

[Exil]

You're right. A call with no caller ID might be enough. Proof that brainstorming works.

I'm open to any and all suggestions here man. This could work but in my experience, people like this guy only respond to retaliation. I know I could make this go away within 2 minutes alone with him but I'd rather find a better solution that doesn't involve me getting myself arrested.

 

[Lookatu]

Your wife will have many more personal problems in the coming years. That's life. And IG stalkers are routine for average/above average women. You'd be doing this full-time if you decided to pursue this mission.

This.

Tell her to get off social media and start making better decisions for the sake of your kid's safety and well being. No one want's to see their mom being a hoe online and forever haunting them. If you truly feel for her safety which could affect your kid's safety, do something just this once on the caveat that you tell her what I said in the first sentence because the following problems will be hers alone to resolve like the responsible adult she's supposed to be.

 

[Lookatu]

Never going to happen. Asking a woman to give up SM right now is like asking her to become Amish....

Lol true and I generally agree. However the catalyst here might be if her kids really did get threatened or she feels for their safety, it "could" just be enough for her to start making changes. Maybe not cut it off completely though.

 

[dude99]

Morning gents.

I really need some advice.

This is a strange one and I don't really know how to word it. My ex has managed to acquire herself a simp stalker on Instagram who's turned quite possessive and weird over the last couple of days. I know who the guy is and he has a history of violent and threatening behaviour towards women.

I could put a stop to it which will ultimately solve her problem but wouldn't actually benefit me personally in any way other than to self-validate my own power that I could solve the problem with my actions easily, if I wanted to.

She has reached out to me to "tell me about it" but really it's a cry for help as she knows I could make her problem go away. She's actually shown me full conversations between them and you can pinpoint the moment he starts to change.

Doing this could of course and most likely would lead to sexual favours from my ex as a thank you for solving her problem but that's not something that motivates me at all. She is also the mother of my children and so there's a safety aspect also to consider as he could start showing up at the house (which could put my kids at risk) or at her place of work with flowers (which he did last Saturday).

My question though is, would this be something any of you would do if you were in this position? I mean I know I'm not obligated at all to do anything and could just watch it play out however, I do still care about her after over a decade and two kids together.

Calling the cops isn't an option.
Dilemma.
Help.

I had a similar "problem" let me say a few years back except there were no kids involved. I had an ex cheat on me and branch swung to a new guy. About 6 months into her new "relationship" she contacts me out of the blue telling me how new guy slaps her around and physically harms her when he has had a bad day. Now remember she cheated on me with this guy, and then dumped me for him. Then came crying back to me to fix her problem she created.

She is an ex. I owed her nothing
She made her bed. It was her responsibility to adult up and deal with her situation.

Could i have smashed the guys face in and fix her problem? Probably but why? I was in a new relationship? Her problems were her own fault, and none of my business and maybe i'm a horrible guy but i didnt feel too bad knowing this after she cheated on me and chose him over me.
Did she want me back after this? Probably not but her ego told her that even though she screwed me over she could still command my help. She was wrong.

Remind yourself 1. she is your ex. You owe her nothing. Read that again. She is your ex. You owe her nothing.

2 she obviously lead this guy on. If she didnt entertain him he wouldn't have gotten the wrong idea. Ignoring a instagram follower, from the start, he will go away. Entertain him and flirting with him and he will get the wrong idea and become a problem which is exactly what happened. She showed you her conversations with him. Aka she flirted and entertained him. Gave him the wrong idea and as you stated you can see the exact moment he had the wrong idea.
3. She made her bed. She has to adult up and deal with her problems. Even the problems she created.

Why is calling the cops not an option?

Don't be captain save a hoe. You owe her nothing. If you know the guy personally tell him to leave your kids alone, if you get any wiff of him doing anything to them that is different. Your kids are innocent. Their mothers stupidity shouldnt lead them to any harm. As for her, she needs to adult up and deal with the problems she created. Not act entitled and hide behind her ex.

 

[lostintime]

Nah man. Just tell her to go file a restraining order. Women get restraining orders on dudes all the time, even guys that don't stalk them. lol. Easy Peasy.